The Summer of Jake (14 page)

Letting out a long breath, I tried to pick up the conversation around us.

We didn’t speak privately again during the three-course meal, but my attention didn’t wander for a minute. I was aware of her thigh near mine and when her elbow brushed my own. I was aware of her eating from her fork and sipping from her glass. Several times, I accidentally brushed her arm when reaching for something. At least, I pretended they were accidents.

After final coffees, Adam’s parents were leaving and Annalise announced she was going, too, but Kelly stopped her.

“Wait for me. I’m going to see Adam’s parents off, but I want to speak to you before you go.”

I watched Annalise nod before looking around uncomfortably as Kelly left the room. I wanted to reach out and touch her—to smooth the discomfort from her face. But I shouldn’t. I was bad for her. Why couldn’t I remember that? I thrust my hands into my jeans pockets yet kept watching, unable to draw my gaze away.

She drifted to my mother’s side and asked if she could take a walk through her garden. Again, my hand began to reach out to her, and, again, I thrust it in my pocket.

My mother was always happy to have someone appreciate her pride and joy, and Annalise slipped quietly out the back door.

I wrenched my gaze away as I contemplated the unthinkable—whether to follow.

I’d promised not to hurt her, not to get more involved when I couldn’t see it through, but still, I found myself following her out the door, all the time cursing myself for my lack of willpower.

Chapter Thirteen

Annalise

Once in the garden, I took a deep breath. I hadn’t been able to breathe properly all night. Wrapping my arms around myself, I looked up at the night sky, wishing with all my heart that Jake loved me. I couldn’t find a shooting star to wish on, so I picked the brightest and hoped it’d be enough.

Having to sit beside him all night and pretend he was nothing more than my friend’s brother had been difficult. Having to cover my reactions every time we accidentally brushed hands had been almost impossible. Luckily, there’d been enough boisterous conversation to distract the others, and I didn’t think anyone noticed.

I spun around at the sound of footsteps behind me to see Jake come to stand a few feet away.

“Why haven’t you been to see your designs?” he asked gently. “You know I’m not there much. It wouldn’t be hard to see them without bumping into me.”

I shook my head, overpowered by his presence. The garden at night was impressive, but it came nowhere near the magnificence of Jake standing in dappled light.

“Annalise, you shouldn’t have to miss seeing your first designs on sale because of something that happened between us.” He raised a hand, as if to touch me, but then he flinched and stuffed it back into his jeans pocket.

“That’s not the reason.” I was glad my voice sounded normal as I lied. “I’ve just being doing a lot of shifts for Barbara. I’ll come in soon and see them.”

“Let me know when you’re coming, and I’ll make sure I’m not there.”

I looked away, embarrassed that he’d need to arrange to be away from his own shop.

“Unless you want me to be there?”

Alarmed, I looked back at him. Or
was
it alarm? It was so close to excitement, maybe I was confused.

He took a step closer. “I’ve missed you, Annalise.” His voice had changed to a hoarse whisper. “I’ve seen you in my dreams at night and in my thoughts during the day, but I’ve missed being with you.”

I stood, mesmerized, watching his mouth as he spoke and the tortured expression in his eyes.

“Do you ever think about that night in your kitchen?”

I nodded, my pulse racing. He was closer now, and I could feel his breath on my face.

“Annalise, I think about it all the time. I play it over in my head, remembering the touch of your skin, the taste of your lips, the feel of your hair between my fingers.” I watched his eyes change focus and wander over my hair. “I especially think about you on the counter, and feeling myself pressing against you.”

I was aware of an intimacy created by his nearness in the shadows, which my logical brain warned was dangerous. But my brain was no longer in control.

“And do you know what else I think about?”

I gave a slight shake of my head, well past the capacity to form words.

“I think about what would’ve happened if we hadn’t stopped.” His voice became huskier. “I wonder if we would’ve made love in the kitchen or if we’d have made it to your bed.” He reached up and stroked my cheek, watching my lips, despite the shadowed moonlight. My mouth dried under the scrutiny.

“Maybe,” he whispered, “we would’ve tried but only gotten as far as your couch.”

He ran the pad of his thumb lightly across my lips, and my breath caught in my throat. I had to concentrate to be able to breathe evenly until he moved his thumb to my cheek.

“And I think about how we would’ve been together. I know I would have spent hours exploring every inch of you.”

My heart was beating so fast I almost had trouble hearing him over the sound.

