The Stowaway (8 page)

Rachel pulled her hand away. She tensed every muscle in her body to stop from lashing out at Arek. Looking down, she focused on Devlynn’s face—peaceful and relaxed, and not due for another treatment for nearly an hour.

Very carefully she got off the bed and faced Arek.

“We need to step out of the room for this conversation.” Rachel’s voice was completely devoid of any emotion or feeling, but Arek would be a fool not to hear the deadly warning in every syllable.

“There’s nothing to discuss.”

Rachel narrowed her eyes, jaw muscles so tight it was hard to force the words out. “Indulge me.”

Not waiting to hear his answer, Rachel stalked out of the room.

She turned on Arek as soon as she heard him behind her in the corridor—rage burning away her restraint. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare treat me like some…some—”

“Before you get all pissy, my decision has nothing to do with you being a woman, or a Thebian, or whatever else you’re thinking. I’m setting Devlynn off the ship as well.”

“What?” For the second time in as many minutes, Rachel was rendered completely speechless.

Arek had tilted the universe on its head. How could he—

“The situation with Fennrus…I need to sort it out. Once and for all.”

“Then we’ll sort it out together.”

“No! It’s too dangerous. You could get hurt or…worse. Both of you.”

“So could you.”

“That’s—”

“If you say that’s different, so help me, Arek, I’ll tie your dick so tight you’ll be pissing knots for the rest of your life!”

Arek blinked at her. Apparently growing up rough and tumble style with her brothers was good for something. Rachel took the moment to collect her composure.

She breathed in. She breathed out. Then she softened her voice. “I can’t let you do this, Arek. It’s wrong. It’ll kill Devlynn an—”

“Don’t—”

“And it’ll kill you too.”

Arek just stared at her—not denying or confirming anything. As if she needed him to.

“What are you so afraid of?” Rachel asked.

For a long time she didn’t think he was going to reply. She was just about to try prodding him along, when Arek hesitantly cleared his throat.

“When I saw Devlynn—” Arek abruptly cut off the words with a suspicious hitch to his voice. “I can’t fucking lose you!” he finally screamed—fierce, angry and clearly terrified.

“You won’t.”

“You can’t promise that. You can’t—” Arek drew a shuddering breath. “Look what almost happened to Devlynn. Next time—”

“There may never be a next time. And if there is, then we’ll deal with it.”

“I can’t, okay. I can’t…lose either of you. I can’t—” Arek’s voice got louder with each word, as if he was desperate to get them all out.

“You can’t lose what you don’t have. And if you don’t grab this with both hands, if you don’t reach for this and hold tight with everything you’ve got then you’ve already lost!” Rachel yelled back at him.

“I can’t… I need to… I need to think. I can’t do this right now. Not now. It’s all too…” Arek looked back towards the room where Devlynn was stretched out and resting quietly. “I need to think. Just…just let me…think.”

Rachel watched as Arek turned and hurried away.

“Don’t throw this away, Arek. We could have all died and we would never have known if this—you, me, Devlynn—was something amazing.” Rachel’s voice hitched. “Don’t miss this chance, Arek.”

Devlynn woke slowly—drifting up through the layers only to settle back into comfortable oblivion and have to struggle back up all over again.

Eventually his quarters came into a blurry sort of focus. The lights were dim. The room was quiet and peaceful but something was wrong. Or maybe not so much wrong as…just not quite right.

Devlynn resisted the urge to drift back to sleep and forced his mind to start working on the niggly feeling. He raised his hand to scrub some of the sleep away from his face, and encountered the thick white medi-unit band on his wrist.

What the—

Memories of the solar storm, being attacked by Razzein and having to do some pretty hairy repairs replayed like a holovid in his mind. The ship moving and bucking under his feet. The metallic tang of blood when he bit his tongue as he finally freed the blockage in the vent. Falling back hard on his ass. Then the slow motion moment when
The Wyvern
lurched violently, throwing him up into the air and watching helplessly as the bulkhead filled his last seconds of consciousness.

