The Search for Ball Zero (19 page)

bumpers shot the ball around, it was too
fast for him to react, and sometimes there was nothing you could
do.

“
In pinball, if you never
miss a shot, you never lose control,”
“
..And then I’ll
never lose the ball.” Tony was catching on.

“
Right.” DNA said, “Watch
this.” The ball came screaming around a loop and

he did one of those amazing catches with the
right flipper. The ball sat there motionless, cradled by the
flipper. He sat there, leaning against the machine with his right
hand, holding the flipper button down, his left arm away from the
machine: on his hip, scratching various itches, fixing his
hair.

“
Yea, but that’s stupid,
you don’t get any points. And it’s no fun.”

Maintaining his one handed position, he shot
the pinball up the ramp, it scored

points and snaked its way back to the right
flipper. He shot again, this time without catching it, another
hit.

“
Combo!” The machine
said.

“
Combo 2!” He did it
again.

“
Combo 3!” Three shots in
a row.

It kept going around like this and he hit
the ramp ten times in a row, all with one hand touching the
machine. He was hitting the next shot so quickly, the machine’s
voice couldn’t keep up. “Combo-C-Co-Combo 10!” and then he caught
the ball instantly. A cartoon caveman came on the dot matrix
display and gave a big thumbs up: “Prehistoric combo, dude!”

“
I never gave the evil
machine even one chance to steal the ball away from me.” DNA got
back into his game and out of the side of his mouth said, “If you
could do that forever, you’d be a pinball god.”

Everything he said made perfect sense in a
pinball world, and he demonstrated

everything right there, as he explained it.
It was a pinball clinic like Tommy, The Pinball Wizard would give.
Well, if he could talk, and see, and hear. No matter, at that
moment, this guy was the only adult in the world that was talking
Tony’s language.

“
K, watch this!” He said
quickly.

The ball was in a slow decent, straight down
the middle, between both flippers. As the ball got closer it gained
speed and DNA shifted his weight. He was only connected to the
machine with his left palm, arm bent crooked, and only standing on
his left leg, right leg in the air for leverage. He was leaning
against the machine with all this weight, pushing from the left to
right and holding up the left flipper, waiting for the right
moment. The ball came down faster and faster and from every
perspective it looked like it was heading straight down the middle.
Tony remembered this in slow motion. Just as the ball was passing
the held up flipper, he pushed on the machine. The entire pinball
machine slid to the left under the pinball, maybe a millimeter, but
it was just enough for the tip of the flipper to catch the edge of
the ball and change its momentum enough to careen over and bounce
around near the right flipper, where he caught it. He had a big
smile across his face.

“
It’s all about tiny, tiny
distances. The difference of 1 millimeter in pinball

could be the deciding factor if you score 3
million or 3 billion.” You could hear the passion as he explained,
“Just there, most people would’ve lost the ball. It really was
going down the middle. But I leaned on the machine with my weight,
which isn’t much, but it was enough to make the whole pinball
machine lean over a tiny bit. The machine didn’t move, its feet are
in the exact same spots, it just leaned. The ball was coming down
fast, and is on that slick, greasy playfield, me moving the machine
a millimeter to the left didn’t affect the ball's trajectory at
all. So, I kind of moved the entire machine under the ball just a
millimeter, but that’s all I needed.”

Tony thought, “Moving the pinball machine
under the ball and the ball doesn’t move?!” He was perplexed by the
complexities of these simple looking machines.

He continued with the lessons, “These
flippers, especially these nice new ones,

the rubber on there is super sticky when it
comes to touching round metal balls. Also, the rubber gives a
little. People don’t think of that, but it does, it’s like a big
fat rubber band.

You need to remember that and think of that
while you’re playing.”

“
Yea, you’re right, it
looks like a rubber band on there.” Tony’s nose was

against the glass.

“
Yep. If someone throws a
ball to you, you don’t catch it with your arms

straight out, right?”

