The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (11 page)

“GRONK!!!
You are missing me, TiTaupKamaro! Surely I am the greatest back-up IndiGoGo Girl summoning dance dancer!
GRONK!!!

“RRRRAWR!!!
Yes! TiTaupKamaro, join us in our song and dance!”

wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.

Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!

wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.

Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!

“You Girls are so sweet,”

“You Girls are so nice.”

“Please come and share,”

“Some good advice.”

“Bah, these foolish younglings and super-monsters do not realize how silly they appear with their elbows working back and forth in a mechanical rhythm in measured counterpoint with their unseemly swishing bottoms.”

“Ehnn-yes, Herr Daukttor, let us join in the dance, if just to show our coarse derision. Though our hands are securely tied behind our backs to prevent us from stabbing these children in the backs, which we would surely do if given half the chance, I think we can still participate as far as the general body shimmying is concerned.”

“Bah, you are right, Laurie. I feel as if my righteous dance moves will put these youngster kids in their place. Move over, Ichsa-butt, let me show you how the grown-ups do it!”

“Ehnn, Herr Dauktor, all this wiggling and jiggling feels to be very therapeutic for my hunchback spine! Perhaps I shall join a dance troupe when I am thrown in the prison playhouse.”

wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.

Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!

wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.

Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!

“What a toll on our atoll,”

“It really does not bounce well.”

“Oh magic IndiGoGo Girls,”

“We need some wise council!”

“I see a tiny speck of light in the hazy overcast sky, y’all. It’s pink! It must be the IndiGoGo Girls, responding to our song and dance!”

“Oh, if you please, Jubei, look! Ichsa-bod is right! That tiny speck of light is growing larger to reveal itself as a small bubble, moving through the turbulent atmosphere, and headed our way.”

“Yes, and look inside! The sphere of fuchsia holds two tiny figures. Twin girls in short skirts and white boots are energetically dancing in synchronicity! I think it must be the IndiGoGo Girls!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

“Hey, hey, hey!”

“Hip-hip-hooray!”

“Hip-hip-hooray!”

“Our heros celebrate,”

“Their victory day!”

“Eh hem, not exactly, my dears. Though we have, indeed, liberated Monstrous Island from the diabolical domination of the evil Doctor Lionelstein and Laurie Petier, alas, we were unable to prevent one final detonation of the ‘
Excoriation Process’
.”

“This news is not good.”

“It must be the static reception.”

“If what you say is true”

There has been a new monster conception.

“Quite so, Ladies, an enormous super-monster. It resembles a bloated Tyrannosaurus Rex, but with smaller head and standing many hundreds of feet tall.”

“What are you saying?”

“Your words are implausible.”

“In you we put our trust.”

“This situation is impossible.”

“More trouble than a flotilla”

“of pirates drunk on tequila,”

“You have unleashed the destructive power,”

“of Mighty
ZodGila!
”

“Yes, Ladies, in fact, this ‘ZodGila’ creature has proven too much for us. The monster is massive beyond comprehension. We called upon you, not in a cheer of victory; rather, we were hoping to gain some sage advice in dealing with this brute before he kicks and stomps our entire planet into dust.”

“No! No! No!”

“Your words we do not want to hear!”

“You were supposed to save us!”

“The Faery dust made it very clear.”

“No! No! No!”

“Something is very wrong!”

“You terrible bunch of cowards!”

“How can you sing this song!”

“No! No! No!”

“Where is the ’Ancient One!”

“The greatest among you,”

“Where is mighty TuRuDan?!”

“Howdy there, Misses IndiGoGo Girls Ma’ams. Our pal, TuRuDan, got hit by a disruptive beam of diabolical design while battling Doctor Lionelstein. We ain’t seen him since.”

“Shameful disappoint.”

“Eater of Earth, ZodGila born.

“Sorrow, forever.”

“Oh IndiGoGo Girls, ain’t there nothing you can do to help?”

“Do not speak to us!”

“We state with eyes askance.”

“We are sickened by your summoning”

“with the IndiGoGo dance.”

