The Secret wish List (16 page)

‘You guys just love teasing me!’ I say with a smile.‘Believe me, there is no chakkar. I have joined salsa and a have class this evening,’ I say.

‘Ooooh! Salsa! Where? At Dancing Shoes?’ asks Jyoti.

‘Yeah, how did you guess?’ I ask

‘That is the one closest, so it is only logical. Gaurav is an awesome teacher. My husband and I had done the basic course last summer. In fact, we have already signed up for the intermediate course which starts next month,’ she says.

‘Oh!’ I reply.

I am surprised that all these days, ever since the academic year started, I have been meeting these two women at the bus stop and we have never talked about this before. Our conversations have mostly centred around movies and other inane stuff like school policies. Neither Rachna nor Jyoti read, so I cannot discuss my love for books or what I am currently reading, with them. I get my books through an online library which delivers and collects books from home. Neither Jyoti nor Rachna are tech savvy and hardly go on the Internet, except for emails and so we always have a limited repertory of things to talk about. Therefore, I am pleasantly surprised to discover Jyoti’s interest in salsa.

Jyoti says that Dancing Shoes is really good as it organises stage performances for its students, as well as gets them invited to salsa parties regularly. That is news to me. I had no idea they did all that. I make a mental note to check with Gaurav after class today.

My second salsa class goes off even better than the first. It is almost as if wearing those smart western clothes I bought on my last shopping spree, transforms me into a different person, much like Cinderella going to the ball. I feel happy and light-headed as I join my salsa-mates, Janie, Nitya, Gagan and others in the class. Lorraine is there along with the other instructors, but Gaurav is nowhere to be seen.

Gagan asks about him and Lorraine says that he will join us soon. My eyes keep looking for him even as I continue to do the steps that Lorraine and the other instructor demonstrate. This time, just like the last class, we have to dance with partners, using the simple steps that we have learnt. They get us to form a circle, with the women in the inner circle and the guys in the outer circle facing the women. The women and men have to face each other and mirror each other’s movement. When the beat stops, the guys have to walk to the next partner and perform the same step with her.

‘This way all the women in the room get to dance with all the guys and vice versa. That is the best way, else you will get too used to a single partner. The idea here is that you should be able to do the salsa with anyone,’ explains Lorraine.

We start dancing and I can see that Gaurav’s words have had an effect on the guys. Almost all of them, including Gagan, have made a special effort with their appearance today. His palms are thankfully no longer sweaty. We are shown how the guys have to grip the lady’s hand and how the hold should not be too tight or too loose. We are also taught that the man should hold the woman under the shoulder blades gently without hurting her or feeling up her bra-strap. Lorraine says all of this without blushing, though I sense a slight awkwardness among the guys at her words, even as they try to act nonchalant. Lorraine sums up her talk by adding that we should not be shy and strained while dancing.

‘The salsa is an intimate dance, but remember, it is also a very elegant dance—a gentleman’s dance. Please treat your lady-partner with dignity. Do not pull her arm out of the socket when you twirl her. Be gentle. Make her feel at ease. Do not try and show off. Even if you do a few basic steps, it is fine. It is better than trying some stunning moves and leaving her feeling inadequate. There is a lot of non-verbal communication that happens in dance, so always have a smile on your face, no matter how nervous you are,’ says Lorraine.

The guys exchange nervous glances, while the women grin at each other. I am thoroughly enjoying this. I love the candid manner in which Lorraine reels out the instructions and gives us a lesson in etiquette. I enjoy the atmosphere here—it is so liberating. It is like nothing I have experienced before and I absolutely revel in every moment of it.

‘Come on now, let’s start,’ says Lorraine. ‘You will soon get the groove of it, ‘she reassures. ‘One two three...’ and the music starts again. Lorraine keeps up the count and, in no time, we are dancing in full swing. Then the beat stops and we exchange partners. I keep a watch out for Gaurav from the corner of my eye and see him entering a while later. He waves out to Lorraine who gestures for him to join in.

Gaurav does that and, in the very next round, he is my partner. It feels phenomenal to be dancing with someone who is obviously an expert. He is so smooth with his moves that he makes me feel on top of the world. He guides me with the practised ease of a brilliant dancer. We make a great pair and do not miss a single beat. I am surprised to discover just how valuable the expertise of your partner is in salsa. When the beat ends, we are supposed to stop and rotate partners again, but Gaurav doesn’t stop. He continues and I pick up his cue and we dance in perfect synchronicity. He makes me feel at ease as I follow his lead. His eyes do not leave mine for a second, and, as he dances, he smiles at me. I am completely mesmerised, as though in a trance. It is the first time in my life I am dancing like this with a good-looking man who, with his moves, makes me feel like a princess in a fairy tale. Who makes me believe that I am a superb dancer. When we finally stop, the whole class which has paused to watch us, breaks into spontaneous applause.

‘Well done, Diksha, you are a natural,’ says Lorraine and I beam. ‘And now, Gaurav, I think the other ladies deserve the same treatment too. Janie and Nitya, you can both take a turn with Gaurav and each of the guys can dance with me. You see how important it is that partners are in perfect sync?’ she says.

I feel a stab of jealousy as Gaurav dances with Nitya and then with Janie.

This is crazy. I tell myself. Get a grip. He is not your boyfriend. You are a married woman and he is just doing his job as an instructor.

Yet, childish as it is, I am a little pacified to see that he does not achieve the same level of dancing with either Janie or Nitya that he did with me. I also feel smugly satisfied that it is me he has asked out for coffee and not them, despite knowing that I am a mother, though it makes me wonder why. But there is no time to dwell on it as Lorraine keeps us on our toes till the session ends. After class, I bid others a bye and Gaurav and I walk towards the café where we met the last time.

