The Swap - Second Chances: Second Chances (3 page)

Jenna grew tired of the constant struggle within and wanted to have it out with Darnell. She waited for weeks for an opportunity but it just never transpired. She lost her courage to speak to him and she certainly couldn't speak with Will about it. He had grown complacent with her just going through the motions and she hated how it had affected their marriage.

Work kept Darnell and Jenna busy, but still they had moments each day when they'd kick back and take a break and just talk about nothing important. Jenna decided that afternoon that she and Darnell needed to talk about the obvious elephant in the room.

They had too many
moments
of an almost kiss. The lingering looks, the longing in their eyes. It became more than they could bear without talking about it. Jenna wanted to put it all out on the table for discussion and hoped it would help to resolve their feelings.

When Darnell came into her office that afternoon he shut the door like always and had a seat in the chair in front of her desk. He began talking about a yacht a friend of his has for sale. Jenna nodded but looked for an opportunity to change the subject. Finally a lull in the conversation gave her the opening.

"Darnell, we need to talk," Jenna said keeping her eyes steady on him.

He shifted in his seat and sat up straight and nodded. "Okay," he said giving her a questioning look. His hands stayed folded in his lap.

"We need to talk about us, this," Jenna said holding her hand out to him and back to her.

Darnell sighed. "Yeah, I suppose we do."

"Are you struggling as much as me over us working together? I mean I keep thinking about you inappropriately."

Darnell smiled, a twinkle in his eyes. "Really?" He flashed his perfect white teeth.

"You know what I mean. I'm married to Will, you're married to Macy. I can't keep daydreaming about you like I am."

"Oh really?" Darnell’s grin grew bigger still. He loved hearing this and yet he knew deep in his heart Jenna was right about it being inappropriate.

"I'm serious Darnell. Am I the only one here feeling this?" Jenna kept her eyes on him pleading silently for an answer.

Darnell looked down. "I know. I'm feeling it too. You're right. We need to discuss this and the direction it is heading and be on the same page about it."

"Okay, to me there's only one direction it should head. We owe it to our spouses to at least try to make our marriages work, agree?" Jenna hated saying the words because she wanted what she couldn’t have, yet the legalities of it all said otherwise.

Darnell nodded his head slowly. "You're right. And you're right that you have filled my head and my heart and preoccupied my dreams. It's been great having you here but it's been torture at home. It's not that I don't love Macy, because I do," Darnell said.

"Exactly. And I love Will."

"But you and I, we never had closure. I never got over it. I thought about you through the years and wondered about all the
what ifs
. The truth is I came back to Alabama to find you. But I ran into a dead end and I got caught up at college. I met Macy," Darnell said and shook his head slowly, looking off at a distant memory.

"Where does this leave us now? Should I quit and walk away?" Jenna said.

Darnell didn't want to lose her now even though it pained him to see her and not have her like he wanted. "Absolutely not. We're adults here, we can learn how to work together and go on with our lives. We can be friends just like we have been over the past couple of months."

Jenna nodded, her hair falling softly about her shoulders. "Okay, good. I don't want to quit. I don't want to walk away. We can do this. We can be friends."

"Perhaps we should get together more often with our spouses, like we did for the barbecue. Maybe that will help solidify our friendship if we make an attempt to get to know each other's spouses better," Darnell suggested.

Jenna nodded. "I guess so. I'm sorry that we lost touch like we did. I guess once you left I tried to move on. At least I thought I had. Running into you here was a total surprise. It has thrown me for a loop. I'm sure we'll manage to be good friends." She nodded and smiled though in her heart she doubted it could be possible.

"We will," Darnell said not thoroughly convinced either because he still had strong feelings for Jenna. He didn't want to admit he toyed with the idea of separating from Macy but Jenna's talk brought him back down from that. Macy didn't deserve that sort of thing and he needed to give his marriage the best shot possible, even if the love of his life sat across from him now.

So the two parted that evening thinking they had done the best thing by first admitting to their feelings and secondly agreeing to make their respective marriages work. Jenna entered her home with a new resolve to focus on Will as Darnell did the same in his home with Macy. They just didn't realize how in sync they were with each other.

For a while Jenna felt good about the conversation she and Darnell had because it helped to resolve some of the struggle within her mind and emotions. But perhaps the damage was already done because Will seemed a bit off to her even when she tried to make amends.

For Darnell, Macy kept herself busy, busy enough not to be affected by his indifference. He hated how he had acted and didn't quite know how to pick up the pieces again. Still, he honored what he and Jenna had agreed and tried to make his marriage to Macy work.

Jenna had been crying about the turmoil she felt over Darnell for months. She hadn't been convinced it to be the right thing because of the condition of her heart. Yet she wanted to follow through with the agreement to make her marriage work. So here she sat crying when she knew Will was away. Her raw emotions no one else witnessed.

Instead of dealing with their marriage she had shut herself off from him, becoming a stranger. She couldn’t take his touch and longed for Darnell. She knew it wrong and that’s why she didn’t pursue Darnell. That’s why she stayed with Will, her husband. She had been bad with him though and she needed to try to make amends, somehow.

