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Authors: Bryan Taylor

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“Coito suffered the same disappointments that Samuel Clemens and others suffered when their self-confident idealism came face to face with reality,” Theodora observed with clinical indifference. “For Clemens, the carefree days of life on the Mississippi turned sour when his investment in a new typesetting invention lost out to the typewriter and his Victorian wife pestered him to behave. The good humor of
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
turned into the bitter cynicism which produced the solipsist
The
Mysterious Stranger
just before he died. Similarly, Coito had been able to overcome any of her problems with wit or subterfuge prior to November
5
. K had had setbacks, but she had always surmounted them. She knew there was no way of overcoming the sentence, and since Coito was an atheist, life was all she had. Now that had been taken away from her, and she had nothing left. Nothing.”

In the weeks that followed, Coito turned her bitterness against everything. The mere mention of politicians, religion, intellectuals, the masses, or most anything elicited a string of acerbic reprisals which left most shell-shocked. “The last few weeks with Coito were hell,”
admitted Theodora.

Theodora was initially dazed by the decision of the Court. Though it would have been below Coito to plead for a reduced sentence, Theodora was not as proud and made an attempt at bargaining with the Federal authorities. Not surprisingly, they refused to make any deal now that she had been sentenced. When she found out it was too late to make any deal and her efforts went unrewarded, Theodora resigned herself to her fate. What spare time Theodora had in the weeks before their sentence was to be carried out, she decided to spend writing her memoirs so the rest of the world would know how she felt about her fate. Before November
5
, Theodora had always wanted to wait until she was “ready” to write, but now time had run out. She could procrastinate no longer, and realizing this, she began to write. She had wanted to wait until she had enough experience and general knowledge to write a masterpiece, but now the choice was between producing what she could or nothing at all. She chose
the former.

Though Coito was bitter and Theodora resigned, the most incredulous of the three was Regina. The Confessions and the Trial of the Millennium had given her enough publicity to put her in a position to appear on TV and in movies and thus fulfill her lifelong dream of being part of contemporary culture instead of just observing it. As in a movie, all the pieces of the plot had fallen into place and all pointed to her future career as an actress, but now the Supreme Court’s decision had taken that future away from her.

Regina refused to believe that she would never be able to take advantage of her newfound fame, however, and she silently hoped against hope that something would save her. “It just doesn’t seem right that all this good fortune would come my way, and then be snatched away from me,” she told one reporter. “I didn’t escape death in Central America just to die like this in the
United States.”

One hope kept Regina going: that President Carter would pardon Coito, Theodora, and Regina, or at least commute their sentences to life in prison. “No
Manhattan Melodrama
for me,” Regina promised. “If he pardons me, I’ll take it.” With a pardon, she would still have the chance of getting in the movies, or if her sentence were commuted, she would have the chance of being released in the distant future, and with this long shot to keep her hopes up, Regina determined not to let her fate bother her. Regina’s experiences in Central America had made her face up to life once before, so she escaped the bitterness which underlay Coito’s feelings and actions in the final weeks of
1979
.

“If I die, I die. But as long as I’m alive, I’m going to enjoy myself,”
Regina decided.

 

CHAPTER XVI

I was in prison and ye came
to me.


Matthew
25
:
36

lmost forgotten by the nation in the previous four months was the young man who had made the Confessions, the Trial of the Millennium, and the coming Crucifixions possible: Benny Ditkus. Save for a brief appearance at the trial, Benny had exited the public eye after discovering Regina’s revealing blouse in the National Gallery of Art. Since then, Virnovak Enterprises’s entrepreneurial efforts, the three’s tales of sin, and the enterprises of others had eclipsed Benny’s modest efforts. Only Benny’s relatives and closest friends (or members of the public who remembered Benny’s pointed description of Regina’s breasts) recalled Benny’s existence or wondered when he was going to receive the $
10
,
000
reward for
his efforts.

In the previous six months, opportunists had used the three sexy sisters for their own benefit with such spectacular success that Benny’s pecuniary return for ferreting out K and Co. was hardly worth mentioning. Compared to the corporate coups of Father Novak and Victor Virga, the massive news coverage by the media, the political capital gained by numerous politicians, contributions sent to preachers who condemned “Satan’s sacrilegious sisters,” promotions gained by bureaucrats, the fees collected by lawyers, and all that went with the struggle to maximize the return on the three sisters while they were still alive, not only was Benny’s $
10
,
000
a pittance in comparison to these, but his role in bringing about the three’s ultimate fate paled when contrasted to the efforts of others. Whereas back in May, Benny had wondered if it were right to receive $
10
,
000
for lusting after Regina and working for one day to ensure the three’s capture, as time passed and he saw how more avidulous individuals had gained from using the three sisters, he realized how greatly underpaid he had been for
his efforts.

