The Redeemer (13 page)

‘She’d want everything and there was no way I’d agree and she won’t settle for a penny less than she has to. I couldn’t safeguard my other hotel. If it goes to court, there’s every chance that will have to be sold to give her a share. How much exactly, depends upon the judge but it could be a fifty-fifty split of everything. In that event, I’d lose the hotel. So I bought Rouge Passion and did everything to hide it to give me a fallback if that happened. She couldn’t lay claim to half of that if it wasn’t in my name. Of course, I have no idea how much the fact that she cheated and had a baby by an unknown person within our marriage will sway the judge, if it will sway them at all. This isn’t a simple case of adultery and I had to be careful. To use adultery as grounds for divorce in the UK, you only have six months from when you found out that your spouse cheated in which to file for divorce. So I couldn’t let Janine know that I knew. To make it worse, there’s no real legal precedence in these matters, with every case being judged upon its particular circumstances. And it could take months and months to get to that stage. On the grounds that she’s cheated and has another man’s baby, I’ve already filed for divorce.’

Isla’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped. ‘You have? When?’

‘Like I say, I had months to prepare for this when I was trapped, knowing that the marriage was over but being unable to walk away so all the paperwork was prepared and left with my solicitor. I just had to pick up the phone. Once she was discharged from hospital, and I made sure they were home safely, I confronted her. I don’t want to be married to that cheating, scheming bitch for a moment longer than I have to. Then I took my things to my suite and prepared to come and tell you everything. I was elated, Red. Exhausted, yes but it felt like a weight had been lifted. All I could think of was being with you. I knew I had to tell you everything. But then, I turned up to see you and . . . well, you know what happened. And I’ll tell you this. Yesterday, when I found that I’d blown it, that you’d found out somehow and hated me, I kicked myself.

‘The cost of protecting another man’s child and my own cowardly act of refusing to tell you from the outset was just too high. Sat out there in some shitty, nondescript family man’s car, barred from my own hotel by the only person I’ve loved in a long time . . . well, it made me hate her even more. It would be an overstatement to say that she’s ruined my life, but she’s certainly ruined part of it . . . and my hopes for the future . . . with you. Then, when I finally managed to get to speak with you earlier, I realised that the money isn’t important at all. You were what was important all along, not the money, not the bricks and mortar. You, Red. You were what was important all along. And I was too fucking stupid to see it. I called my solicitor and had the papers served. I didn’t care about fighting her. If she demanded everything and had the paperwork prepared, right now I’d sign it. Let her keep everything; I know now that material things aren’t what matter so I’d let her have everything. I just want you.’

Overcome by melancholic sadness, she shook her head. Part of her wanted to shout, ‘I want you too!’ but all she could see was Jamie’s face when he’d sneered at her for her double standards. ‘I can’t excuse your behaviour. Cheating under any circumstances is wrong. Keeping all that from me was wrong. I can’t say that I’d have consented to a relationship with you if you’d explained it all. But any chance there was of me being able to do that evaporated when you decided to proceed and keep me in the dark. When I found out, I felt dirty. All those things you felt when you knew your wife had cheated on you? Yeah, well I felt the same things about you when I found out you were married. But at least now I can understand your behaviour. Thank you for opening up to me, finally. It’s just a shame it was too late. I’ll sign over Rouge Passion whenever you want it done and I promise that, in the meantime, I’ll run it as profitably as possible. I hope you escape with it, I truly do. And I hope that I’m able to continue as the general manager but I guess that depends upon both of us being able to put the past behind us and act like the professionals we are. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll head to my room. I need some time alone.’

She stood and did her best to ignore how crushed and defeated he looked.

‘Will you please consider having dinner me with a little later? We’re both here, in the middle of nowhere . . . it makes sense,’ he asked, his voice oddly quiet.

‘I’ll think about it but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I’d let you know but, of course, I wasn’t allowed to have your phone number.’

He winced. ‘I deserved that. I’ll call you later and see if you’ve changed your mind.’

‘Okay,’ she replied, turning away. ‘Oh no, you can’t. I had your number blocked.’

