The Stable Boy (22 page)

“There is no need to think about those things. I am not letting you go anytime soon.”

“That is music to my ears,” he said, taking my plate and glass from me. He turned to face me. The fiery passion from before was back. He now knew for sure that I was his and only his. ‘I am in trouble’ was the only thing I could think of as his lips crashed into mine. He pulled the sheet back, revealing my completely naked form to him. He smiled. As his hand traveled up my side and his tongue danced with mine, all I could think was ‘I may live to regret giving myself over to him.’ My heart, on the other hand, felt that it was the best decision I could have made. It knew he was in love with me as much as I was with him. I had fought my feelings for him, but giving into them had never felt so good. Knowing that the hands that touched me and the lips that kissed me belonged to a person who was enamored with me made me not want to leave this bedroom ever again.

“Hey,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I said. I did not realize that I pushed him away. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to push you like that.”

“Are you sure? We can stop.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what just happened.”

“Let me hold you for a while. Maybe all of this is just too much too fast.”

“Okay,” I said, a bit disappointed.

“There is no need to be upset, we will continue this later,” he said with a grin and a raise of his eyebrows. I laughed and he joined me. He collapsed on the bed next to me, pulling me close to him. He snuggled my neck. Within minutes, we were asleep.

9 Girls Night Out

We slept the entire night. Neither of us stirred until the alarm went off. He was still in bed when I reached to shut the alarm off. He kissed my shoulder.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” I returned.

“I can’t believe we slept the entire night away. I wasn’t done with you.”

“According to our bodies, yes you were,” I said, getting out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“To feed the animals and get breakfast going.”

“I will feed the animals, you just make breakfast. I know you have a busy day ahead of you and a long night. There is no need to over work yourself. You need to be well rested for tonight’s adventure.”

“Thank you for thinking of me, but I have done this before. I can work all day and still hang with the girls at night.”

“I know, but if you are going to be drinking, then you will need to be sure you are rested. I have been tired and went drinking. It never ends well.”

“Really? Now I need to know all of the juicy parts,” I said with a smile. He laughed as his face reddened.

“There really isn’t much to tell.”

“I don’t believe you. A great looking guy, drunk, and alone in a bar. Any woman would gladly take you home.”

“Thank you,” he said. His face taking on a darker shade of red. “But that is not how it ended. It was more, I would end up in the drunk tank or sleeping in the bar.”

“I can’t picture it. I have yet to see you drink heavily. At Alison and Bob’s party, you only had three beers.”

“I know. That is because the last time I drank heavily it ended badly, very badly.”

“What happened?” I asked, sitting back down on the bed.

“Well, I had one too many. There was this guy who was trying to play Mr. Big, running his mouth to everyone. I ignored it for a while, then I just snapped. There was an altercation and I ended up in a holding cell. I don’t remember the cops being called. I woke up bruised and hurting. Rich was home from medical school on winter break. Vanessa heard what happened and called Rich. They came to get me from jail. The look of disappointment on their faces ripped my heart out. Rich patched me up.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I was barely 21 at the time. I was already drinking, had been since my grandparents passed away. I had nothing to lose and nothing to live for. I could have cared less what happened to me. I had no family and, I thought, no friends. Seeing their faces scared me sober. Those were the last two people I wanted to disappoint. I sobered up after that. I went to the spot that I took you to and sat there all the following day. I thought about my parents and grandparents and what they would have said if they could have seen me. I know they would have been hurt. Shit, grandpa would have smacked me upside the head and told me to put my britches on right before he gave me a swift kick in the ass.”

“Oh my God,” I laughed.

“He was a pisser,” he said, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes. “At that time, I needed him to give me a kick in the ass. My grandmother, on the other hand, would have just hugged me tight and told me things would get better and I would be okay. I miss them. I miss them a lot. I don’t know how I have survived without them for this long.”

“I am glad you did and I am happy that you straightened up. I am sure they would be, too.”

“Yeah, I know they would be proud now. Back then, not so much.”

“You have been through so much in such a short span. I am sure they would have understood.”

“I was not over my parents passing away when they passed away. I blamed myself for both for a long time. I thought it was me that was causing everyone I loved to leave me.”

“It was never you. Unfortunately, it was their time. I know how you feel. When John passed away, I did the same thing. I was still in a state of depression when you showed up on my doorstep. I still am, but I can feel the weight of it lifting up little by little.”

“I have been getting better and when I showed up at your door, I was ready to begin a new life. I am happy I am here, with you, Claire. I hope I can make you happy, from now on.”

“You are doing that already.”

“Good, that is what you deserve,” he said, opening his arms to me. I laid back down and put my head on his chest. He encircled me, kissing the top of my head.

“We both deserve to be happy.”

“Yes, we do. Now, if I can just figure out a way to get the farm to run itself so we would never have to leave the bedroom again.”

“You are so bad,” I laughed as I got up.

“That is why you like me,” he said with a laugh as he dodged the pillow coming his way.

“I am going to make breakfast.”

“Okay, okay, I will go do the morning chores.”

I grabbed the rest of my clothes and left the room. I could still hear him laughing when I got into the kitchen. I shook my head and smiled to myself. I put my shirt on and pulled my hair back. He came out of the room.

“You should make breakfast in just your underwear and t-shirt more often,” he said walking to the door.

“This is the first and only time it will happen, mister,” I said turning toward him.

“It may be the first time, but it definitely won’t be the last,” he said with a smirk and a raise of his eyebrows.

“Get out of my kitchen.”