Tony imagined catching a ball, “No.”

“
Same thing with flippers.
If you hold the flipper up and the ball hits it, it’s gonna go
bouncing around uncontrollably. But if you hold the flipper up, and
exactly when the ball touches the flipper, you let go. You’ll catch
it every time.”

“
Not every time though.
Right?”

“
If you do it at the exact
right time, every time, yea.”

“
Wow.”

“
But every time, the exact
right time is different. You have to factor in the

speed of the ball, the strength of the
flipper, the age of the rubber on the flipper, the lean of the
table if it’s leaning, how dirty the playfield is, the spin of the
ball”

Tony interrupted him for that one, “The spin
of the ball? How can you tell?”

“
Exactly. It’s a shiny,
featureless, silver ball on a slick surface, 6 inches
below

a pane of glass. It will never look like
it’s spinning to the untrained eye, yet it’s one of the most
important things to know when you want to know where the ball is
going to bounce.”

“
Then how will I be able
to tell?”

“
Instinct.”

“
Instinct?”

“
Yea, it’s something I
can’t really show or teach you. It’s something that your

brain calculates faster than you think. It’s
like when I was telling about concentrating on the ball and letting
your brain do all the complicated stuff. If you continue to play
pinball and keep trying to get better, one day you will know. Your
brain will calculate the minute changes in direction, cross
reference that data with previous, similar experiences and you’ll
be able to see it as fast as the light can get to your eyes. Your
subconscious brain will be able to predict which direction the ball
will bounce. You’ll be able to stare into the ball, and watch it
reflect at you, sometimes looking like its barely moving, but
you’ll know that that little thing is spinning dozens of times per
second.”

“
Yea.” Tony noticed, “No
matter how fast it’s spinning it always looks the same.”

“
Yep, pretty wild eh?” A
vibrating noise came from DNA’s pants. He reached

in and picked out a phone, without
answering it he exclaimed, “Oh shit! I gotta go. Here, play the
rest of my game, I trust you. Rock on little dude. I can tell
you’re gonna be an awesome pinball player some day.” He gave Tony a
pat on the head and ran off.

Tony looked down into the perfectly
reflective ball. All the lights around the ball shined back at him
in reverse. He didn’t know before, but he could look even deeper
into the ball and see himself. Wow! It was like a miniature,
spherical, funhouse mirror reflecting back at him a psychedelic, MC
Escher distorted, color self portrait containing mostly his arms.
And it’s always there staring back at him. Tony imagined it was
him, in another dimension, the exact opposite dimension. Tony’s
evil twin brother playing a game of negative pinball against him,
the evil twin scores when Tony loses his ball. “I’m gonna whoop his
ass.” Tony thought.

Suddenly a kid came up to Tony and
whispered, “A bullet in the head.”
“
What?” Tony
asked.

“
A bullet in the head.” He
said it louder.

Tony stared at him. The kid’s head started
shaking, he put his hands to his mouth like he was holding a mic
and yelled. “A bullet in the head!”

Tony’s eyes opened. Axl and L were standing
in front of him, Axl pointing his monkey finger right in Tony’s
face. “A bullet in your fucking head!” The song ended.

L jumped up and down, she was holding a mic,
“Fuck yea that was awesome! Tony wasn’t that awesome?”

“
What?” Tony asked, still
kind of out of it.

“
That was a sweet cover of
Bullet in the Head, right? Did you hear me, I was rockin it!” She
said as she grabbed and hugged Axl, Les, Jimi and Moon. She was
making friends, music can do that.

Tony put it together that the band had just
played a song while he was dreaming

about pinball. “Woah, that worm shit is
strong!” He thought. He looked over at Perry. He was looking back
with the biggest stoned smile ever.

“
What’s up duuude?” Perry
muttered.

Les pointed at Perry, L, Tony and
Fozzie,“They smart human. We take to

King.”

