The Rottenest Angel (7 page)

“Upchuck gave me one more chance,” I told Feenman and Crench later that night. “Just in case it really was an accident.”

“Now what are you going to do?” Feenman asked. “Are you going to give Angel a break?” He bit off a big chunk of Nutty Nutty Bar. They were both chomping on candy bars.

“Where'd you get those?” I asked.

CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP.
“Angel is giving them away again,” Feenman said. “What an awesome dude!”

I stomped back to my room and dropped down onto my pitiful cot. I felt so angry, steam poured from my ears. My head was ticking, like a time bomb ready to explode.

I was about to get kicked out of school, thanks to Angel. And now he ruled Rotten House. The whole Rotten SCHOOL.

Everyone loved him. Even my best friends. No one believed that he was a bad dude.

I shut my eyes and tried to think.

How could I make Mrs. Heinie believe me about Angel?

Well…what if she caught Angel doing something really bad?

Hmmm…
Think, Big B. Think.
…

Suddenly, I had a new plan. A better plan!

I remembered…tomorrow night…Sherman Oaks was having a high-stakes Uno game. No one could get into the game for less than ten dollars a round.

What if Mrs. Heinie caught Angel gambling?

If she caught Angel sneaking out after Lights Out and gambling at Uno, then she'd know he wasn't an angel!

Yes! I'll bring Angel to the game. He'll want to show off to the other guys. He thinks he's
king
of the school now.

And I'll make sure Mrs. Heinie catches him with a big stack of ten-dollar bills.

Perfect.

No. Wait.

Not perfect.

The Bernie B. brain was still chugging.

I had a better plan. Yes. MUCH better.

“I'm taking Angel to the Uno game tomorrow night after Lights Out,” I told Feenman.

He stared at me. “You're gonna get him into big trouble so he'll be kicked out of school?”

I shook my head. “No way. Would I do that to him? I'm gonna get ME into big trouble!”

His mouth dropped open. “But if
you
get into big trouble, how will that help you get rid of Angel?”

I patted him on the shoulder. “You'll see,” I said. “You'll see….”

“This is so totally awesome!” Angel whispered. “I've never played cards before. Bernie, you'll have to show me which end to hold.”

“No problem,” I whispered back.

Like I believed him. Hah.

“You'll probably win a hundred dollars,” I said, leading him across the grass. “You'll clean us all out.”

He laughed. “I just want to play for the
fun
of it. Not for the money.”

Tell me another one, Angel. Wow. This guy could lie!

A bright half-moon shone down on us. It was nearly midnight. The trees were still. The grass glowed with dew.

Sherman Oaks and his pals were waiting behind the Student Center. He had set up a card table and some lights.

Sherman was already shuffling the Uno cards. “Ten dollars,” he said, holding out his hand. “It's ten dollars to get into the game.”

“This is so totally exciting!” Angel exclaimed. “Look at me. I can barely breathe!”

He took the cards away from Sherman and started shuffling them. “What do you say we make twos and threes wild and jokers high?” he said.

I started to get the idea that maybe Angel had played cards before.

Guess what? He won the first hand. And the second hand. After about an hour he had a big stack of ten-dollar bills on the table.

“Beginner's luck,” he said. “That's all it is. Just beginner's luck.” He shuffled the Uno cards again.

Time to get down to business. I slipped away and
called Mrs. Heinie on my cell phone. I disguised my voice. I told her I was a concerned citizen. I said there was a card game going on behind the Student Center.

Then I went back to the game.
This isn't gonna be pretty,
I told myself.

Mrs. Heinie came bursting up to us just as Angel won yet again. This time she let out a
HUMPH
that nearly blew over the card table.

“Angel! I'm SHOCKED at you!” she screamed. “I-I-I can't
believe
YOU'RE here after Lights Out, gambling with these boys!”

Angel's mouth dropped open. “Huh? Gambling? Bernie told me they were raising money for the animal shelter in town!”

Good one, huh?

Mrs. Heinie spun around to me. “Bernie, I
knew
you were at fault! Angel was a good boy until he met
you
! Look what you've done to him.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. She bit her bottom lip. I could see she was thinking hard.

Finally she said, “I'm sorry, Bernie. I have no choice. I can't let this continue.”

I lowered my head. “What are you going to do to me? Kick me out of school? Send me home?”

“Of course not,” Mrs. Heinie replied. “I'm going to get Angel his
own
room—as far away from
you
as possible!”

Yesssssssssssssssss!

“No—please!” I pretended to beg. “Please don't take Angel away. I have
big plans
for him! I have plenty
more
things I want to teach him.”

“No way,” Mrs. Heinie said. “Angel is not going to have any more to do with you, Bernie. You'll never even see him!”

Yesssssssssssssssss!

“Please don't take him away,” I said. “I
love
sharing my room with him. I want to teach him
all
my secrets.”

“HUMPH!” She grabbed Angel by the shoulders and pushed him away. Angel hurried back to grab the big stack of money he'd won. Then he hurried off with her.

I waited till they disappeared into the darkness. Then I leaped onto Feenman's shoulders and started to celebrate.

My room was mine again. My LIFE was mine again. And it was so
easy
—easy if you're a GENIUS!

Was I happy?

Does a bear eat potato chips in the woods?

I cheered. I shouted. I sang! I let Feenman carry me around for hours!

All my friends came out to celebrate with me. And they were MY friends again! I even let Gassy and Lippy out. Why shouldn't my sweet pets celebrate, too?

And then I brought out a huge bag of Nutty Nutty Bars. “For
everyone!
” I shouted, holding up the chewy, nutty treats.

“Huh? Bernie?” Feenman said. “You mean they're
free
?”

I stared at him. “You're kidding—right?” I handed him a candy bar. “But since it's a party,” I said, “they're only a dollar each!”