The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (20 page)

“Yessir! I wonder if I leave my screw-driver lodged in one blinky light hole, and my chisel pick in another, then laid my simian spanner across the two, if some sort of electrical malfunction could be triggered?”

~POP!~

~poooph!~

“Hooray, you did it Icky! That big puff of black smoke you are engulfed in should be a good indicator that you have successfully thrown a wooden sabot into the Super-Controller’s dike system!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“Ha, ha! Kitkara
is
the greatest and shall devour you all!

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“Here comes TuRuDan!”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERNK!!!”

“Ooph!
You will pay for that, TuRuDan!
None shall defy the greatest being in the universe, Kitkara!

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Here comes TiTaupKamaro for another strike!”

~SKUUUUUH!!!~

“Ooph!
You too shall suffer for your insolence, TiTaupKamaro! Kitkara is the greatest of all time!
”

“We’re spinning out of control, Icky!”

“Here comes TiTaupKamaro again! Stand by for impact!”

~SKUUUUUH/thwock!~

“Oh no! Kitkara just smacked the methane out of TiTaupKamaro with his clubbed tail! TiTaupKamaro is going down and we are a long way up!”

“GRO-O-O-
O-O-O-O-O-O
NK
!!!!
!
!........
”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEERNK!!!”

~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~

“REEERLL!”

“Augh! This is unbearable! Even I, the Inescapable Gumibara, cannot cling to Kitkara’s wing while he is in tangled furball combat with mighty TuRuDan!”

“Gumibara! We are falling fast; the ground is rushing up to meet us! I can’t hang on anymore!”

“Icky!
”

“
Gumibara!
”

“Augh!”
“Augh!”

“ . . .rrr . . . ”

Am I encased within some deep, primordial muck? The depth of darkness is immeasurable. Something compels me to find the elusive surface of consciousness, beyond my tarpit prison. Clinging, black mud pudding prevents me from gaining and engaging my waking mind. Yet, the more I struggle, the more translucent, and less thick does my murky captivity become.

I must still be alive! My body is in excruciating pain. I suspect that, due to my reptilian biological design, that I possess regenerative super-powers far beyond any other super-monster.

The creature, Kitkara, is a formidable foe. The beast has defeated me. I suspect that it is only due to my uncanny ability to regenerate and repair my injuries that I survive.

This world is doomed.

I, ZodGila, could not vanquish this villain.

I too, was prepared to destroy much of this world. My initial impression of this strange species that has swarmed over the Earth, these humans, was of a clever, but shallow, race, spreading an undue amount of influence over nature itself. I still feel that way, but there is another side to the creatures. There are those, like the one that showed me kindness on the beach, that give me a glimmer of hope for their kind.

“Rrrr.”

Then there is Kitkara. This dreadnaughtte will destroy the entire Earth. This is not right. It is my place to oppose the threat.

~pop~

“Rrr.”

That shooting pain is indicative of a broken back vertebra realigning itself.

~squuh-ilck~

“Rrr.”

That bottomless ache is either my pancreas or kidneys making an especially painful regeneration repair.

~creak, pop! glurghoop. snik! thip.~

“Rrr.”

What’s this? I smell the usurper! I sense that the foul invader is near!

I must do this. Open. Open! Open blast you! I command my heavy brows to raise so that I can open my eyes!
Unh!

“Rrrr!”

The light pains me further. I must put all pain aside! Rise up! I command my body to sit up!
Unh!

“RRRR!”

My body resists! The pain is too great! The injuries, too extensive!

Unhhh!!!

“RRRR!!!”

I must concentrate.

Bones knit. Tendons mend.

Indignation ignition.

Anger rekindled.

Unhhh!!!

“RRRR!!!”

There, I am sitting up, and my eyes are open.
This is progress.

Where is Kitkara?

Which way did he go?

He is up in the air!

There he is, but oddly, he appears to be falling out of the sky. He is plunging toward Earth, and so too, the two super-monsters I defeated just outside of that Nipponese city. The candy koala is holding onto one of Kitkara’s wings. The turtle is in freefall. The human from the island beach is also falling out of the sky. A third, winged monster that I am unfamiliar with, is  engaged in frenzied battle with Kitkara. They are all falling from a distant height to their assured deaths.

