The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) (38 page)

Ellie

Staring through the glass of the door, I watch Kingston disappear into the darkness of the parking lot. I can’t stop his words from replaying in my head.

I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement. I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would.

I don’t even know what happened. I brought James to the game with the intention of introducing him to my brother. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with Spencer th
ough he is fully aware of what’s going on with Bianca’s father, so I thought we could grab a bite after the game. I also wanted to introduce James to Kingston, hoping that maybe meeting him face-to-face would ease some of the strain between us.

Apparently that was a stupid idea.

“Something wrong?”

I jump at the sound of James’s voice, spinning around to face him.

“Not at all. I’m good,” I lie. There is nothing good about this. I’m not exactly sure what happened between Kingston and me just now, but it wasn’t good. Not even close.

“Ellie!”

Great. Now I have to deal with Spencer.

I force myself to shove Kingston’s bitter remarks to the back of my mind for now. I need to focus on the task at hand, which is allowing James and Spencer to get to know one another. Although I’m comfortable with James, I need to know that Spencer is, too. I wouldn’t want to find out that I’ve missed something along the way and put my daughter in danger because I was happy that she was finally going to get her wish of meeting her father.

“Come on,” I tell James. “Let’s get some dinner.”

An hour and a half later, we’re still sitting at a table in a nearby restaurant while Spencer and James tell ridiculous hockey stories. I’ve tried to smile and laugh when appropriate, but it’s not easy when the only thing I want to do is drive over to Kingston’s house and confront him. I still can’t believe the things he said to me. Why in the world would he think that I’ve got anything going with James? James isn’t the one I want. Never will be the one I want.

Do I like him? Yes. Do I want him and Bianca to establish a relationship? Of course. Do I want to lose Kingston because of it? God no.

Unfortunately, if it comes down to it, I have to put my daughter first. I won’t chase a man; I won’t beg and plead for him to accept me for who I am. I won’t let my daughter see me doing that. It’s not the sort of role model I want for her. She deserves better than that.

Doesn’t mean that I have to be in a relationship with James. He’s an attractive man, sure. I can even understand why I slept with him all those years ago. But he isn’t Kingston. He isn’t the man I want.

“So, you’re an agent?” Spencer asks James. “You ever play hockey?”

“Yeah. I made it as far as the AHL, but I knew I wasn’t going any further than that. Then a torn ACL took me out completely. I got my law degree, passed the bar, sat behind a desk for a few years. Then I realized I wanted back into hockey, but I knew I couldn’t play. Figured this was a good way to be in the action.”

“And you represent Heath Rush, huh?”

I glance over at James, completely shocked by this revelation. “What? You didn’t tell me that.”

James chuckles. “You didn’t ask.”

“Oh, my God. You’ve been there all along?”

James shakes his head. “I wouldn’t say all along, but yeah. When you look at it that way, I’ve been somewhat in the wings without either of us realizing it.”

James has been that close this entire time. Bianca’s father has been … only a couple of degrees of separation away. Wow. Talk about a small world.

“I’d heard Heath was looking for a new agent,” Spencer says.

The mere mention of Heath makes me think of Kingston. I still see him standing there, staring at me. He’d looked so lost, so angry.

“Earth to Ellie.”

I glance over at Spencer to find him staring back at me.

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere.” I force a smile. “Just tired.”

“It is getting late,” James states, meeting my gaze.

I think he knows what happened between Kingston and me tonight. More so, the significance of Kingston’s remark. If there hadn’t been a rift between us before, there certainly was now. Admittedly, I haven’t told James much about Kingston, but that’s because we’ve spent most of our time talking about Bianca. James didn’t get to raise her for the past twelve—almost thirteen—years. I’ve been filling him in on what he’s missed and he’s been begging for more.

Spencer grabs the bill and tosses his credit card in the folder before handing it to the waiter as he passes.

“So, when will you meet Bianca?” he inquires.

James looks at me.

“He has to head back to Colorado,” I explain. “But he’s planning to be back in a couple of weeks. I think that’s when I’ll make the introductions.”

Spencer smiles. “Good luck, man. That kid’s amazing, no denying it. But she is almost a teenager.” He chuckles. “You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Isn’t that the truth.

Spencer and James make small talk until the waiter returns. Half an hour later, after I drop James off at his hotel, I’m pulling up in my driveway staring at my empty house. Bianca’s spending the night with Gabby because tomorrow is their last day of winter break, then it’s back to school.

For the umpteenth time, I glance at my phone, hoping to get a text from Kingston. Something to tell me that he didn’t mean what he said. Or even for him to explain why he said it. I don’t understand and this isn’t an easy situation to be in. I don’t want to make him mad. And he’s right, this arrangement morphed into something neither of us signed on for.

I promised that I wouldn’t fall in love with him, yet I did exactly that. He owes me nothing and I should give him the space he requested.

I only hope when it’s all said and done, we can at least to go back to being friends. That’s been my one fear all along. I’ve had a crush on the man for most of my adult life, but I managed to keep my distance because, if nothing else, Kingston is like family to me. And the last thing I want to do is lose that.