Benny had originally thought that as soon as the three were taken into custody, he would get his reward money; however, when the former nuns were captured, Benny was told that the $
10
,
000
would not be provided until the accused either pled guilty or had been brought to trial, convicted, and sentenced. Then and only then would he receive his money. Unacquainted with Washington’s and lawyers’ masterful expertise at procrastinating, Benny expected the legal process to last six weeks, not six months. By the time the three were finally tried, Benny had nearly given up on America’s criminal justice system, only to discover that it worked too effectively when the three
were sentenced.

Benny’s life was not without its problems, however, for when his friends and relatives heard about the $
10
,
000
reward, he was besieged by them. Benny’s father started visiting his son once again. Benny had not seen his father in over a year, but by the second visit, his parents were fighting over Benny and with each other as they always had. Of course, his parents’ real concern was not which parent had rights to the boy, but over what would be done with Benny’s windfall. Mr. Ditkus promised his former wife that he was only acting in the boy’s best interests. Benny’s father had a friend who wanted to invest the money in a new product another friend had thought up. Though he promised this was the chance of a lifetime (Mr. Ditkus had lost $
25
,
000
on two previous chances of a lifetime), Benny’s mother was totally against any risky ventures. She wanted to put the money in the bank until Benny went to college so she could guarantee Benny
a career.

Other relatives, hoping to use some of Benny’s money, also offered suggestions on how the family could spend his money, but Benny’s mother had the final word and told her relatives that all but $
1
,
000
(which Benny would be allowed to spend) would be put in the bank as soon as Benny received the money, not wasted on hair-brained schemes or the requests
of relatives.

The most disturbing effect of Benny’s newfound wealth was that it made him wary of everyone he knew or met, and left him with no one to confide in. In such cases, the safest thing for anyone to do is to find a trustworthy, disinterested acquaintance. If no confidant exists, one solution is to keep a diary, but since only young girls (and celebrated authors) keep diaries, Benny chose another tack: he wrote love letters to Regina. However, Benny never mailed any of the letters because he knew if he received no reply or even a form letter from Regina, his fantasy would burst, and his secret hopes
would vanish.

The pecuniary and familial complications which plagued Benny became relatively unimportant when the three were sentenced. Though Benny knew he had decided to squeal on the three for the money (while blinded by avarice), his mother’s seizure of $
9
,
000
for college and the sentences meted out to the three made Benny feel guilty about his role in the capture of Our Three Holy Ladies of the Air Force Base. Unlike his elders, Benny had yet to perfect the art of rationalization which others involved in the three sisters’ life had used to convince themselves that the Supreme Court’s decision had
been just.

When the trial had begun, Benny had thought that the sentences would be light, for in his mind, Regina and her two sisters had done (or could do) no wrong. True, Coito acted unusual at times (“Devil-possessed,” were his grandmother’s words) and Theodora was often so downcast she acted as if she had to be guilty of doing something, but Benny could not see how anyone could think of harming Regina. She was innocent. Yet, she had been sentenced to die just like the others. Benny knew there was nothing he could do to change the Court’s sentence, but he still felt guilty about his role in the three’s fates, and the only way he knew of overcoming his guilt was to apologize to Regina for
betraying her.

Benny’s opportunity to see his love and ask forgiveness came on November
19
when he was at last rewarded by Detective Hole for his role in helping to capture the sacrilegious trinity. Detective Hole had worked out a schedule of activities for Bernard, John Hotchkiss and himself during the morning, but the afternoon would be left to Bernard’s discretion. Detective Hole had thought Bernard would want to go to the National Zoo and see the penguins and other animals, or visit some othe
r attraction popular with children, but he had never thought Benny would want to visit the
tres tigres tristes
who were spending the final weeks of their lives on a military base outside of Washington. (“I had always imagined Hell as being stuck either in the military or in an existentialist play,” Coito told Theodora. “Now it seemed like I was stuck in both.”)

Had Detective Hole known where Bernard would ask to go that afternoon, the detective probably would not have offered to follow Bernard’s bidding, but once Detective Hole had promised Bernard to take him wherever he wanted to go, the detective could not go back on his word and had to take Bernard to see
the three.

