The Search for Ball Zero (15 page)

“
That’s a lot of em.” L
noted.

“
They don’t look violent
or dangerous… Do they?” Tony questioned. “Should we go down
there?”

“
I don’t know. It’s kind
of creepy down there.” L wasn’t sure. “Look at that

one!” She pointed at a man, he seemed to be
wearing a tuxedo. It was dirty and ripped, but it was a tux.

“
What the shit?” Perry was
confused. Not confused enough though, “Let’s go.”

“
Wait.” Tony wasn’t
sure.

Perry got up and started walking. “Don’t
worry, it’s cool.” He said. They all followed. Perry walked in
front, L, Tony and Foz a few steps behind him.

Tony whispered over to L,”Your gun is
loaded, right?” She nodded yes. “Keep

it ready.”

The camp noticed the small group approaching
but hardly reacted. Perry was walking with his hands up, in an
I-come-in-peace gesture, but no one seemed to care. He looked back
with a questioning look and put his hands down.

“
Hello?” He asked
questioning. No one responded right away.

There were 12 or 15 people gathered around
the large fire pit, the rest were scattered around the camp area.
Some were sitting in small groups, others alone, some talking to
themselves. A few slept near the bottom of the hill, a few were
playing in the river. Small clumps of clothing and other random
items were scattered around everywhere. It seemed like a child’s
room who never cleaned up.

One of the girls in a hospital robe near
them finally responded and looked over. “Hello.”

Perry looked over, she was pretty hot for a
bald chick. She either had a giant beer belly or was pregnant,
Perry learned the hard way to not ask if a woman was pregnant
unless he knew for sure.

When talking to women, Perry’s jokester
personality was always turned up to 10. He went through his
repertoire of lines, none of them fit this situation. He was
speechless for once.

“
Uhhm.. Hi, How’s it
going?”

She looked at him with lazy eyes. “Do you
have food?”

“
Um, yea.” He took off his
pack, looking around to make sure it was ok. Hardly anyone noticed
they were here. He took out a Slim Jim, snapped it in half and gave
her half. She put it in her mouth, wrapper and all and began
chewing.

“
Um, wait, you’re not..”
He sputtered.

She gnawed on the plastic and fake meat with
an absent look on her face, chewing it with wide open bites and
talking with her mouth open, she slowly turned to Perry, “So
good.”

She swallowed with much effort and a loud
gulping sound of her throat, looking

like it kind of hurt.

She grabbed Perry’s hand and started walking
towards the bottom of the hill. Which was about 20 yards away.
Perry motioned to Tony and L to watch his pack and made a swirling
gesture with his finger around the side of his head like “She’s
crazy.” It was unsaid that they would cover him as his shotgun was
on his pack. She didn’t look capable of violence.

The reached the bottom of the hill, which
was a bit darker and had some sort of

privacy. She swept at the back of her robe,
exposing her rear and poked it at the air near Perry, offering it
to him. Perry looked back at Tony and L, questioning. She looked
down at Perry’s crotch, he wasn’t ready. She proceeded to unbutton
his pants and get him ready. Perry wasn’t stopping her.

Tony and L tried not to look.

“
He really would do
anything with a pulse, wouldn’t he?” L asked.

“
Yep. What the hell. This
place was strange before that, now it’s crazy strange.” Tony
replied. He quickly looked over, Perry was having sex with her.
“
Something’s not right.” L stated. A guy in nothing
but ripped and brown stained underwear slowly walked in front of
them. L looked closely at him. “That guy looked familiar.” Tony
looked at him, there was something familiar about him. Tony had a
unique ability to spot someone’s face. If someone he knew was
sitting in Dodger Stadium during a sold out game, Tony could sit at
the edge of the field and pick them out. He was scanning the crowd
intently.

They took a little stroll around the camp,
always keeping an eye on Perry’s pack

laying there. All the while trying not to
watch Perry have sex with that pregnant woman. They noticed there
were a bunch of other women who looked pregnant, Tony eyeing
everyone intensely. It finally hit Tony, “It’s like an insane
asylum.”