When she heard Will come in she determined to make their marriage work. He had a bad day and thought it business as usual with his unresponsive wife. Because for months she seemed cold and uninterested in his advances. He had grown tired of her vagueness and moodiness she showed all the time now. He had just about reached the point of wanting to give up on their marriage. The thought crossed his mind a few times a day.

He made his way to the shop where he worked on various projects, his way of escaping the home life he dreaded now. After changing into work clothes he looked with disdain at the absence of a meal in the kitchen and with belly rumbling went on out into the shop. Jenna had been in the bathroom trying to repair her bloodshot eyes so he couldn't tell she had cried earlier.

"Will?" Jenna called but he disappeared into the shop before he heard her. His anger burned harsher today over the past several months' worth of neglect from his wife and the fact that he had a bad day at work.

"Will!" Jenna said as she walked into the shop startling the man. He looked up harshly before looking back down at the task as hand. "What is wrong with you? What are you doing?" Jenna's voice had a hint of aggravation in it. Will banged noisily on an automotive part for an old truck he had. He looked up and practically barked at Jenna.

"What in the hell do you want me to do or say?" Will said as he whipped around when Jenna kept hounding him about his sullen mood.

"What do you mean?" Jenna asked taken aback by his reaction to her question.

"You fucking pay no attention to me all the fucking time now. You rarely cook supper any more, you sort of just blow me off and not in the way I'd like. For months you've been this way. I have had shit going on at work, but you never ask about my day so I don't bother telling you. Today it all blew up on me, not that you give a damn. You're so ultra-focused on your new job and the return of your best bud from high school you practically forget you are married. But that's okay, I'm managing. Life does go on. You have no right to come at me and ask at this point. I don't know what kind of answer you're looking for," Will said, his eyes red.

Jenna's lip quivered as she felt tears sting her eyes. She had certainly made a mess of their marriage and she still felt unresolved in her emotions over it. But she promised Darnell she would give her marriage a go and she intended on honoring that promise. "I'm sorry Will. I know I've been absent emotionally from us lately," Jenna said.

"Absent? You've been AWOL. I don't know what's going on with you. Are you and Darnell having an affair?" Will asked point blank.

Jenna swayed backwards. At first she felt the color drain from her face then she felt a bright blush. Displaying this sort of behavior admitted guilt, only no crime had been committed. After she swallowed hard she answered. "No, Darnell and I aren't having an affair. I've been faithful to you. I'm just going through something." She swallowed hard, unable to look her husband in the eye.

"Something sure as hell is going on. You checked out Jen. For months I've wondered what the hell happened. You never show concern for me. You never ask about my day. I just assumed you didn't care."

Jenna shook her head. She didn't want to admit to having strong feelings for Darnell. She had kept it bottled up this entire time. "I am sorry. I'm just going through a thing. I'm not cheating on you. I don't know. I just have moments where I don't know what I want or how I feel anymore." She looked at Will, feeling badly for the man.

Will nodded his head. "I thought so. You've fallen out of love with me haven't you?"

She just looked at her husband and slowly shook her head. "No, I still love you. I love you and I care about you, I've just had trouble expressing it. I honestly don't know if I'm happy or sad or what will make me happy. I want to do the right thing here," Jenna said hoping against hope he understood her.

Will stood up looking intently at his wife. He remained very cool as he brushed himself off and stepped away from the work bench. "I'm not sure what the right thing is anymore either, Jenna. I just know if you can fly off in your mind like you have over the past months I'm not sure I trust you emotionally anymore. Obviously your heart and mind are somewhere. But where is the question, right?" He brushed past her and back into the house, the conversation finished.

"But...Will?" Jenna called, trying to stop him.

He kept going and went into their bedroom to change his clothing again. His hunger overruled everything and since his wife saw fit not to cook supper he planned to go out to eat.

"What are you doing now?" Jenna ran into the room.

"Well, it's this thing called supper. We rarely have any semblance of a family gathering so I figure I'll pay someone to cook and serve me," Will said sarcastically.

"What about me?" Jenna asked feeling hurt at being left out so blatantly.

"What about you? You hungry? You can come too." Will shoved the shirt over his head, smoothed his hair and sat down on the edge of the bed to tie his shoes. Jenna shook with anger at the implication she should have been in the kitchen cooking his supper.

"You know I'm not the only one capable of cooking. Yes, my job keeps me busy. I'm beat when I come home. Normally you have been out in the shop and have already eaten a snack, so I figure cooking supper is pointless," Jenna said just making it worse.

"I eat a snack when I get home because I'm hungry because your job keeps you later than mine. Yes, I can cook, but before you started your employment for Paper Works you did the meals. I take care of the lawn. We sort of had a routine, or at least I thought we did. But it stopped. I'm just trying to get by, you know, surviving. I understand you are busy. I just figured it's a moot point. No, I don't have time to do the cooking in addition to yard work and vehicle upkeep. If you can't cook it I'll go out and get it. If you are hungry, I'll take you along. Simple,” Will said with a forced smile.

