The Three Sisters (16 page)

“OK, understand all that, Thea. What I need’s specific ideas. Now I know why I call you Theoretical Thea. What about the rides, entertainment centers,
other things?”

“Well, we’re working on it,” said K. “But it takes time, you know. I have some ideas though, some of which
are sacrilegious.”

“To
be expected.”

“I thought there should be a Sodom and Gomorrah ride. Each person would take a ride on it, and they could view all the spurcitious and sacrilegious sins that led to the cities’ destruction. If we wanted to, we could use locations in L.A.
for backdrops.”

“Of course, there’d have to be a rollercoaster. We could build the biggest one in the world,”
added Regina.

“One of our best ideas, however, which we still need to work on,” said Theodora, “is the Dante’s Inferno ride. I think the public would especially like it because it would appeal to both cultural and religious interests. The difference with this ride, however, is that it would be updated to contemporary times. We would show how Dante would punish people if he were alive today. For instance, we’d put business executives in the hottest part of Hell next to an air conditioner. Every time they’d turn the air conditioner on to cool themselves off, it would work for five seconds, then break down. They’d be punished for creating built-in obsolescence,” explained Theodora who had gotten the idea while in
the hearse.

“Another section would be reserved for joggers who would spend the rest of eternity dodging cars driving a hundred miles an hour while they ran through a field of mud. In another section, insurance salesmen would be put in a room full of nagging mother-in-laws. Telephone solicitors would continually get busy signals or be hung up on. Academics and writers would constantly receive rejection notices from journals and book publishers. Each part of modern society would be taken care of in its own way,” explained Theodora, who got up, walked over to Victor, and handed him a piece
of paper.

“We made a list of a couple dozen possible punishments. We could either choose the best from the list, or we could rotate the punishments to provide
some variety.”

“How do you three do it? OK, so we’ll put some rides in. Gotta be
more though.”

“We figured we would have to build a theater for adult musical productions. We could call it the Cecil B. DeMille Theater or something Hollywoodish like that.” Theodora frowned upon Regina’s adjectival creation. “It would be easy to repeat the shows we do here or in New York at the park and cut down on costs. The most obvious choice would be parodies of Hollywood movies past and present. Maybe show the audience what would happen if John Belushi and his
Animal House
friends took over the
Death Star.”

“One idea I have is to open the theater with a revue I have been working on called ‘Singin’ on the Sea’ which would parody old Hollywood songs while Christ tap dances across the Sea of Galilee,” added K. “This way we could lavish lewd ludi upon
the spectators.”

“Aaahh,” sighed Victor, shooting a dart at
Doris Day.

“I could do my Mae West imitations. Throw a couple more numbers in, and we could put on a show!” added Regina, who had appeared in the Kennedy Center’s revival
of
Sex
.

“We also think a full-size replica of a Spanish mission would be appropriate to give a Spanish ambience to the park. Inside, customers could rest while actors, dressed up like people from the missions, tended to them,” explained Theodora. Mrs. Ram, who was no longer bothered by Victor’s unexpected shots from the dart gun began studying the pictures to see how many people
she recognized.

“And of course, there’d be the usual plethora of concession stands,” said Coito. “We could have a photo shop where, using trick photography, people could have their picture taken walking on water or on the moon, standing on top of the Empire State Building with King Kong, or performing other unusual or miraculous deeds. There’d also be the usual number of souvenirs, many of which we already sell here, such as the Warren Commission dart gun set, but we could also create some
new ones.”

“One idea is a board game based upon the Spanish Inquisition,” added Theodora. “We could include cards that say, ‘You just seized the land of a rich heretic, collect $
1000
,’ or ‘The local priest overheard you saying the earth revolves around the sun. Go directly to the Iron Maiden.’ Then you would have to pay half your money to be released by the Inquisition. As you collected more and more money, you could buy indulgences and reduce the time you had to spend in Purgatory. The first to eliminate all their time in Purgatory would win. It’s both educational
and fun.”

“Personally, I think a pogo stick shaped like a crucifix would be great fun,” added non-conformist K. “We could even have
annual races.”

