The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) (41 page)

Kingston

I wish like fuck I was out on the ice. It kills me to sit on the bench and watch the action in front of me. I’m programmed to pretend it doesn’t, but it does. The game has flown by and so far we’re up by one with six minutes left in the third period. I’ve got my fingers crossed that we can hang on to this lead. Based on the way things have been going, there’s not a good chance of that happening. Luck doesn’t seem to be on our side.

While the guys rotate on and off the ice, I can’t do anything but twiddle my fucking thumbs. Locke actually looks pretty good out there tonight. More confident than he has been. I don’t think it’s due to my conversation with him last week, but I’d given it a shot. At twenty-three, the kid has a lot of growing left to do when it comes to his position on the ice. The fact that he’s cocky already doesn’t help. However, he does have skills, although he hasn’t been showing them much lately.

When the whistle is blown to stop the play, I take a moment to glance over at Ellie. Since I’m not on the ice, I’ve spent the past hour and a half stealing glances every chance I can. She seems happy. Always smiling and laughing with Noelle. I haven’t seen her
look my way, though, so I’m starting to believe that James really is the guy who makes her happy, despite what Noelle said to me on Sunday.

Something is going to have to give, because I don’t know how much longer I can torment myself this way. It’s killing me to stay away from her, and though I know she would probably welcome me in her bed, I can’t seem to do that, either. She’s not just a quick fuck for me, and every minute I spend with her draws me in deeper and deeper.

I’m torn. I’ve already fucked this up, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I owe her an apology at the very least. But when I think about doing that, I think about what it would be like if she could forgive me. Would she take me back?

I know I could make her happy, but I don’t know that I could make her as happy as James could. After all, they’ve got a kid together, and that kid very clearly informed me that she’s happy now that her parents are trying to work things out.

Never mind the fact that I’ve watched Bianca grow up, and I’ve tried to spend as much time with her as I could over the years. And okay, maybe I did it more as an uncle than a father, but still. I love that kid. The idea of James coming in and getting to do all that stuff with her while I have to watch from Spencer’s side… I don’t think I can handle it.

It’s my own damn fault. Ellie did me a favor by pretending to be my girlfriend. She’s been up front with me regarding how this would work. She said she wasn’t looking for anything serious because she has a daughter to raise. Then I went and slept with her and now I can’t get her out of my head.

It’s slowly driving me insane.

The final buzzer sounds and I peer up at the score. Well, hot damn. We managed to win it. No help from me, of course. But that’s a positive thing for the team, so I force a smile and go congratulate everyone.

If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to keep my mind off Ellie for the rest of the night.

Then maybe I’ll be able to sleep for the first time in a month.

55

Kingston

Friday, February 24
th

“Well, Willy,” I say to the little boy sitting beside me. “It’s clear you’re the better race car driver here.”

Willy smiles happily.

I’ve been at the hospital for three hours now. I can’t seem to make myself leave, although I know the nurses are starting to wonder if I’ve permanently moved in. Locke, Benne, and Valeri all came and went a long time ago, but I’m still here, still trying to make these kids smile.

Okay, that isn’t entirely true. I’m here, but these kids are making me smile, not the other way around. I had to do something to clear my head, something to get my mind off Ellie and Bianca. I even stayed at practice longer than usual but finally gave up on that.

“Will you be back on Wednesday?” Willy asks.

“I’ll do my best, buddy.”

“Cool. Maybe we can have a rematch.”

“I’d like that.”

Figuring I should make my exit on that note, I get to my feet, say good-bye to the kids, make sure the nurses are aware that I’m finally leaving, and head out to my truck.

I’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the day, so I figure I might as well head home. Take a shower. Maybe cook up some dinner. And after that, if I’m lucky, I’ll be tired enough to sleep.

It’s a little after seven when a knock sounds at my front door. I peer up from my spot on the couch. I’m not expecting company, so it catches me off guard. Another knock tells me the visitor is impatient, so I get to my feet and pad across the living room to the door. Without bothering to check the security hole, I pull it open to find Spencer standing on my front porch.

He lifts his hand to show he’s carrying a six-pack of Sam Adams. I step back out of the way and let him inside.

“Is there a problem?” I ask, confused by his appearance at my house.

Not that he hasn’t shown up unannounced before, but it’s rare these days. Ever since I entered into the agreement with Ellie, my friendship with Spencer has been on the back burner. While he used to come over once a week, now it’s more like once a month.

“Wanted to talk.”

“Oh, yeah? You get your regular dose of estrogen today?” I joke, staring at his back as he makes his way to the living room.

“Sit down and shut up,” he grumbles, his smile completely absent.

I sit down and shut up because I don’t have anything else to say.