“I’m going,” he said with a laugh. I thought about what he had told me in the bedroom. I was going to have to ask Vanessa about it. I felt bad for him. If he was still in some sort of depression as I was, I could not see how our relationship could blossom into anything. This could be a bad thing. If neither of us could get over our hurt, then would we end up hurting each other? I did not want that. I did not want to hurt Josh. What if I was using him to get out of my depression, but once I was okay I would not want him around anymore? I was worried about a lot of things that I probably should not be worried about after the incredible night we just shared, but I could not help myself. I heard him reenter the house as I was wiping my tears away. I could not let him see me cry.

“Hey, done already?” I asked over my shoulder.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said.

“Good, breakfast is almost ready. Can you do me a favor and watch the eggs? I will be right back.” I said, making sure to keep my head down as I went to walk past him.

“Hey, hey, what is wrong?” he asked, stepping in front of me.

“Nothing, I was just cutting some onions.”

“I know you were not cutting onions because we ran out yesterday. Look at me, Claire,” he said, raising my chin up so my tear stained face met his. “What happened from the time I walked out the door until now? Please talk to me.”

“It is nothing. I probably should not worry about it, but for some reason I am.”

“Tell me what it is you are worried about. Maybe we can work it out together.”

“I am just second guessing everything.”

“What are you second guessing?”

“All the stuff we talked about last night and this morning.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think that our relationship can go anywhere if we are both in a funk about our pasts.”

“I think we can help each other move on from all the hurt and pain we have suffered.”

“But what if once we are healed we don’t feel the same way about each other?”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I told you, I am not going anywhere. I will be here for as long as you will have me. If you want to get rid of me, then once you have made that decision I will leave, but until then let me in. I am here for you. You can do what you want with me. Please Claire, don’t push me away. Not after last night.”

“I will try not to.”

“That is all I ask. The more I am around you, the more I fall in love with you. I can only hope it is the same for you. I will be here when you are fully ready to give yourself to me. Open your heart to me, Claire, and I will give you my all.”

“I promise I will try. I will keep an open mind about us, but I am not guaranteeing anything.”

“A promise is all I ever need.”

“Okay, let’s eat, then I can go put myself back together.”

“How about you go do that and I will finish making breakfast?”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Josh.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful. Hey, I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay? Tonight, when you are out with the girls, just concentrate on having a good time. If you feel we still need to sort things out, then we can do that in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah, I plan on having a good time. I think I just needed to get that out of my system.” I said as I plastered on the best fake smile I had.

“Take a couple of deep breaths for me,” he said wrapping his arms around me. Hugging me tight to his chest, I could hear his heart beating. I could still smell the detergent he used to wash his clothes. Its scent mixed with his own sweet smell made my head swim and stomach flutter. I could stay like this all day, so why was I having doubts about everything?

“Josh?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being a spazz.”

“You are not a spazz. You just have doubts and questions. I completely understand. You think I don’t lay in that bed at night when you are not next to me questioning what is taking place?”

“Really?”

“Yes, I did not expect to show up on your door step and fall in love with you. I only wanted to help, but my heart took over and now I can’t stop it. I don’t know where we are going to end up, but I just want to enjoy every waking moment with you. When you are not in my sight, I think about you. When you are next to me, I can’t help but smile. You make me a happy person, something I have not felt since I was a kid. I seriously do not know how I control myself around you most times.”

“Thank you for reassuring me. I thought I was the only one.”

“No, love, you are not the only one.”

“Okay, I will be right back.”

“Okay.”

I reached up and kissed his cheek. Walking past him, my hand rubbed against his rock hard abs. A tingle ran up my arm in remembrance of last night. I walked up the stairs, very aware that his eyes were on me. Once I hit the top of the stairs, I broke into a sprint down the hallway. I needed to get away from his prying eyes. I shut the door to my bedroom. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. I did not want to have another crying session before I went down stairs. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I felt better after I got out. I dressed and began to head down stairs when I stopped dead in my tracks. There was more than one voice coming from down stairs. It was Alison. I breathed a sigh of relief and bounced down the stairs.

“About time,” she said.

“Shut it. I was taking a shower. What are you doing here? I thought I was coming to get you later.”

“You are, but I received an S.O.S and came to your rescue.”

“I figured you needed her company, so I made a phone call.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, if you will excuse me ladies, I have things that need to be done.”

“Bye, Josh,” Alison said with a grin.

“Bye, Alison, I will see you later.”

“Maybe. So tell me, what is going on?”

“Nothing, really, I am just having doubts.”

“About what? How he feels about you?”

“I guess. I mean we both admitted to being a bit depressed when he showed up on my doorstep. What if this, whatever this is, cannot blossom because of the state we are in?”

“Let me tell you something. That man out there loves you. You can see it in his eyes. You can see it when he talks about you. His entire face lights up. I really don’t think you need to question how he genuinely feels about you. And I know that you like him. You would not be so worried about what is going on between you two if you did not harbor any feelings for the guy.”

“I do like him, a lot, but I can’t help feeling that once we both get out of the funk we are in that this whole thing is going to fall apart.”

“You don’t have to worry about him going anywhere. He is in this for the long haul. The question is, are you?”

“I don’t know. That is the whole thing. I am not sure if I can even handle being with him.”

“Too much of a man for you?”

“No, you wise ass.”

“Is it the age gap? That does not seem to make a difference to him.”

“I don’t know what it is. His pull on me is much like John’s. They share a lot of the same fiery passion and that scares the shit out of me.”

“He reminds you a lot of John, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, and I am afraid that may be the only reason I like him. Alison, if that is it, what am I going to do? I don’t want to use him to keep the memory of my husband alive. He is special. I want him to find someone who can love him for being him. Not for their own selfish reasons.”

“You just proved to me that you are falling for him. You are willing to let him go, because you are scared. Don’t be scared of what is taking place. Let this develop and see what happens. One can never tell what will happen in a relationship at the early stages, just ride it out and see where the journey takes you.”