“K, are limits to what the public will put up with. Can’t alienate everyone for
your sake.”

“Oh, Victor, you’re no fun sometimes. Anyway, those are some of our ideas. Give us some time and we’ll give you more than enough to
choose from.”

“Great! We’ll take L.A. by storm!” promised Victor. “And believe me, park’ll go over big. All those parents, take their kids to Disneyland. God knows they’d like a Magic Kingdom of their own. Everybody goes out there to be in TV and movies, most don’t make it. Help us keep costs down. All the successful actors, actresses, and other people connected with movies and TV in L.A. Got plenty of money, probably don’t know what to do with it all. Give them a chance to use it. They’ll
go wild.”

“Victor, what about the Rams?”
interrupted Theodora.

“Sure. Got job for them if they want it. Come back next week. We’ll get everything set up.” Victor looked at the Rams. “You’ll explain everything to the authorities,
of course.”

“Certainly we will,” said
Mr. Ram.

“Great then. Well, looks like things are rolling again. You three’ll have to stay in hiding until everything’s fixed up though. But spend the time working on ideas for the amusement park. With luck, we can open it by
1982
or earlier.”

“Do you want us to come back here at nights?”
asked Thea.

“No, never know when they’ll finally get wise. Send some men to keep an eye on us. They’ve had shortage of manpower up ’till now. May try and bring some more men onto the case soon. So stay away from here until everything’s
straightened up.”

“Is that it?” asked K, eager
to leave.

“Damn. Forgot to tell you. Detective Hole, always causing problems. He’s announced that he’s personally offering a $
10
,
000
reward for your capture. So be careful, girls. Don’t get in trouble. And stay at Joan’s. Bear with me for a bit, and I’ll fix
things up.”

“Just make sure the men visit us at Joan’s, and there won’t be any problems,” promised Regina. “And send some movies and a
projector over.”

“What if we want to go out?” asked K, never one
for confinement.

“Don’t unless you have to. Sending Phil over. He’ll run errands for you, act as a go-between for us. And if you do go somewhere, for Christ’s sake, girls, don’t wear your habits. Sister Carla will stay here until things quiet down. Give her time with some
other penguins.”

“You can count on me, Victor. I’m staying inside where it’s safe,”
promised Theodora.

“Don’t worry,” Coito added. “Even if we did leave the house, what could happen in
Washington, D.C.?”

CHAPTER VI

Let
copulation thrive.

– King Lear
IV,
vi.
111

eeding the words of Victor, the three sisters retired to Joan Dark’s house where they could remain until their problems with the law were cleared up; however, they had little free time there. Each of the three had to both go through the work that had piled up for them while they had been busy on the west coast and tackle the new projects they had been given. In fact, Victor purposely loaded the three down with extra work to encourage them to stay at Joan’s house and not venture out where they could
be discovered.

Coito worked on her assigned project—the as-yet-unnamed adult amusement park to be built near Los Angeles. K had already dubbed it the RFK Memorial Amusement Park, which she alternately referred to as Kennedyland or Kennedyworld depending upon her mood, but no official name had yet to be chosen. K spent her days drawing up plans, entertaining new ideas, contacting associates on the cost and feasibility of various projects, and doing everything necessary to ensure that some of her ideas would be part of the park long after she was gone. New ideas or changes were daily relayed via Philip to Victor who kept track of each new development and informed the three of his slow progress with
the law.

Despite all the work she had before her, K quickly grew restless and became desirous of leaving her sanctuary to revisit the city’s sites and her friends. “I didn’t plan on trading one jail for another,” she angrily told Victor one afternoon. Not only did Coito yearn to escape Joan’s house to be free and roam the world without, but she was also itching to defy Victor who virtually controlled her life at
that point.

Theodora was not as certain as Coito that Victor would be able to save them from having to serve time. Consequently, she devoted herself to projects of business and pleasure, working during the mornings and afternoons while listening to music and reading books at night to keep her mind off her uncertain future. In addition to working with Coito on the amusement park, Theodora once again set herself to preparing
All’s Well That Ends Well
for its premiere performance at the Kennedy Center. Theodora’s time was also spent with the Rams who visited Theodora at Joan’s house during the day. Theodora tried to orient them to Washington (by word rather than by example) and answer their
numerous questions.

