The Straight Crimes (5 page)

“I don’t care what people think.”

“Maybe you should.”

"Harper, you can’t be serious. We can make it through anything.”

“Nik, please, just don’t—”

“I heard you out, but you’ve gotta listen to me too. If we stop seeing each other, they win. Then what will we have left? Nothing. We’ll both just be miserable and lonely.”

“Nik—”

“Running away won’t change who we are, and it won’t change our feelings for each other. I’m crazy about you.”

“I get that, but—”

“I’m different ‘cause of you. I’m really happy. I don’t think that I’d ever be that way if we hadn’t met.”

“Don’t say that. It ain’t fair.”

“Neither is what you’re doing to me right now. C’mon, I know you care about me just as much as I do for you.”

“I’d never deny that—”

“Then please don’t walk away right now.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Fight, that’s what we need to do. I can’t give up on you, or on this.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause we belong together.”

She covered her mouth with her shaking hand. “How do you know that for sure?”

“’Cause you’re the only thing in my life that makes sense. I wake up every morning, knowing I have something to look forward to—seeing you. I’m not depressed like I used to be. If I’m feeling this way now, I know deep down inside that it’d tear you up too. Please, I’m begging you, don’t go.”

Harper struggled with her thoughts and words. Nik was the last person she wanted to hurt, but her fear would not subside. “I’m sorry, I have to. It’s gonna be better for both of us, I promise.”

“I wish I could believe that, but I don’t and neither do you. I can tell ‘cause you’re crying. Deep down, neither of us wants it this way.”

“Maybe not, but it’s the way things gotta be.”

Feeling totally defeated, Nik stiffened his back. There wasn’t anything he could say.

The words immediately haunted her. As quickly as she could, Harper gathered her belongings and reluctantly walked away.

Before she was out of sight, she foolishly turned around just once. Seeing Nik standing alone on the beach was heartbreaking. However, knowing she caused his agony was absolutely devastating. All she could hope for was that it wasn’t the biggest mistake of her life.

FIVE

H
arper anxiously paced in front of the bowling alley, debating whether or not to go inside. At that point, nothing made sense. It’d been several days since she’d seen Nik. The time without him was the most miserable she’d been all summer, but faced with so much adversity, she didn’t know how their relationship would ever work.

Feeling overwrought, she hoped Faye could provide some guidance. The woman always seemed to have an answer for everything.

Harper hesitantly pushed through the rusted red door. She made her way amongst the bowlers to the front counter and nervously strummed her fingers while she waited.

It was league night, so the place was packed. The air was incredibly thick with the pungent aroma of stale cigarette smoke and freshly waxed lanes.

"Oh my sweet stars. Hey honey bunny!” Kitty, Faye’s eccentric co-worker, shouted from the fryer. She raced across the red-checkered floor, leaned over the counter, and threw her scrawny arms around Harper.

Everything about Kitty was over the top, from her gaudy gold-sweater to her obscenely heavy make-up. The woman lived under the delusions she was twenty years younger than she truly was and that she and Harper were best friends.

Being in Kitty’s presence always made her slightly uncomfortable.

"Hey, Miss Kitty.” She forced a smile and returned the hug, coughing from the fumes of the cheap hairspray in her bleached-blonde hair.

"Girl, where the hell you been? I’ve only seen you once since you guys moved back. What’s the matter, you too good to hang around this dump now?"

“No, I’ve just been busy.”

"Faye says you got a special friend you've been seeing. Bring 
her
 in sometime. I'd love to meet the girl that's keeping you away from us," she remarked.

Harper shrugged, too exhausted to correct the uncomfortable situation.

“Aren’t you gonna fill me in?”

“Maybe another time. Right now I just wanna see my aunt.”

Kitty bowed her head, disappointed by Harper’s disengagement. "Wait here a sec, I'll grab Faye. Have you eaten?”

“No.”

"I’ll go fix you something."