He passes over a beer, grabs one for himself, then takes a seat on the couch, propping his big-ass feet on my coffee table. “How’re things with you and Ellie?”

There’s something in his tone that tells me he already knows the answer to that question.

“Fine.” It’s a lie, but again, I’m at a loss for words.

“Really?” He doesn’t sound convinced. “That’s exactly what she said. In that same defeated tone, in fact.”

I roll my eyes and take a long pull on my beer.

“I don’t like to be the mediator,” he tells me.

“Is that what you call this?” I motion toward the space between us. “I thought it was you sticking your nose in other people’s business.”

Spencer’s eyebrow quirks and he continues to stare at me as though weighing his words. I have no idea what prompted him to stop by, but obviously it has something to do with his sister. And apparently me, as well.

“Have you had the chance to meet James yet?” Spencer prompts.

I shake my head.

“What do you know about him?”

I frown. “I don’t know anything about him.”

“So, after all this time that he’s been coming around, talking to my sister, meeting my niece, you know nothing about him? Yet you say all is fine with you and Ellie?”

I don’t bother to answer because I know he just set me up. Fucker.

“However, I know that you were aware that Bianca was trying to find him.”

“Those are old headlines, bro. Is that why you’re here?” I can’t hide the frustration in my tone. “To bitch me out because of that?”

“Would it make a difference?”

“A difference for what?” Again, Spencer has my head spinning. I have no idea which direction he’s trying to go here. I feel my anger start a slow burn in my gut, but I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I thought she knew.”

It’s Spencer’s turn to look shocked.

“She told me she monitors Bianca’s social media. I figured that meant she was aware of it.”

“Well, hell.” Spencer drops his feet and leans forward, his elbows on his knees. “So, why didn’t you bring it up in passing? You know, ‘hey, saw you and Bianca are looking for her dad. How’s that going?’”

“If she wanted me to know, she would’ve told me.”

“But she didn’t know.”

I roll my eyes. “I know that
now
. Besides, what Ellie does isn’t my business.”

“Why wouldn’t it be? You care about her, right?”

I don’t know what to say to that. Although Spencer’s my friend, I don’t care to share what’s going on with me and Ellie. Not with him, not with anyone.

“Or is this still just an arrangement for you?” he snarls. “’Cause if you tell me that’s the case, I’m gonna punch you in the face.”

It becomes very clear to me that Ellie hasn’t told him about our breakup. I figure I have to go along with it. “Of course it’s not,” I counter hotly. “It’s never been an arrangement to me.”

That seems to pacify him momentarily, because Spencer leans back and gets comfortable again. We’re both quiet for a few minutes, drinking beer and listening to the ceiling fan turn above us.

“Do you love my sister?” he blurts.

Christ. “I really don’t think this is a conversation we should be having.”

Spencer’s expression turns serious. “Did you know that my sister tracked down that woman who made the accusation against you?”

It’s my turn to sit up straight. “What?”

“Yep. She took it upon herself to do what no one else thought to do.” He looks at me pointedly. “Find out who the woman’s best friend is. Turns out, you were a scapegoat for an ex-girlfriend looking to make things right.”

I’m completely confused, but Spencer obviously realizes that.

“Turns out, she’s the ex-girlfriend of a fourth line rookie in Detroit. The guy had a beef with you and rattled on and on about you at some point. Well, when he dumped the chick, she decided to make an effort to get him back. At your expense.”

“
She
…?” Holy fuck. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“She took you down a notch in order to make this guy happy. When it didn’t work, she recanted her statement.”

A bitter rage is boiling in my gut. “Did Ellie talk to her? Wendy Whatserfuck?”

“Nope. Didn’t have to. The best friend … the one who took the picture … she told her everything she needed to know. And I mean everything. Apparently she agrees that her friend has a couple of screws loose.”

I’m still reeling that Ellie found out that information. “Why’d she tell you this and not me?”

“She only told me so that I would pass it along,” Spencer clarifies.

“To who?”

“To Phoenix. She convinced the friend to share the details with Phoenix so he could take care of it. Last I heard, Phoenix’s gotten the team’s lawyer involved, and she now understands the very serious repercussions of defamation of character.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I still don’t understand why Ellie couldn’t come to me.

“She knew it would only upset you—and me—so she spared me most of the details and asked me to have Phoenix call the woman for the story. Once he did, he called Ellie to confirm. Surprisingly, the woman told him the truth, too.”

“I could’ve handled this shit on my own,” I bark, angry that I’m being treated like a child.

“Not without it affecting your game,” Spencer counters. “This is the sort of shit you shouldn’t have to deal with. It’s over. The woman lied. She needs to be held accountable for what she did. I think she owes you a fucking apology, man, but I think it’s better left for someone else to figure out how to make that happen.”