Nothing is worth losing that.

50

Kingston

Thursday, January 19

January has been a shit month for me. Not only when it comes to Ellie but also on the ice. We’ve won two of the last ten games. With a record of 29-18-1, we’re not doing horrible, but if I don’t find my rhythm, I can’t say we won’t be headed down the wrong road. Coach has put Locke in, but the kid’s doing worse than me and his attitude shows it.

“Hey, you got a minute?” Spencer asks, coming to sit by me on the plane. We’ve spread out far enough that we don’t have to share a row, but from time to time, the guys move around to chat.

Apparently, Spencer wants to chat.

Unfortunately, I don’t.

He doesn’t seem to care.

I nod, watching him as he sits down. He’s holding a sheet of paper.

“I was looking at something,” he says, calm and cool as ever. “Thought maybe you’d see the same trend that I do.”

He hands me what appears to be a printout of our games. I glance at the dates in the first column and confirm my suspicion. There are four columns. Date, Visitor, Home, and Score. To the far right, there’s another column with the letters
W
and
L
. Clearly win or loss.

I study the sheet for a minute, starting with October. We won all but two of the games that month. November, we won all but three. December appears to be when we took a nose dive. We lost every other game we played. And up to this point in January, it’s clear the momentum has shifted the wrong way. Only one win.

Peering over at Spencer, I see him watching me.

“Yeah? So?” I know what our season looks like. This isn’t the first time I’ve looked at it. I simply don’t know what Spencer’s getting at.

Spencer shakes his head and takes the paper back from me, then pins me with a hard stare. “October was a good month,” he says, stabbing the paper. “Also happens to be the month you and Ellie started seeing each other.”

I’ve noticed that Spencer doesn’t know that Ellie and I have called it quits. I haven’t seen her since the night at the rink when I told her I was done. She hasn’t called or texted, and I’ve done my best to stay out of her way. Spencer hasn’t mentioned it, so I know he isn’t aware. Otherwise, he would’ve ripped me a new one for being a total fucking asshole to her. Because, no doubt about it, I was.

“It’s pretend,” I snap.

Spencer lowers his voice. “The hell it is.” He stabs the paper again. “November was a phenomenal month. Happens to be the month you and Ellie got closer.”

“So, you’re telling me that I’m the only reason we win or lose?”

“Of course not,” Spencer counters, pointing at the sheet. “But, if you notice, the number of goals we give up has a trend also.”

I roll my eyes.

“December…”

I don’t need to hear what he has to say. I turn my head and stare out the window.

“You can’t give up on her, Kingston.”

I frown, turning back. “Me? Who said
I
was giving up? She’s the one who’s working things out with James.”

Spencer leans back and glares at me. “Is that what you think is going on? You think the two of them are hooking up?”

My attention returns to the window. I don’t know what I think. We never talked about it. She never told me what the two of them talked about, and I never bothered to ask. I didn’t want to know.

I know he hasn’t met Bianca yet, but I did hear Spencer mention that she’s planning to introduce the two of them soon. The paternity test confirmed he’s the father, so it only makes sense.

“Have you met him?” Spencer asks.

Since one handshake in the hallway doesn’t count in my book, I shake my head but don’t look his way.

“Well, I have. He seems to be a good guy.”

Yeah, whatever.

“And he only wants the best for my niece.”

And your sister.
I keep that part to myself.

“Do you even have any idea what my sister has done for—”

I snap my head around when he cuts himself off. “For what?”

“Nothing.” Spencer wads up the paper and gets to his feet. “Not important.”

If we weren’t sitting on a fucking airplane, I would’ve pinned Spencer to the wall and insisted that he tell me what’s going on. Instead, I watch as he heads toward the back of the plane, then disappears from sight. I lean my head against the plastic beside the window and stare out at the white clouds beneath us.

I don’t need Spencer to point out the fact that I’m having a hard time doing my job because my mind is elsewhere. When I’m with Ellie, I feel invincible. When I’m not, I feel…

Like I’m missing a piece of myself.

And I don’t fucking like it.

Not one bit.

Ellie

“So…” James smiles at me. “How do you want to do this?”

A torrent of butterflies is currently loose in my belly. The more I think about doing this, the worse I feel. Not because I shouldn’t be, but because it doesn’t feel like I’ve thought it all the way through. I talked to Noelle; she says she thinks it’s the right way to move forward. When I asked Spencer’s opinion, my brother told me he trusted my judgment and to know that he would always be there for me no matter what. There might’ve even been a small apology for the way he treated me when I originally told him.

The apology was nice, but neither of those answers helped my decision.

Which is why I’m having lunch with James, contemplating what the next step is. We’ve spent the past month getting to know each other. As far as I can tell, things have been going well. I like him. He’s a really nice guy. Not that I think I would’ve hooked up with a not nice guy, but I was twenty-one when I met him so … anything’s possible.

