The Reluctant Sinner (11 page)

After her debacle with Ken Woods, all Daisy could think about was getting out of the Solent Club. She’d worked out her finances and if she could find a room somewhere at a cheap rent, she figured she could just about do it. With this in mind, she put an advertisement in the local paper and a few newsagents who placed such adverts in their windows. She then called on Agnes and put her proposition to her.

‘When I find a room, will you come and work with me?’

‘Like a shot. The workroom hasn’t been the same since you left and if I have to put up with that Jessie much longer, I’ll smack her in the face!’

Daisy laughed at the idea. ‘Oh, Agnes, I’d pay money to see you do it.’

‘Don’t tempt me! Any idea when this will happen?’

‘It will depend on any answer I get from the adverts I’ve placed around, but as soon as I do, I’ll let you know, but not a word to any of the others,’ warned Daisy. She hugged herself. ‘I can’t wait to get back to sewing.’

‘Working behind the bar getting you down?’ asked Agnes.

‘You could say so, and I love my sewing and just long to get back to normal.’

‘Now your dad has sadly gone, then you don’t have the expense of the nursing home, which must make life financially a bit easier, but you did a fine thing there, Daisy. You’re a good daughter. Your dad would be proud of you.’

If only she knew, thought Daisy. And that night when she had a punter who treated her roughly, despite looking like a young gentleman, she asked herself how much longer could she do this? And then later, when Bert Croucher walked into the club, she froze, waiting for his mate to walk in as well, but Croucher remained alone.

As he poured the man a beer, Harry asked, ‘Where’s your mate then?’

‘Haven’t seen him for a couple of days. I did catch sight of him
yesterday morning coming out of the bank. He was limping a bit I thought, perhaps he’s had a fall, but he was gone before I could catch up with him.’

As Croucher walked back to his seat, Harry grinned to himself. He was probably limping after being kneed in the balls, he concluded, and that gave the barman immense pleasure.

Daisy was well aware that the butcher was watching her throughout the evening as she took her punters upstairs. His constant gaze unnerved her somewhat and she was pleased to see him go, towards closing time.

‘Want me to walk you home, love?’ asked Harry as Daisy was ready to leave.

She was about to refuse, but she suddenly changed her mind. ‘If you take me to the end of my street, that would be great,’ she said.

Despite the fact that she held Harry’s arm as he kept up a constant conversation, Daisy felt unnerved and kept glancing behind her. Although she couldn’t see anyone apart from the occasional seaman heading for the docks, she felt as if somewhere in the dark, they were being followed.

At the end of her street, she bade goodnight to Harry.

‘I’ll just stand here and watch you to your door, love,’ he said and Daisy was grateful. When she put her key in the door, she turned and waved to Harry, and let herself into the house. But a few minutes later when she peeped out of the corner of the curtain, she thought she saw a shadowy figure standing down the street a way, but couldn’t see who it was in the dim lighting. Locking the front door and checking that the back one was secure, she went to bed.

The week went from bad to worse for Daisy. She’d had to drop her prices and be less choosy with her punters to make any money at all, which delighted the other girls.

‘Not such a good catch now are you, ducky,’ said one. ‘You’re spoiled goods now, just like the rest of us. Pretty soon you’ll be pleased to take anyone!’

Daisy ignored her even though she spoke the truth. It was becoming very apparent that men coming into the club were now used to seeing her and to them she became another of the girls … no one
special. Flo had started booking her appointments without asking her and, to make the money she needed, Daisy couldn’t argue, but for every man who laid his hands on her, she made herself think only of the money.

But the final straw was when she returned home one night and found Vera sitting by the dying embers of the fire, in tears.

Daisy rushed to her side. ‘Mum, whatever is the matter, are you ill?’

Vera looked at her and sobbed, ‘Daisy how could you?’

The look of anguish on her mother’s face made her go cold. ‘Whatever do you mean?’ she asked fearfully.

‘How could you become one of Flo Cummings’ girls?’

