The Story Hour (33 page)

Exile. The word popped into her head as Maggie turned on the light to her bedroom. She was in exile in California. Banished from her known life, from all the people she loved most in this world.

How easy it was to hate Lakshmi for the havoc she'd wreaked. If only that were where it ended, if only Lakshmi could remain the sole object of her hatred. But it was the teary face staring back at her in the bathroom mirror that was the true object of her scorn and recriminations. Maggie stared at that face for an extra moment and then switched off the light. The welcoming darkness threw its arms around her.

T
ODAY IS
D
ECEMBER 21
and my catering business so busy for Christmastime parties, I hire Rekha's older sister, Smita, to help me in the kitchen. Sometimes, when restaurant close after lunch, husband help me for a few hours also. But today I have to drive to Cedarville to clean Sudhir babu apartment because he coming back from India tomorrow. He being gone for three weeks and apartment not been clean since before he leaf. He gives me key with request that it be fresh before he come back. So I tells Smita what I need done in kitchen and go.

First time I entering Sudhir babu apartment without him there. As I turn the key, I reminding of the day I enters Maggie house and find her in the bed with the whiteman, whose name is Peter, Sudhir babu tell me. But this apartment is empty, I knows, so no problem. I come in, shut the front door, and then I scream when I hear a voice say from other room, “Hey. Who's there?” And before I can make sound, door to Sudhir babu's office open and he come out. He look like a madman. His hair not comb for days, his eyes red like devil. He not shave or shower. And in his hand, there is cigarette. Sudhir babu not a smoker.

In the dark passageway, we look at each other. “Ah, Lakshmi,” he finally say. “You scared me. What're you doing here?”

I points to my bucket. “I come to clean. You say to clean before you return from India tomorrow.”

He look confuse as he comb his hair with his fingers. “Oh. I see. Well, I didn't go. As you can see. Last-minute change of plans.”

Sudhir babu have chance to go seeing family in India and not go? “What wrong? You sick?”

“No, no. Not sick. Just . . . couldn't deal with it all, y'know? Too many questions, too much drama. Maybe I'll go in the summer.” He take smoke off his cigarette and then say, “Please. Come in,” as if I am guest at his party. Then he turn around and go into his office.

I goes into the kitchen and begins my work but my heart feeling sick. I finds empty beer bottles in the trash can and I feels even worse. Who is these people? God giving them everything to be happy and still Maggie go cheat on Sudhir babu. And him? He have health, good job, money, everything, but still he sick for Maggie. If he love her so much, why he giving her divorce? If he hate her so much, why he giving her attention? I thinks of what Shilpa say on the phone last night: “Dilip work very hard, Didi, but business only so-so. But we not complain. We satisfy together.” If my sister can be happy in India, how Sudhir babu, who live and work in this rich country, not happy? Even cows in Am'rica fat, like they have money. That's why only they call them cash cow. But Sudhir baba, he looking worse than the beggar in India.

It take me long time to clean kitchen. Next I goes into his office. He sitting at the computer, holding his head. He look up when I standing at the doorway. “Sorry. I clean other room and then clean here last.”

“No, it's okay. Come in.”

I not feel like disturb him with vacuum so I begins to do the dusting. After a minute he say, as if talking to himself, “Do you know how long I've been alive? Over twenty thousand days. There's a website that calculates it for you. You just put in your birth date. Can you imagine? The pounds and pounds of rice and sugar and meat I've consumed, the amount of water I've ingested, the gallons of gas I've burned? All that consumption just to stay alive. And the worst part is, nothing to show for it. Not even a child of my own.”

I stop the dusting. “Why you not have children?” I ask.

“Because Magg—she couldn't. She had three miscarriages, you know.”

I surprise to hear Maggie not be able to have children, because she so like mother to me. And I also angry that he still won't speak her name.

“What? Why're you staring at me like that?”

I looks at Sudhir babu for long time. Then I does something I never do before. I sits down on the chair in front of him. “I make a big mistake,” I says. “I leave the neck chain for you to find because I angry with Maggie. I once tell her a secret. Of something wrong I do. And she not fully understand me. She—she judge me. And so when I get chance, I do this bad thing. To hurt her. But I not think of what it do to you.”