“
An outdoor insane asylum
with a bunch of pregnant chicks.” L added.

“
With no doctors or anyone
in charge.” Tony continued, walking looking around in
amazement.

They slowly strolled around and made it all
the way around the camp, a few

minutes later were back near Perry’s
backpack. Perry was there with a big smile on his face.

“
I love this place!” He
had a million dollar smile.

“
You fucked that thing?”
Tony asked.

“
What do you mean? She
would be like an 8 if she took a shower and had hair,” He thought
out loud,”and shaved, and wasn’t pregnant, and did her hair, and,”
He paused.

“
...and wiped her
ass.”

“
Ohh God!” L let
out.

“
Nasty! Why’d you have to
say that.” Tony agreed.

“
Hey man, you asked.”
Perry laughed.

“
No we didn’t!”

“
Hey man, she put out for
half a Slim Jim, she’s cool.”
“
She’s a zombie” L
added.

“
What do you
mean?”

“
I just mean these people
look like they’re being pumped full of Xanax or something.” L
explained.

“
That guy!” Tony said,
like he figured something out. He was pointing at a man

standing across the fire, in a robe with a
hood partially covering his face. Tony walked over to the guy he
was pointing at and looked closely at his face for a few moments,
then grabbed his shoulder. He started walking back with him,
smiling and shaking his head. When they reached L and Perry, Tony
pulled back the guy’s hood, revealing a bald, hairless face.

“
Well?” Tony
questioned.

“
Well what?”

“
You don’t see the
resemblance?” Tony questioned. They didn’t. “It’s you,

you jackass!” He said to Perry.

Perry jumped to his feet, looking. “Not
even.”

“
With no hair, no
eyebrows, it’s you.” Tony knew. He pushed the guy next to Perry. as
a comparison. After a few moments L’s face changed.

“
Ohh my God!” She
said.

Perry turned to the guy, squinted and looked
at him. “No way!”

L kept going,”Look at his nose and
chin.”

He took a step back and tilted his head
sideways. “Sweet!”, he yelled out and grabbed him in a big bear
hug, “I’ve always wanted a brother!”

Perry’s double smiled ignorantly, and as
monotonously as anyone ever could said, ”Sweet.”

Perry pulled the guys pants out and looked
down the front, checking out the

guy’s junk. “Yep, that’s me.”

“
Wait, wait, wait.” L
questioned, not keeping her cool. “Who is that? A

brother? A clone? I don’t get this, I don’t
like this!”

“
I don’t know, but he’s
cool.” Perry stated. Then Perry’s eyes opened wide like

he had a great idea, “Hey, let’s get stoned
buddy.” Perry took his new brother/friend by the shoulder “I have
so many stories to tell you and things to ask. Does your butt itch
after you…” Perry trailed off. They sat next to his pack, grabbing
his drug suitcase. He began rolling.

“
He doesn’t even care that
we’re most likely sitting in the middle of a bunch of

clones.” Tony went on,”I’m not sure we
should care, but I feel like we need to be on the defense around
here.”

“
Yea, creepy
vibe.”

The pregnant lady came up to them. “Do you
have any food?” She asked.

Tony looked around and grabbed at the ground
frantically,”Where are the Slim Jims?!” He said obviously joking. L
looked at him, unimpressed.

Fozzie was mingling. She was walking around,
going up to the scattered lumps

of trash and clothing and picking stuff out
of them, eating whatever it was. Tony wasn’t sure she should be
eating whatever it was, but he had too much on his mind to
care.

An extremely loud coughing came from where
Perry and Perry were sitting. The cloned Perry was coughing his
brains out, barely able to breathe. Perry was smiling, patting him
on the back. He looked over, like a proud father getting his son
stoned for the first time.

Some other other people came over, they
weren’t sure they should call them people, but it was close enough.
Perry had rolled a Cheech & Chong joint and started passing it
to whoever walked up. Soon the entire camp was coughing. After a
few minutes of this, they started getting stoned.