Daisy was speechless.

‘I met Mrs Cummings in the grocery store this morning. She said how sorry she was to hear about your father and then she told me how hard you had worked to pay for the nursing home. She told me she knew it hadn’t been easy for you to decide to work the other side of the bar and she admired you for doing so. She also went to great lengths to tell me it was nothing to be ashamed of!’ Then she burst into tears.

Daisy closed her eyes in despair. Then she tried to explain to her mother that Fred had said he wanted to stay in the nursing home until the end. ‘We couldn’t have given him the care he needed, Mum. At least his last days were with people who could help him with the pain. At home he would have really suffered. I couldn’t let that happen.’

‘But at what cost, Daisy, at what cost? And why didn’t you leave once your father had gone? Why stay on?’

‘I need the money to open my own business, how else could I get it?’ she asked defiantly. ‘My reputation was already in ruins, so I had nothing more to lose.’

‘What about your self-respect?’

‘I lost that with my first punter!’

‘Oh, Daisy, don’t talk like that. I can hardly bear to think of what you’ve done.’

Now Daisy was angry. ‘You think I enjoy it? I hate every minute. Every time a man touches me, I feel dirty! Every time I take his money, I feel dirty! Believe me, Mother, I’ve lost far more than my self-respect but I’d do it all over again for Dad, if I had to.’

Vera wiped her tears. ‘I know you did it with the best intentions,
and I know your father benefited by it, but to be honest had he known how you earned the money, he wouldn’t have budged out of this house!’

‘Yes, well he didn’t know did he?’

‘And I thank God for that, but I know. When is it all going to end?’

‘I’ve advertised for a room to rent so I can set up a small workshop. Agnes is going to work with me and as soon as I can get a place, I’m leaving the Solent Club for good.’

‘But will you get any clients?’ asked her mother.

‘With my reputation do you mean?’ said Daisy wryly. ‘Well, Mum, not everybody knows what I’ve become, but I’m a bloody-good seamstress and I know the right people to contact. I’ll get work all right. These clients are only interested in good clothing, nothing more. And I’ll have you know one of my wealthy clients wanted to come into partnership with me.’

‘But she didn’t know where you’ve been working!’

‘That’s where you’re wrong. I told her. She was still willing but I turned her down.’

‘Why ever did you do that when it would have given you the opportunity you wanted?’

With a sigh Daisy explained. ‘She comes from a wealthy family and should it ever get out that I worked for Flo Cummings, I didn’t want her to be involved in a scandal, not from her background. It wouldn’t have been fair.’

‘Oh Daisy, another sacrifice you had to make. Life really isn’t fair is it?’

Daisy knelt beside her mother. ‘It won’t be for much longer. We’ll soon be able to put all this behind us and start again. Now come on, it’s late. Off to bed with you.’

Vera cried herself to sleep. She was well aware of the sacrifice her daughter had made but she couldn’t shake off a feeling of shame. Her Daisy was a whore. It was a mother’s nightmare.

Downstairs, Daisy sat staring into what was left of the fire, silent tears trickling down her cheeks. She was devastated that her mother had found out that she’d been working as one of Flo’s girls. She loved Vera dearly but knowing her mother so well, Daisy knew that Vera would be shamed by the knowledge. Whereas Daisy had steeled herself to cope with the situation, she doubted that her mother would ever get over it. No matter what happened if she
managed to start afresh, her mother would always know how she earned the money to do so.

With a deep sigh, she brushed away her tears and went to bed.

Spurred on by her mother’s revelation, Daisy decided to make the rounds of the estate agents in the hope that one of them would know of a decent room to rent. The first three hadn’t anything on their books, but took her address in case in the future they had something to offer. She decided to try one more and then call it a day.

As she opened the door and walked in, the man behind the desk looked up. To Daisy’s acute embarrassment she recognized him as one of her regular punters.

‘What on earth are you doing here?’

‘I’m looking to rent a room,’ she told him.

