The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (17 page)

So far, we have focused on tipping girls mainly during their stage sets, although making it rain often gets used when a dancer is off stage, as well. Now we need to shift our attention to the ongoing reward and reinforcement of positive behaviors exhibited by your dancer, specifically those behaviors that will occur offstage. This is the absolute short list of behaviors that you continuously need to reward or reinforce as they occur:

• Spending time at your table
  
• Checking in after a stage performance
  
• Giving you something for free
  
• Choosing you over another customer
  
• Spending time in a private or vip area
  

In order to reward your dancer for engaging in a desirable behavior, you have to get in the habit of tipping out to her so that she will come to associate the action with the tip. By doing so, what she may initially perceive as a straightforward
payment for service
 will rapidly become an obvious reward. An entertainer who is paying attention will quickly come to understand what you like or don’t like, and may attempt to the game your system by repeating “good” behavior in order to stimulate additional tipping on your part. She may think she has you figured out and knows the formula to wring every last dollar from you. 

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to think that; doing so will create lasting associations between what you want, and what she wants. It does not matter if she has you, “figured out,” the
unconscious associations
 connecting the behavior that you desire and the money that she wants will be extremely real. Essentially, by attempting to beat you at your own game, a dancer can unwittingly end up training herself to respond positively to your presence, your needs, and most importantly, to your desires.

The effect will still remain the same, however, even if she
doesn’t
figure out your game straightaway. Just be aware that it may take longer to get results this way, although it will certainly cost you less. It will take longer to achieve results in this fashion, but that is only because her misunderstanding of your tipping behavior does not provide as many opportunities for the required associations to form. From that standpoint, it can be better if she does figure out what you’re doing, even if it does hit you in the wallet somewhat harder.

SPENDING
TIME
AT
YOUR
TABLE

So, if she sits with you over the course of a drink, make sure she walks away with $20-$40 for her time. It’s a fair exchange, she won’t regret the time so long as you didn’t bore her to death, and she will come back again, especially if you have requested that she do so. If she hangs around longer than the time it takes to share a drink, simply continue tipping as you have been using the rule of
"20 for twenty" 
 the entire time she remains with you.

In other words, make sure you lay down another $20 for every twenty minutes she spends with you. Remember, the goal here is not to bankrupt yourself trying to impress her with your bankroll, the actual point is to compensate her for the time she is investing in you. Feel free to adjust the amount as you see fit, as your finances allow, and as your girl deserves. 
Adjust up, that is
;
$20 should be considered your default, base-level
. If you can’t swing the $20, you’ll have a hard time keeping her attention, and you probably can’t afford to be playing this game anyway.

Be wary of over tipping for her time, as this may have the unintended result of instilling unrealistic expectations regarding money. Ideas about money, compensation, and the quantifiable worth of her time for fairly pedestrian activities such as sharing a drink or brief conversation can carry over into your outside relationship later on, so be careful what your actions related to money and spending teach her.

CHECKING
IN
AFTER
A
STAGE
PERFORMANCE

You’ll always want your dancer checking back with you after she gets off stage. There are multiple reasons to get her to do this, and they are all to your benefit.

• She stops wandering off in the middle of your time together
  
• She checks with you before dancing with someone else
  
• She checks with you before going social with another guy
  
• She starts keeping you informed about what she’s doing
  
• She views your seating area as a logical start and end point
  
• You don’t need to sit there wondering if she is coming back
  
• You can make future plans or just leave without waiting
  

All of this happens mainly on an unconscious level, and there is little or no reason to discuss these things directly. When she swings back to your table on her post-stage circuit around the showroom, lay your minimum tip out on her, while saying something both genuine and positive regarding her performance. If you have been hitting her with $20 for 20 for the past hour while you were sitting together, make sure her stage tip is at least $20. If you have time (and the desire) to hang out for a while more, let her know that you want her back as soon as she is done walking the room.

If you have a
time constraint
, let her know about it but emphasize that you want her back before you leave. If you don’t have a time constraint, make a plausible one up, and again, let her know you want her back before you leave. Please keep in mind that you must respect the validity of a fake obligation just as if it were real, otherwise the dancer will start thinking she doesn’t need to respect your time, real life or outside interests. After all, you said you had to leave at 10pm, but now it’s one o’clock in the morning, and you’re still here. If you don’t care about the things you have to do, or that you say are necessary, why should she?

If waiting for stripper-girl to return from her
thank-you-tip-me
walk is something that you can’t or won’t do, just let her know that you’ll see her the next time around and make sure you find out when the next time will be. It’s actually smart for you to refuse to wait occasionally, simply choosing instead to end your meeting on a high note. Of course, there is a difference between refusing to wait, and employing an excuse for your departure. Simply refusing to wait is a reminder that little stripper girl is not actually the center of the universe, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Remembering this from time to time benefits you as well, serving to take the edge off things when you get too caught up in the moment. Refusing to wait for her can also help to habituate your dancer to the idea that she needs to work to keep your attention at all times; otherwise you may suddenly just decide that it’s time to go. 