"Nah, y'all are busy. Besides, I really ain’t that hungry. Thanks anyway." Harper put her hand on her chin and bit her lip.

"Oh girl, something's wrong.”

“No it ain’t.”

“Can’t lie to me, honey.” Kitty lifted her eyebrows and leaned forward. “I've seen that look a million times."

"I'm fine, Kitty. Don't go worryin’ about me."

"You're a terrible liar, just like your aunt. So are you gonna tell me what’s up or do I gotta force it out of ya?"

"I don't mean to be rude, but it's kinda personal."

Kitty put her finger on the tip of her nose and lifted it in the air. “Well, excuse me for asking,” she joked. "I’ll go grab Faye.”

“Thanks.”

Kitty bent down and shuffled through the tiny refrigerator. “Here's a pop. And I don’t care how upset you are, you’ve still gotta eat. I’m fixing you something whether you like it or not.” She disappeared into the grimy kitchen.

Harper stirred the neon-colored straw and watched the ice cubes dance around the tall glass. They were frozen together, holding onto each other with frantic intensity, despite the acidic force that sought to tear them apart. Either she was completely over analyzing her beverage, or she was feeling incredibly guilty about abandoning Nik.

One thing was for certain—she missed him.

"Hey, sugar. What are you doing here?" Faye asked. The woman looked a total mess, between her horribly stained apron and her frizzy hair falling out of a sloppy ponytail.

Kitty eagerly stood beside Faye, eavesdropping as usual.

"I need to talk. You got a minute?”

“Sure, what’s going on?”

Harper glared at Kitty. “Would it be okay if we went outside to talk? It’s kinda private.”

“Sure.” Faye shrugged. “I’ll meet you out there in just a second.”

While waiting for Faye, Harper collapsed on a wooden bench, watching the breathtaking sunset. Countless warm shades of orange and purple harmoniously intertwined and echoed beautifully off the churning water. Normally she would have admired it from the lighthouse with Nik. Watching it alone felt empty.

"All right, sugar, what's going on?" Faye asked as she sat beside Harper.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind.” She took a deep breath and carefully contemplated her words. "Auntie, what's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?"

“Big questions tonight, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Faye scratched her chin and thought for a moment. “Probably when Mary left me. We were together ten years, so I figured we’d be together forever. Then I woke up one morning and the devil was gone. Not only did she leave, but she took almost everything we owned. There was no explanation, not so much as a note. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but nothing unusual. I spent a lot of time blaming myself for my mistakes, wondering what I could’ve done differently to make her stay.”

"I never knew all that.”

“You didn’t need to.”

Harper agreed. It only tarnished the memory of her Aunt Mary. “Did you ever try to find her?”

“I did for a while, but then I came to the realization that she didn’t want me. That’s the part that hurt the most. I didn’t know how I’d ever move on without her, but I came to terms with it.”

"Do you feel like you wasted your time with her?”

"If you asked me a few years ago, I'd probably say yeah, especially since nobody wanted us to be together. You never knew this, but Mary was sort of a party animal, a lot like Kitty, but even crazier.”

“She sounds like Mama, too.”

Faye bowed her head. “Between the three of them, I had a lot of migraines. Looking back on all that, I think I'm a better person for having Mary in my life. Hopefully she feels the same way about me. I think we learned a lot from each other in the time we were in a relationship. As much as I hate to admit it, we made some great memories.”

"But y’all had bad ones too, right?"

"Yeah, but who wants to think about that crap? I sure as hell don't. All we're here to do in this life is make memories for others to remember us by. So I choose to think about the better times I spent with Mary. And by doing that, I hope that's how people will think of me someday after I'm gone. Is that along the lines of what you were asking?"

"Yeah, sort of.”

“I see.” Faye tilted her head to the side. She knew her niece too well. "So are you gonna be straight with me or what?"

"What do you mean?"

“Who are we really talking about?”

“Aunt Mary, I thought.”

"You’re a dirty rotten liar, sugar. I’m waiting for you to say his name.”