His mouth twisted to one side in a wry smile. ‘I know. But I took out a contract on another phone so I’ll call you from that one. I was waiting until you’d calmed down some before I tried it.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘I should have known. We also need to sort out what we’re doing about the cars, to get home I mean.’

He thrust his hand in his pocket and brought out the key to the Holden. ‘Here, it’s yours. Just promise me you won’t drive it tonight – you’d be over the drink-drive limit. If you’re still around in the morning, I’d appreciate a lift to my hire car but if you’d rather not, I’ll understand.’

Her eyebrows raised at his reasonableness. This was not the Xander she knew. She took the key from his outstretched hand and said goodbye.

Don’t look back. Don’t you dare look back, Isla Hamilton.
Walk away with dignity. God knows, he tried to strip you of it.

She walked back into the lobby, looking for all the world like a confident woman who was in control of her emotions. Nobody would suspect that she was acting. Not even Xander. With every step she took, his heart sank a little further. He downed his drink and couldn’t even begin to contemplate how badly he’d mishandled the situation, let alone what life was going to be like without his beloved Red.

Isla managed to get inside her room before the dam burst. Tears poured down her face and she began to sob her heart out. Her whole frame shook as she sank down on to the bed and buried her face in the pillow. Over and over, she cursed Xander’s stupidity and impatience, ruining something that could have been so special. But she could see no way out of it. She couldn’t be with a cheat. Eventually, when there were no more tears to cry, she fell asleep.

She was awakened by the sound of insistent knocking on her door. Feeling disorientated, she crept to the door and cracked it open. It was Xander, who seemed very relieved to see her.

‘Thank goodness, I was starting to get worried. Your phone is diverting straight to voicemail. I didn’t know whether you’d switched it off because you really didn’t want me to call you or whether your battery had died. I figured that if it was the former, you’d most likely have told me to my face and if it was the latter and I did nothing, you might think I couldn’t be bothered.’

She smiled sleepily. ‘I was asleep. But now that you mention it, I can’t remember whether my phone is switched on or off. I had been taking that precaution in case you used another phone to call me. I’d better check in case anyone from the hotel has been after me.’

She turned and picked up her handbag from where it had landed on the floor, cursing at the creases in her suit as she did so. Her phone was off so she switched it on. Immediately, it began to chirrup a variety of notification sounds. She scanned the timings of the most recent and found there was nothing for the previous couple of hours or so.

When she looked up, Xander was leaning against the doorframe and the recalled how she’d always found it appealing. She couldn’t say whether it was because he filled the doorway or because he always looked so supremely confident, or both, but she refused to allow herself to find it appealing at that moment. It irritated her that she was feeling like a mess, inside and out and yet there he was, looking supremely calm and collected.

‘So, what’s the verdict? Has anyone reported you to MI5 yet? Is there a warrant out for my arrest?’

She pulled a face. ‘Very funny. Not.’

He had the grace to appear to be chastised but she could see the corner of his mouth twitching. She raised her eyebrow; he pursed his lips but his eyes were still dancing.

How can he stand there, looking so content and laid back when, just a short time ago, he looked and talked as though his world was ending? Is he acting? Can he just stand there and pretend that everything is okay?

‘Anyway, what do you want to do about dinner?’ he asked. ‘I’m starving.’

Right on cue, her stomach gave a growl. ‘Oops, pardon me,’ she muttered, clutching her stomach.

Fuck, I’m ravenous! I don’t think I’ve eaten anything today. But do I want to eat with him? Or would I feel better being by myself?

Seeing that she was torn, he jumped in. ‘You’re obviously hungry too, so shall we eat here? I’m doubt there’s anything very exciting on the menu but, if it’s like everything else here, it will suffice.’

She held out her arms. ‘Look at the state of me; I fell asleep in my suit. I can’t be seen in public like this.’

His lips twisted to the side as he thought about her predicament. ‘I think you’re worrying over nothing, you look totally fine to me. As gorgeous as usual. But if it would make you uncomfortable, how about if I enquire whether they will let us bring food to one of our rooms. I’m only down the hall in room twenty three so we could eat there or in here if you’d rather.’

Isla debated her options but her stomach proceeded to growl again, even more insistently than before.

‘Okay then. I’m really am starving so I really don’t mind what I have. Whatever you can get them to agree to, I guess.’

