The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (9 page)

“Yes, Ma’am!”

“Ah, now then, Doctor Atwell Lionelstein, I presume, eh hem? Yes, I have been aware of you and your undisguised lust for fame, power, and self-glory. Your soulless pursuits were recognized for being achieved by means that were clearly in dis-obeisance of international research treaty. After the ghastly deeds that you and Laurie Petier were found to have perpetrated in that Bavarian Burgdom, you disappeared and have successfully eluded international manhunt bulletins. I am hereby placing you under citizen’s arrest.”

“Bah, citizen? This island is not even known in the world. You are no citizen of Monstrous Island!”

“I am a citizen of the World’s community, Doctor. That is my authority.”

“I call that bold talk for a small English woman of delightful figure in an exterior corseted, bustled emerald dress. You are not even armed! I, on the other hand, am a tall, large, strongly built man with a fearsome, mechanical left arm! In my right hand I hold a large, electro-magma, blaster-ray pistol! Ha, ha!”

“Indeed, the pistol, with its glowing panels and flashing colours does appear to be a frightful weapon of fell power. I note also, sir, that we are in a castle, and though albeit, it is of a peculiar Nipponese style, it remains to have that ubiquitous trait that all fortress castles have, and that, of course, is the omnipresence of a veritable plethora of weapons hanging on the walls and in orderly armour stands such as this one that I swiftly move to relieve of its gentle curve, bladed pole-arm, battle-axe. Continuing my Nipponese glaives removal in a graceful, sweeping arc, I find its trajectory carries just far enough to slice your raygun in twain, eh hem?”

“Curse you woman! I would blast you, but you just sliced my blaster in half! Very well, we’ll do this the hard way then. I now draw my Samurai style Katana sword with my right hand, and take up a chained mace with my mech-arm.”

“Hear, hear, I so much more prefer the hard way. I say, a
t you!
Hah, quite right, it all comes back to me now. Thrust, thrust, parry, thrust, parry, thrust, thrust. Yes, it’s rather like riding a bicycle, so to speak, in the way one remembers ones training in this sort of thing, don’t you know, eh hem?”

“Bah, blast you, you infernal woman! Stop blocking and avoiding all of my sword slashes and mace swings! The experiment must not be delayed! Ach! My eye! Look what you made me do!”

“Dear me, I do so wish that I could take credit for your present dilemma, but I am afraid that you get all the credit for your mechanical arm’s malfunction, resulting in your thumb being planted firmly and deeply into your cyborgian eyesocket.”

“Don’t just stand there, gawking at my biceptical recoils, unlock the triceptic extension rods!”

“No, Doctor, rather it behooves me to secure those rods in place while I trap your flesh hand up behind your back in the mace’s chain to keep you safe from spreading further harm in this double gaveled/bludgeon lock.”

“Bah! When my thermo-atomic sub particulate
’Excoriation Process’
radiotomic exposure experiment subject is brought into fruition, you will
rue
the day you stuck your tiny, pert, little nose in my business!”

“I say, I do so hope that Mr. Temperance is able to prevent such a thing from coming to occur.”

“Rhianico, where are you?”

“Jubei, I’m over here, staked out on this big ‘X’ formed by two large heavy pilings set deeply into this beach at forty-five degrees to one another and lashed together at a point a couple of feet above where they protrude from the black, rocky, sand!”

“Here I am, Rhianico! I shall slash through these many layers of thick, heavy rope with my shining, and honourable samurai sword! Unh! Unh! Wuh-Hai-eee-yaw! Unh! Unh! These ropes are a lot harder to slash through than they look! Maybe it will be faster if I try to untie them?”

“Oh, please hurry, Jubei! We are in the direct path of a very dangerous bomb! It is going to be detonated at any moment!”

“I know, Rhianico, but these ropes are most vexing, hai!”

bloomph!!!

“Hold it right there, Jubei Trevorgawa! You have been nothing but trouble ever since we came to Japan! Why can’t you leave me and Doctor Lionelstein in peace so that we can take over the World?”