“You want to go to your place? Or mine?” he asks, leaning forward and putting his hand over the top of mine. “We’re good, Ellie.”

I nod, letting my gaze linger on our hands. “I know we are. I’m just nervous.”

“Are you worried about Kingston?”

I jerk my head so I can look in James’s face. “Why would you ask that?”

James leans back, his hand falling from mine. “Because you’re in love with him.”

I frown.

He smiles.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He chuckles, then leans forward again. “I’ve been talking to you for a solid month, Ellie. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Hell, why do you think I haven’t asked you out?”

Okay, now I’m really confused. “What?”

“I haven’t asked you out because I know you’re in love with another man.”

“I’ve never said that.”

“You don’t have to. But I see it, and I respect it. I don’t know him personally, but I know he’s a good guy.”

“That’s a big assumption, don’t you think?” I offer a mirthless laugh. “I mean, he was accused of hitting a woman.”

James stares back at me. “I know his brother, Ellie. Kingston Rush is a good guy. Whatever happened with that woman—”

“Nothing happened,” I hurry to say.

“I believe you.”

When James doesn’t say anything more, I have to say something. The silence is deafening.

“He is a good guy,” I say automatically. “A really good guy.” And it’s true, he is. Since I haven’t seen him in a little over two weeks, I think it’s safe to say we’re through, though. I don’t bother to mention that to James.

“And because of that and the fact that you love him, I agreed to help you find out about that girl.”

“I thought you did that for
me
.”

“In a way, I did. But not to get in your good graces, Ellie. I don’t want you to think that I would try to manipulate you like that. I want to get to know you because you’re the mother of my child. I want to talk to you because I like you as a person. I think we can be friends and we can raise Bianca together. I missed a lot of time with her and you did all the work. I’d like to help where I can. But I’m not here for anything other than to be a part of her life.”

I honestly didn’t expect that. I don’t have any romantic feelings toward James, and I haven’t since the day I talked to him at the mall. Sure, I might’ve fantasized a couple of times about what might’ve been, but I always seem to go back to Kingston.

Kingston.

My heart announces its painful presence. Ever since James came into my life, Kingston has made it obscenely clear that he doesn’t want to be a part of it. And yes, James is right, I did fall in love with Kingston. However, I know my place. He and I have a pretend relationship. We are keeping it up for appearances. I still go to every home game and I still cheer for him. I haven’t told a soul that we aren’t seeing each other anymore because I don’t want him to have to deal with any fallout.

When he comes to the Penalty Box, I do the casual glances, the not-so-casual touches every now and again. All for appearances. But he’s cold and distant, and he hasn’t said two words to me since the night he called it off. It’s obvious he’s trying not to make it obvious to everyone else, but it’s clear to me that he’s moved on, and I’m the one flapping in the wind, hoping I’m wrong.

Sadly, it can’t come to an end just yet. With James’s help, I’ve managed to track down the best friend of the woman who made the accusations against Kingston. I’m not sure I could’ve done it alone, so I’m grateful for James’s help. He wasn’t lying when he told me he knows a lot of people. Like, seriously. A lot of people. And that worked in my favor.

As soon as he passed along the details, I made the phone call. I’ve left one voice mail for the best friend, but I haven’t heard back from her. It’s only been three days, so I’m not giving up on it yet.

Turning my attention back to James, I make my mouth curve up into a smile. “I think tonight would be a great time for you to meet your daughter.”

His eyes light up as though I just gave him the greatest gift in the world.

“But I think we should go to dinner or you could come by the bar. I want to ease her into it. She doesn’t know I’ve talked to you.”

“Is she still upset?”

I told James about her one Christmas wish. I think he teared up a little when I told her that he was all she wanted this year.

“She’s getting better, but she’s still waiting.”

“Well, let’s put an end to that,” James says softly. “Why don’t you and Bianca meet me at…” His eyebrows lift. “What’s her favorite restaurant?”

“La Fiesta. It’s a small Mexican food place,” I tell him. “Not too far from here.”

“Perfect. I’ll look up the address and meet you both there.” He smiles and his emerald-green eyes sparkle. “Thank you, Ellie. Thank you for doing this.”

I get to my feet and James pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, grateful that this is going to work out for my daughter. She means more to me than anything else. More than my own happiness. I simply want to give her the best life possible.

James pulls back and looks at me. “You need to talk to Kingston.”

“About what?”

“About what’s going on with you two. Look at this from his perspective.”

“I told you,” I say quickly. “This is an arrangement for the benefit of his career, James. There’s nothing to talk about.”

The way he looks at me says I’m dumber than a box of rocks. However, he doesn’t elaborate, and I have more important things to think about than my nonexistent relationship with Kingston. My daughter is going to meet her father tonight.

I only hope I can make it through the evening without tossing my cookies.

Kingston:
Hey. Wondered if maybe we could get together and talk tonight.

Ellie:
Can’t. I’m having dinner with James. Well, technically, Bianca and I are having dinner with James.

Kingston:
Got it.

Ellie:
Got what?

Kingston:
Nothing. Have a good time.