The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (15 page)

You are also going to need to be clear with the target dancer about your intentions, at least to a point. As I mentioned before, from the moment a girl sits down with you there is an invisible timer running, inexorably counting down until the moment when she begins to make her sales pitch. This is the decision cycle that I referenced earlier. What you are going to have to do is short circuit that process before the sand runs out of the hourglass and she starts selling you.

To correct this, and to
re-frame
 the encounter according to your needs and intentions, is as easy as being upfront about what you want from her. Just tell the dancer that you have no intention of getting any dances but that you would love for her to join you for a while. Let her know that you understand she is working, that her time is valuable to you, and that you will respect the relationship by compensating her for the attention she is giving you. Let me show you one way to do this:

“Well, how much are the dances, $20? Honestly, I’m not looking for dances right now, but if you have a drink with me, I’ll tip you the $20 up front.”

In my opinion, when you are first getting to know a stripper, the best way to compensate is half up front, and half after. Offer her $20 to sit with you for the duration of a drink which you will purchase, and tip an extra $10-$20 after that drink is gone. Thank her for the time she has spent with you, make sure you are clear on her name and that she knows yours, and let her know that you are interested in talking to her again in the future. 

These brief encounters should be kept somewhere in the range of ten to fifteen minutes. This time period will scale up or down depending on the speed of drink service in the club you are patronizing. It’s essential to keep these meetings brief for a number of reasons, all of which are pertinent to your success here, so let’s review them in some detail. Keeping your discussion brief makes it easier to:

• Maintain interest, prevent boredom
  
• Keep the conversation focused on her prevent over intoxication (after all, it’s only one drink)
  
• Maximize the value of your compensation to her time
  
• Prevent the appearance of monopolizing her attention
  
• Avoid saying something stupid (since you don’t have enough time in which to do so)
  

This is far from a comprehensive list, but I think you get the idea. Let’s move on.

Chapter 10. It's Not Just A City In China

“
CHEERS
MATE
!”

N
OT AN ACCEPTABLE FORM OF TIPPING IN THE
S
TATE OF
T
EXAS.

-
S
IGN POSTED INSIDE A STRIP CLUB IN
T
EXAS.

Tipping, that is.

You know that joke, don’t you? It’s funny because it’s like…
Tipping
…it sounds like it would be somewhere in China, you know? But it’s not about some city somewhere in China, it’s actually about tipping people, and that’s kind of funny. It’s a play on words you see, because “tipping” and Tipping sound the same, and…ah…oh,
forget it
.

I earlier referenced the idea that you should be taking care of your entertainer for the time and effort she’s investing in you. I gave the example of dropping $20—$40 on your girl over the course of a 15–20 minute conversation as you share drink together. That’s a fairly accurate overview depicting one way to take care of your girl, but it’s somewhat simplistic.

Since the idea of paying for a performer’s time is serious enough that the idea can’t simply be mentioned and left alone, as much as I wish that it could be. So let’s talk more now about money, your girl, and the key protocol surrounding getting her bills paid.

One of the easiest and most recognizable forms of compensating an exotic dancer is to drop tips on her while she dances on the club stage. Tipping a dancer for her stage show is a fairly straightforward sort of thing; she takes her turn on the
stage rotation
, and you tip her in recognition of her performance. 

Nonetheless, it still demands some sort of convention to perform properly, and for our purposes, not all stage tipping is created equally. There are three primary motivations for stage tipping, each with its own methodology:

• Getting her attention
  
• Focusing attention on yourself
  
• Rewarding or reinforcing behavior
  

TIPPING
TO
GET
HER
ATTENTION

One of the best ways to get the attention of an exotic dancer is simply to take a seat at her stage and ante up. This puts you in
proximity 
with her in a way that is acceptable, and welcome. She wants people to come to her stage and tip. Not only is it financially worthwhile for her but it demonstrates that she is exceptional, attractive and skilled at her stage show. 

Trying to flag down a girl you’d like to talk to, or follow her around the club trying to get her attention can make you look like a desperate loser. Sometimes there will be no other way besides tipping her stage since she may already be sitting with another customer and not see your attention. Going up to her stage and putting down some money will help neutralize obstacles like that. Stage tipping also gives you the indispensable opportunity to take a close look at the girl you’ve been eyeing from across the room.

Truthfully, it does not quite matter how much money you tip at stage side, although more is, and always will be, better. Keep in mind that strippers are surrounded all night with guys who offer cheap compliments while pinning them down with long, pointless conversations. The girls are always offered free drinks, tolerate empty declarations of love, and laugh off drunken marriage proposals. They are forced to negotiate with overweight slobs over the amount of additional service that will be provided in the course of a $20 lap dance.

In this context, it is possible to prove your
value
 by taking a seat at the stage with quiet confidence, while keeping your hands to yourself, and focusing on the girl center-stage with admiration and respect. If you’re dropping money on stage at the right moments, materially helping pay tonight’s stage fee or the cost of tomorrow’s baby sitter, then you can play hero to the woman you desire, and why not? Take a moment and just remember that, even if the girl you are tipping never develops an interest, you’ll still have a fantastic time and come across to the other girls in the room as someone worthy of notice.