“Forget it. I told you before, I'm grateful that . . .”

I shake my head. “I not think of what it do to you, Sudhir babu, because I thinks you are strong man. Smart man. I not knowing you as weak as you are.” His body jerk at the insult, but I not stopping. “I not knowing you as stupid as me. If I know you same as me, I not do such an evil thing. But I's poor village girl. You are professor. So I thinks you more smart than me. I's wrong.”

Now his whole face is red, like his eyes. “Have you gone mad, Lakshmi? What the hell are you talking about?”

“How long you knowing Maggie, Sudhir babu?”

“None of your business.”

“Since long time. She told me. Accha, tell me, how many times she hurt you?” He not say anything, so I answer, “Once. With one man. And for that, you treats her like the stray dog. For that, you not able to say her name? She make one mistake, Sudhir babu. Who you know not making one mistake in their life?”

I wants to tell him so much: about how I trick my husband into marriage, about how he hate me also, about how, in past year, we slowly leaf the past behind. But Sudhir babu getting up from his chair and he angry. I get up, pick up my dust cloth, and as I leaf the room I say, “I no better than you, Sudhir babu. Maggie my best friend. She ask nothing from me, just give and give and give. But because of one time she judge me, I do this wicked thing. Maggie better than both of us.”

Sudhir babu's face drop like he going to cry. “Stop,” he say in soft voice. “Just go. Please.”

I not prideful for what I doing to him but I also not ashame. He so much older than me, but right now he feels like my young brother. “I's sorry, Sudhir babu,” I say. “I not mean to hurt you. But please, think of what I say. Maggie make one mistake. Please to forgive her.” I point to cigarette pack he keep on his desk. “You dying without her. Go bring her home. She love you.”

He laugh. But it sound like he spit something bitter. “Bring her home? My dear Lakshmi, don't tell me you don't know? Maggie's moved. All the way to California. She couldn't wait to get as far away from me as possible.”

Something in my heart die. Maggie move to the California? Why I not know? Why nobody tell me? Why Sudhir babu not mention? All these months, I look for her every time I go to Costco, ascare to see her, hope to see her. Always I thinking, at some time I run into her. Now I knows I never see her again. Just like Bobby. What is this California that steal everybody who I loves?

“Hey. What's wrong? Lakshmi. Are you okay? Here, sit. Let me get you a drink.”

He run to the kitchen and get me ice water. I take one, two sips and put it down. Now I feels shy, stupid. Who I to give Sudhir babu the advice? So much I not knowing. Why I interfere to his life? He not my relation. When I can speak again, I say, “When she leaf?”

He look as sad as I feel. “Almost a year ago. Soon after the divorce.”

I nods. Nothing more for me to say. I gets up. “I's sorry for how I speak to you. I forget my place for a minute.” I looks at the floor, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes. “I finish cleaning today, Sudhir babu. But best if you finds some other cleaning lady for next time.”

I feels him looking at me but he say nothing. I pick up my water glass and take it to kitchen. Then I go to living room and begin vacuum. I start with the furniture. There is food crumb everywhere. What has happen to my old Sudhir babu? And how is Maggie? She so far away. Who make her eat? Who look after her if she sick? Is she smoke cigarette like he do? Does she talk to Sudhir babu? Is she still love him? So many questions I wants to ask. But no need to. I create enough trouble for both of them.

After apartment clean, I pack my things and quietly open the front door to leaf. I not wanting to see Sudhir babu again. My heart hurt too much to see his pain. I not wanting to take his money after the insult I give him. My work here is finish.

S
HE WAS ALREADY
half an hour late leaving for Gloria's house when the phone rang. It was Odell and Juliette calling from Paris to wish her a merry Christmas. Odell wanted to make sure she wasn't planning to spend the day alone and was relieved when she told him she had been invited to Gloria's. He asked if she'd received the check he'd sent her for Christmas, how the house was, if she was making new friends. She could tell he was worried. “Odell. I'm okay,” she finally said. “Now will you stop acting like my older brother?”

