The River Leith (21 page)

Zach looked confused. “Do we…what?”

“You know
—
with other people?”

Zach’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. “No, Leith. Don’t you know yourself better than that?”

Leith sighed with relief. “Well, I do, but then again I didn’t know I was gay, or bi, or whatever I am until I met you.”

“Yes,” Zach said, teasing. “I remember.”

Leith smirked. “I wonder what other things I don’t know about myself. I mean, that’s a big thing to sneak up on someone.”

“A lot of guys don’t realize until they’re older. Especially guys who like girls too. I think you always thought that the attraction you felt for women was as good as it got. Until you met me.” He lifted his chin proudly. “Then you realized that maybe you’d just been on the wrong train the whole time.”

Leith considered this. “Was I ever with another man? Or just you?”

“Just me. But I really don’t think if something happened between us you’d go back to women. I think you’d date men.”

Leith frowned, searching his heart to see if he agreed, but he didn’t know. He just knew that Zach and everything about him was what he wanted. He wondered if he’d ever agreed with Zach on that point before. Maybe there had been other men he’d been attracted to, but now he just didn’t remember.

“In prison…” Leith trailed off.

“Yeah?” Zach prodded.

“Well, there were guys that I’d watch working out in the gym. I’d notice their muscles and how their bare arms looked when they were slick with sweat. It was never the guys who were really muscular, though. It was usually the smaller guys. The prettier ones.”

Zach laughed a little. “And you told me once about Sweets Swinson. Look where that got you.”

Hell, that’s where.

Leith’s memories of the last illegal fight were vivid. He could still smell the sweat of the men, hear the roar of their voices, and feel that final crunch under his fist as he’d taken the kid down for the win.

He also remembered Sweets, though it wasn’t with the same heart-pounding excitement he felt when he was nineteen. No, now it was a little bit of nausea and a whole lot of anger.

“I was an idiot,” Leith said. “I never should have taken up with Sweets.”

“The dick wants what the dick wants,” Zach said.

Leith huffed. He didn’t find it funny. He didn’t even know if he’d really wanted Sweets that way or if it had been some other kind of sick chemistry between them that had led to Leith always wanting to please the man.

“I remember when I met him,” Leith said. But he didn’t remember when he met Zach. How strange. Unless he counted the day Zach had walked into his hospital room. But Sweets, hell yeah, he remembered meeting Sweets. “I’d been in a fight at school trying to pick up some extra cash to help my dad out. He was gambling again.”

Zach poked at the fire with a stick and cocked his head, listening to Leith with his eyebrows low and sympathetic.

“My dad was always gambling. He’d go straight for a while but then just as soon as it looked like we’d finally get our ass out of whatever financial crack he’d gotten us into, he’d go right back to it. Like me with fighting, I guess.”

“There are some similarities,” Zach agreed, his voice quiet.

“Dad was in a mess again when I met Sweets. And Arthur wouldn’t help out. Joseph’s Teeth was finally up and running, bringing in good cash. He’d even offered for me to come live with him in the city and work there, but he’d said the offer was only good if I promised not to give a dime to Dad.” Leith snorted. “How could I do that? He was my dad.”

Was
. It looked like he was getting better at accepting that his dad was really gone.

“He didn’t want your dad to take him and his business down through you, I guess.”

“Right. I mean, I understand it. I do. But back then I didn’t. Okay, the truth is I guess maybe I still don’t.”

“I know.”

“But Sweets wasn’t like that. He was confident and told me he could help me help my dad, which was pretty much exactly what I wanted to hear. The fact that he was charismatic and
—
yeah, pretty I guess
—
helped. I wanted to impress him, and he found my fighting damn impressive.”

“MMA stuff, right? Not boxing like now.”

“Right. I always liked good, old-fashioned boxing best, but when Sweets came along he convinced me to use my other fighting skills. It was so easy at first. Underground fights where I’d make a ton of cash. More than I needed
—
more than Dad needed.”

“But then Sweets got greedy,” Zach said, poking at the fire some more.

“You know this story.”

“Tell me again. I want you to remember telling me. It’s important.”

Leith cleared his throat and tilted his head back to look into the sky, the stars obscured by the light of their fire. “I got greedy too. Sweets told me about a fight in Florida, an illegal round of backyard cage fights. It was four times my usual take.”

“You made it through four bouts.”

“Right. The fifth was when it all went to shit. Everyone was supposed to be at least eighteen, which was pointless in its own way since what we were doing was illegal in Florida period. The fact that my opponent wasn’t actually eighteen ended up being a big deal to me, though, didn’t it?”

“You didn’t know. You trusted them.”

He could still taste the sweat. Hear the cheers, and smell the stench of cheap beer. “I won. But then he started puking blood. It was unreal. Everyone panicked
—
they just broke and ran. Sweets tried to convince me to leave, too, but I couldn’t just let that kid…I mean, he was…there was blood everywhere and it just didn’t stop.”

“So you called 911.”

“I did.”

“And you waited for them so he wouldn’t be alone.”

Leith could smell the copper of blood as he whispered, “Yeah.”

“And he lived because of you.”

“He also almost died because of me.”

“Well, you got to spend two years in prison for that, so I figure you paid plenty for that lack of judgment. Time to stop flogging that dead horse. He lived. You did your time for your bad choices. It’s done. And now you’re here with me. Life led you right into my arms.”

Leith snorted. “You’re kind of a hippie romantic.”

“You’re kind of determined to beat yourself up about stuff you can’t control. And you’re a romantic, too, so we’re matched there.”

“You make me feel good,” he blurted. “Really good.”

Zach crawled over, pushing him down on the ground and climbing on top of him, running his hands over Leith’s chest. “I can’t help it. I just know exactly what you need.”

“Oh really?”

“Oh yes.”

Leith kissed him, and thought that Zach did know what he needed. But he also sensed that in some way he didn’t yet understand, Leith held the cards between them. Somehow that made him want to protect Zach, and that feeling always made him want to fuck him.

A few minutes later Zach was riding him, his head thrown back and his skin beautiful with red, orange, and blue flickers from the campfire. Leith gripped Zach’s hips and watched his cock bounce, the strings of pre-come glistening in the flame’s glow.

Packing up the car on the last morning, Zach came over to Leith and wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him tight. “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you forever.”

Leith sighed and hugged Zach close, his eyes drawn again to the mountains and the trees, marking them in his memory. He wanted to stay, too, but he knew they couldn’t. It was time. He had to face his new-old life, and figure out what to do with his future. But he understood. If he could, he’d stop time and stay in this place with Zach forever.

“Zach?” Leith whispered. “No matter what happens, I’ll never forget this time here with you.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It’s a promise,” Leith said, hugging Zach even closer. He could give his word without reservation. As far as he knew, he’d never been so in love before.

LATER THAT DAY

VLOG ENTRY #8

INT. GAS STATION BATHROOM

Zach’s face is big on the screen, and he talks quietly as he holds up his phone.

ZACH