The Snowball Effect (14 page)

“That would have been smooth.” I put my hand on Eric's knee. “What kind of sign are you getting now?” I asked.

“Mmm,” he said. “A good one.”

I rubbed his thigh. “How good?”

“Really good,” he murmured. He leaned in and kissed me.

His beard scratched my face, but I didn't mind. Riley couldn't grow a beard yet. He tried once, and the guys on the soccer team laughed at him until he shaved.

Oh, for God's sake, stop thinking about Riley.

So I kissed Eric and thought about how this day had gone from completely ordinary to completely bizarre. How Slurpees and trash and magazines kept bringing us together. Fate. I knew that dream had meant something. There was no such thing as coincidence. Mom had been right about that much.

Eric pulled my feet up onto the futon and we both lay down. He kissed me from my forehead down to my fingertips, and then back up to my mouth. I knew I had to get Collin soon, but I couldn't make myself tell Eric I had to leave.

“Your hair smells good,” he whispered before he bit my earlobe. I probably hadn't gotten all the conditioner out before I ran for the phone.

Eventually I stopped thinking altogether. I lost track of time.

But then as Eric gnawed on my neck, I looked over his shoulder at my watch. I had to leave. Right now.

“I gotta go,” I said.

“What?” he asked. “Why?”

“My brother. I have to go get him.” Eric moved and let me get up off of the couch. “How's my hair?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don't know.”

“I mean, is it sticking up or anything?”

“It looks fine to me.”

I walked to Eric's tiny bathroom and combed my hair with my fingers. And then I noticed the red mark on the inside of my arm, right above my elbow. It was nearly the size of my fist. I poked it and discovered that it also really hurt.

Eric came up behind me and put his hand on my waist. “See, I told you it looks fine.”

“Look,” I said, and held out my arm. “How did you do that?”

He shrugged. “I bit you a little.”

“No kidding. That's going to bruise. Why did you
bite
me?”

“You were
there
. I thought you liked it. I'm sorry.” He made a stupid puppy-dog face. I rolled my eyes and kissed him.

“I really do have to go right this second. What am I going to do about this?”

Eric walked to his closet. He came back with a plaid button-up short-sleeved shirt. He slid it on over my black tank top and then stepped back and looked at me.

“I really like this look on you,” he said.

“Shut up.”

“I'm serious. It's hot.”

I rolled my eyes. “I gotta go.”

Eric walked me to the door. I kissed him again—quick on the lips.

“You're walking off with my shirt,” he said to me as I stepped outside. “This means you have to see me again.”

 

The day Riley re-asked me to the picnic, I'd picked out what I would wear—a green sundress with spaghetti straps. It was cute, but more importantly, it was clean. I dug through my closet that night, trying to find something to wear in lieu of the dress. I didn't have anything decent to wear on top of it. Eric's button-up wouldn't cut it. I owned lots of nice sweaters, but nothing that was summer-appropriate and the right length to cover up the godforsaken bruise.

“You have to keep Collin,” I finally yelled out into the hallway to Vallery.

“When do I ever say, ‘Lainey, you have to keep Collin even though it's not your turn to keep Collin'?”

“I have to go to the mall and buy something to wear to Riley's company picnic.”

Vallery came to the door. “I thought you were broken
up. Or fighting. Or whatever you kids do these days.”

“We are. We're broken up. But I promised I'd go to this picnic with him.”

“You have tons of clothes. You're telling me you don't have anything in there that you can wear?”

I sighed. “I'm having an issue.”

“What issue?”

“I'll show you, but I don't want to talk about it.”

“All right.”

I pulled up the sleeve of Eric's shirt. The bruise had turned bright purple and it still hurt.

“Holy shit. What did you do?”

I just stared at her. I must have looked guilty, because Vallery grinned. “Or should I be asking who?”

“It's not what it looks like. I just need something to cover it up.”

“Did he tie you up?”

“No, Vallery. God.”

“Fine, don't tell me. Anyway, we're about the same size. I'll see if I have something.” She disappeared into her room. She came out a minute later with a pink tank top, a pink lacy shirt with three-quarter-length sleeves, and a jean skirt. “If you don't like this outfit, then you're insane and I refuse to help you anymore.”

I took it from her and tried it on. The lacy shirt covered my bruise, but I wouldn't be uncomfortably hot. And it was cute. Not that I wanted to look cute for Riley, but I didn't want to look
not
cute.

I walked out into the hallway and did a stupid little spin for Vallery.

“Perfect,” she said. “But remember to give it back. And don't wash that shirt with your clothes. It needs to be washed separately.”

“Jeez, Val, I'll take care of your clothes.”