“I am your older brother.” She heard the smile in his voice. Also the protectiveness. “Here, talk to your sister-in-law. She's dying to speak to you.”

“Maggie?” Juliette's voice had the breathy quality it always did. “How are you, dear? I wish you'd listened to your brother and come spent Christmas with us.”

“Oh, me too. Maybe sometime in the summer. And I'm fine. Honest. Stop worrying about me. So how many people did you guys have for dinner last night?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

They talked for a few minutes before Juliette handed the phone back to her husband.

“Have you talked to Dad today?” Odell asked.

“No, not yet.”

“You gonna?” Even from this distance, Maggie could hear the anxiety that poor Odell always felt about running interference between their father and her.

“I guess so.”

“Boy, that sure sounded enthusiastic, Mags.” They laughed, but then Odell grew serious and said, “Look. I don't blame you. But . . . he's getting old, Mags. And believe it or not, he's worried sick about you. He's, like, called me a dozen times to ask how you're doing.”

“Instead of calling me, you mean?” Her words came out sharper than she'd intended.

“Mags. I'm not gonna argue with you. Just . . . call him, would you?”

“Okay. Okay. I said I would.”

“Good. I love you, baby girl.”

“Don't call me that. Christ. I'm fifty-six years old.”

“But you're still my baby sister. So deal with it.”

They laughed again. After a few seconds, Maggie said, “I should hang up. I'm already late for Gloria's.” She paused. “Love you, Odell. Give Juliette and Justin hugs from me.”

“Will do. And you give Sudh—Oops. Sorry. Slip of the tongue.”

Her heart caught, but she managed a laugh. “No problem. Merry Christmas.”

She hung up and was about to dial Wallace's number when her phone rang again. Odell must've forgotten to tell her something. “Yesss?” she said in an exaggerated deep voice.

There was a silence and then she heard Sudhir say, “Maggie?”

Her hand began to shake involuntarily. “Oh, hi. Sorry. I thought you were Odell. I was just . . .”

“How is he? And Juliette and Justin?”

“He . . . He's fine. They are all fine.” And then she half-lied, “He sent his love to you.”

“Huh.” What was that she'd heard in his voice? Skepticism? Surprise? Why was he calling her, anyway? And on Christmas Day?

“Merry Christmas,” she said.

“What? Yeah, you too.” He sounded preoccupied but also sharp, not half-drugged, as he had the last time they'd spoken.

She waited for him to explain why he was calling, steadying one hand with the other, but he was silent. “Sudhir,” she said gently. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sure. Everything's fine.” But she heard the crack in his voice.

“What—?”

“Lakshmi was here,” he said quickly. “She's been cleaning for me.”

Her throat tightened at the sound of Lakshmi's name. And at the news that Sudhir had let back into his life the woman who had destroyed both their lives. They had always shared a bond, those two. Hell, it was Sudhir who had launched her catering career. Maggie felt a renewed spurt of anger at Lakshmi's treachery.

“I see.” She forced her voice to stay neutral. Why was he telling her this? To rub salt in her wounds?

“And—and she said a few things. About us. At first I was angry. She was way over the line, you know. But then I had a few days to think about it. And she was right. You know?”

Was he drunk? What the hell was he talking about? Maggie glanced at her watch. She was a full hour late to Gloria's, and God knew what the traffic would be like. “Sudhir—” she began.

“No, wait. Basically, she called me an idiot. Said I was weak. That is, an idiot for letting you go. And weak for pining away for you.”

The tears that came into Maggie's eyes made the room go blurry. Hope fluttered like a trapped butterfly within her. Her brain felt sluggish, heavy, no help in trying to parse Sudhir's words. Was Sudhir saying he was an idiot for losing her? Or was he merely relaying what Lakshmi had said? Was there a difference? And did she really believe that Lakshmi would talk to Sudhir in that manner? Was he making this whole thing up? She wanted to scream with frustration. “I'm not following what you're saying.”

“That's because I'm not saying it well.” He fell silent for a moment. Then, “If I ask you something, will you answer honestly?”