‘Right. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t go falling back to sleep. It took me ages to wake you.’

She pulled a face. ‘I’m going to have a shower so there’s no chance of that. Then I’m going to hang my jacket in the steam to see if it will take out any of the creases, just in case we can’t get food sent up. So if they say no and you’re very quick, I may still be in the shower. You’ll just have to wait.’

She ushered him out of the door, stripped and then stepped under the shower. It was heavenly; the jets of water gently pounded her tense, stiff neck muscles helping her to relax. She found herself wishing she could relax her brain that easily. She knew she shouldn’t be eating with Xander. A clean break was best. He had enough going on without her giving him false hope and she had the whole Dean thing waiting for her when she returned. But she was so hungry that she felt a little faint. Either that or it was her hangover. Or the whole emotional drama with Xander. She hoped it was just low blood sugar – that was the easiest to rectify.

She reasoned that she’d eat with him and then make it clear that she wanted to be alone. Then she’d go to bed, sneak out early in the morning and take the Holden back to the hotel. She hadn’t decided what to do with it but, since the hotel had paid for it, she told herself that technically it belonged to the hotel. And obviously it was for the use of the general manager. With a self-satisfied nod, that matter was sorted in her head.

She washed her hair and then just stood under the soothing spray once more. She only got out when her stomach grumbled so loudly that she felt it, making her clutch her middle. Exclaiming that the hotel must use the world’s smallest bath sheets, she managed to pull it tight enough to tuck in the corner and keep it in place with some effort. It only reached midway down her thighs.

She cursed like a sailor when she realised she’d left her suit on the floor instead of hanging it up before she showered. She quickly thrust hangers inside the respective parts and hung them over the outside of the shower door before leaning in and turning the shower back on and the temperature dial up to hot. Then she saw her favourite high-necked silk blouse, puddled on the floor. She’d purchased it to hide the marks that Xander liked to leave around her neck. She pushed memories from her mind of his hand around her throat, almost choking her as he pounded into her, shaking her head to help clear it as she picked up the blouse. It was creased almost beyond recognition so she put that on a hanger in the bathroom too. She wandered back into the bedroom and then her quandary raised its head.

What the fuck am I going to wear if he comes back right now? Yes, he’s seen it all before but he’s not seeing it again
.

She was practically hopping from one foot to the other when she heard banging on her door.

‘Give me two minutes,’ she shouted as she frantically looked around the room, as if expecting  something to appear as if by magic. She dropped the damp towel that was wrapped around her and thrust her feet into her thong. Then she quickly snapped on her bra, ignoring the damp patches under her breasts. She grabbed a dry towel from the bathroom, pausing to turn off the shower then wrapped the scrap of material around herself and the damp one around her hair, turban style before opening the door.

Xander was standing there holding a huge pizza box. He kept his eyes on hers resolutely and she guessed he was fighting the urge to allow them to roam her body. She respected him for that, especially since the towel barely covered her scantily clad arse.

‘The hotel doesn’t allow food in residents’ rooms,’ he announced, obviously mimicking a member of staff. ‘So I went walkabout and managed to get us a pizza. You should have seen me hovering outside until reception was unmanned for a moment so I could dash into the stairwell. The downside of that is that it’s probably half cold by now.’

Isla sat on the bed, irked that the towel wouldn’t cover her arse and that most of her legs were bare. She took the box from him and placed it on her thighs saying, ‘I couldn’t give a shit. I’d eat it cold. Frozen possibly. I am so hungry.’

Throwing his coat on to the bed and perching next to her, he laughed. ‘Quite right too. Those curves . . .’

He obviously realised his error because he stopped and opened the pizza box instead. It smelled divine. Isla batted his hands out of the way, grasped a slice and bit into it, without even registering which toppings were on it.

Chuckling, Xander helped himself to a slice. In no time at all, Isla had polished off her half and he gallantly invited her to share some of his. She didn’t need asking twice.

‘Oh my God,’ she muttered a short time later. ‘I’m stuffed.’

He grinned. ‘It was delicious, wasn’t it?’

‘A three-week-old chicken tikka masala would have tasted okay to me. I can’t remember the last time I was that hungry.’