If you truly need to get her attention while sitting at stage side, here are a couple of tips for you: One, if the point is to get her attention, and you remain seated at the stage after she completes her set and gets off stage, it will be difficult for her to approach you effectively. In most clubs, a dancer will make a circuit of the area after leaving the stage in order to “thank” everyone in person for their tips during her performance. This actually means she’ll come by to ask the
bargain motherfuckers
 who didn’t tip during her set if they would now like to do the right thing, and actually thank people who already took care of her.

If you have tipped her stage, she will thank you personally at stage side as she picks up her money. As soon as this has happened, just get up and return to your table. When she does her turn around the room, she will remember you from her stage and take the opportunity to thank you again. This will give you the opportunity to hit her up with another token tip, just to show you care. Chances are that the dancer will find her way back to you once she’s walked the room. Your behavior has taught her four things:

• You tipped her on stage because you like and appreciate her
  
• You kept your hands to yourself because you respect her
  
• You left the stage after her set because she was the only one you wanted
  
• You tipped her again at your table because her time is valuable to you
  

To sum that up;
you like, appreciate, and respect her, she is the only one you wanted, her time is valuable to you and you are willing to pay for it.

These are the things that are universally esteemed by all women; thus some variation of this strategy will work on any woman regardless of whether she is a stripper or not. That is to say, if the person you are employing this strategy with has female reproductive organs, estrogen, a heartbeat and an active bioelectric brain pattern that can be measured above 3Hz or so, it will work. Be advised that your results may vary in the event said person is dead, in a coma, too old to give a fuck or, you know,
not actually a chick
.

GETTING
HER
ATTENTION
,
PART
TWO

Of course, I said,
“Here are a couple of tips for you.”
That was one, and here is the other: A lot of guys who sit up at the stage can get real hands-on with the girls who are just trying to shake their shit up there. In addition, many customers will withhold tips until the dancer comes right up to them at the
tip rail
. This gives the tipping customer the opportunity to put the dough into the dancer’s costume, up close and personal.

When tipping a girl directly, most legal jurisdictions require that the money be placed in either a money garter (the thing dancers wear around one thigh for just this purpose) or in a non-offending clothing area. That means that the tie-sides of the dancer’s bikini bottom, normally at the hips, or in the straps of the bikini top are fine to insert a dollar into, anywhere else, legally speaking, is typically
a no-go.

Try telling that, however, to some drunken bachelor sitting at the tip rail. Tip-related stage interactions can lead to all sorts of shenanigans when customers use their direct tipping as an opportunity to force their hands inside a dancer’s costume. Even when an offending customer avoids going that far, he will still use the opportunity to run his hands along the stripper’s body as she gets in close, looking to score a handful of tits and ass by “accident.” In technical terms, this kind of douche-baggery is known as,
incindental touch
.

No matter what you call it though, this free molestation is just too much degrading contact for a couple of measly bucks, if you ask me. Strippers wear micro thongs and glitter to work, but that doesn’t really grant you some form of blanket permission to be a dirty bastard. It most certainly won’t help you attract the girl you’re after unless she’s a real douchebag herself. Instead of engaging in opportunistic behavior that identifies you as a complete jackass, try this method instead:

Place your tip right in front of you on the stage, and
only
when she has her back turned, is concentrating on another customer or simply isn't looking in your direction.

Although this may seem counterintuitive, but I can assure you that this will be a winning move, every time. If you tip a dancer when she isn’t looking, it means that you expect nothing in exchange for money. You don’t need individual attention, you don’t want her tits all in your face, and you don’t want to put your hand down her panties as you give her a fucking dollar bill. You are tipping for nothing more than the fact that you are sitting back enjoying her stage, and nothing more is required. Everything you need to justify a tip occurred the moment she decided to grace the stage with her presence, captivating looks, and sparkling personality. Nothing more is required; she is perfect, whole, and beautiful in every way that matters to you.

Further, you are a humble man, a simple seeker of beauty and sexual companionship, with excellent taste in women, the ability to appreciate the female form, and a gentleman’s sensibilities. You need no thanks for the money you have placed before her. It is her due, and you don’t begrudge that which rightly belongs to her. It was a pleasure to have shared such fleeting intimacy, no matter how illusory and putting your hands on her when something as crass as money lay between you would only ruin it. Better to share this bit of connection, and hope to meet again.

Or some such shit.

I don’t actually understand why it works exactly, but it works. I’m fairly certain that you have no idea why women are
functionally crazy people
 any more than I do, so I’d prefer you don’t try giving me a ration of shit on this one. It just works. Maybe it works because all girls secretly think they’re some kind of undiscovered Disney princess, or that
Mr. Right
is about to walk through the door any second now, or because they’re just fucking hormone-driven psychotics. Why do you care?

A further advantage that comes along with this form of tipping is that the stripper will always be surprised when she comes by to collect the tips sitting in front of you. Most of the time, the dancer will suddenly realize that she wasn’t paying enough attention to you during the
stage set
. This is guaranteed to get her off balance, make her wonder what else she might have been missing in regards to you, and force her to focus on you in the future.