‘Sorry I was late for class today. I give private lessons too, you know, and the couple I was teaching wanted to practise a bit more. Their wedding is in four days and they wanted their moves to be perfect,’ he says.

‘That is fine,’ I smile. I am ridiculously happy as I walk beside him. I have never gone out anywhere on my own, except on family outings with Sandeep and Abhay. This little ‘thing’ with Gaurav is making me feel good.

‘You are great at salsa, Diksha. A natural. Very few are gifted like that,’ he says.

I remind him it is only because he guided me so well and that is different when I dance with the other guys.

‘They are only learning. They are still not used to the concept of “guiding” and “leading” the lady. Give them a few more sessions and you will see the difference,’ he says confidently.

We reach the café and Gaurav pulls out a chair for me and asks me what I will have. I settle for a iced mint tea and he says will have a burger as he did not get time to eat earlier. Would I like to eat something? he enquires politely.

When the formalities of ordering are done and the waiter vanishes, I catch Gaurav looking at me and smiling.

‘What?’ I ask.

‘You aren’t used to this, are you?’ he continues smiling and looking into my eyes. Gazing actually.

His manner is making me slightly uncomfortable, but I am hugely flattered too.

‘Used to what? Ordering stuff at cafés?’ I tease him, even though I know he is referring to going out on dates.

‘Ha ha, yeah. That is exactly what I meant,’ he retorts laughing. I join in.

With that, the ice is completely broken and I instantly feel at ease.

‘So why did you ask me out? Me, of all the people. There must be so many women in your classes, right?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, but the married ones always come with their husbands. You are the first, and a mother at that, to have come without her partner.’

‘So of all the things, it is my motherhood that you found date-worthy?’ I laugh

‘Of course! Do you have any idea how hot that makes you?’ he says with a straight face, his voice dipping low.

I really don’t know whether he is joking, but I can tell he is definitely flirting. I am totally new to these dating games which single women probably play and are experts at.

I do not know what to say and, before I can respond, my phone rings. It is Tanu. Instantly my mind races to Ankit. Even with the charming Gaurav in front of me, I am obsessed with knowing about Ankit.

‘Excuse me, I have to take this call,’ I say.

I rise to take my call at a discreet distance, but Gaurav gestures me to sit and leaves the table.

‘Hey babes, I am with someone, but I just had to take your call. Tell me about Ankit! I am dying to know,’ I say in a low voice.

‘Ha, ha, ha! So that could not wait! You still have the hots for him, don’t you?’ she teases.

‘Shut up, Tanu! What nonsense you talk.’

‘Of course, it is deeper than merely ‘having the hots’. Look how impatient you are,’ she continues teasing.

I realise that I will not easily be able to inveigle any information about Ankit out of her in a short phone call. Besides, I can see Gaurav hanging about waiting for me to finish the call.

‘Okay. Have it your way. I have to go now as I am outside with someone. Mail me, okay?’ I say.

‘Done. Will mail you soon,’ she says and we hang up. I gesture for Gaurav to join me.

‘Hey, there was no need for you to leave the table, but it was rather sweet of you,’ I say.

He smiles.

He asks me what attracted me to salsa.

I tell him that it is a long story.

‘I have all the time in the world. Do tell, I want to know,’ he says.

I do not know if it is the sincerity in his eyes that convinces me or whether it is the high I am feeling after a superb salsa session, or perhaps it is the whole intimacy of the café, but I am deeply flattered by his obvious interest in me.

‘Are you sure you really want to know? Or are you just making conversation?’ I ask.

‘Of course, I do. Do you think I am asking just for the heck of it? Or do you not trust me enough to share?’ he looks hurt.

‘No, it’s not like that at all,’ I reply.

‘Then tell,’ he says.

So I tell him about Vibha. I tell him about Mohan’s sudden death. I tell him about how I got married at nineteen. I leave out the part about how insensitive Sandeep is or how discontented I feel in the marriage.

I talk about the jolt Mohan’s passing gave us all and how Vibha goaded me into making a wish list. And that learning salsa was one of the things on the list.

Gaurav is all ears and listens with rapt attention, without interrupting even once. He is genuinely interested in everything I am saying.

And finally when I am done, he is silent for a few seconds.

Then he says, ‘Oh my God. That is really amazing, Diksha. Most of us just talk about what we want to do. And here you are, you have actually made a list and, even more impressive, are actually carrying it out. How wonderful is that?!’

I shrug.

‘You are amazing. And, trust me, I don’t say this to everyone I meet, and I meet a lot of women. You are really something else, Diksha,’ he says.

He asks me if I will share my wish list with him. I tell him that I will consider it. All of a sudden, I feel a bit shy at having told him so much about my life.

I realise that while I have shared some details of my life with him, I know nothing about his personal life. I ask him whether he has a girlfriend.

‘Divorced recently,’ he says.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I say, not knowing how else to respond.

‘Don’t be. I was glad when the divorce finally came through. Fortunately no kids. It was messy enough without,’ he says drily.

He doesn’t want to divulge any more details and I do not press him. Instead I change the topic to movies and books. I am delighted to discover that he reads a lot and has read Milan Kundera, whose work I greatly admire. I am overjoyed to find a kindred soul. We talk enthusiastically about all the authors we love and discover that we have much in common when it comes to our taste in books.

He opens up about his passion—salsa—and tells me how he got into it. He has done courses from the World Salsa Federation, the recognised and governing body for salsa dancing and competitions recognised even by the International Olympic Committee.

‘Most instructors don’t really have certification. Many of them in India, in fact, have just trained under someone or the other, and not received any formal training.’

‘Is that accepted? Is it valid?’