“No, Laurie Petier, your evil plans must be thwarted! Shame on you for putting Rhianico in danger like this!”

“That reminds me. Step away from the test subject! When I draw the handle and drive the plunger in to this detonation box, I will begin my march into history!”

“No! I will not let you, hai!”

“I will blow you into a million pieces with this para-blunderbuss! Sayonara, ToeKey-Oh Kid, I end,.. you,..
now! …
Hey! Who threw sand into my gun? Who snatched away my smouldering fuse?”

“It was me, Ichabod Temperance, Miss Laurie Petier Ma’am. I sure am sorry to throw lots of gritty sand into the delicate mechanism of your revolving blunder-charge cannisters, but you shouldn’t oughtta go around shooting folks the way you do.”

“You fool! What have you done? You have grittied up my gun’s revolving cylinder! I must shoot you two guys! Somebody give me a light!!”

“No, Ma’am, Miss Laurie Petier, Ma’am. Now you just turn loose of that detonation charge generator box, and everything will be okay.”

“Eek! Jubei, look out!”

“Hunh? What is it, Rhianico? Hunh! Oh, no! Ichsa-bod! Help!”

“What? Oh my goodness! That is the biggest lizard I have ever seen!”

“Ha, ha! Yes! The timely appearance of that Komodo Dragon is providence sent! He will quickly consume that meddling Jubei Trevorgawa!”

“Here I come, Jubei; I’ll help y’all! I better snatch up this big chunk of driftwood while I’m at it. Whoah, that big iguana really makes tracks! That is the biggest chameleon I ever saw! That sucker must weigh five hundred pounds!

~plop!~ ~plop!~ ~plop!~ ~plop!~ ~plop!~ ~plop!~

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Hey there, you big ol’ Komoder Dragon, you, how about not gobbling up my friends in those snapping and frothing with poison saliva dripping jaws?”

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Keep that Komodo Dragon back, Ichsa-bod! I almost have Rhianico free!”

“I ain’t real keen on hitting this boy with this big log as it is likely to make him mad. Maybe I can just gently prod him away...”

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Keep the beast back, Ichsa-bod. Just a few more moments and I will have Rhianico free from her bonds!”

“You meddling fools! You will be punished for your interloper ways! I am firing the plunger...
now!”

Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!

“Ha, ha! That siren indicates that the process has been instigated! It cannot be stopped! Leave Rhianico to accept her Fate! Get behind the shielded blast protection walls, you fools!”

“Hai! There, I have you free my lovely Rhianico! Let us hurry now to the shielded blast protective wall to save ourselves from the
’Excoriation Process’
! Ichsa-bod, save yourself, hai!”

“Hi! I’m trying Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir, but this long legged crocodile is bound and determined to have a bite of yours truly.”

Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!

“C’mon, you big ol’ lizard, you and me both need to skeedaddle before we are fission-fried!”

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Don’t you hear that siren? It means a big bomb is about to go off! Quit acting like you are trying to bite off my extremities and behave yourself.”

Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!

~schlop! snap! schloople-“HIEN!HIEN!HIEN”

“Hunh, what happened! Oh my gosh, your lizard foot is caught in a fissure!”

“Ichsa-bod, run! This is your chance to get away! The bomb is about to go off! Run, run, run!”

“But Mr. Trevorgawa, this innocent lizard is in danger! He is panicked at being trapped and can’t get loose! He is liable to hurt himself!”

“But he was just trying to eat you!”

“Well, that’s just what big ol’ lizards do. He don’t know no better.”

“Ichsa-bod, leave it and hurry to get behind the protective wall!”

“Yessir, Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir, I’m gonna do that, it’s just that, this poor ol’ Dragon is in trouble! Calm down there, big ’un.”

“Ichsa-bod, hurry! Leave the animal and get behind the blast wall! The bomb is about to go off!”

“Yessir, yessir Mr. Trevorgawa sir, I’m coming. Just gimme a second here.”

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Easy there, big fella. Stop all this jumping around before you hurt yourself! I ain’t gonna hurt you. I’m a pal.”