Detective Hole and John Hotchkiss picked Benny up at his house at
8
:
00
A.M. sharp. They went straight to a breakfast which was given in Benny’s honor. Among the guests were representatives of Washington’s police department, members of the Justice Department’s detail of prosecution lawyers, and others involved with the arrest, conviction, and sentencing of the three. After eating, Benny and Detective Hole proceeded to the news conferenc
e/
award ceremony where the $
10
,
000
check and other gifts were given
to Benny.

As could be expected, an extraordinary amount of the ceremony was taken up by Detective Hole’s laudatory introduction of Benny—a speech which turned into a not impromptu twenty-minute sermon to all present in which Detective Hole implied that Benny had single-handedly helped to stem the tide of the world-wide Catholic conspiracy.

In his introduction, the detective spoke of every individual’s duty to God and country, citing Benny as an exemplary model for the youth of America. Benny’s dedication, perseverance, and fortitude were praised as admirable and commendable qualities to be imitated by all Americans, young and old alike. Benny barely noticed the praises heaped upon him because he had stopped listening to the detective’s monotone almost as soon as the right-wing rant had begun so he could study the people who had come to the ceremony. Benny’s interest in the bureaucrats was so great that he did not even notice Detective Hole’s speech had finished until John Hotchkiss’s thunderous applause brought him back to reality. Benny only realized how greatly and incorrectly he had been praised when he read the newspaper articles from over a dozen newspapers (“These articles are all the same,” complained a disappointed Benny when he discovered what wire services were used for) and several magazines in the week
that followed.

The articles also reminded Benny of the representatives of business, religion, and government who offered gifts and awards to him after he received the $
10
,
000
check from Detective Hole. Several corporate vice-presidents were on hand to give Benny shares of stock in their corporations. “We all know any real American owns stock in America,” promised one vice president of a multinational which had more foreign offices than domestic ones. After corporate America had done its share, several priests and pastors came up to praise Benny and give him a Bible or other religious literature, but no money. Finally, government officials came up to offer more words of praise and citations for his meritorious service to the nation, but no money. His most notable gift from the government was a giant key to the city of
Washington, D.C.

It was almost noon when the ceremony concluded, and Detective Hole led Benny out of the room to the detective’s Ford. But making his way back to the car proved problematic because Benny was weighed down by the bulging papers, stock certificates, check, religious literature, citations, key to the city, and other gifts which ever so often spilled onto the floor or cement in front of him, and which John Hotchkiss helped to pick up as Detective Hole looked on. By now, everyone had gone their separate ways and only Detective Hole and John Hotchkiss remained to entertain Benny; however, before Detective Hole asked Benny what he wanted to do for the rest of the day, John Hotchkiss suggested they get something
to eat.

For lunch the three men went to a restaurant at Watergate. Once their meals had been selected, ordered, served, and consumed, Detective Hole asked Benny how he wanted to celebrate
his day.

“Could we visit the three women I put in jail?” Benny asked as Detective Hole stared at him and John Hotchkiss choked on
his Sanka.

“I really don’t know if that would be possible, Bernard. Why would you want to see them?” inquired
Detective Hole.

“Well, I just wanted to see if they were mad at me for what I did to them.” It had never occurred to Benny that Detective Hole might not want Bernard to see the three sisters, so he explained to the detective his reasons for wanting to go. “I wanted, I wanted to apologize ’cause I didn’t know things would end up like
they have.”

Detective Hole considered Bernard’s explanation, then responded in a fatherly monotone. “First off, Bernard, one should not apologize to their types as a matter of principle. They are to be pitied and punished, not pampered. Second, you have done nothing for which you need to apologize. You did what
was right.”

“But because of me, Regina’s going to die,”
Benny pleaded.

“Not because of you, because of herself, Bernard,” Detective Hole told him. “We suffer for what we do on this Earth both here and after
we die.”

“If you hadn’t chanced upon her, someone else would have,” John
Hotchkiss rationalized.

“She is a traitor to her religion and a traitor to her country. She has been
sentenced accordingly.”

“I don’t care,” he answered peevishly. “I still feel bad about it. Maybe she wouldn’t’ve even met anyone
anywhere else.”

“Perhaps,” postulated John Hotchkiss who was holding a quarter between his fingers. “But the laws of probability are against that. Sooner or later they would’ve been caught. Everything happens sooner
or later.”

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