The Red Line (8 page)

"What's up, Nora?"

"I would like to take some time off, Doctor. I'm not feeling well."

"Are you sick? You don't look well at all."

"I’ve had some issues to deal with recently, and I'm very worried about my mother. I haven’t heard from her for two weeks now, and with the bombings going on, it’s impossible to call and check on her. I would like to try to cross the line tomorrow and stay there with her for a little while."

"Going by yourself would be crazy. I know someone who could help you at the front lines, but after that you'd be on your own."

"That’s fine with me. Thank you, Dr.
Fahmi
."

"I would like to see you when you return, Nora, to discuss your future. You still have two more years with us, isn't that right? Hey, don't look so worried. I just want to talk about finding you a fellowship outside the country, that is, if you're interested."

Nora left Dr.
Fahmi
with a feeling of relief. She would leave tomorrow with his help, and she could even rely on him for help with her professional future. Early the next morning, almost at dawn, she and a big, burly man and headed for the east side of the city. For once, she wasn
't afraid of getting shot or
dying. She just didn't care anymore.

When they started running from street to street and hiding behind buildings, she thought about Tamer. ‘Where are you now Tamer? I need you so much. Just show up by some miracle. Just show up now in front of me and end this nightmare!’

The man
sent by
Dr.
Fahmi
left her at the edge of the east side of Beirut. From this point on, she was on her own. She picked her way through the rubble carefully, trying to get to the street where she usually left her car. She didn’t meet anyone, but the sound of mortars and gunshots told her she wasn’t too far from the battles. Her car was still in the same spot where she had left it almost four weeks ago, thank God!

Nora climbed inside carefully and started to drive, not knowing where to go
at first. She knew her home had been blasted right down to the ground, so the logical conclusion was to head for her aunt's house, which was on the other side of the city. It was in the suburbs, though, which
was
where the army was fighting the militia. Going there was therefore out of the question. Her only real option was to go check on her neighbors
and see the damage to her home
for herself. Maybe someone had saved something, a reminder of her dad, a picture from her childhood. Maybe, if she was lucky, her mom would be visiting or salvaging there.

The sight of her street was distressing; bombs had hit or burned many buildings. The one where she lived was in the worst shape. Nothing remained of their apartment building except blackened walls and rubble strewn everywhere. She stopped the car and started to cry. With her head on the steering wheel, she could hear herself crying louder and louder, crying for her dad, her mom, her home, her lost childhood, and then for Tamer, her lost love.

Someone knocked on the car window; it was her neighbor, Marie. She had been knocking for a while, trying to get Nora's attention. "Nora, Nora, is that you? Open the door!"

Marie had lost one of her eyes the day Nora's dad died. They were hit by the same mortar, but Marie survived. Nora looked up and recognized her. She opened the door and threw herself into Marie’s arms. They hugged and cried until there were no tears left in Nora.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Is your mom around?" Nora could hardly talk. Her face felt numb, and her eyes were all puffy.

"No, no, I didn't see her yet. I came directly from th
e hospital to check on my home
. It’s impossible to get into my aunt's neighborhood. There's a battle going on there."

"What's happening now is a tragedy. Come over to
my place
for a cup of coffee and we'll talk.” Marie’s apartment was right down the street. It was located on the ground floor. She took Nora into the kitchen; all the windows there were covered by huge sandbags, the floor was covered with mattresses, and pillows and
blankets were everywhere. There was a huge pile of bags of clothes just beside the door leading to the dining room. It looked like most of the neighbors were using Marie's house as a bunker to hide in, away from the bombs. The power was out, so Marie lit a candle and started making coffee on the gas burner.

Nora sat on a chair and looked around. A wave of memories overwhelmed her. She had grown up in this kitchen. She was maybe a toddler when she first started hiding under the table and playing with the pans. Her mom us
ed to come every morning for a
soubhiyeh
,
a kind of morning coffee break. She’d come every afternoon for the same break, but this one was longer, and most of the time her dad and Marie’s husband were present, smoking the hookah and playing backgammon. It was too bad! Both men had died, and now Marie, who’d never had children, was left all alone facing this huge storm that was the war. Each day she was left wondering if she would survive till tomorrow or get killed by a bomb.

"Your mom was here the night your apartment got hit. No one dared to go out and check on the building or extinguish the fire. Three died on the street that night…What are your plans, Nora?"

"Check on my mom first, then I have to go back to the hospital. I might leave the country for good."

"It’s all so sad," said Marie, pensively. She sat down, lost in her thoughts. “All these years of war, and we end up like this. We were so excited at first; we liked the battle to survive, the fight to win, the struggle to prove to ourselves and others that we existed, to prove that we counted in the equation…And then to end up with nothing—less than nothing—to lose everything but the sour taste in our mouths…You have the right to leave, Nora. You even have the right to hate this country." With tears in her eyes, she poured herself another cup of coffee.

That night, Nora lay on an old mattress on the floor of Marie's kitchen with all the neighbors around her. The constant sound of bombs falling all around prevented her from sleeping even for a second. Despite Marie’s advice to stay hidden and wait for a reprieve, she left the next day and headed for her aunt’s
house.