“I would’ve kissed and tasted your body until neither of us could stand it anymore.” Involuntarily, my eyes were drawn to the mouth that could do that to my body. I wanted to pull it down to mine but managed to keep perfectly still.

Slowly, Jake leant over and kissed my earlobe as he whispered in my ear. “And I think about how you would’ve responded. In my fantasies, you always undress me quickly and you touch me like it’s a need inside you.” He ran his lips and tongue along my ear, and I melted. “And when you explode, you call out my name and cling to me.”

I lost all semblance of control and turned my head to meet his lips, kissing him with everything I had. The feel of his lips was like nothing else in this world, and when his tongue moved into my mouth, I lost contact with my brain. I wound my arms up around his neck, splayed my fingers into his hair, wanting more. Always wanting more with this man.

His hands framed my face in a gesture that was somehow sexy and tender at the same time, making my heart sigh even at the crazy speed it was racing. I’d never wanted anyone or anything as badly as I wanted Jake in that moment.

As his tongue slid along mine, a delicious shiver tingled all the way out to my fingers and toes. I pulled back for a moment to gasp in some air, but, unable to let him go even for a short second, I bit down on his bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth. A groan rumbled in his chest.

He pulled me close against him, but it didn’t seem near enough, so I tried to get closer while his hands roamed over my body as if trying to touch all of me at once.

I didn’t want to stop. Never wanted to stop. He slid his hands to my hips, digging his fingertips into the soft flesh, and his arousal was clearly evident through the fabric of his jeans. If I’d been in any doubt that he wanted me back, it was answered. I pressed against him, his hardness pressed back right at the sweet spot.

The world receded, and I was reaching up to unbutton his shirt, to run my hands over his chest, when I realized where we were.

In his mother’s backyard.

We were shielded by the gardens for the moment, but this was hardly the place to get carried away. And I was
very
near to being carried away.

I pulled back and tried to clear my head. He was breathing hard, but smiling that slow, sexy smile.

Why was he smiling? In fact, why was he doing any of this? Was it some kind of ego trip? Proving he could have me if he wanted?

I tried to take another step back but stumbled. He reached out to steady me, but I moved away from his hands. Whatever he’d meant by kissing me, it was cruel.

“Jake, why are you doing this?”

“I can’t seem to help myself around you.” As if to prove his point, he reached out and ran his fingertips down my arm. “I’ve tried not to think about you, but it’s not working. And seeing you tonight, well, I can’t deny how damn much I want you.” His hand continued to move lightly over my arm, making my skin tingle. “I’d do just about anything to have you in my bed. I don’t remember ever feeling that way before.”

I took a step back, away from his lingering hand. “Jake, you have to realize what you’re doing is cruel.”

“Cruel?” His tone was odd, detached, as if he realized the answer even as he spoke.

I nodded. “You’ve already made it clear where you stand on relationships. And you know I love you, yet you’re making this harder for me.”

Dropping his hand, he looked out into the garden. “You’re right, I should have stayed away.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “And the stupid part is, I’m making it harder for myself, too. I’ll keep my distance from now on, like I promised.” He looked back into my eyes, and I saw unshed tears.

What on earth did that mean? How could it make it worse for him, as well?

Suddenly, everything fell into place. His change in behavior to Kelly and Adam. His declaration that he hadn’t felt this way before. The ongoing sexual attraction between us. And now, emotions strong enough to move him to tears.

Could he…did he love me?

The moment was as sweet as nectar, filling my heart with joy, yet simultaneously as bitter as the bile that rose in my throat. I’d once thought there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to know Jake loved me. Yet now I knew that wasn’t quite true. More than that, I wanted him to love me
enough
to fight his fears and claim the love I offered him.

How could he throw this away? A feeling so rare I’d never felt it with anyone else. He’d just told me he hadn’t, either. It was rare enough to be precious.

But what was he doing with it? Not even acknowledging it. Treating it with contempt. Not giving it a chance to bloom.

Anger welled up inside me, and I felt like it was spilling out to fill the air around us. How dare he stand there with pain in his eyes? Whose fault was that anyway? He was throwing away a chance at happiness, not only for himself but also for me.

“Annalise, is something wrong?” He reached his hand out again, but I deflected it with an arm. How could he stand there sounding so concerned?

“Yes, something’s wrong.”

“What is it?” Instead of consoling me, his concern only made me angrier.

I allowed all of my frustration, passion, and anger to discharge in one word. “You!”

“What do you mean?” He was clearly mystified, so I made a split-second decision to explain just what the problem was.