My mouth doesn’t open with a retort. I down some beer and stare at Spencer until he starts talking again. I can’t believe what I’m hearing, but what bothers me the most is that Ellie didn’t come to me with this information. I mean, I thought we were friends.

“You know who helped her find this girl?”

I don’t say anything; he knows I don’t know.

“James.” Spencer leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. “He had obviously heard the story because he’s an agent. In fact, he just so happens to be your brother’s agent. You know, Heath.”

“What the fuck? Really?” My brother’s new agent is Bianca’s dad? How fucking coincidental is that?

Spencer nods.

“She told him that she wanted to find this woman and clear your name. He did the digging for her. Turns out, he’s got a lot of connections.”

“He wants to prove he’s the better man,” I grumble, hating him even more for being a decent guy.

“Actually…” Spencer grins. “That’s not true. Ellie told me that James called her to the carpet about her relationship with you.”

Holy fuck.

“He’s not trying to step on any toes. He simply wants to be in Bianca’s life.”

“But…” I clamp my mouth shut. I don’t want to tell Spencer about Bianca’s text message. It’s all now very clear why she sent it. She felt threatened. Whatever she’s been hoping for is jeopardized if Ellie and I are together.

“But what?” Spencer asks.

I shake my head.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Tell me.”

I sigh. What will it hurt? “Bianca texted me. She told me that her mom and dad are working things out and that James is even looking to buy a house here so they can move in together.”

Spencer smiles. The son of a bitch fucking smiles.

“Sounds like my niece. And you bought it?”

“I want Bianca to be happy,” I tell him. “I want them both to be happy.”

“Then I think you need to reflect on this a bit more.”

I don’t need to reflect on shit and this conversation is suddenly pissing me off. “So, why are you telling me all this?” I ask, knowing there has to be more.

“Because whether you like it or not, Ellie has your back. You needed to hear that.”

I drop back onto the cushion and stare at Spencer. Silence consumes us, and I think he’s waiting for me to say something. I don’t have anything to say. Hell, I haven’t had anything to say since the last night I spent with Ellie.

“Bianca’s right about one thing. James
is
moving to Austin,” Spencer finally says.

It’s as though someone has a vice around my heart and they’re slowly twisting it tighter. The pain is unbearable. The thought of that man permanently moving into Ellie’s life… It really could be a reality then. With him closer, there’s a much bigger possibility that Ellie will end up falling in love with him.

And if that happens, it’s because I allowed it to happen. God, I’m an asshole.

“Bianca wants to know her father,” Spencer explains. “And she deserves that. But Ellie’s not going to be with James.”

I sit up again. “Why?” I really want someone to explain that part to me, because no matter how I play this out, I just don’t get it. James seems to be a good guy. He’s Bianca’s father. He’s obviously got a good job and…

Spencer shakes his head as though he thinks I’m clueless. Maybe I am.

“She doesn’t love him, you dimwit. She wants him to have a relationship with his daughter, but she doesn’t love him. Just because someone pops back in your life after so many years doesn’t mean you’ll have the same feelings. It doesn’t work that way.”

I get the feeling Spencer isn’t just talking about Ellie and James.

“You broke her heart, man.” Spencer glares at me. “I trusted you. Hell,
she
trusted you. You didn’t even give her a chance. One road bump and you tucked your tail between your legs and ran.”

I can’t deny that. I was being selfish thinking that this guy could potentially screw up something good between me and Ellie. In order to protect myself, I cut ties. Self-preservation and all that bullshit. In the end,
I
was the one who screwed it up, not him.

I feel like a bastard.

Spencer leans forward again. “You might not want to admit it, but I know you care about my sister. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure you love her, but I’m going to let you come to terms with that on your own time. I hope you care about Bianca just as much—”

“Of course I do,” I snap. I would do anything for that kid.

“Then prove it.” His posture is defensive once again. “Instead of tucking your tail between your legs, fight for Ellie. Stand behind her. Hold her fucking hand through this. Hell, be there for Bianca, because this is just the beginning. It might seem like fucking roses and rainbows, but real life has to intervene sometime. This fairy tale that Bianca has created doesn’t exist. Now, I’m not saying that this won’t go well for them. I hope like fuck it does. I’m merely telling you that Ellie doesn’t want him the way you think she does.”

“I’m a fucking dumb ass,” I mutter, dropping my head into my hand.

“No, you’re in love, douchebag. And sometimes the fear of rejection blinds you to what’s really important.” Spencer gets to his feet. “You didn’t hear this from me, but James is in town tonight. He wants to take Bianca to dinner and to a movie. Ellie’s gonna be home. Maybe you could drop by.”