“You better.”

“Thank you!” I yelled as I slammed the door shut.

 

I adjusted Vallery's jean skirt as I walked out to Riley's car on Saturday afternoon. It fit, but it was a size smaller than I usually would wear. And shorter.

“You look nice,” Riley said as I climbed into his pickup. “New outfit?”

“Vallery let me borrow it.”

He smiled at me, probably thinking I'd wanted to look nice for him and I'd begged Vallery for help.

I looked at the Frisbee on his dashboard. “Why are you bringing that? You know I'm no good at Frisbee.”

He shrugged. “Maybe someone else will want to play.”

“Why are you bringing me if you're not even going to spend time with me?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “God, Lainey, don't start already.”

“Watch the road.”

“Do you want me to take you back home? I don't want to fight all damn day. It's not worth taking you if
you're not even going to try to have fun.”

“I want to go,” I said. “I already got dressed. Let's just go.”

We drove to the park and walked to the pavilion where Riley's company had gathered. The park in Corben was kind of filthy. There was a lake or a pond or something there, but you'd never want to swim in it, and they had signs up saying that you shouldn't. There were playgrounds, but I wouldn't want to play on them, either. Homeless people or stupid teenagers probably peed on them. God, that was such a Mom thing to think. She was always telling me that when I was a kid.
Don't play on there, Lainey. Someone probably peed on it.
Like people actually went around peeing on playground equipment for fun.

We stood in line for food. I reached for a hamburger, but Riley tapped my arm with his paper plate. “There's chicken over there,” he said.

“I want a burger.”

“Why?”

“Because I do.”

“Okay. Whatever.”

Riley grabbed two bottles of Coke, and I followed him to a table. We sat down across from his friend Rob.

I bit into my hamburger. Rob smiled and waved at me. I waved back.

“Old Mrs. Byrd came in again yesterday,” Rob said to Riley.

“Already? What's her problem now?”

“The head gasket.”

“And I bet that's our fault.”

“Of course it's our fault. We live to sabotage that woman's car.”

“Why would she think we
want
her to keep coming back?”

I zoned out while they talked about work. That was something I definitely wouldn't miss: hanging out with Riley's friends and coworkers. Then as I chewed my last bite of potato salad, Riley took my plate and carried it to the trash.

“Frisbee?” he asked, walking back up to the table.

“I'm game,” Rob said. He snatched the Frisbee from Riley and ran off toward the field.

“Laine?” Riley asked.

“You know I'm not going to play.”

“I know. But I figured I should ask.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I'll only play for a few minutes. Vinny's girlfriend is around here somewhere. You should find her and say hi.”

“I don't know Vinny's girlfriend. I don't even know Vinny.”

He stopped smiling. “You met them at the Christmas party. We sat with them all night.”

“I absolutely don't remember that.”

He rolled his eyes and looked toward Rob. “Well, I'll
be back in a few minutes.”

I went and got a plate of chips just to have something to do. I sat back down and watched Riley and Rob play Frisbee. After a few minutes, another guy ran over and joined them.

And then a blond girl who looked vaguely familiar sat down across from me.

“Hi!” she said. “I'm Kimberly. It's nice to see you again. We met at the Christmas party.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I'm Lainey. Nice to see you again.” Like she didn't already know who I was. I was sure Riley had gone up to Vinny and begged him to ask Kimberly to go over and talk to his antisocial killjoy girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Whatever. Had Riley told all of them that we'd broken up?

“Where'd you get that shirt?” Kimberly asked. “It's supercute.”

“Thanks,” I said. “It's my sister's.”

“You have a sister? You're so lucky. I always wanted a sister, but I just have two brothers.”

“Yeah, it's…great.”

“Do you still live at home too?”

“Yeah.”

“That's cool. I'm only twenty, but it seems like everyone I know is in this big hurry to like move out and live on their own. And I'm like, Why? I have the rest of my life to live on my own and pay tons of bills and everything.”

I nodded. “True.”

“Do you and your sister, like, share everything?”

I knew she was talking about clothes and shoes and nail polish or whatever, but I thought about Collin. “Yeah,” I said. “We do.”

“You're so lucky.”

Lucky. Right.

I looked past Kimberly and saw Riley trotting back over. Thank God.

 

Riley parked in front of my house and turned the truck off. “Is now a good time to talk?” he asked.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“What's going on with us.”

“So what is going on with us?”

“Jesus Christ, Lainey. Okay, I've been talking to my mom about our situation. She was pretty young when my grandma died, and she's been trying to help me understand what you're going through and how you're feeling. And I really do want to understand, Lainey. I'm sorry I said you were being bitchy. That was really insensitive of me. I really want to understand, and I really want to help you.”