The change which had come over the Rams since the three sisters had driven up to the True Love Mortuary a week before seemed amazing. Though Mr. Ram had originally been hesitant about leaving their home of many years, he now seemed happy to have made the change. Mrs. Ram was overjoyed to be out of Appalachia and to have a potential job. She quickly adjusted to all the changes that living in the city brought about; however, she was quite shocked at how expensive living in the D.C. area could be. Theodora promised them that Victor would make it all up to them, and that she would always be nearby to help them if they had any problems. The Rams’ only real complaint was that they had to remain holed up until negotiations with the law were finished. Having traveled for the first time in years, the Rams were wont to get out and see the city which was soon to become
their home.

Unlike Coito and Theodora, Regina treated her stay at Joan’s as a holiday and delayed her return to work for a week. Though she did some work with Coito and Theodora on the amusement park and other projects, for the most part she spent her time watching movies, and enjoying herself. Victor sent her a videotape machine which kept her happy even though she preferred real films and a projector.

During the day, if the weather were right, Regina spent a few hours lying naked by the pool so she could continue working on her tan. One distinguishing feature of Regina’s lovely body was the virtual absence of white patches on her breasts or “down under” caused by inhibiting bathing suits. “Movie stars of the thirties never had bathing suits outlined on their bodies. Just watch the old movies. Not only are the actresses’ shoulders stunning and graceful, but they’re homogeneous in their shading. So I figured if they did it, why shouldn’t I?”

Regina’s seeming nonchalance about their legal situation stemmed from her knowledge that nothing she could do would change their future, and until she knew of some action she could take, she would enjoy herself. Still, she knew from her experiences in Central America how quickly the government can turn on anyone who falls into its disfavor. Regina realized that if Victor could not resolve the three’s legal problems, their future might not be something to look forward to; however, Regina determined not to worry about that problem until they had no choice but to deal with it.

After staying at Joan’s house for five days, Coito became too impatient at being kept locked up by Victor and hearing unending promises that a breakthrough was just around the corner. Theodora quickly sensed K’s unrest, and knowing she could delay but not stop Coito’s inevitable visit to the outside world, she began to remind Coito why they could not leave the house. Contumacious K remained unconvinced, and seeing that she would never induce rule-abiding Theodora to leave, Coito began working on the Rams behind Theodora’s back by offering to give the elderly couple a unique tour around the city.

Like anyone visiting a famous metropolis for the first time, the Rams were interested in seeing the sights, especially since they were in the nation’s capital, and Coito did her best to exploit that desire. Despite Theodora’s attempts to dissuade the Rams from the trip, the couple finally agreed to let Coito guide them to some of the more interesting sites in Washington after receiving assurances that the proposed tour posed no dangers to the Rams or the three. Naturally, Coito decided to lead the sightseeing trip whether Theodora came along or not, and when Regina decided to join K and the Rams, Theodora was left with little choice but to go with the foursome so she could keep Coito out of trouble, and thus herself out
of jail.

After removing their designer habits and donning blue jeans and blouses—black for Coito, blue for Theodora, and white for Regina—the group had breakfast and left for the sights to be seen. The first stop for Anne, Emily, and Charlotte, as the three referred to one another that day, lest they reveal their true identities to those nearby, was the Arlington National Cemetery (“War’s peace,” remembered Regina from
The Birth of a Nation
) and JFK’s gravesite.

Mrs. Ram had insisted that this be their first stop since cemeteries had been her life’s work, but she was distinctly disappointed when they got there. “Looks just like something a government bureacracy’d do,” commented Mrs. Ram. “Our cemetery was much nicer than this. At least our people felt at home.” At JFK’s gravesite, the group saw the cracked circular stone with a flame coming forth from the center which lay atop his grave. “Freud would have loved this memorial,” K commented to break up the solemnity of the occasion. “A true tribute to JFK’s extracurricular activities here on earth.”