Falling...

Falling...

{ { { ~HAH-BOOG-GOOGE!~ } } }

What a horrible landing! There is little chance of anything surviving that fall, except the mighty Kitkara. He, perhaps, is strong enough to have lived through that crushing impact.

I must rise to a standing position. Rocking forward, I propel myself up.

Unh, my bones are not healed. My organs do not enjoy being moved while trying to mend themselves.

I sense that Kitkara lives! How this infuriates me! My golden eyes are seeing red!

The pain is overwhelming, but I am seized by an irresistible compulsion! My lungs immediately seize up, recoiling with instinctual rebellion from the duty that is about to be placed upon them. The first attempt at drawing a full breath is like a rhino’s gore in the ribs. Bracing myself, I press down with my elbows against my ribs, and draw a full breath. I keep the bellows working. I cannot stop what is now set in motion and building inside me.

Pain means nothing to me! My wrath is what I am!

I proclaim my presence.

Kitkara .  .  .

Beware .  .  .

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“I say, Mr. Temperance? Yoo, hoo! Oh, I do so hope that silly fool is still somehow alive. As I look about the docks of ToeKey-Oh’s harbour, strewn with the bodies of so many fallen super-monsters, I see no sign of my beloved Ichabod! Oh, dear!”

“Rrrrrll. Ooooh, my heads, I can’t believe I’m still alive. That abrupt ending to our fall is the hardest jolt I’ve ever taken. None but the greatest and strongest of super-monsters could survive that drop. That is why I, and I alone, lived to tell the tale.”

“Eh hem, Kitkara, may I have your attention, please? I do not believe that you and I have been properly introduced. My name is Plumtartt, Miss Persephone Plumtartt. I realize that in your fall from the skies far above, that you were fully embroiled in
combat ad mortem
, however, I am compelled to ask, did you happen to notice an odd little man in a derby hat among your company when you fell, eh hem?”

“Ha, ha! There was an insignificant ant clinging to me at one point, but now it is surely nothing but a messy smudge.”

“Oh dear!”

“Not so fast, Kitkara. Hey Persephone, look over here at what I’ve got.”

~ tsss-poik! ~

~gasp!~
“Howdy Miss Plumtartt! Here I am!”

“My word, Mr. Temperance, what are you doing
within
Gumibara, sir?”

“Right before we made impact with the ground, I grabbed Icky and absorbed him inside my big, gooey belly!”

“Gumibara’s rubbery, flexible form took the brunt of the fall for me. I actually landed high on my back and shoulders, and collapsed my knees when we hit, sort of like an accordion.”

“Oh, good show, gentlemen; I am so glad!”

“What about TiTaupKamaro?”

“I say, I can attest to seeing a successful splashdown in the harbour’s waters, and if I am not mistaken, it looks as if our hard-shelled friend did, with the help of his durable exterior and watery landing, too did survive this horrid calamity.”

“Yes, Persephone, in fact, at the last minute, I discontinued attempts at re-firing my flippers and mouth and concentrated on turning the landing into a sweet dive. I totally nailed it, kids.”

“Indeed, TiTaupKamaro, to this I can attest.”

“Ha, ha, your friend, TuRuDan was not so lucky!”

“Ha, ha, there is nothing left of TuRuDan but a crumpled sack of broken bones.”

“Ha, ha, don’t you dare try to interfere with my feast on this carcass! I shall immediately devour anyone that interrupts my victory meal of this pointy headed goose.”

           
 
  
“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“Did you hear that? I thought I heard a distant cry. As if far away, some beast, with a fury beyond measure, were releasing an aural display of his frustration.”

“What is this strange sensation I have? Am I actually trembling? Do I quake? Is this the icy grip of a frozen hand clutching my quivering heart in a nameless sense of super-dread? Be still, you traitorous organ! Beyond the pounding of my heart in my chest, I feel the irrepressible approach of a true titan’s tread. The Earth quakes beneath his feet! Closer and closer, he comes for me! Rising up out of the very Earth itself, nature’s vengeance rears its fearful symmetry!
Eek!”