“ZodGila will”

“upon your cities, prance,”

“You have
failed
us,”

“Ichabod Temperance!”

“There, there, Mr. Temperance, don’t be dis-heartened.”

“If you please, there, there, Jubei, be of strong heart, hai?”

“There, there, Gumibara, congeal your melting heart.”

“There, there, Dauktor, it is poor form to openly laugh with merciless mirth and derision at these miserable fools in their moment of supreme failure.”

~sniff~
“What are we gonna do, y’all?”

“I say, sitting here, wallowing in despair and defeat is exactly what we are
not
going to do. Everybody up! Let us resume our pursuit of this, ‘ZodGila’ fellow, eh hem? Yes, quite, double time in fact.”

“Well, I don’t think we’re gonna have to pursue him for very long. I hear and feel the return of his heavy footsteps.”

“Ach, ZodGila has already circled the island, presumably destroying anything worth destroying. He seems to leave the natural formations of the island alone, preferring instead to destroy the constructs of Man and super-beast, as demonstrated by his hateful destruction of my castle, the wreckage of  Gumibara’s orchards, and TiTaupKamaro’s careful, artistic, rock gardens and lagoon.”

“If you please, Gumibara, dim your lights and let us all take cover so that ZodGila does not see us!”

“Hai, good idea, Rhianico. Hm. It looks as if ZodGila is wading out into the Ocean. He has paused, and is looking around. Holding his snout aloft, he is sniffing the air, in search of his next quarry. He has now apparently decided upon a course that he is satisfied with and is even now, swimming in that direction. Perhaps ZodGila is leaving Monstrous Island, in search of more satisfying stomping grounds. My gut instincts tell me that he is on a course for the Japanese home islands.”

“I say, I am at a loss as to how we shall now maintain our pursuits, eh hem? Mr. Temperance and I arrived on this wondrous isle by way of magic soap bubble. Doctor Lionelstein, I presume that you are in possession of a ship of some kind, yes, eh hem?”

“Bah! I did have a ship, but that stupid ZodGila has smashed it to tiny splinters!”

“Ehnn-we are trapped on this island!”

“No, I have a boat, hai.”

“Hi! Hey, that’s right! Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir, how
did
you get here?”

“I am in possession of a powerful steam-speedboat. My clever camouflage has kept it safe from ZodGila’s search for destructive targets.”

“Holy giant lizards, Jubei! As you peel away those earth-tone tarps, you reveal a steam launch that was hidden in plain sight! That is the sleekest, fastest looking boat I ever did see! I reckon that there is the most super-ultra extra modern speedboat there ever ought to be! In a strange way, its styling is reminiscent of your highly technically advanced, closely fitting, body armour, that still retains a strong hint of traditional Nipponese Samurai armour patterns. If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get a super-boat like this?”

“I am a special agent in the Emperor’s Guard! Though I have worked hard to gain my position, part of my high level placement comes from being my father’s son. Over twenty years ago, when the United States Commodore Perry sailed his Black Ships to Kanagawa and signed a treaty with our Shogun, a period of turmoil enveloped our land! Many royal persons and high ranking officials were in danger. My father would have been singled out as a danger to the rebels, had he not feigned a sissy demeanor. He was thought to be too weak and effeminate to be of a threat to those that would defy the new direction of Nippon. He used this camouflage as a protection to then go out and perform super-heroic actions in resistance to the resistance. In daring fashion, he prevented the deaths of many high ranking dignitaries and families of royalty. He came to be known as ‘The Crimson Sakura Blossom’!”

“The Crimson Sakura Blossom? Oh kind of like ‘The Garlic Pumpernickel’!”

“Eh hem, I believe, Mr. Temperance intends to say, ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’.”

“Hai, It was thanks to his efforts that peace was restored in 1868. Thus began Japan’s race of industry. An incredible, and sudden adoption of western industrial practices was institutionalized across the land. This was a fortuitous circumstance, for only a year later, our planet was visited by the ‘
Revelatory Comet’
. Our revolution of invention expanded ten-fold and more!”