“I have a dream,” revealed Regina at their next stop, the Lincoln Memorial, as the Rams read the Gettysburg Address. “I’ve always wanted to do a musical interpretation of the Emancipation Proclamation here. Abraham Lincoln and Harriett Beecher Stowe would tap dance together like Fred and Ginger accompanied by four-score-and-seven dancers representing the Union soldiers, Confederate soldiers and black slaves. It would be a large production similar to ‘The Continental’ or ‘The Lullaby of Broadway’ with the soldiers and slaves dancing up and down the steps of the Lincoln Memorial while Abe Lincoln and Harriett Beecher Stowe tripped the lights fantastic in front of his statue. They would sing ‘I Got Freedom’ using the song ‘I Got Rhythm’ for the tune. Busby Berkeley would
be proud.”

“I told her we should follow in the footsteps of Ives and have ‘The Battle Hymn of the Republic’ and ‘Dixie’ intermix and battle with each other in the music,” interjected Coito. “If we can’t do that, we could push FDR down the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in his wheelchair. I think Eisenstein would have liked that.”

“Just look at it here. The Lincoln Memorial was built for a giant musical number, anybody can see that. Unfortunately, the National Parks Service has no artistic vision,”
sighed Regina.

Desiring to show the Rams some of the cultural highlights, Theodora purposed that the National Gallery of Art, whose walls she knew by heart, be their next stop.

“I love to jog through museums,” K told the Rams on their way there, “especially in the mornings. Some museums like the National Gallery of Art are laid out just right for joggers because most everything is on one floor. Others like the Museum of Modern Art are a jogger’s nightmare because they have too many floors. Then, of course, the helicline Guggenheim was designed for people in wheelchairs. I told them one time they ought to tear the ceiling off so it would snow inside and you could get on sleds to speedily slide down the cochlear path past the art, or slide down the bannisters, but I don’t think they liked my idea. A dedicated jogger knows
her museums.”

Though Coito did not jog through the National Gallery of Art that day, K did take advantage of the visit to release her caustic wit on the great masters rich Americans had brought to America from Europe, though several of her comments, such as “Is it true blonds have more fun?” in reference to Dali’s
Last Supper
, or the old ploy of asking a guard how much they would sell a certain painting for were tricks she had pulled several times before and struck Theodora as neither funny
nor original.

It was not these comments, however, which attracted the attention of the people in the gallery to the three talkative tourists and their two companions, but the presence of Regina in their group, for well-bestowed as she was, she easily attracted the attention of the visitors away from the Great Masters. Most importantly, Regina easily broke the feigned attention of Mrs. Anderson’s pupils, who had been brought to the Gallery on a field trip. Being in the seventh grade, most of the boys thought little of art, but much of comely females, and spent more of their time watching the visitors than studying the works Mrs. Anderson discoursed upon, save those works which displayed
unclad women.

Any female of better than average shape or looks easily distracted most of the male students, but when the three sisters passed by, not a single soul paid attention to Mrs. Anderson. The first of two encounters between the three and their admirers occurred near one of the functional fountains situated in between the galleries, but the carelessness of Bernard Ditkus let out the secret that the three were being watched. Like his classmates, he carefully apprized each sister’s form, but especially that of Regina, whose breasts were enticingly outlined against her blouse for one and all to lust after. Benny’s eyes followed Ms. Grant devotedly as they passed each other on opposite sides of the fountain. He hoped that in the split second when their bodies would be in conjunction, he could see the gaps between the buttons of her blouse and witness what the brothers Warring were still talking about; however, seconds before the celestial alignment was to occur, Benny ran into the fountain, almost falling in, throwing him completely off balance, and keeping him from inspecting
the gap.

“Way to go, stupid,” said prissy Jenny Wiley as the three sisters began to laugh. Then it struck Benny. He had seen that face, that body before, but where? The three and Mrs. Anderson’s class went their separate ways, but Benny continued to think about Our Lady of the Gaps in the back of his mind until he met her again in Gallery
45
where his teacher instructed her class on a certain Flemish painter. Suddenly Mrs. Anderson was interrupted by Coito who facetiously commented, “Oh, look at this one. It’s got an angel in it, and what cute wings. Like, it’s
simply psychedelic!”