The clone Perry stood up like a tired baby,
flapped his arms and laughed. He

fell over in the dirt and continued laughing
and flapping his arms, his laughing escalated until he was in
hysterics, kicking his feet. He started full on screaming. This set
another clone off screaming. In a chain reaction, many of clones
took off running. One ran into the fire and tripped, stumbling
through the fire pit, kicking pieces of orange burning particles
into the air. L almost stood up to help out, but it looked like he
was ok and she sat back down.

Soon the whole camp was stoned beyond
stoned. Like a bunch of children who had no idea what drugs were,
given extremely strong marijuana. They were acting drunk, trying to
fly. Some were breaking down into tears, a few breaking into
screaming panic. One woman thought she couldn’t breathe, another
guy was drawing in the sand, amazed that he could draw on the
ground. Two ran off flailing their arms and crashed in the river.
Perry was laughing his ass off, pointing at one, then laughing
harder, pointing to the next hilarious thing happening and then
laughing even harder. Perry’s clone was still laughing in
hysterics. Perry was like one of them.

The Sun was going down, it was late enough,
L and Tony decided they would

stay here tonight, even though they weren’t
sure if they should.

“
What’s that?” Tony asked
looking at the top of the hill to the North that

connected with the river. A silhouette stood
at the top. It was just standing there. “Is that one of the
clones?” L wasn’t sure.

The silhouette on the hill took off,
sprinting down the hill towards the camp. Many silhouettes followed
him over the hill. Their outlines showed a few were holding spears,
reaching in the air. They started yelling. At first it was hard to
distinguish between the screaming stoned clones in camp and the
people rushing over the hill. Soon the only thing being heard was
the battle cry of the incoming group of people.

Tony got to his knees, and started loading
his guns. L followed suit. They both didn’t know who it was, but
they both knew it was probably not a welcoming party.

“
Perry!” L yelled to him
and nodded in the direction when he looked. He

stumbled to his feet quickly and ran over
to them.

“
Who?”

No one answered. Perry began loading shells
into his shotgun.

“
Fozzie!” L called out.
Then looked behind her, Fozzie was already there.

They watched as the incoming group reached
the first few oblivious stoned clones on the edge of camp. There
was stabbing and the clone dropped. They surrounded him like hungry
zombies and began ripping at his flesh like hungry animals while he
was still alive. Chunks of flesh flew. They bit into him, the clone
disappeared into the group, being torn to pieces. There were an
equal number of the bad guys as clones in the camp, but the clones
weren’t fighting back.

Perry yelled to clone Perry. He didn’t
listen, real Perry ran over and grabbed clone Perry and pulled him
to L and Tony.

“
C’mon!” He yelled out to
the rest of his new friends. His new girlfriend heard and stumbled
towards them, a few others did the same. On the outskirts of the
camp, there was a slaughter. The first of the new group emerged out
of the shadows, they were dressed like aboriginal, tribal people.
Loincloths and face paint, jewelry made of bones.

“
It’s the fucking
cannibals!”

They were human, but they weren’t. One of
them had a smaller 3rd arm

sticking out of his rib cage. Another had 2
heads, one bigger than the other. One crawled into view, it had no
legs but it growled, looking as vicious as the others. Most looked
white, but the cannibals had representatives from all races. They
were covered in layers of dirt and all looked pretty much
brown.

“
Grab your shit, lets go!”
Tony yelled. They all tried to do that, cannibals killing their way
towards them. L stumbled, Tony helped her up. Perry was pulling on
his clone, the clone was laughing like a baby still, screaming his
head off and falling over and over. Perry’s girlfriend shambled
towards them, bending over and exposing her ass again. As the
cannibals killed the clones, sometimes a few would stay and eat at
the corpse. They weren’t zombies, they were just really hungry
cannibals.

“
Let’s go Perry! Fuck that
clone.” Tony thought about shooting it to end the

conversation, but Tony had no idea what it
was like to meet a clone of yourself and didn’t shoot.