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“ZodGila, no! Augh!
Ooph!”

“Great bursting boilers, Miss Plumtartt! ZodGiler appeared as an out of control locomotive at full steam to shoulder tackle Kitkara for a country mile! Don’t look, Miss Plumtartt, ZodGila is laying in with enough punching, kicking, biting and tearing on Kitkara to flatten a mountain!”

“Indeed, Mr. Temperance, however, knowing of your sensitive nature, I suggest that it is you who is in need of sheltering one’s vision from the frightful fray. Please allow me to offer you a running commentary on the horrific combat. It seems our friend ZodGila is still not through with the three-headed visitor from Planet Eckes. He has now hoisted the gorging gorgon high over his head to full and bodily slam the fellow to Earth again with what is sure to be a resounding landing. Hello! My word! With a cat’s uncanny ability to always land on his feet, so too, once again does Kitkara! He immediately follows up with a vicious tail smack right in ZodGila’s face! ZodGila does not miss a beat as he spins about to return the favour with a tail smack of his own! My word, it seems as if the two have settled into an unusual form of martial combat, eh Mr. Temperance?”

“I hate to sound disrespectful towards Kitkara, or ZodGila, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, for they are truly two great and powerful super-monsters, but the way those two are just swishing their tails back and forth to smack each other is fighting kind of sissy, if you ask me.”

“Eh hem, yes, well, be that at is it may, it is sissy fighting on a titanic level, and with dread earnest. Yes, quite so.”

“And I don’t mean no disrespect towards no sissies neither, Miss Plumtartt.”

“Of course not, Mr. Temperance.”

“To each his own, that’s what...”

“Not now, Mr. Temperance!”

“To regain my advantage, I need to get into the air again!”

~whoom.~

~WHOOM.~

~WHOOM!~

“Kitkara is flapping his wings again, Miss Plumtart! If he gets into the air again, there’ll be no stopping him!”

“Oh no you don’t, Kitkara!”

“Hey, you stupid bear, let go of my wing! I’ll smack you right off with my trusty clubbed tail!”

“Oh no you don’t, Kitkara!”

~snap!~

“Ow!
Let go of my tail, you stupid super-turtle!

~snap!~

“Ow!
Impossible! TuRuDan, I thought you were dead! Let go of my other wing, you stupid old bird!”

“rrr”

“Hey, no fair! You guys are ganging up on me! ZodGila! What are you thinking beneath that thick, gnarled brow? You are too noble of a super-monster than to take advantage of me in this way!”

~sniff~

“Quit sniffing at me, ZodGila! What are you doing?”

~sniff~

“Rrrr!”

“ZodGila, what is that mad gleam in your baleful yellow eye? Stay away from me!”

~sniff!~sniff!~sniff!~

“You need to retract those talons, you crazy iguana, before you do something you are going to regret!”

“Rrrr!”

“ZodGila, no!”

“ZodGiler has taken a Dew Claw Keylock on Kitkara while simultaneously sweeping the big cat to the ground. ZodGila has skillfully transitioned into a locked out  hind leg toe hold, thus freeing both forelegs while solidly holding his opponent down. With the help of the other three super-monsters, ZodGila has immobilized Kitkara.”

“I say, I believe we are about to witness the death stroke of mighty Kitkara. Twiddling his great claws in anticipation, ZodGila now reaches out to do with his defeated enemy, what he will. Eh hem, yes, er, one might say our champion’s  attack is not quite as ferocious as before, Mr. Temperance.”

“No Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Actually, ZodGiler is being gentle in this assault, but look at the results! Kitkara is being driven out of his mind!”

“Eh hem, my word, Mr. Temperance, is ZodGila tickling Kitkara?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I think he is. With three super-monsters pinning him down, Kitkara is helpless before ZodGila’s merciless tickling attacks!”

“
RRR
E
E
E
E
E
RR
E
E
E
R
L
LL!!!”

“Hang on, TiTaupKamaro! Hang on, TuRuDan! Kitkara is thrashing around with out of control recklessness!”

“
RRR
E
E
E
E
E
RR
E
E
E
R
L
LL!!! Stop! I can’t
stand
it! Stop!
RRR
E
E
E
E
E
RR
E
E
E
R
L
LL!!!”