On the other hand, utilizing a
fictional obligation
 (an excuse to leave) is a way to push back from the table without appearing rude or abrupt while simultaneously indicating that you do have a life outside of the club and that your time spent there is at least equal in importance to that spent inside the club. 

Not only does the idea that you may have pressing business elsewhere act to increase your perceived social value, but it is also somewhat
reassuring
 to any female. After all, if you have nothing to do, and nowhere to go except hanging out in strip clubs, how useful of a guy could you actually be?

GIVING
YOU
SOMETHING
FOR
FREE

Sometimes your dancer will come straight with you, giving you something for free. This could be any number of things; an extra dance at no charge, for example. Other things that could wind up free include drinks, free passes, a free entry sign-in at the door, a gift on your birthday or at Christmas, a souvenir from her recent trip to Cabo San Lucas, or just what the fuck ever. The most notable aspect of this kind of behavior is that it demonstrates an ability on her part to think outside the, “I dance, you pay,” box, a capacity to think of you when it is not strictly necessary, and a desire to please you.

This is the kind of thing that should be rewarded without delay, and encouraged whenever possible. Yet, making too large a deal of it tends to diminish the importance of the act, and, in the case of some dancers, may serve only to discourage such behavior in the future. While this may sound a bit odd, just take a moment to think back to when you were a kid. I’m sure that at some point, as you were headed to make your bed (or whatever) your mom called out to you with a reminder that your bed needed to be made. Then, inexplicably, instead of pleasing your mom by doing something you were already going to do, you simply turned the opposite direction and headed outside instead. Do you remember that, or something like it? Why did you do that, do you even know?

While I’m not exactly sure why we all pull that kind of crap, I think it has something to do with people, not wanting to be told to go do something when they were already doing it. After all, telling someone to do something that they already would have done all on their own robs that person of the pleasure of accomplishing the thing that they were just about to do.
Try saying that five times fast. 
I think that we all derive value and fulfillment from handling our own shit, acting like grown-ups, and making our own way. When somebody tells you to go do what you were already going to go do on your own…well, it just ain’t the same.

Looked at from that perspective, telling teenagers to go handle their shit is probably the worst thing a parent could do; adolescents are
biochemically hardwired
 to tell you to go fuck yourself when you ask them to load the dishwasher. In case you haven’t noticed yet, most strippers are perpetual teenagers, mostly remaining that way until their dancing days are long behind them. For the implications of that, see
dishwasher
and
go fuck yourself
, above. With that in mind, you are going to need to handle this sort of reward with a touch more circumspection than usual in order to avoid any unnecessary complications.

Still, like everything else I keep telling you, it’s not quite as hard as it sounds. Follow me on this one; your dancer brings you a gift, like a cat leaving a half-dead parakeet on your doorstep:

Do

• Accept the gift
  
• React with mild surprise (fake it)
  
• Remain speechless for a moment (this gives you a moment to think)
  
• Say something genuine, positive, and brief about the item
  

Do Not

• Exclaim loudly
  
• Jump up, and down in excitement
  
• Go around showing it to other people in the club
  
• Spam all your Facebook friends with multiple images of the item
  

Then

• Allow her to tell you all about how and why she got this for you
  
• Focus on her, and smile at the appropriate moments in the story
  
• Make brief physical contact (taking her hand, for example.)
  
• Say, “thank you.”
  

At this point, enough time has probably elapsed that you would normally lay down a tip, and this case is no different. Lay down your tip just like usual, but double the amount. Make no reference to it, don’t look at it, mention it out loud or invite her to notice that there is more on the table than she is used to. 

Don’t worry about whether or not she directly noticed that your compensation increased in association with the
gifting behavior
; dancers always count their money. Your girl will see that she has picked up more than normal from you tonight but will have a hard time making a directly verifiable connection, leaving her only with generalized associations to take away from her meeting with you.

In other words, she gave you something, and you were appreciative without being a fag about it. She felt happy about giving, and you didn’t ruin it by immediately tossing a bunch of cash in her face. Further, she did something neat, everyone felt valued, and in the end she walked away with more money than normal. That’s a
win-win
, and she’ll likely to do it again if the opportunity arises.

As your relationship progresses, she may even actively seek opportunities to engage in gifting behavior like this. Always reward, and act with class so as to preserve the moment on her behalf. Remember, giving is more about the giver than anything else, in every social situation, whether inside the club or not. Act right, reward, make investing in you fun for her…and pretty soon you’ll be opening Christmas presents together in your own living room.

CHOOSING
YOU
OVER
ANOTHER
GUY

This is actually an easy one. Occasionally you will find that you are competing for the time and attention of your girl with some other dude. Perhaps he will be an established customer of hers that she doesn’t wish to offend; other times he may simply be a strong prospect, or someone who was dancing and tipping heavy with her before you walked in. 

The first correct thing for you to do in this situation is relax, and simply let go of the outcome. If she’s busy, make sure you make contact and verify that she knows you’re there. Shoot her a text, or use the stage tipping strategy from Chapter 9. Now give her a couple minutes to respond without stressing it. Do not,
under any circumstance
, start
text-spamming
 her.