‘Setting up on your own?’ he asked archly.

‘Certainly not!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m a seamstress by trade and I want a large room to open as a workroom.’

‘My, but you’re full of surprises!’

‘It has to be big enough to house two sewing machines, a table for cutting out and enough space to receive clients.’

‘And if I find you one, can I be one of your clients?’ he asked with a sly smile.

‘I don’t make clothes for gentlemen,’ she replied, ignoring his implication.

‘If you find such premises, does that mean you’ll be leaving the Solent Club?’

‘Yes it does.’

‘That would be such a pity,’ he said: ‘I would miss being with you. Perhaps if I find you such a place, we could come to an understanding and I could come to you privately.’

She felt demeaned and angry at his suggestion and turned towards the exit. ‘Never mind, I’ll go elsewhere,’ she snapped and walked out, slamming the door behind her. As she walked away, Daisy was shaken by the meeting. It hadn’t occurred to her that she could perhaps encounter her clients outside the club. By being selective in the beginning, she had chosen several men who were in business in the town and who came from decent backgrounds and no doubt in the future she would meet others. How embarrassing that would be! But it was one of the perils of choosing to
work in the club and the possibility would have to be faced. She just hoped she wouldn’t be with her mother when it happened.

Later that evening, the man from the estate agency came into the Solent Club and asked for Gloria. When she walked over to him, he smiled at her. ‘Are you free?’ he asked.

She couldn’t refuse him as she needed the money.

Once in the room he removed his tie and shirt then said, ‘I have a proposition.’

‘And what is that?’ she asked.

‘I’ll tell you after,’ he said as he removed his shirt and trousers.

Eventually, he lay beside her and said, ‘After you left my office this morning I thought I could solve your problem of finding a workshop. I have a nice flat on my books; it has a large front parlour that would be admirable for your needs.’

‘But I couldn’t afford a flat,’ she protested.

‘You wouldn’t have to. I’ll pay the rent, you can use the room and live there and I’ll be free to visit you when I want to. I’ll treat you well, give you money and look after you. What do you say?’

‘You don’t understand!’ Daisy retorted. ‘I want to give up this way of life. I want to be Daisy Gilbert, seamstress, not Gloria, whore!’

He chuckled quietly. ‘Daisy, so that’s your real name. I find that rather sweet and you wouldn’t be a whore, you’d be my mistress.’

She got off the bed and started dressing. Looking at her would-be benefactor she said, ‘Mistress? It’s just a different name. I’m sure you meant it kindly, but no thanks.’

‘If you change your mind, you know where to find me,’ he said and he too started to get dressed before paying for her services.

Sitting at the bar later, Daisy thought about the man’s offer, knowing that several of Flo’s girls would have jumped at the chance of being a man’s mistress as opposed to working in the club, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted a normal life back. And that was no way to get it.

It was a further two weeks before Daisy heard any news about a room to rent, but one morning there was a letter on her mat from a newsagent saying he’d one advertised and she hurried off to see it.

The room was large and at the back of a shop with its own side entrance. It was in decent condition and large enough for her needs. The shopkeeper said it was surplus to his requirements and he would welcome a rental for its use. Daisy was thrilled as it was just what she was looking for.

They chatted about the going rate, but after her experiences, Daisy was now a hardened businesswoman and she managed to bargain for a better price than he was asking. Eventually they shook hands on the deal and she arranged to take it over a week hence.

As she walked away she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. At last she could put the past behind her and get back to the work she loved, but there was a lot to be done, meantime.

She visited a place that sold second-hand treadle sewing machines and purchased two. She bought a long foldaway table and asked for it to be delivered when she opened and she then contacted Agnes.

The two girls met after Agnes finished work to plan the new venture.

‘You’ll have to give Madam a week’s notice,’ said Daisy, ‘and we may not have any work for a short time, but Mrs Portman said she’d come and bring her friends. I’ll get in touch with my private clients and meantime make a few things to show people when they call.’