~schlop! snap! schloople-snap!~

“Ohhh, stop all that bitey nonsense. You don’t really want to bite me, you just think you do. Here you go, take a good, chomp on this big chunk of driftwood.”

~CHOMP!~

“Woah! You sure do have a strong bite! You nearly made it through that water-log! As it is, having a good mouthful of something to bite on seems to have settled you down a bit.”

Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!

“Yeah, that warning siren is wearing on my nerves a little bit too. I really don’t mean you no harm, buddy. I’m gonna let you get a good whiff of my hand so that you can tell that I bear no malice. There you go, see, you can tell by my scent that you and me is pals! Shh, easy big guy. Settle down; that’s it. Now you just relax that leg and I’ll have you out in a jiffy. I’m gonna turn your ankle a little this way, and hey, there you go! That’s all it took! Now, scoot!”

“Ichsa-bod, run!”

“Here I come!”

Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-rhee
e
e
!
Wer-   .   .   .

.   .   .

.   .

.

KUK.

SKULL-CHUK.

SKULL-CHUK-CHUK.

SKULKCH.

KRACK!

BULL-
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

iUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUI

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

BBBBBBBBBB

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MMMMMMMM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, where are you?”

“Yoo, hoo, Mr. Temperance, I am over here, sir. Oh good, there you are. I see that you have gained a measure of compliance out of Miss Petier. Here is our Jubei Trevorgawa and apparently you have another member of your party among you. This, I assume, is Doctor Lionelstein’s sibling, the unfortunate, though lovely, young Rhianico.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, we managed to save Miss Rhianico, but it’s a pretty near scrape. Don’t get too close to this Petier lady, Miss Plumtartt. It wasn’t easy, but we were able to capture and subdue the dangerous assistant, Laurie Petier. Don’t let her hunchback fool ya’, Ma’am; that girl likes to scrap like a cat likes butter.”

“Splendid, Mr. Temperance, though in truth, I had hoped that you could have prevented the triggering of that frightful explosion. The terrible, blinding flash of that singularly horrific detonation immersed this entire area in a searing white light bath. This was followed by an extremely low bass register rumbling that, in violation of the Laws of Nature, Time, and Space, seemed to precede the physical concussion. Admittedly, I was amazed at the vigor of the shock wave. The point of ignition was clearly marked by a tall, thin cloud, that then spread out in a wide flat top, as a table, or toadstool. Yes, I think I shall always carry an image of that dreadful Toadstool Cloud in my mind. All in all, I should be happy that we have suffered no serious casualties, though, eh hem?”

Yes, Ma’am, that bad ol’ Laurie Petier set off the bomb while we were trying to save Rhianico. We all made it safely back behind the protective wall. Everybody that is, except for a poor, unfortunate Komoder Dragon. We don’t know what happened to him.”

“Commode-er Dragon, Mr. Temperance?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, you know, like a five hundred pound version of the common backyard lizard.”

“Oh, yes, of course, a
Komodo
Dragon.”

“Yes, Ma’am, that’s what I said, a Komoder Dragon. One of them jumbo chameleons might have got caught in the blast of that explosion, but we ain’t sure. We looked for him afterwards, but he was nowhere to be found.”

“The poor creature.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Hey, lookey there, y’all, here comes Gumibara and TiTaupKamaro! It looks like Gumibara is holding Doctor Lionelstein in one of his sticky paws.”

“RRRRAWR!!!!
We are victorious! TiTaupKamaro and I have thoroughly destroyed all of Doctor Lionelsteins armaments and clockwork soldiers!”

“GRONK!!!
Those pitiful machines did not stand a chance against our combined might! Your mad dreams of leading an army of super-monsters on a quest for World domination is hereby brought to an end, Doctor Lionelstein!
GRONK!!!”

“You stupid super-monsters! I’d have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you and these meddlesome kidlets.”

“I say, that is quite enough out of you, Doctor Lionelstein. We shall soon enough turn you and the devious Laurie Petier over to the appropriate branch of the next convenient judicial body we come across, whomever that may be, eh hem?”