I shook my head and looked out the window. “I don't need help. I don't
want
help.”

“It's okay if you're feeling sad. You don't have to hide it from me. It's okay to be emotional around me. That's what I'm here for.”

No,
I thought,
you're here to be absolutely perfect and
make me feel like crap.

He took my hand. “I know you're sad. It's normal to be sad.”

“Well maybe I'm not normal, okay? Because I am not sad. And my mom has nothing to do with what I said to you on my birthday.”

“Lainey, come on.”

He let go of my hand and rubbed the steering wheel. I picked at the seam on Vallery's skirt.

“You know, I don't need you to give me permission to feel any certain way.”

“I know, Laine. Jeez. That's not what I was trying to say. I just want to help.”

“Well, don't scream at me. That doesn't help.”

“I'm sorry. You're just so damn stubborn. It frustrates me and then I say things I shouldn't say.”

“
You're
the stubborn one. Obviously I just want to be left alone right now. Obviously I don't want you around.”

“That's really what you want?”

I nodded.

“Fine. Can I go inside and get my stuff?”

I nodded again. We got out of the truck. I went to the kitchen and rearranged the cups in the cabinet and waited until I heard Riley come back down the stairs and close the front door behind him. Then I went upstairs to my room.

The deodorant and extra toothbrush that he kept on
my dresser were gone. The DVDs that had piled up on top of the television were gone. He'd taken his pile of clothes. I felt under the bed. He'd taken all the scrapbooking stuff. And the shoe box. My ex-boyfriend had jacked my family pictures.

Whatever. It wasn't like there were many of me anyway.

As I pulled my hand back, I felt a piece of paper and I pulled it out. It was one of our 1.4 million grieving pamphlets.

I opened it up and looked at the stages of grief that I'd already read about a million times. My eyes went straight to the section on “anger.” I felt like it was written in big red flashing letters. I felt like there was an arrow and a sign saying
YOU ARE HERE
.

Yeah, I was angry. That was no big secret. Actually, I wasn't sure “angry” even began to cover it.

S
omeone tapped on my window, and I nearly peed my pants. I looked over and saw Eric's face on the other side of the glass.

I went over and opened the window. “What the hell are you doing out there?”

Eric smiled and climbed in. “Wanted to see you.”

“And you're sneaking in my window at midnight? What are we, thirteen? Did you climb my
tree
?”

He kissed me. “You liked it, didn't you?”

“Well. It was certainly more interesting than ringing the doorbell. Or calling first. Or making real plans.”

“I have this insomnia thing,” he explained.

“Me too, apparently.”

Eric kicked off his shoes and climbed in my bed. He held out his arm, and I slid in beside him.

“We could have a real date tomorrow. What are you doing tomorrow?”

Tomorrow was Collin's birthday party.

“Oh, tomorrow? I'm hanging out with Kara.”

“You told me about her. Hold on. She's…the redhead.”

“Good job.”

He grinned. “I'm such a good listener. So what are you and Kara doing tomorrow?”

“Shopping. Girl stuff. You know.”

He nodded. “That's cool. That movie where Sandra Bullock drives a bus just came on, if you want to watch.”

I shrugged and handed him the remote.

I couldn't believe I'd lied to Eric about my brother's birthday party. But if I'd told him about it, he might have expected me to invite him. And if he came to the party, there'd be way too much to explain. I'd have to explain Collin being half Puerto Rican while Vallery and I were plain old white. I'd have to explain why Collin's grandmother wasn't my grandmother, or Vallery's grandmother, and why she wasn't Puerto Rican either. I'd invited Christine—what if she actually came? I'd have to introduce her to Eric. And would I introduce him as my friend, or my boyfriend? We hadn't talked about that yet. We'd hung out every other day for the past week, but we hadn't had a real date yet. He came over to my house once during the day, but I had to leave for work, so he
only stayed for about an hour. I'd been back to his place, and we'd spent a lot of time cuddling on his futon, and he'd made me soup on the hot plate in his tiny kitchen. Did that make him my boyfriend? I had no idea. When Riley asked me to be his girlfriend in ninth grade, he'd decorated my locker with balloons and written me a note on a heart-shaped piece of construction paper. I couldn't picture Eric being so explicit.

My cell phone rang. Eric was closer, so he reached for it and checked the caller ID.

“It's the redhead,” he announced. “Speak of the devil. Want me to answer it?”

“Nah. She probably just wants to confirm our plans or whatever. She'll leave a message.”

“Is she an insomniac like us?”

“Kind of. She works the night shift.”

“Oh yeah, the diner.”

“Yeah.”