Jenna gritted her teeth as she grabbed her handbag and went to a frosty supper with her husband.

Darnell respected Jenna's decision to make their marriage work. He had trouble keeping the two women separate in his emotions though. His heart always belonged to Jenna but he married Macy. And no matter, Macy deserved all of his heart.

His wife knew his work kept him busy so she immersed herself in her own projects and all the volunteer work she did. Since money were no object she didn't have to hold a career. Her college degree in political science gave her an edge with some of the charity organizations in which she volunteered. That and the fact that Darnell's money funded a great deal of the work gave Macy the leadership edge. It certainly kept her life too busy to notice anything out of the ordinary as far as Darnell were concerned. That is until Jenna came to work for him. She began to notice little differences here and there, in the absence of her husband emotionally, anyway.

For Darnell and Macy, the deterioration of the marriage came slowly, dissolving a little each day. Macy didn't feel the object of Darnell's affections and at first she figured it had to do with his new business venture. He stayed preoccupied with it constantly coming up with ways for improvement that required his full attention. She grew used to his constant need for running to the office and then becoming lost in his endeavors.

Macy stood in the doorway looking at Darnell that Saturday morning. She tried to decide to mention the chasm that had built up between the two or just keep ignoring it. She wants a fully attentive husband though so that line of thought won.

Darnell looked up from his papers. He studied a paper mill in Georgia and had determined to acquire it once he nailed down the figures. He planned to phone and meet with his attorneys later that day to secure the deal.

"What dear?" Darnell said looking up at his wife standing in the doorway and feeling a little aggravated at the interruption.

"Are you ever going to slow down?" she asked tilting her head to the side, an endearing gesture that Darnell always liked.

"Well, right now I'm in the midst of buying another paper mill in Georgia. If I don't strike now with it I'll miss the window of opportunity. You know how it goes," Darnell said dismissing his wife by looking back at the papers in front of him and hoping she’d just move along.

"No, it's always an opportunity that requires all of your attention. I'm tired of trying to figure out ways for us to spend time and you never having any," she said her eyes intent on him as she stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry baby, this is my job. This is what I do. I bought Paper Works, Inc. with the intent of being the paper mill king in at least three states. My eyes are on Tennessee next. Besides you've been pretty busy yourself with your volunteer work," Darnell said as he sat up and put the papers down to give his wife his full attention.

"I only do the things I do because you're always gone. I haven't pursued a real career because you told me I don't need to. When we first got married you asked me to be available for you, so we could travel and stuff. So I did that. I put my career on hold. But when I saw we wouldn't be traveling I immersed myself into the charity work. I guess I'm tired of us existing separately Darnell." Macy sat down opposite of him, her eyes staying glued to his.

"Macy, I just need to focus on this right now. Doing this now will set us up for life later so we can relax and enjoy life." Darnell hoped she’d take hint and realize he was incredibly preoccupied with this new business venture.

"We have more than enough money to enjoy life now and later. Why keep acquiring more? It seems sort of sinful or greedy or something. I miss you, Darnell. I hate what's happening with us. We're drifting apart and you just don't seem to care," Macy said, keeping calm, her voice quiet and sweet.

Darnell sighed. He didn't want to tell her the truth that he just had no interest in her anymore. He kept himself busy and preoccupied to keep his mind
off
Jenna. He hated what was happening with his marriage, but he just didn't feel the same connections with his wife. "Macy, I don't know what to say here. My mind is set on building the business. You knew that when we married. I told you I'd be pursuing a large career as a business owner, not just one business but many." Darnell’s dark blue eyes stayed on her.

"I guess that was my mistake then. I figured since you committed to me you'd put me first somehow over your business," Macy said as the anger brewed in her voice. The sweetness he heard a minute ago gone now.

"Macy, I'm sorry. Right now I have to focus on this, see it through. You do realize it affects more than just us. We are fine, but there are many others out there who need a job and I'm enabling communities to have this. You just need to be patient," Darnell said hoping this would appease his wife. Her face stayed serious, her smile gone.

"Patient? I'm running thin I'm afraid. I'm about ready to give you an ultimatum and have you choose me or your precious company," Macy said narrowing her eyes at Darnell.

"Is that it? You've reduced our marriage to a showdown?" Darnell sat forward in his chair. Deep down he knew he deserved this but he wasn’t the type to lie down and take it.

"I don't know. I really don't. Darnell, I'm just tired of the status quo. I'm tired of playing second fiddle to your work. I want to be first in your life. I think as your wife you owe me that much,” Macy said, her tone now even again after the momentary outburst.

"Macy, you know you're first. But you also know I have a lot on me right now. I just need time to sort out through this. Just be patient, okay? Don't go giving me ultimatums. I'm not so sure you'd like the outcome if you did," Darnell warned as he cautiously eyed his wife.

"Suit yourself," Macy said and stood up. She didn’t look at him again and stomped off, angry.

Darnell watched her go and put his head down in his hands. In spite of the promise to Jenna to make his marriage to Macy work he wasn't sure just how far he could take this. The constant struggle gave him some serious doubts. He felt as if he's beating a dead horse over it.