The Three Sisters (25 page)

After receiving the
Nihil Obstat
from the Church, Father Novak traveled around the country to persuade hundreds of parishes to use his textbook in their schools. In a few years, Father Novak had become as well-known in Catholic schools as Paul Samuelson was
in colleges.

Using the Bible to illustrate economics was no problem for Father Novak because he had already set down numerous examples in his previous book. For example, the Pharaoh’s dreams which Joseph interpreted as seven years of plenty and seven years of famine proved valuable when talking about business cycles. Joseph’s efforts to store the grain of the good harvests to prepare for the famines to follow provided a good lesson in planning for
economic development.

Keynesianism, specifically using government spending to bring a nation out of an economic slump, could be illustrated by Solomon who had initiated an unprecedented expansionary governmental program in his days. Not only did the writer of Ecclesiastes
10
:
19
build a new temple for God to live in, but he had an even more luxurious palace built for himself. Wages were kept down by using forced labor (more economic lessons here). Ricardo’s principles of international trade as well as supply and demand could be illustrated by the commercial relationship between Lebanon and Israel during the building of
the temple.

When the Israelites returned from Babylon, they no longer had a temple for God to inhabit, but efficient use of scarce resources enabled them to build a new temple in Jerusalem. This venture provided many examples on how to obtain microeconomic efficiency. Since Matthew had been a tax collector, the apostle was used to instruct young Catholics on how and why a modern government collects and spends its money. In this manner, Father Novak searched the Bible,
The Lives of the Saints
, and other religious and inspirational books until every major economic principle had a story to
illustrate it.

Yet all these words and ideas were worth less than a widow’s mite unless they were backed up with concrete actions. Wherever he went, Father Novak encouraged priests to follow his ideas. But soon after Father Novak published his economics text, he realized that the Church could not wait for a new generation of entrepreneurs to solve the Church’s financial problems. He and others would have to act now, for only through their initiative could Father Novak see his dream of the Church being made solvent become
a reality.

One of Father Novak’s first steps was to get several priests in the western United States to open up their missions to visitors who could spend one night, a week, or a month, at a Catholic mission for a specified donation. After all, the number of men wanting to become priests was falling off faster than their worst computer projections. These missions were often empty, and unless Father Novak’s plan was put to use, a lot of excess capacity would go unused. At the missions, individuals could rest up from the hectic ways of urban life, and by doing so help both themselves and the Church. If his plan worked in the United States, Father Novak hoped to initiate the plan throughout the world to bring even more money into
the Church.

After this, Father Novak caused a lot of controversy (especially when he began appearing on TV talk shows to promote his ideas) by editing a series of books for teenagers which were loosely based on the lives of the Saints. Each book of
20
,
000
to
25
,
000
words took the life of a famous saint, added or emphasized the more risqué elements of the saint’s life, and threw in a moral message at the end of the book for good measure. Critics blasted the books for their lack of originality; jealous members of the clerical clerisy of the Church criticized the books for being vulgar and for meeting the tastes of the secular world; but teenagers said nothing and bought the books by the thousands. The voice of the
people prevailed.

Two years after Father Novak had begun the series, the Church was crippled when two popes died in
1978
. This proved to be a tremendous financial burden upon the Church because it had to twice bring cardinals from all over the world to Rome and had to twice invest a new Pope. Furthermore, it soon became common knowledge that the Catholic Church of Pope John Paul II was on very unsound financial footing. Some even feared that the Catholic Church might be declared in default, an action which could have a devastating effect on the Church’s ability to carry out the work of God. Unfortunately, there was no record of an improved credit rating being one of
God’s miracles.

It took this crisis to bring Father Novak back into the limelight, for only when there seemed to be no alternative did fellow Catholics begin listening to Father Novak’s advice, and only then did he begin gaining the influence he needed for the initiatives which he and Victor Virga took upon themselves
in
1979
.

The solution to the Church’s dilemma, Father Novak declared, was to sell Catholic consumer goods. For years, Father Novak had told others that the Catholic Church had a tremendous market which lay untapped. Every Catholic spent thousands of dollars every year buying necessities and luxuries. So why should the Church not sell some, if not all, of these goods to its parishioners? “‘Buy as you pray,’ that’ll be our slogan,” Father Novak advised several archbishops. This enormous potential market would give the Church the tremendous economies of scale which it would need to sell its goods at prices lower than its competitors. And with the Catholic Church already established in almost every nation of the world, it had the potential for a global distribution system second to none. After all, no other corporation, not even McDonald’s, had more outlets than the
Catholic Church.

Selling goods inside a church was nothing new, Father Novak reminded other priests. He had always admired the capitalistic initiative of Italian priests who had no qualms about charging visitors for walking through their church to see historical and artistic artifacts, having machines which illuminated famous works of art for
100
lire, or building souvenir stands in the church where postcards, medallions and books could be sold. Father Novak wanted to do the same for the rest of the world because this was the only way to save the Church from its
economic crisis.

What brought Father Novak’s hopes to fruition and allowed him to finally gain enough capital to begin producing Catholic consumer goods was the three sisters. Father Novak took an interest in the three former Catholics because he saw their case as the golden opportunity with which to launch his crusade for Capitalism and
the Church.

Father Novak’s plan was this. First, he would produce goods related to the three sisters. Then he would use the profits from these products to buy into other companies which he would use to produce his Catholic consumer goods. After he started producing his products, the Catholic Church could support him with one of the best distribution systems in the world, making failure
virtually impossible.