“If you please, the Earth passed through the tail of the
‘Revelatory Comet’
in July, of 1869. It is now 1877. Several thousand citizens of Nippon became highly gifted engineers and scientists, as occurred the world over. If you please, pardon the pun but Japan was already at full steam and had the full force and focus of the entire country behind its engineering drive when we entered this ‘
Age of the Comet’.
”

“Hai, Rhianico. As a high ranking security samurai, I was assigned to the Doctor Atwell Lionelstein and Laurie Petier case when it was learned that these international criminals had returned to Japan. I was a part of the detachment in charge of protecting Rhianico from her psychopathic sibling. It was here that I failed in my duty, for  I broke the first rule of being a bodyguard. I fell in love with the subject that I was charged to protect. The beautiful Rhianico reciprocated my love completely. Foolishly, I had allowed myself to be distracted by affection when the cruel Doctor Lionelstein kidnapped his own sister, despite my own efforts to stop him. Even as we were supremely well-equipped, or so we had thought, Doctor Lionelstein and Laurie Petier’s mechanical army caught us unprepared. I and many of my task force were incapacitated in the kidnapping raid. The depth of my shame in this failure is bottomless. My stiffened resolve led me to ignore my official orders. I chose to seize the initiative of pursuit on my own authority. As a high level super secret agent operative, I have access to the latest state of the art equipment such as the advanced, high-density weave armour, and belt of utility items I wear.”

“My word, if I may say, I do enjoy how the lay of the body contoured body plates would seem to enhance your own body’s well developed musculature, eh hem?”

“Domo arigato, Persephone. If I may be so bold, your western style of dress goes to great lengths in showing off to a maximized degree, your own pleasant feminine charms, hai.”

~sigh~
“If you please, Jubei is correct. Where your bustled emerald dress, with built in bodice, gives the effect of wearing a charming, embroidered, corset on the outside of your clothes to enhance your bounty, showing off and glorifying your splendid womanly figure, in a bold and flirtatious manner, sadly, my own kimono does everything it can to hide my own female attributes.”

“I say, not to worry, Rhianico, I will happily escort you on a shopping excursion at the first opportunity.”

“In the mean time, at least we have a way off the island.”

“Hai, it is imperative that we go and warn all available military units! I must get word to Navy Command!”

“Looks like there is just enough room for six people in that speed-boat, Mr. Trevorgawa-San. I reckon we’ll be saying good-bye to Gumibara and TiTaupKamaro.”

“Ha, ha! Like, no way, dudes! I am going to swim after this monster! Nobody stomps on my gardens and gets away with it!”

“No, TiTaupKamaro-San, I am sorry, my great super-monster friend, but this boat is way too fast for you to keep up.”

“Mmm-bwah-hah-hah-ha-hah-hah! Are you serious? Did you really just say that? Somebody tell me he did not just say that. Jubei, I may be a turtle, but I am a
Sea
turtle! I am the fastest thing in these waters! I can swim circles around your puny boat! It will be agonizing to have to follow your land turtle paced dinghy!”

“Hai! Very well then, TiTaupKamaro, it seems that we will enjoy the honour of your inestimable assistance!”

“Hey! What about me? I want to help! Are you guys just gonna leave me here all by myself?”

“There is no room on our boat, honourable super-monster, Gumibara-San.”

“Now hang on a second, Mr. Trevorgawa-San. Gumibara has just as much right to see this adventure through as the rest of us. There ain’t no denying he is a sure ’nough super-powered super-monster. We need his help! Besides, it’s gonna take you close to an hour to get the steam up on this wonder-boat of yours. I got a little idea. If we were to build a Gumibara-sized raft, do you think that you, TiTaupKamaro, could pull it?”

“GRONK!!!
Of course I can pull it! The resistance would probably slow me down enough that Jubei’s little boat could
maybe
keep up.”

“Hai! Then let us quickly fashion a raft by lashing these uprooted palm trees together, that we may convey Gumibara as a part of our determined company! We must stop ZodGila!”

---

“Okay, TiTaupKamaro, I think we are ready. Come get in position.”