He was so glad he couldn’t remember the sickening crunch he was sure had followed when he hit the wall. His stomach rolled a little just thinking about it.

Ouch.

Tentatively, he rotated his shoulders one at a time—tensing each time in anticipation of pain. But all he discovered was a slight stiffness. The more he thought about it, the more he realised he was feeling pretty good actually. Bless the medi-units little internal circuits.

Something shifted beside him and the heavy warm weight to his left finally registered. Devlynn turned his head to see Rachel lying curled on her side on top of the blankets facing him. Hands tucked under her cheek, knees drawn up so she was curved towards him—she looked incredibly sweet and calm in repose. Nothing like the stubborn, fiery woman he had come to know when she was awake.

But before a silly smile could fully form, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and frowned. Exactly how long had he been out?

Rachel stirred again and a moan slipped from her lips as she arched and stretched. Her eyes fluttered open to meet his with a momentary look of confusion—as if struggling to get her sleepy brain to catch up.

“Hi,” Devlynn whispered with a smile.

Rachel blinked a few more times before her eyes snapped into focus. “You’re awake!”

Devlynn chuckled at her slightly sleep-addled declaration of the obvious. “Yeah.”

“How are—”

“I’m fine,” he quickly interrupted—forestalling the fussing he could see coming.

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

Devlynn brushed a strand of dark hair away from her forehead where it threatened to drift into her beautiful, sleepy eyes. Rachel relaxed instantly and he felt a rush of pleasure. It felt so good to be lying here with her like this. The only thing missing was—

Devlynn’s mind screeched to a halt. Arek. With blistering clarity, Arek’s cruel words in the corridor before the battle hit him, swamping the delight he’d been enjoying at waking up with Rachel. It made him even more resentful of his ‘friend’.

“Where’s Arek?”

A throat being cleared had him jerking his head to the doorway.

“I’m here.”

Arek stood straight and tall and just as magnificent as he’d ever been to Devlynn, but something had changed. Something about the man was definitely not right. He looked stiff and hesitant. Nothing like his usual ‘fuck-you-universe’ attitude. But then, everything about Devlynn had changed too. For the first time he felt defensive and wary as he stared across at Arek.

Beside him, Rachel stiffened. When she moved to carefully sit with her back against the head of the sleeping platform, Devlynn moved with her—watching Arek the whole time, like a mowc might watch a hole, wondering if there was a wraatallar inside ready to eat it up and spit out the bony bits or somewhere warm and safe to call home.

Rachel took a deep breath, as if steeling herself. “Have you had enough time to think?”

Colour rushed to Arek’s cheeks as he looked away—no longer able to meet their eyes. Devlynn’s heart dropped into his belly. He didn’t really understanding why, he just knew he felt cold right down to his core seeing Arek avoiding eye contact all of a sudden.

“What?” Devlynn asked—both dreading and needing to know what was going on.

Rachel watched Arek intently. “Arek?”

“Yeah, I thought about it.” Arek nodded, still not looking directly at them. “I know…I know what I said was stupid. I know that. I just…I won’t do it.”

“Doing what? What the hell are you two talking about?”

“Arek was going to put us off the ship.”

“What?”

“It was just a knee jerk reaction. I’m not going to actually do it!” Arek rushed out, looking at them at last with a slightly panicky expression. “Rachel made me see how stupid I was being. It was—”

“You bastard! You fucked up, egotistical bastard!”

“Dev—” Rachel tried to intercede, but Devlynn was too angry and hurt to listen.

“After everything we’ve been through together. After everything—”

The agony of knowing Arek planned to just dump him off the ship—the only home he had ever known. Abandon him to drift like the pathetic orphan he was without the only roots and family he’d ever been able to claim. It lodged in his throat. Aching and so raw it was impossible to swallow past.

Fuck, it hurt so much.

Taking a deep breath, Devlynn struggled to get his pain under control. “You know what? Fuck you, Arek. You don’t want me around. Fine. I’m so out of here!”