‘Oh, Daisy,’ cried Agnes, ‘how exciting. I can hardly wait! It’ll give me great pleasure to leave London Road. I really hate it there now; the atmosphere is so bad in the workroom and Madam Evans seems so bad-tempered all the time. But then she’s lost business since you left.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that but that was her own fault,’ said Daisy. ‘She paid for her mistake.’

‘You can contact the ladies who have left her,’ Agnes suggested.

‘I don’t know where they live.’

‘I can get that information for you,’ said her friend with some glee. ‘I have my book of measurements and inside are the clients’ names and addresses. I’ll bring it round on Sunday if you like?’

‘That would be lovely,’ said Daisy with a broad smile. ‘After all it’s not like I’m pinching them from her if they’ve already left.’

‘Exactly!’

After the girls parted, Daisy rushed home to share the good news with her mother.

‘That’s wonderful news,’ said Vera. ‘When do you open?’

‘I take over the shop in a week’s time and Agnes will be joining me. She’s giving me addresses of some old clients and Mrs Portman in Brockenhurst said she’d come so I must let her know. Hopefully it won’t take too long until we start making money.’

‘I’m delighted for you, love,’ said her mother, but her enthusiasm was somewhat muted.

Knowing her mother as well as she did, Daisy was certain that Vera was remembering how she made her money which enabled her to do all this, but that was unfortunate and her mother would have to learn to accept the fact. Nothing was going to spoil her happiness at achieving her goal.

That evening at the club, Daisy spoke to Flo and told her she would be leaving at the end of the week. She decided to see the week out which would earn her a bit more money to go into the kitty. After all, she had nothing to lose now and it would be more money to buy materials for the new garments.

Flo Cummings was astonished at the news. ‘Why are you leaving?’ she asked.

‘I’m going back to my sewing, but this time I’m working for myself!’

This put Flo in a dilemma. Whatever she’d said to Daisy about not now being any different from the other girls, wasn’t strictly true. She was still of value to her, but on the other hand, she loved the clothes that Daisy had made for her and being a woman proud of her appearance she was torn between a business loss but a more personal gain.

‘Well this is a surprise,’ she told Daisy. ‘However your heart and soul was never in this game, but you are a superb seamstress; I wish
you good luck. If I come to you, will you take me on as a client?’ She was uncertain of the response.

‘Why not, Flo,’ said Daisy, ‘after all as you’ve said to me many a time, business is business!’

Flo Cummings burst out laughing. Whatever Daisy might think, these past months had made her a shrewd woman, so it hadn’t all been a waste, even though she really wasn’t cut out to be a whore.

‘Let me know where you are and when you open and I’ll be round.’

‘I’d better warn you, Flo, I’ll be expensive!’ said Daisy with a sly smile, which only brought forth more laughter.

‘I wouldn’t expect anything else,’ laughed Flo. ‘You’ll do all right, girl. You’re made of the right stuff and have the talent to go with it.’

Daisy then went over to Harry and told him she’d be leaving and why. The barman beamed from ear to ear and he gave her a big hug. ‘That’s the best news I’ve had for a long time, girl. I couldn’t be happier for you if you were my own daughter.’

At the Manor House in Brockenhurst, the atmosphere was completely different. Grace Portman stood by the large window, holding a telegram in her hand, staring across the vast grounds, yet seeing nothing. Her mother, visiting for the day, bustled into the room.

‘The vicar has left a note about the church bazaar,’ she said, ‘and he wants you to get in touch with him before the weekend.’

Grace didn’t move. ‘Hugh’s dead!’ she exclaimed.

Victoria Hargreaves stared at the rigid back of her daughter and asked, ‘What do you mean, he’s dead?’

Turning round to face her mother, she held out the telegram. ‘He’s dead, killed on active duty.’

Her mother took the telegram and read it. Then enfolding Grace in her arms she said, ‘Oh, darling, I am so sorry.’