“Hey, what has become of the mighty TuRuDan?”

“I am sorry, Gumibara, but the great TuRuDan was struck by Professor Lionelstein’s
’Evil Eye’
disruptor beam. I saw him flying back to to his mountaintop Eyre, but I do not think he will be returning to celebrate with us.”

“I reckon we performed the task that was magically ordained for us by the IndiGoGo Girls to fulfill, Miss Plumtartt. I sure am glad we were able to assist these nice folks, Ma’am.”

“Hear, hear, Mr. Temperance, a job well done, sir, I say, jolly good!”

“I’m glad we were able to help out that cute couple, Jubei and Rhianico, too. Don’t look now Miss Plumtartt, for it appears that they are engaging in a public display of affection!”

“Eh hem, yes, well, I must say, Mr. Temperance, the timing for such a tender and intimate celebration is appropriate in my estimation. Furthermore, I fervently wish for a similar action on our part to occur post haste, eh hem?”

“Huhnh? Oh. I mean, oh! Yes, Ma’am!”

“Mmmmmm.”

“Did you feel that, Mr. Temperance?”

“Yes, Ma’am!”

“I meant, did you feel the island tremble?”

“Oh, yes Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am! I feel the Earth move anytime we are in contact.”

“Yes, that is sweet, Mr. Temperance, however, I was speaking with a more literal sense, in that I sensed an Earth tremor.”

“Hai, Persephone, I too felt an unusual concussive wave pass beneath our feet.”

“I am so jiggley, that I am a veritable seismograph. I know every volcano on this island by the tremble that is transmitted through the ground. The rumbling sensation that shook this island was distinctly non-volcanic. I can vouch for the fact that we just experienced an un-natural tectonic shift manifestation.”

“Like, I’ve got a bad feeling about this you guys. Hey, there it is again, but stronger this time!”

“It’s coming from over yonder in the cove we just left, y’all. I estimate that it is about two miles from where we are now, on the backside of the castle. Something big is going on out there in that isolated bay.”

“I say, ‘big’ is a relative term, eh hem? Our friend Gumibara is big, and his footfalls resound through the ground, nevertheless, he is nowhere in the same category as that what is manifesting itself on the other side of that hill.”

“Oh, if you please, Jubei, I’m scared! I am inexplicably frightened to my very core! Something bad is happening!”

“Hai, Rhianico, however, I must urge you to stay calm and trust your protagonist. Ichsa-bod, is this some residue explosion, left over from the earlier detonation?”

“Shucks, I really don’t know, Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir. Dang! Did y’all see that? A huge flume of water just sprayed up into the the air, thousands of feet above the water’s surface, over there behind that intervening hillside. The Earth rumblings are becoming more pronounced, as well.”

“Oh my Goodness! I think something really big is starting to thrash about over in the detonation cove.”

“Quite so, Gumibara, and if I am not mistaken, I believe I hear strange noises in the air to accompany the disquieting water flumes. Could these be the tortured cries of a living creature? I am not sure if they are or not, for they possess a halting, nerve-jangling, high-pitched, metal-ripping, vocalization styling, if I may be so bold with my description.”

“Oh, tender vittles, I think Persephone is right. That does sound like the voice of an impossibly huge super-monster!”

“If you please, my handsome Jubei and your brave companions, I beseech you to turn your gaze to where I indicate and see with your own peepers! If our eyes and ears are not lying to us then I must cry out! Behold,
it
rises!”

“Rhianico is right, Miss Plumtartt! A gigantic shadow is rising high into the air where there shouldn’t be one. The black clouds of an approaching storm, alive with the intermittent flashes of lightening within the roiling black morass, provides a hyper-dynamic backdrop for the incomprehensible silhouette. It looks like a huge ol’ mountain has, somehow, done just sprung up in the cove. Rivaling the steep mountainside cliffs of Monstrous Island, the inexplicable shadow dwarfs the intervening hill between us and the cove, almost two miles away. Jagged, triangular ridges make a double row up one side of the mountainside. Um, is it just me, y’all, or a trick of the frenzied lightening show, but, does that there suddenly appearing mountain seem to be moving?”