“We'll have to go sometime.”

“Definitely.”

The phone beeped. Kara had left a message. I had no idea why she'd really called, but it was kind of miraculous that the phone rang just in time to back up my lie.

I knew it was ridiculous to lie to Eric. But whatever we were doing, we didn't have to make it that complicated.

 

When Collin woke up the next day, I gave him a crown I'd bought for him at Walmart and explained to him
that it was his birthday so he was king, and Vallery and I would do whatever he wanted. He ran to his room and came back with his blue baby blanket and had me pin it around his shoulders like a cape. He also wanted to wear his pajamas all day. Then he declared he wasn't taking a bath. I'd anticipated that much, so I'd given him a bath and washed his hair the night before.

“What do you want to do first, King Collin?” I asked.

“Donuts,” he said.

So we drove to Donny's with Collin in his pajamas, blanket, and crown and got a box of original glazed donuts.

I'd never met Donny, but I always imagined him as some kind of pimp. All the girls who worked there were pretty enough to be models, and they boxed donuts and poured coffee in short pink dresses with matching frilly aprons. But the donuts were truly awesome.

“I better get a crown and donuts on my birthday,” Vallery said as we ate at a tiny table in the corner.

“You will,” I assured her. “When's your birthday?”

“Are you
kidding
me?”

“No. How should I know?”

“Jeez. September tenth.”

“I'll put it on my calendar.”

Vallery ate one donut, I ate two, and Collin ate seven. We took the last two home in case he got hungry later.

“He's going to barf,” Vallery said in the car on the way home.

I shrugged. “He can barf if he wants to. It's his birthday.”

 

My bruise was considerably faded but still a nasty puke green color, so I wore a tank top and Eric's shirt. We'd invited Mabel to Collin's party, and she came along with us to Collin's grandmother's house. Even though we took the Grand Am, Vallery drove. It reminded me of the dream about the mental institution. Mabel sat in the front seat, and I sat in the back with Collin.

“Present please,” Collin said.

“It's up to Mabel,” I told him. Mabel's present was the only one in the car. Vallery and I hadn't gotten anything yet. She'd thought I'd bought a present and I'd thought she had.

“I get what I want. It's my birthday.”

“I said Vallery and I would give you whatever you wanted. Mabel doesn't have to.”

“Mabel, please, please, please?”

Mabel turned in her seat and smiled. “Why, yes, Collin, because you used very good manners.” She passed the present back to Collin, and he tore it open. It was a LEGO set.

“Awesome!” he screamed, and shoved the box at me. “Open please, Lainey.”

“Collin, let's wait until we get out of the car. You don't want to lose the pieces.”

“Lainey, please!”

“As soon as we get out of the car.”

Vallery pulled up in front of Collin's grandmother's house. Collin's grandmother lived north, closer to Towson, in a medium-sized house with an enormous backyard (at least compared to ours) and a two-car garage. I always wondered how Carl had ended up down in Corben. I wondered if he was raised there and then his mom saved up and moved out, or if he'd been raised in the big house but then grew up to be a lazy bum, and Corben was all he could afford.

“Time for your party!” I said to Collin. I patted his leg. “Are you excited?”

Collin looked at the house and shook his head. “King Collin would rather go to Disney World.”

Vallery turned in her seat and smirked at me. “Well, Lainey?”

I'd always known never to ask for anything extravagant, because I didn't want Mom to have to tell me no. It was more fun to entertain the idea that I could actually go to the Eiffel Tower if I wanted to, but I'd really rather go bowling. Who wanted to spend ten hours on a plane on your birthday?

“You should have put that request in a little earlier,” I said to Collin. “Disney World is really far away. Besides, there are no presents at Disney World. But there are presents at your party.”

“More presents?” he asked.

I nodded. “Let's leave the LEGOs here and go get more presents?”

Collin grabbed my hand. We walked around the side of his grandmother's house. And as Vallery pushed open the gate to the backyard, and we saw the crowd of strangers gathered there, Collin froze.

“Holy crap,” Vallery said. “Who
are
all these people?”

I tugged on Collin's hand. “Come on,” I said.

“No.” Collin eyed the crowd. “Where are the presents?”

“I don't know—probably on a table somewhere. Let's go find them.”

Vallery touched my arm and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Deal with him. We'll go in and tell the old bat that we're here.”

Vallery and Mabel walked in. The gate shut behind them.

I turned to Collin and straightened out his cape. “Collin, are you ready to go to your party?”

“King Collin wants to go play LEGOs.”

“But it's
your
party, Collin. Everyone's waiting for you.”

“No party!”

“Collin, let's go.”

“King Collin says no!”

