The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (18 page)

If she doesn’t get to you within ten minutes or so, blow her ass off. Don’t hesitate, and be prepared to take the next step. Doing so will require you to either, a)
immediately leave
, or b)
go down on dances
with another girl as soon as you possibly can. For clarity, the phrase
as soon as you possibly can
actually means
right fucking now
in English
. 

Once you wrap that up, move your business to some other dancer if your girl isn’t waiting for you with a pissed off look on her face. If she is waiting for you, as she should be, then simply explain that you needed to keep yourself occupied while she was busy. Let her chew on that for a bit and see how it tastes.

If she’s not ready for you after you wrap it up with the second girl, then
blow her off
 and go home. You have better things to do with your life than wait around for some dime store stripper to get off some other dude’s jock. She needs to know that; frankly so do you. Don’t ever throw a bitch fit when you walk out. Just leave in a way that suggests that it’s the most natural thing in the world, and you certainly couldn’t care less.

Of course, that’s actually just what to do when your dancer fucks up. The real point, however, is what to do when she gets it right. If you were to encounter a competitor that is attempting to use your girl’s time, and she responds by clearly making a choice to spend her time with you instead, then you need to
reward to reinforce
 the idea that the choice she made was the right one. As in the other examples I have given, just wait until the moment when you would normally tip, and then go heavy with it without being too overt; she’ll get the message without you needing to post a sign about it.

Further, you want this to be a soft association that allows her to be pleasantly surprised by her take on the night she decided to choose you…as opposed to the idea that you paid her to blow someone else off. Simply adding to the routine tip closest to when she picked you over someone else, without fanfare or any discussion will accomplish this. 

Don’t try to add in the extra scratch at the end, as you part ways for the night. Though she’ll certainly appreciate the extra money, you may fail to make the connection needed to reward her positive behavior, and maybe next time she’ll choose differently, even though you paid her more.

Also, keep in mind that there may be multiple occasions in the course of any time spent with her that she may be faced with this choice. If she is choosing correctly, then reward. As in all other things, there is no cause for this to break the bank on your end. If she
burns
 a loyal customer for you, then at least double up your normal tip. Ignoring some guy who wanted to go get a
two-for-one
 dance is a little less critical, so just toss in a few extra bucks. It’s necessary to watch for this kind of behavior so that your reward comes quickly after the
observed behavior
 itself. After all, any woman that would blow off other guys for your dumb ass is worth money as far as I’m concerned.

Finally, know that choosing you over another guy is a
weighted behavior
. What I mean is that while it’s a positive behavior, but it doesn’t always necessarily apply equally to everyone. The rule is pretty straightforward; the more you are worth, the less this behavior means. Conversely, the less you are worth, the more this behavior means. In other words, if you have a load of cash and she knows it, blowing off other men may not mean all that much, since she’s probably going to invest her time with you anyway.

But if you’re close to broke and she’s only got eyes for you, you better damn tip because this girl likes you better than money…And if some girl likes you better than money, drop everything, buy a ring and fucking
propose to her before someone else does, you idiot.

SPENDING
TIME
WITH
YOU
IN
THE
VIP

We’re going to go over the mechanics of VIP areas in the next chapter, so I’ll be brief here. Taking a girl into a VIP dance area creates an opportunity to get some private time with your stripper and does so in a way that allows her to stop worrying about money, relax and
build comfort
 with you. 

It allows you the chance for greater physical contact within limits, which is, in and of itself, a particularly fundamental part of creating
connection 
between two people. The VIP experience allows two people to talk without shouting and tends to block interference from club staff, her competitors, and other guests (otherwise known as your
competitors.
)

In the next chapter, we will discuss how all this works, and specifically how you will use the VIP dance experience itself as a way of tipping. For the moment though what I want to get across to you is that despite whatever you might pay for the VIP booth area, associated beverage purchases and fees to the dancer who is joining you there, it’s not tip inclusive. 

Don’t
assume
that you covered her because you paid the fee. In actuality, a big chunk of the money you’re going to drop in the VIP area will ultimately end up in the hands of the club; therefore, you’re going to need to make up some of the difference for her so she doesn’t come out short.

There is no hard and fast rule regarding the specific amount you need to send her way but there is a scale you can use to judge whether to tip up, down or just check the box with some minimal consideration. And, once again, it’s a little bit counterintuitive. The more sexual, transaction oriented the VIP experience is, the less you should tip. On the other hand, the more relaxed, connected, conversational the experience is, the more you should tip.

Remember, the point of this is not to get a hard grind in a dance booth. The point is to meet, and form a connection with a girl that ultimately becomes your new, hot stripper girlfriend. If all she wants to do is take your money and
grind it out
 until the music stops, then she is the wrong girl.

You’re looking for a girl who can sit beside you or on your lap, someone that you can put your arm around casually. You want to be able to relax with her, and just hang out without any of the time you spend together seeming weird or awkward. You want to be able to use the relative quiet of the VIP area to carry on a real conversation, and be able to enjoy doing so. You want to feel her leaning against you in a natural way, and you want to see her normal defenses relax if not drop entirely.