With a lunge, he made to get up and start packing his stuff right then and there. He wasn’t hanging around were he wasn’t wanted.

“Dev! Wait!” Rachel laid a hand on his arm to stop him, but Devlynn shook it off.

“You’re going to defend him? After he was going to toss us off the ship like recyc-waste. And all because it’s too much trouble. That’s it, isn’t it, Arek? You’re so busy worrying about credits and cargo and runs that you don’t want to have to deal with what’s going on here. With us.”

“No!” Arek shouted in denial, but Devlynn ignored him—the emotion driving him on recklessly.

“We’re too messy and complicated. Too much of a hassle. So you do what you always do. You pretend it doesn’t exist. And if you can’t do that, you run away. You don’t want to know. You don’t want to have to deal with feeling and emotions. With the people who lo—!”

Devlynn forced the words back down. No way was he giving Arek the words.

“Dev! Stop it!” Rachel snapped at him. “Attacking Arek isn’t helping.”

Arek couldn’t believe Rachel was defending him. Begging Devlynn to give him a chance. He certainly didn’t feel like he deserved one.

Seeing Devlynn in so much pain did terrible things to him—most of them centred in the vicinity of his heart.

Walking around the ship aimlessly since talking with Rachel hadn’t solved any problems. In fact, he’d discovered a few more in his travels. But after really thinking about what she had said, and stopping to consider what his life would be like without Devlynn and Rachel in it, Arek knew he couldn’t let them go. And as soon as he’d admitted it, something had settled inside him. Something that begged him not to be fucking stupid and throw away what was being offered to him on a silverloom platter if only he was brave enough to go for it.

“It’s okay, Rachel,” Arek whispered, getting their instant attention even though he’d done little more than mouth the words. “I’m sorry, Dev. So sorry. And you too, Rachel. I never meant to hurt either of you.”

“Well you did, Arek,” Devlynn snapped at him—normally warm brown eyes, icy with fury.

“I know. And I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for that.”

“Arek—” Rachel sounded much more welcoming and receptive to hearing him out. But then he hadn’t been hurting her as long as he had Devlynn.

Selfishly, he found himself wanting to go curl against her and believe that everything would be all right—just because he wanted it to be. But he wasn’t going to be that stupid. Not again.

“I’ve had my head up my ass for so long I—”

“Arek—”

Arek held up a hand and Rachel fell back into silence. They deserved nothing less than the bare-boned truth from him right now. Hopefully it would be enough. “Please, hear me out.”

After a few moments, both Rachel and Devlynn settled back, watching him—one hopefully, one warily. But now they were listening, he didn’t quite know what to say.

“I just…I was afraid,” Arek mumbled, deciding to stick with complete honesty. Perhaps it was the only way to win Devlynn back. Perhaps it was what he should have done all along. If he had, there wouldn’t be the agonising pain in Devlynn’s expression right now. And maybe Rachel wouldn’t be looking as if she was hoping for the best, but fearing the worst.

Arek took a deep breath and forged ahead as bravely as he knew how. “After Danni died, it was like…like everything was right there. In my face all at once. I realised I think of you as more than a friend, Dev. I can’t even imagine not having you around. I need you. I…I want you. And I have for a long time, but…well, like you said, I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to mess things up between us. And then…I was so afraid I’d lose you too. I couldn’t handle it. Danni’s death was devastating, but losing you would be…I can’t even think about it.”

Devlynn looked sceptical, but it was true. Confronting Devlynn’s mortality, knowing he could be taken away at any time just like Danni, had been terrifying to the point of paralysing. So he’d shut himself off.

“I’m sorry, Dev. I messed up. All the way along I’ve messed up. I couldn’t deal with my feelings for you before Danni died. But then when he was gone…I couldn’t bear what it would be like if I lost you. So…so I shut down. It was wrong, but… And then Rachel came along and…kind of woke me up. And for a while it was all so much worse—”