Mona was in a d
aze. She hardly even noticed her surroundings. Since she’d learned of Tamer's death, she had lost all contact with reality. There were rumors that he’d stepped on a mine while fighting with the Christian militia. Tamer? Fighting on the Christian side? She couldn't believe it at first. He was wearing a cross around his neck and calling himself Tony; that’s what Kamil told her. He was the one who had brought her the news. His guys went to fetch Tamer's body from the front lines. They learned from a guy named
Mohsen
that Tamer was fighting on the enemy’s side. A Christian named Pierre who was with him confirmed Tamer's death. He transported Tamer’s mutilated body to the front lines, and from there,
Mohsen
took care of everything. He called Omar, the family chauffeur, and that’s how Kamil got the news. And then Mona learned what had happened.

Mona had never felt so lonely in her own house. She kept seeing Tamer and Nora in every corner; she kept hearing their whispers and laughter everywhere. She tried to get in touch with Nora. She called the hospital, but she was told that Nora had left two weeks ago and hadn’t come back yet. When she learned of Tamer's death, she tried again. She badly wanted someone to talk to, but it was like Nora had also disappeared off the face of the earth. This dream she’d lived in for a year was turning into an awful nightmare from which she could never escape.

Mona entered her room and approached her mirror. She couldn't look at herself anymore without feeling old and ugly. The phone rang once, twice, three times, then four. She knew it was Kamil, but she didn't feel like answering. The irony of it was that now, when she had gotten everything, the money, a lover willing to marry her, and the whole house to herself again, she felt nothing—complete emptiness. When she answered on the sixth ring, her voice sounded low
and strained.

"Hey."

"Mona? Is that you? I can hardly recognize your voice. Are you okay?"

"What do you think? I'm in the worst possible mood. I can't stop thinking about Tamer. I miss him so much. "

"Oh, Mona, Mona. I'm so, so sorry. But what did you expect? Tamer drove himself to his own death, trying to kill me and th
e
n consorting with the enemy and fighting with them! Under a Christian name! I still can't believe it!"

"Oh please, don't talk about him like that. He’s not here anymore. I feel like a huge part of myself died with him. I tried so hard to get close to him
during this past year…
so hard. And now it’s so difficult to let him go. It hurts, Kamil. It hurts too much!"

"Mona, calm down. I'm coming over."

This night, Kamil stayed with Mona. The next week, they went to a sheikh together to get married. Mona later moved into her new house, and Tamer's belongings all went to charity. The apartment was kept as a secondary residence at first, but then Kamil started leasing it at a very good price, giving half the money to Mona.

Days went by, then months. Instead of the object of heartache, Tamer became a daily thought, and then just a name that crossed her mind from time to time followed by a little pinch in the heart. The story of
Tamer
and Nora faded with time and was
replaced by
all the social events with which Mona
Monzem
busied
herself. Kamil traveled all over the world with her and gave her the life she’d always felt she deserved after all she had gone through with her first husband.

In Lebanon, the fight
between the Christians ended badly. The Syrian army invaded the whole Christian area, and there was no real choice for the soldiers or the militia. If they surrendered instead of fighting and resisting unto death, they would be take
n prisoner and get thrown into El
Mezze
.
Those who went in never came out again. Inevitably then, many Christians died, many disappeared, and the whole country fell under Syrian domination.

The Syrians chose a whole new government to take charge, and as if by magic, all signs of the sixteen-year war disappeared. The city was rebuilt, the roads were repaired, and the front lines were transformed into a flourishing downtown with sidewalk cafés and upscale shops. Who would have thought that this shiny, new Beirut had been a war zone not long ago? The Lebanese were the first to enjoy their city and the new peace. They started partying till the first hours of the morning. Who could think about sleeping when life had been given back to them again?

All the children who were born in the first years of the war, now teenagers
, fully enjoyed the
reprieve, even if it was in the huge shadow of the Syrian presence. Just living without the threat of getting killed by a bomb at any moment was priceless.

But what happened to Nora and Tamer's generation? Most of those who weren’t imprisoned or handicapped just left in defeat, never to return to the country of their youth, the country in which they’d built their hopes and dreams. In search of new life elsewhere, they left without looking back.

“So, you’re ready to leave now?” Nora, pale and composed, was waiting for her airplane to take off. It was Rheem who had driven her to the airport. So many things had happened in these last few months…It was as if her whole life was drifting…

When she left Marie to go meet her mom, she never expected to be received with such rejection and bitterness. Her mom,
Marcelle
, looked older, and her aunt did too.

"What do you want me to say to you, Nora? You broke my heart. You lied to me for two years. And please don't even try to deny it. I heard the rumors, and I couldn't believe them at first, but they’re true. Aren’t they? Don't even say that you're sorry, because I don't think you are."

"No, I’m not."

"You love him do you? Do you know how Muslims treat their women? Like goods, easy to buy and sell. He could throw you out at any time with nothing on your back and without even an excuse. That is, if he did marry you. You slept with him did you? Oh God! What a shame!"

"Please, Mom. Calm down. I know that you're hurt, especially because all our friends know about me. I'm sorry to have put you through this, but it’s serious between me and this guy. We love each other, and we're thinking about getting married."

Marcelle
stared at her with derision and then laughed. “Married? What are you trying to fix? Your reputation? Or are you pregnant now?"

Nora knew that her mom was bursting with anger and frustration, so she just stayed quiet. She herself was overwhelmed with an awful feeling; she was aware of the possibility that she was in fact pregnant. So many things had been going on lately that she must have forgotten to take her pill once or twice. She
was still in denial and blaming everything on stress, but her period was late. She couldn’t let her mom even suspect that truth. What
Marcelle
knew already was more than enough to break her heart, so Nora stayed quiet and waited for her mom to calm down.