I couldn't argue with that. It was his birthday. And it wasn't in the spirit of the birthday tradition to argue with the birthday boy.

“You really don't want to go in and see everybody?”

He shook his head so hard that I was worried it might break off from his neck and fly away.

“Is it because there are a lot of people?”

He nodded.

“Okay, we'll play LEGOs in the car. Let me go tell Vallery.”

Collin crouched down in the bushes, and I went through the gate. As I walked across the yard, I looked around to see if I spotted any little kids, anyone he might go to camp with, anyone we might possibly know.

I found Vallery and Mabel by the dip. “He wants to play in the car for a few minutes,” I said. “He's too scared to come in.”

“Oh, poor Collin,” Mabel said.

“This party was a dumb idea,” Vallery said.

I shot her a dirty look.

“Not that I don't think he deserves a nice party,” she explained. “But he's…you know. Why would you want to invite fifty people over to witness Collin have a melt-down?”

“Exactly. So we're going to go play LEGOs for a few minutes.”

I went back around to the side of the house and found Collin where I'd left him. I took his hand and pulled him to his feet, and we walked back to the car. We climbed into the backseat, and I opened the box of LEGOs.

“What are you going to make?” I asked Collin.

He studied the pieces in his hands. “Birthday robot,” he decided.

Collin started building his birthday robot, and I tried
to keep all the pieces on the seat. It was hot in the car—even after I rolled the back windows down—and I took off Eric's shirt and threw it over the seat. I wondered how I would get everything fixed now that I'd broken up with Riley. It'd probably be cheaper to buy a whole new car. Not that I had money for either.

Someone banged on the hood of the car. I turned around and was face-to-face with Collin's grandmother.

“You two need to come inside,” she said with her nose wrinkled. She wore a yellow shirt with a watermelon on the front and matching yellow shorts. The brightness of her ensemble hurt my eyes.

I got out of the car. “He's scared. He doesn't know any of those people. I'm giving him a few minutes to calm down.”

“It's only family. And you're already
late
.”

I leaned in and looked at Collin. “Do you want to go get more presents?” I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

“I'll stay with you,” I promised. “I'll hold your hand.”

He shrugged.

“Let's leave the LEGOs.”

Collin nodded and put his robot down on the seat. As he slid out of the car, Collin's grandmother gasped. “Now what in the hell is he wearing?”

“His pajamas,” I said.

“And a blanket? Oh, for Christ's sake. Come on in the house.”

I didn't really want to, but Collin didn't fight me when I took his hand, so we followed her into the living room. Collin's grandmother had one of those houses with pristine white carpeting and furniture that looks too antique and expensive to actually sit on. Collin's grandmother disappeared. I pulled Collin over to the couch and we sat down. She came back a moment later and handed Collin a present wrapped in shiny blue paper with a bow on top. “Here's your first present, sweetheart. Happy birthday.” And then the old bag
glared
at me.

Collin tore open the present and then stared. He held a white polo shirt in one hand and khaki shorts in the other. I pictured him selling magazines door-to-door with Eric and Frank. I laughed. Collin's grandmother shot me a dirty look.

“Clothes?”
he asked.

“You have other presents,” I told him. “Grandma just wants you to put these nice clothes on for the party.”

Collin looked at them and shook his head. He dropped the outfit on the floor with the discarded wrapping paper. “No,” he said.

“Collin, you'll look very nice in that outfit,” I said.

“No. Batman pajamas.”

“Collin, put the damn clothes on now,” his grandmother snapped.

I turned and glared at her. “Don't talk to him like that,” I said. “It's his birthday. If he doesn't want to wear the damn clothes, he doesn't have to.” I took Collin's hand,
and we stood up. “Let's go get the rest of your presents.”

His grandmother grabbed his other hand and yanked him away from me. “Collin, you're putting these clothes on for your party. I don't care if you like it or not. You can't run around in your pajamas and a
blanket
all day.”

And then Collin screamed. He kicked his grandmother in her leg and ran up the stairs.

“Collin Snodgrass!” she screamed. “Lord almighty.” In a flash of yellow, she ran up the steps after him.

I picked up the clothes, folded them, and set them on the couch. I crumpled up the wrapping paper and walked down the hall, hoping to find the kitchen, where I'd hopefully find a trash can.

And then I saw a familiar face staring back at me from one of the picture frames on Collin's grandmother's wall.

Carl's face. Carl's young, smiling face. He was much younger there than he'd been when I'd known him. He was probably only eighteen. And handsome, actually, before he'd gained fifty pounds and lost most of his hair.

Who could have known then that one day that handsome young man would turn out to be a lazy unemployed freeloader?