“You waltz over here, showing me what you’re too scared to admit to yourself and expect that we’ll both go back to normal lives and everything will be fine!”

His face hardened. “And what am I
too scared
to admit?”

“You love me.” I raised my chin, challenging him.

“What?”

“You heard me. You’re in love with me, but you probably haven’t even admitted it to yourself. Do you know what’s going on in your head and heart
at all
?”

His eyes flared. “I
told
you where I was coming from. I wish I could offer you more, but I can’t.” He was speaking as if he was forcing himself to be civil. I didn’t care.

“That’s an excuse. You’re using that old story to hide behind because you’re scared, Jake Maxwell. Am I that scary?”

He wasn’t trying to hide his anger anymore. “You’re the only one I’ve told about that, and now you’re throwing it back in my face? I can see I was wrong to trust you.”

“Maybe we’ve both been wrong about things.” My breathing was ragged with all the conflicting emotions tumbling around my system. “I always thought you were so brave. You told me in the surf I’d have to risk the deep water some time. When are you going to risk it, Jake? You were brave on the water and brave in business. But now I see you’re just a coward at heart.”

He looked like he was about to explode. Had I pushed him too far? I hadn’t meant to attack him like that, but, whenever I was around him, I was doing things I didn’t mean to do.

I watched as he struggled to control his temper. Even in the dappled light, I could see his face had gone a deep shade of red, his lips pressed together.

Maybe it was better if we were angry at each other. At least he wouldn’t try to kiss me now. In fact, if I could keep the anger there whenever we bumped into each other, things might be much easier for me to handle.

“Are there any other insults you’d like to hurl while you’re at it?” His face had almost returned to its normal color, but his eyes were angrier than I’d ever seen them.

I’d been wrong about anger being easier to handle. Looking into his face, filled with hostility, I wanted to take everything back. I wanted to go back to where we could at least laugh and talk. Now I’d ruined any chance he’d overcome his fears or that we could even be friends. I felt like crying, but my mind was frantically trying to think of a way out of this mess.

“Jake, I—”

“Save it, Annalise. I already got the picture.” He turned on his heel and stalked back toward the house.

For a moment, I considered following him, but I still hadn’t come up with anything to say. And he was so mad, I didn’t think he’d listen anyway.

Standing alone in the garden, I finally gave in to the choking sobs I’d contained in front of Jake and let the tears fall unchecked down my cheeks.

…

I’d been friends with Kelly for months before I first met Jake.

He was often away with Adam and Gerry trying to qualify for the pro competitions, however, I’d heard all about him and his surfing talent. Kelly’s combination of pride and talkativeness ensured I knew more about him than I knew about some of my own relatives.

Eden also spoke of him often, a pride shining from her eyes that I wished I’d seen in my own parents.

Jake was obviously the perfect son and brother, and I was desperate to meet him. Already loving Kelly and Eden and feeling more at home in their house, I was eager to ingratiate myself with their third member.

I’d been jealous of other friends’ luck in having siblings, but to have such a perfect one meant Kelly was the luckiest person in the world.

I had fantasies that, after one look, Jake would take me under his wing as another little sister.

Maybe, if the god of teenage girls was pleased with me, I’d be invited to join their family Kelly would be my sister, and Jake would be my big brother.

Not that I really wanted to leave my parents, but it was an alluring dream.

The day I arrived at Kelly’s house knowing Jake would be there, I thought I might burst from excitement. What would it be like to have a surrogate brother? Would he be kind and protective? Or maybe teasing and fun? I couldn’t wait to find out.

Unfortunately, the god of teenage girls had other ideas.

Kelly answered the door, and we hugged our greeting. “Come into the kitchen. Mum and Jake are having breakfast.” Kelly, as always, was bouncing around with energy.

We walked through, and Eden smiled warmly. “Annalise, it’s nice to see you. Come and meet Jake.”

I walked over to the table, my shyness more agonizing than usual. Jake was wearing a pair of khaki board shorts, and his tanned, muscular torso was on display. I had never seen anything so beautiful up close before.

“Hey,” he said, and I looked up into his eyes. They were dark and utterly gorgeous. And the face they were set in, I decided on the spot, was the most perfect face ever created.

He gave me a lazy once-over then went back to eating his breakfast.

I managed to squeak out, “Hi.”

Then Kelly grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward her room. “Come on, Lisey, I’ve got a new magazine to show you.”

Magazine? Who cared about magazines when
Jake
was in the kitchen? But I let myself be pulled away, knowing I had no excuse to stay. Knowing, without a doubt, what had just happened.