L pointed out,”The Perry clone, and the
pregnant chick are still at the camp. Not

to mention all of our shit.”

“
The tux guy probably just
made it.” Tony laughed.

Perry got up and walked like a
zombie,”Married.” He mocked the tux guy.
“
Let’s go get
our shit first.”Tony said, “How the fuck do we get outta here.”

“
I go with humans.” Axl
said.

Jimi jumped on his shoulder,”Yea, me too man
.”

Les replied,”I tell King good human
coming.”

The band put down their instruments, turned
off everything that was on, Moon

grabbed the bottle of worms, Les grabbed the
bottle of jack with his feet, took a swig, then with his foot threw
it to Moon, who caught it with his foot, transferred it to his hand
and took a swig also. Then Les and Moon took off down a
hallway.

“
Where is shit?” Axl asked
and they all followed down the hall.

They walked with Axl and Jimi back to Camp
Rawk 5. Everything was still there. Cloned Perry was messing with
Perry’s pack. Perry’s girlfriend was bending over, as usual,
exposing her perfectly cloned ass and gooch to the world. Nothing
seemed amiss, although they had only been gone a few hours. Tux guy
was standing there looking happy.

Axl was surprised,”Dumb humans. You
like?”

Jimi continued,”Yea, man, gotta watch those
fuckers.”

“
Why?” Perry asked,”These
ones seem ok?”

“
Company track.” Axl
answered.”Use to follow.”

“
Ohh shit.” Perry looked
at Tony and L. “Fuck, we didn’t know that.”
“
No come
with.” Axl let them know.

“
Aww man, cmon, they’re
cool.” Perry argued,”Look at that ass.” He pointed

towards his girlfriend, the sun shining on
her round rear end, ass pointed to the sky, everything showing.

The primates agreed that it was nice.

Jimi looked at Axl,”We ask King.”

They packed up and left Camp Rawk 5. They
dismantled the fire pit, hoping to

make it look as little like a camp as they
could with minimal effort.

They had to cross the river again, this time
with their packs. Axl showed them a

less deep section, which they could walk
across, packs over their heads. Axl offered to carry Fozzie, but
Fozzie wasn’t having it. Tony put her on his pack and lugged it.
After walking a quarter mile or so, Perry looked back. The tux guy
was struggling in the river, looking like he would be swept away.
Perry laughed at him.

After walking over another hill and through
a valley, the trees starting getting

much bigger. It started turning from a
regular forest into a Redwood forest. It wasn’t a trail they were
following, but the path they took started to be steep. Perry lit up
a joint and they all smoked as they walked.

“
Good weed.” Jimi stated.
Holding a joint that was almost half as long as his

body. He took big hits for a little
monkey.

Another hour or so. L told stories about
concerts they went to. One where Tony was so drunk he got on stage
at a Primus show and then got thrown down a flight of stairs by
security.

“
Have you guys ever been
to a show?” She asked.

“
Only our own.” Axl
answered.

“
Your own?” Tony asked
back.

“
We do 4 shows a year.”
Axle answered again.

“
One for each new season
man.” Jimi put in.

“
For whom?” Tony
questioned.

“
Us.”

“
Ohh, like the one we
walked into?”

“
No. That practice. We
play real show.” Axl went on.

“
We play for whole tribe
man.” Jimi contributed.

“
The whole tribe?” Perry
asked now.”How many is that?”

“
Couple
thousand.”

“
Where do you play?
Outside?”

“
Mosh Tree.” Jimi said,
then after a short pause,”You fucking love man!” He

gestured with his arms, holding them out
wide and creating a half circle over head.

“
There are a couple
thousand of your tribe?”

“
Yes. All come to every
show.” Axl informed.

“
Mosh Tree?” Tony said,
looking at Perry and L “That does sound cool.”

“
Wait, you have a couple
thousand monkeys living out here? Where?”
“
Not fucking
monkey!” Axl looked at him.