“Ha, ha! Far out! This harness you have quickly fashioned, Ichabod, will work perfectly! I never thought I’d be towing a trailer!”

“Climb aboard, Gumibara, we are ready!”

“It takes a super-monster to stop a super-monster! Just you wait, ZodGila, we’ll fix your little green wagon! All right, TiTaupKamaro, I am on the raft and ready! This rope handle at the front will allow me to ride standing up! With one hand I shall hold onto the rope for balance as you speed through the ocean waves, and with the other, I will gesture wildly and heroically!”

“Hey, Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir! We better hurry or we are going to get left behind! We have got this boat’s furnace up to a fearfully roiling inferno! Her boiler is set to burst! I am amazed at the size of such a powerful, though compact, engine on this relatively small boat! I am also amazed in that I can see no means of propulsion in which to vent all this pent-up steam energy. I don’t see a propeller behind nor paddles to the sides. There is a lot of machinery hidden beneath the highly stylized boat’s hull, but I fail to fathom their meaning.”

“This boat is a special agent special. Because it is the prototype, it is the only one of its kind. It is an ‘aqua/aero’, or, ‘water-arrow’ or ’flying water bullet’. I made a strategic, unauthorized, acquisition for the self-appointed Rhianico exfiltration.”

“I see. In other words, you stole it, eh hem?”

“Hai.”

“Hi! So, uh, how does this thing go?”

“Like this!” ~
fuh
-uh-uh-
whoom!
~ “There is a tunnel constructed through the center of the boat’s hull. A turbine is built into this channel. Water enters through a wide inlet at the front, and then passes through the spinning blades of the pinwheel within. Water is thrust rearward by the powerful propeller. A directional funnel at the stern gives us our steerage.”

“Wow, this works really well! What an incredibly powerful boat this is! With your engagement of that throttle lever, we jumped from a standstill to flying along at a tremendous clip in just a few short seconds!”

“Yes, Ichsa-bod, now as we approach the critical speed necessary, I can engage this ship’s primary method of high speed ocean cruising.”

“You mean it can go even faster? Holy flying ships! This boat is growing legs! Four appendages are deploying from our boat’s hull! These extensions end in flattened, snow toboggan feet. As the legs press the feet onto the surface of the water, they slide on the surface. This is acting to push the hull of the boat up out of the water and into the air! What was before a water propeller in the middle of our ships hull, is, now that we are airborne, a wind turbine, hurling us along at a breakneck pace, just a few feet above the water’s flashing surface!”

“Do you still feel that you can keep up, TiTaupKamaro?”

“Of course I can! Though admittedly, that boat is a pretty sweet ride and a prime mover.”

“Wah-hoo! I am an ocean surfing super-monster! This is great! Go faster, TiTaupKamaro! Look, Persephone, I’m surfing/skiing with only one hand! Hey, I can stand on one foot and hold the rope with the toes of my other foot! Do you see me, Persephone? Hey, Persephone, are you watching?”

“I say, yes, I do see, Gumibara. You are truly a daredevil water-skiing super-monster candy bear, sir. I am duly impressed, now please be careful, Gumibara!”

“Hey Mr. Trevorgawa sir, how long until we meet up with your military contacts?”

“It will not be long, Ichsa-bod. In fact, I think we are entering the operating zone of my home fleet. Here, you take the controls of the aqua/aero. I will move to the bow and send out my special super secret agent coded semaphore lamp signals.”

“Hai, I see an answering response! I have informed them of our imminent arrival. We will soon have an audience with the admiral!”

---

“I say, Mr. Trevorgawa, the hundreds of sailors crowding the rails of this impressive battleship are enthusiastically happy about seeing you return, eh?”

“Hooray!” “Jubei!” “Hooray!”

“Hai, let us hurry up this gangplank of the Royal Japanese Navy’s flagship, the Jamdmito, and meet with the admiral!”

“Welcome aboard, Super Secret Agent Jubei Trevorgawa-San, and your companions!”

“Domo arigato, marine, but I need to speak with the admiral immediately! This is urgent!”

“Here he comes now, Jubei!”