“Whose?”

“Nik’s.”

Harper's heart almost fell out of her mouth, caught completely off guard. "Auntie, don't be ridiculous."

"Don’t play me, unless you really think I’m an idiot.”

“What are you gettin’ at?”

"I've always noticed the way you've looked at boys. Then all of a sudden this Nik guy comes along, and you’re with him day and night.” Faye sat up straight and smiled. “No matter how hard you try to hide it from your mama and me, I can tell he makes you happy. So let’s cut the bullshit…I know you like him."

Completely flustered, Harper’s mouth dropped. She was speechless.

"Can't say I'm wrong, can you?"

“No, that ain’t true, well maybe. I don't know, Auntie. This is weird to talk about."

"I've known you since you were born. It ain’t weird, just a little uncomfortable, but you'll probably feel better if you get it out. C’mon, ain’t that why you're really here?"

Harper bit her bottom lip, a terrible habit she’d acquired as a child. Then she nervously answered, "Maybe."

"Maybe, well that’s a start. So you like him. What's the problem?"

"Everything, Auntie, it's all confusin’. I don't know how I should be feelin’."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a part of me that finds him attractive, but I know it's wrong and I shouldn't like him, so I told Nik it’s better if we stopped spendin’ time together. Now it’s been almost a week since I’ve seen him.”

“And you’re missing him, ain’t you?”

“A little, yeah.”

"I don’t get it. Why can’t you like a boy?”

"It ain’t right. That’s what everyone says. We've already had bullies pickin’ on us and everything just ‘cause we’re straight. I feel like the longer we try bein’ together, the more dangerous it’s gonna get. It’s real hard for me to admit ‘cause you know I ain’t afraid of nothin’, but right now, I'm scared as hell."

"I see what you’re getting at.” Faye put her arm around Harper’s shoulders. “Look, if I tell you something, you promise you'll listen?”

"’Course.”

"People are always gonna tell you what's right and wrong according to what
 
they 
think, but you need to believe in yourself and do what feels right for you.”

“How do I know what’s right for me?”

“You have to trust your instincts. That’s not always easy ‘cause it is beaten into people’s heads that they have to live a certain way—like if you don't marry someone of the same sex, have children, and find the perfect career, your life won’t be perfect. The God honest truth is that’s a load of crap. Harper, you’re straight, and there ain’t nothing wrong with that. You need to be yourself, no matter what the consequences are.”

“That’s hard, ‘cause it seems like everyone around here hates straight people.”

“That ain’t true.”

“I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t.”

“Sure you have. I don’t hate ‘em, and there are many others who don’t.”

Harper frowned. “I just don’t know why some people have to be so nasty about it.”

“Like I said, part of it has to do with how they’re raised. Sometimes it’s their personal feelings and sometimes it’s their ignorance, but what other people think about you shouldn’t matter. You need to live for yourself and treat people with kindness. Until you’re able to do that, you'll never be happy.”

“I guess.”

“Life’s real short, sugar, and before you know it, you’ll blink and it’ll be over. So ask yourself, what kind of life do you wanna live, one where you’re miserable, or one where you get what you really want? And how do you want people to remember you after you’re gone?”

Harper agreed. “You’re probably right, Auntie.”

“But you’ve got some more thinking to do, huh?”

“More than you know,” she admitted.

“It’s your life, Harper. But whatever you do, I wouldn’t take too long to think about it. Nik’s not gonna wait forever. The good ones never do.”

Harper rested her head on her aunt’s lap. She desperately wanted to trust in Faye’s words, but the reluctance lingered like some awful infection poisoning her body from the inside out.

She closed her eyes as tightly as she could and wished that it’d all go away. She wanted to be her former self again, the girl who didn’t care about love or men, but Harper wasn’t a fool. She knew her wish was unrealistic. From that moment on, she realized her feelings couldn’t be ignored. It was too late to change who she was. And like it or not, nothing in her life would ever be the same again.