“If you please, the lightnings flashing is unequivocally displaying an active, living, creature of immense size.”

“My word, I spy a dim source of light, away, near to the distant top. Two softly glowing lanterns, spaced very near one another. Queen Victoria’s corset laces! I believe those glowing, golden pair of lights are the eyes of an enormous super-monster! What appears to be its relatively small head is tilting up and to the left, allowing for a brief silhouette in which rows and rows of long dagger-like teeth are brightly displayed in the eager lightning’s dramatic illumination, eh hem?”

“The vision we are faced with is incomprehensibly big! Even I, Gumibara, am but a small bear before this greatest of all titans!”

“The creature is reptilian! Its tubby rear end and heavy tail allow the overgrown Tyrannosaurus Rex-like beast to easily stand on its hind legs.”

“Uncle Sam Clemens’ suspenders, y’all, I reckon that Ty-racodile must stand many hundreds of feet in the air! His dino-gator skin is as the strongest crocodile hide, but a thousand times over more thick and impenetrable! The dark, green, armour of his knobby hide has the appearance of nigh invulnerability! His angry, and shining, speckled, vertical pupil slits, in his yellow eyes, sweep back and forth beneath his gnarled brow in search of a victim to release his monstrous rage upon. He is apparently drawing an extra huge amount of air into his mega-bellow lungs to provide adequate force to his next, metal ripping, ear-drum shattering, vocalization effort.”

EEE

AYE

rROARK!

“I say, the fellow does come across as being in a heightened state of anxiety, wouldn’t you agree? Indeed, it seems the great fellow might have actually seen us and is headed in this direction, yes? Let us retire to the castle for what precious protection it may offer, eh hem?”

“Let’s not, Miss Plumtartt. I got a feeling that super-monster has plans for this otherwise imposing structure.”

“Yes, quite so, Mr. Temperance, I do believe your prognostication to be the more likely scenario. I shall follow the course of you and our companions into the concealment of these tumbled boulders, eh hem?”

“Oh, the island is bouncing around so much that I am almost being knocked over onto the back of my shell!”

“Oh, I hope there is a boulder big enough to hide me from that horrible super-duper-monster!”

“Ach! You fools! This is what you get for interfering in my experiments!”

“You just hush up Dauktor, I mean, Doctor Lionelstein and behave yourself!”

“Eek! The brute is unimaginably tall! He towers far over even my, the great Gumibaras head! Oh, don’t let him see me! He will gobble me up for a sweet snack!”

“
Shh!
Like, be quiet, Gumibara, he will hear you, and find us!”

“Hai, I think that we are all right, TiTaupKamaro, for as Ichsa-bod predicted, the super-duper-monster is venting his terrible rage on the sprawling, fortified constructions of Doctor Lionelstein’s massive castle.”

“Ach! Stop that, you naughty super-monster! How dare you  swing your relatively tiny forepaws with impunity, knocking down the soaring curly cornered towers of my command castle! Stop smashing it to little bits, you big jerk! Kicking the fortress is no better, you terrible super-monster! You have kicked and scuffed my enormous fortress until there is nothing left! My imposing, impenetrable, parapets of paramount importance have been pulverized by the pounding of your three-toed, claw-heeled feet!”

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“Oh, if you please, Jubei, hold me! The vibrations from that titanic roar fill my quivering heart with the proverbial nameless sense of dread, my handsome hero.”

“Hai, I have you, my lovely and delicate, Rhianico. You are but a fragile flower for me to protect in my strong arms, hai.”

“Oh, Jubei!”

“Mmmm.”

“Watch out, Miss Plumtartt, don’t look now but there go Jubei and Rhianico getting all romantic in front of everybody again!”

“Yes, I see, however at this time I propose that instead of once again following our lovestruck companions into a heady moment of sweet embrace, rather we would do well to maintain a pursuit and observance of what is sure to be a catastrophic menace to all Mankind, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am.”