When you make some physical contact, you want to feel arousal, while still being able to laugh at some dumb shit she just said. If this is what you get, if this is the side of her that she shows you in private, then fucking tip for it. If you get anything less, then tip less. If she just climbs on top of you and grinds it out without looking at you, then don’t sweat the tip. Let the fees you paid cover it, and don’t bother talking to her again
because she’s wasting your time
.

Chapter 12. Affordable Pleasures

This next game was invented by double-jointed Hungarian acrobats from the Munich circus.

-
P
HINEAS
T
AYLOR
B
ARNUM, SHOWMAN, BUSINESSMAN, SCAM ARTIST, ENTERTAINER, STATE LEGISLATOR, MAYOR OF
B
RIDGEPORT,
C
ONNECTICUT, AND WIDELY CREDITED WITH INVENTING MERMAIDS.

You need to be on the ball where money and half-naked women are concerned, but there is certainly no need for the whole thing to break your ass financially. You should never allow a situation that has negative financial consequences for your life outside the club. Never make paying your dues in the club something that is a hardship, or could hurt you.

Exercise sound judgment when it comes to balancing the financial reality of life’s obligations with your desire to indulge in the pleasure that only soft, giggly girls in undersized bikinis can provide. Listen to me closely now,

If you can afford to be in the club, then you can afford to pay the girls.

Take a moment and truly let that one sink in. If you are sitting in a club, stressing over your money, budgeting shit out, complaining about how the strippers and the club itself are fucking you over, raping you blind…
then you shouldn’t even be there
. Seriously go home with that shit. If you want to complain over things, it should be the quality of the girls, level of service, how safe the club is, the fact that you just stepped in gum again, or that the toilets don’t work right.

Maybe it seems that strip joints are places you go to see a show involving women stripping out of their clothes, and acting as if they like you. It seems that way because that’s what it looks like. The truth, however, is that
live adult pay-per-view experience
 is a far more accurate way to describe the actual business model that underlay every strip club you’ve ever heard of.

You pay outrageous cover charges, inflated drink prices, surcharges on the use of ATMs, credit cards, and club money sold in the form of poker-style chips or funny money club script. You are expected to tip everyone, and pay for the time of the women that entertain you. Voluntarily walking into a place like this with money in your pocket, and time to spare, makes a statement. And that statement goes something like this,

“Why is there so much money in my pockets? If only there were a place with loose women, overpriced booze, and loud music where I could spend it! Holy crap! A strip club! Problem solved!”

When someone enters the darkened interior of the local strip club, is this exactly what’s going through their mind? Honestly I have no idea what you weird people are thinking, but I’d lay bets that I’m on the money there or close to it.

In my experience, a person walking into a club is generally performing a feat of mental gymnastics that involve the use of
false or unrealistic variables
in the resolution of an internalized algorithm dictating the perceived
minimization of cost and maximization of output
.

Wait, what?

This is one of those things that sound far more complicated than it is. The concept behind cost minimization and outcome maximization is that we all desire to generate the greatest potential output, or the most ideal outcome for the absolute lowest cost that is theoretically possible.

This is a totally logical, useful
cognitive process
 that the average human uses multiple times per day without being aware of it, or knowing what to call it. Let me give you some examples to illustrate what I mean,

1. If, starting at age 30, I invest $500 per month in a savings plan that earns 7.5% interest, I will retire at age 65 as a millionaire.
   
2. If, starting today, I purchase a $1 lottery ticket every time I stop at the store, I will become a millionaire soon.
   

Statement "I" represents a cost/outcome statement that utilizes verifiable input variables, while "II" employs faulty or unreliable variables. The second statement uses unrealistic variables because it seems easier, despite the supremely real fact that doing so makes it damn near impossible to achieve your stated outcome (to become a millionaire.) The conscious mind just totally loves things that seem easy and is quickly seduced by an absolute belief in
reasonable falsehoods
.
After all, you could win the lottery, couldn’t you?

The truth of the above cost/outcome statements is that "I" is actually the easier of the two. It says that by taking this quantifiable action (investing $500 per month), starting here (at age 30), and ending there (when I am 65), and with predictable variables (an insured savings instrument with 7.5% return), then this outcome (retiring as a millionaire) is guaranteed.

But spending 30 years scraping $500 together to stick in my savings every month for the promise of some future payoff doesn’t quite seem all
that
easy, does it? Far better gambling some spare change on the
Mega Millions
 every time I stop by the store for coffee, cigarettes and Twinkies. This, of course, explains why we all spend considerable time and energy conducting extensive, diligent analysis that informs our vital life decisions…
then chuck it all
out the window as we make up our minds using the logic from plan "II".

It’s something close to that second statement that runs through the head of guys going to joints on any given night. Somehow, in some way, they
just know
that they are going to end up drowning in free pussy down at the club. When that
doesn’t
happen, and they’re called out to pay for their shit, most dudes tend to get all bent out of shape, demanding to see a manager, wanting to call the cops,
needing a hug from their mommies.

What I am trying to get across to you with all this is that you need to adjust your expectations to align with actual reality, set hard boundaries on the level of time you can invest, work within the financial limitations imposed by real exterior obligations, and train yourself to maintain control, to be present and self-aware at all times.