“My word, Mr. Temperance, I do think we have been mistaken about Kitkara this entire time! Why, he is not a three-headed monster from Planet Eckes at all; rather,
she
is a three-headed monster from Planet Eckes.”

“Oh my gosh, I think you’re right, Miss Plumtartt!”

“Rrr, rrr, rrr!”

“Why, I do believe that ZodGila likes her!”

“
RR
R
E
E
E
E
RL
LL
!
I surrender! Oh ZodGila, you are so masterful! Surely you are the greatest super-monster in this or any universe!”

“Say, this turned out all right, after all, Miss Plumtartt.”

“Let us go forth and destroy planet Earth together! Nothing can stand before us!”

“Say, maybe things aren’t as good as I had thought.”

“Rrrr.”

“GRONK!
I know the solution to our problem!
ZodGila, you and Kitkara shall come and live on Monstrous Island with Gumibara, TuRuDan and me.”

“Yippee! That’s a great idea, TiTaupKamaro! We can all live happily ever after on our own magical Monstrous Island!”

“REERLL!
I refuse to live in exile upon some puny island! I am a monster that is bred to spread havoc on an inter-continental theater! So are you, ZodGila! Do not listen to these weaklings! You and I shall go and destroy the Earth together! We are born for destruction! You will not be happy with a peaceful life!”

“My word, Mr. Temperance, by his noble, yet, expressive  features, I can see that ZodGila is considering Kitkara’s words. Though I find it loathsome to admit, there is a considerable amount of truth in her summation.”

“Please, ZodGila, wouldn’t you and Kitkara be happy on Monstrous Island with TuRuDan, TiTaupKamaro and me?”

“rrr.”

“It’s too bad we couldn’t just send y’all to Planet Eckes for an extended honeymoon. I betcha you all would have just as much fun running amok, and rampaging through the cities of Planet Eckes.”

“Rrr!”

“My word, Mr. Temperance, ZodGila certainly did swing his head directly towards you when you said that. His sudden focus on you is not unlike a specimen beneath a microscope’s lens. I could almost swear that he can hear and understand us. If indeed we did have a way to magically transport the two disgruntled super-monsters back to Planet Eckes, I believe he would be most amenable to the idea of a merry romp across the more vicious locales of that war-prone place.”

“REEERLLL!
Oh, how I wish there was a way to get the two of us to Planet Eckes. I was bred to be a protector of that planet, but the cruel harnessing device that intruded on my will kept me from doing my proper duty. Thank goodness the Earth-ant was able to destroy it and return to me my self-control. Oh, how I wish that I could have my revenge on the Super-Controller! I thirst for vengeance on that loathsome larva! He is the one that gives Planet Eckes a bad name!”
~sigh~
“If only there was a way for us to get to Planet Eckes.”

“Hey everybody, look!”

“I say, Gumibara is onto something, eh hem? A tiny point of pink light is swiftly moving beneath the murky waters of ToeKey-Oh harbour. It is rising, and moving towards us!”

“GRONK!
  It’s a magic soap bubble!”

“Hear, hear, it’s the IndiGoGo Girls!”

“Shimma, shimma,”

“Shimma, shimma,”

“Ding-ady-ding!”

“A victory song,”

“Is what we sing!”

“Kitkara is defeated.”

“The Earth is saved”

“Evil plans are thwarted”

“From a World depraved!”

   “Howdy there, Miss IndiGoGo Girls, Ma’ams. We are keeping Kitkara subdued by the tenuous means of ZodGila’s tickling talons. As a matter of fact, we were just in the process of pining away at not having a means of transporting ZodGila and Kitkara to Planet Eckes so that they may have their own happy and destructive ever after.”

“Shooby-dooby, Shooby-dooby, Doobity-Do!”

“Have we got some really good news for you!”

“With a little bit of magic, and a little bit of hex,”

“We can send you both to Planet Eckes!”

“I say, that
is
a most convenient solution to our dilemma, eh hem? Is there anything we can do to assist in this endeavor, ladies?”

“Come on, Persephone,”

“and join our dance.”

“Toss your arms up and down”

“as you stationary prance.”