‘Oh, I forgot,’ Xander muttered as he reached for his coat. He pulled four tall, slim cans of premixed gin and tonic from his pockets.

‘Where the hell did you get those? You didn’t sneak behind the bar, did you?’

‘No, there’s a corner shop over the road from the pizza place.’

‘Ah, I see. Man, you were quick. You were only gone for ten minutes or so.’

‘There’s a time warp in your shower then. I was gone for way over half an hour.’

‘Were you? I suppose I did stand there for a while. It must have been for longer than I thought. I felt so tense and so completely bollocksed that I just switched off for a little while.’

After an uncomfortable pause, Xander muttered. ‘I’m sorry. That’s my fault. And yet, two minutes ago, it was like none of that shit had happened. It was relaxed between us. Now it’s like the barrier’s gone back up.’

Isla sighed heavily. ‘I know what you mean. I’d almost forgotten for a short time too. That’s food for you; I do love my food and that’s why I’m the size I am I guess.’

‘You’re perfect,’ she heard him mutter under his breath.

She took a can and opened it. The atmosphere had changed and she needed a drink. Xander followed suit and they clinked the cans together.

‘Cheers,’ Isla murmured as her lips closed around the can.

‘Here’s to hoping that I won’t be a stupid fuck all my life,’ Xander muttered before taking a large gulp.

‘Here’s to hoping I won’t keep getting entangled with them,’ she echoed and took another sip.

They sat there in contemplative silence as they finished their drinks.

‘I don’t mean to push you, Red, but I want you to know that I meant what I said,’ Xander said quietly.

She frowned. ‘About what?’

‘That I’d do anything. I know I’ve no right but, when you lie in bed later I’d like you to think something over. You said you have no choice but to walk away from me. But you do, you’re the only one with any choice over what happens now. I fucked up. I didn’t cheat on you—’

‘Not in the conventional sense,’ she blurted. ‘But you were married.’

He acknowledged her words with a slight nod. ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife after I met you. Even if she’d begged me for sex, once I knew about the bastard child, I would rather have cut off my own cock with a rusty pair of nail clippers than sleep with her. We didn’t even share the same bed. Once she found out she was pregnant, she made me move into a spare room saying that she needed her rest because I interrupted her sleep and she was worried that I might accidentally knock her stomach. And I didn’t even cheat on you emotionally. Whatever feelings I’d had for Janine were long gone, way before I met you. I know I was married. I still am. But I was as emotionally and sexually detached from her as I am now. I’ve explained why I couldn’t leave her sooner. I’ve apologised for being weak and not resisting you until I’d left her, but if I had, and we’d not got so close, I wouldn’t have risked putting the hotel in your name. I think I’d have just given up. Gerald would have sold the hotel to the developer and you’d be out of a job. So something good came out of all the crap.

‘And, if you could somehow allow your mind to absorb the fact that I’m not a cheat, because I’m not, not really. I’m not some lowlife fucker who’s going to screw around behind your back. I made a mistake; I couldn’t resist you for as long as I should have and, Red, I’d love to say that, if we could wind the clock back so that none of this had happened, I’d do things differently but without hindsight, if I’m totally honest, I doubt that I could resist you. If I knew the consequences I would, of course I would. But there’s something amazing between us. I can still feel it; it was there earlier when it was like old times. Don’t tell me you can’t feel it too? Are you willing to throw away what we had because your blinkered black and white morals won’t allow you to see that just occasionally, there can be a grey area? Is it worth giving up on us and what we’d hoped for because of a principle?’

She shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears at his words and the sinking feeling in her stomach. ‘There’s no point, Xander. I accept that in many aspects of life, grey areas exist. But there are some areas where it doesn’t. Recklessly inflicting pain on one person by fucking another is one of them.’

‘But I didn’t do that,’ he almost yelled. ‘I did not fuck about with anyone behind your back.’

‘You fucked about with me behind Janine’s!’ she cried.

Xander opened his mouth and closed it firmly. Isla could see him fighting to keep his emotions under control. When he spoke, his voice was calm and quiet but his frustration was conveyed by the clenching of his fists. ‘My marriage was dead. I was staying to avoid the risk of harm to her unborn child.
Her
unborn child, not mine. My only crime is not waiting.’