The problem was how to meet the three sisters and convince them to agree to his ideas. The answer to his problem came when he read a profile on Victor Virga. Forthwith, Father Novak flew from his parish on the west coast to Washington, D.C., made an appointment, and went to the Kennedy Center where he met Victor. Though one was a devout Catholic and the other an agnostic (except when it proved ill-advised for business reasons), the two immediately struck up a relationship because both were entrepreneurs who spoke a
common language.

When Father Novak revealed his numerous ideas, Victor was ready to shoot himself when he realized that Father Novak’s vision of how to reap profits from the three sisters had been staring him right in the face, yet had been overlooked by him. By June
25
when Father Novak first visited Victor, the three sisters had been out of the public spotlight for about a month and the world had virtually forgotten about them. Father Novak did not know that the Supreme Court had decided to try the three when he first met Victor, but when he heard about it, he became ecstatic, and immediately, he saw how the trial would fit in perfectly with
his plans.

This realization left Father Novak no doubt that it was God’s will that he work with Victor Virga to produce three sisters souvenirs and products. Thus Virnovak Enterprises was born. Though many would later criticize Father Novak when it was learned that he had taken on the owner of Washington, D.C.’s most prestigious den of iniquity as his partner, he knew he could weather the criticisms of men, for it was Peter’s Church alone which
concerned him.

While the two men were working out the exacting legal details of their partnership, Father Novak and Victor Virga went to the three’s prison cell on the military base where they were being held. The three gave long, passionate kisses to Victor and offered handshakes to Father Novak, save Coito who refused any rapprochement with
a priest.

“Come on, K, he doesn’t bite,” promised Victor, taunting her. “Priest, not
a vampire.”

“I’m not shaking hands with a priest, Victor. When I left Father Landus behind in Kentucky, I said to hell with the Church, and I’m not going to change now, even if he is
your friend.”

“More than a friend, K, business partner. Don’t have to shake hands if you don’t want to. No big deal,” said Victor trying to smooth over the differences. “Didn’t think your cynicism encompassed
self-righteousness though.”

“Speaking of cynicism, Victor, what’s the owner of the Kennedy Center like you doing with a priest
like this?”

“America isn’t it, K? Everyone’s free to do as they wish. Like I told you, Jay came to me last week. Got some great ideas. Really admire him for figuring out how to put you three to use between now and the trial. Only way he knew of getting to you three was through me. Dropped by the Kennedy Center. Now
we’re partners.”

“I wasn’t sure how Victor would react to my ideas or whether he would be able to work with me,” explained Father Novak, “but now I almost feel like we’ve been life-long friends. I was skeptical about visiting at first, but I think that the two of us, each concentrating on our own areas
of expertise…”

“Comparative advantage and all that,”
interjected Victor.

“…can become more successful than we had ever
dreamed possible.”

“Jay didn’t know about trial beforehand. Told me his ideas. Knew he was a godsend, literally. Keep you three busy and in full publicity for rest of the summer. By the time Trail of the Century rolls around, that’s how we’ll bill it, we’ll be making business deals that’d amaze
the Hunts.”

“So what is it this time, Victor?”
asked Theodora.

“Got a way of getting you three some free time, girls. Get you off the military base for a while. Like I said, Jay came to KCDC last week, great ideas. Look, he said, gotta do something until those three go on trial, right? Three months, big waste of economic resources,” he said, looking at Regina. Coito was standing next to the window seemingly ignoring Victor and Father Novak. “Gotta keep them in the spotlight. Make sure public won’t forget. Only way do that is get them in front of cameras. Didn’t want to tell you three before so it’d be a surprise. But if all works out, you three’ll be rich and famous before the
year’s out.”

“Really?”
said Regina.

“Of course. Want to get rich, gotta go to TV or movies nowadays. Mass audience. Books all right for intellectuals or women, but even books won’t sell unless author gets on TV. There you reach millions, hope a few respond. Few of a million’s a lot. You ought to know
that, Regina.”

“So you’re going to put us on TV?” asked Regina, hoping at last to be the observed instead of
the observer.

“Be on TV? You’ll be TV!” Victor exaggerated, his arms waving in
the air.

“How’ll we be rich if we’re in jail?”
interrupted Coito.

“’Course, can’t collect the money ’till you get out, but when you do get out, you’ll have it made. Acquittal’d mean you three’d be living on Easy Street for the rest of
your lives.”

“Victor, you’ve been keeping us out on a limb for three days now with this
great
idea of yours,” complained Coito. “When are you going to tell us what
it is?”

“Right now, well, let Father Novak
tell you.”

“As Victor pointed out,” Father Novak began, “you three will have about thirteen weeks coming up in which, since you are in custody, you will be making no economic contribution to society. This period can and ought to be used in a productive manner. Being Catholics, we have to do something which will attract other Catholics to the corporation which we are building and to its products. Once the Catholic public knows about the corporation, its aims, and that we are a reliable company whose profits go to helping the Church, they will want to buy our products. The crux of the problem now, however, is publicity and capital.” Though Victor never had enough time to finish a sentence, Father Novak’s years in a Jesuit school shone through his words. The image he projected was not that of a professor, however, but of a determined fighter who concentrated on technique to overwhelm
his opponents.

“I don’t need a course in business,” instructed cognizant K. “Just tell us what you’re going
to do.”

“All right, what you three are going to do is confess your sins.” The three stared at
one another.