But Grace didn’t cry. She strode angrily across the room. ‘Stupid fool! That’s typical of Hugh, so gung-ho about everything. He couldn’t wait to go to the front with his men. I wanted a baby but all he would say was, “We’ll wait until the war is over, darling, then we’ll start a family”. He wouldn’t be moved on the subject – and now it’s too Woody late!’

And the tears began to flow.

‘I longed for children. Had we had one at least I’d have something of his to hold. Now there is nothing. Nothing!’

Victoria poured a glass of brandy from the side table and gave it to Grace. ‘Here drink this, you’re in shock and it will do you good.’ But her mind was racing. There would be a funeral to arrange … but would her son-in-law’s body be sent home she wondered? She’d ring her husband and ask him to come over. Grace would need all the help she could get to help her through this terrible time.

The news of Daisy’s departure soon spread among the clientele of the Solent Club and she was kept busy during her last few days. But this time as she took each man to her bed, she counted every penny equating it to another roll of cloth or a batch of patterns to be bought for her new business.

The more gentlemanly of her punters voiced their regret at her leaving, but some took delight in using her and treating her like a meal to be devoured, greedily. She smothered the hate in her heart for such men and counted the pennies. But deep down she despised and regretted what she had become.

When at last she said goodbye, the girls who had been furious at her for taking some of their punters were more than pleased to see her go, but dear Harry was quite emotional about her leaving.

‘I wished you had never come here in the first place, love, but I’m really going to miss you. I’ll call in and see you from time to time, if that’s all right with you. Just to make sure you’re alive and kicking.’

She gave him the address of her workshop and said, ‘You come any time you like. I shall miss you too, so make sure you call in often.’

As she walked home, there was a definite spring in her step. From this moment her past would be put behind her. Once again she would be Daisy Gilbert, seamstress. How great that felt. She only wished she knew where Steven was so she could tell him her good news. He was the only man she would remember. He had been so kind and thoughtful when he paid all that money to take her virginity. He had made love to her with great tenderness and she had felt safe in his arms … after that didn’t really bear thinking about.

As she rounded a corner, she collided with a man. It was so unexpected, she screamed in fright.

‘It’s all right, Gloria, it’s only me.’

As she looked into the cold eyes of Bert Croucher, her legs began to shake.

‘I hear you’re leaving the Solent Club?’

‘Yes that’s right,’ she said, trying not to show her fear.

‘Shame,’ he said. ‘I really wanted to be with you, but Flo wouldn’t let me. Don’t suppose you and I can come to some arrangement?’

Daisy’s stomach turned at the thought. ‘Sorry, Mr Croucher, but those days are behind me now,’ and she tried to walk past him, but he caught her by the arm.

‘If you change your mind, call into the shop.’

She pulled her arm away. ‘I am no longer in that business,’ she said and hurried away. She wanted to run, but she could feel his gaze following her so just walked quickly, hardly daring to breathe until she reached her house and let herself in. Once safe in the confines of her home, she leaned against the wall until her limbs stopped shaking.

‘You all right, Daisy?’ called her mother from the kitchen.

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she answered as she took off her coat. She sat in the chair and lit a cigarette, a habit she had acquired when working. It used to calm her down and she really needed calming after her encounter with the butcher.

‘You look a bit pale, are you sure you’re all right?’ asked Vera as she walked into the living room.

‘Yes, Mum. I’ve been rushing that’s all.’

‘I’ll make you a cup of cocoa before you go to bed. I expect you’re looking forward to your new business?’

Daisy smiled. ‘Not half! I can’t wait until the morning. My sewing machines arrive, and the patterns and material. Agnes and I’ll clean the place and then the next day we can start making a few garments. I’ll write to my old clients and the ones that have left Madam Evans, then I’ll write to Mrs Portman and tell her the good news. She promised to bring me lots of trade.’

But when Daisy’s letter arrived at the Manor House, it was put aside with others from people who had written to Grace with their sympathy at her loss. She’d opened one or two but couldn’t face the others and they had been put to one side – Daisy’s among them.