The Three Sisters (30 page)

All three of the defendants were evicted from the courtroom together only once, this when Tony Olisbos testified against the three. Upon taking the stand, all three began shouts of “Benedict” in reference to the American traitor. Though it was rumored the Justice Department never had any plans to prosecute Mr. Olisbos, he turned state’s evidence against the three to avoid being prosecuted for stealing the hearse which the group made their escape in. The only benefit of his testimony was to fill in the gaps which the other witnesses could
not provide.

It had been thought that the Rams might not appear at the trial since they had resisted government efforts to get them to testify; however, after some coaxing from the authorities, and more importantly a phone call from Ms. Suora, they finally decided to appear at the trial where they did their best to defend their friends. Biased testimony for and not against the three sisters was quite refreshing for
a change.

The Rams’ testimony was important in putting together a chronology of the events after the three arrived in Appalachia. In their case, it seems incontrovertible that the Rams were not forced to travel and pass time with the three sisters, but did so of their own free will. The defense alleges the other witnesses were also willing accomplices in the crimes committed, though this is
less certain.

Compared to the testimony of the witnesses for the prosecution, the three sisters brought a breath of fresh air into the courtroom. Coito’s acerbic wit got her expelled from the courtroom almost daily, bringing upon her innumerable contempt of court charges which bothered her not one bit. Her antics were the subject of constant fascination to the spectators, of endless worry to the Justices, and of satisfaction to the prosecutors who knew this would only strengthen their case. When Regina testified, she displayed her acting abilities (improved since the Confessions) and gave a heartrending appeal to the Justices to forgive the three for their crimes, promising with the eyes (though not the body) of an ingénue that they “knew not what they had done.” Liberals in the audience applauded her when she finished. Had they been the jury, Regina would have been acquitted in
a second.

After this, Detective Hole appeared and made little attempt to bear witness to what he had observed the day of the three’s capture. Instead, he made an impromptu speech in the middle of his testimony, declaring to one and all that only Satan could speak words to move an audience as Regina had the day before. Over the cries of the attorneys for the defense, he asked that the three sisters suffer the extreme penalty of the law. Detective Hole was cited for contempt of court for his speech, but was vigorously applauded by conservatives in the audience as he was escorted from the courtroom. One wondered sometimes just whom the Devil was using as
His mouthpiece.

The final days of the trial were spent reviewing the tapes of the three in the confessional. Here the trial’s most damning evidence against the three was presented. Lack of foresight seems an insufficient reason as to why the three sisters willingly confessed against themselves. Money is thought to be the chief reason for the Confessions, and one only hopes for the three sisters’ sakes that the profits were handsome considering what the tapes may well do
to them.

On Wednesday, the prosecution gave its closing arguments to the Justices, advising them not to let the fact that the defendants were once pious nuns stand in the way of determining their guilt or innocence. “If they are guilty, they are guilty, and they fully deserve to be punished for their crimes… America must not be weak,” the chief prosecutor argued with impeccable
political logic.

This in itself points out the problems of fairness and impartiality which have beset this trial since it was announced that the Supreme Court would sit in judgment on the three last July. In fact, public reaction to the Trial of the Millennium, inside and outside of the courtroom, has substantiated the Justices’ rationalization for the trial: the impossibility of impartiality and the inevitability of the Court’s own review of
the case.

Conservatives and religious personalities in America have pointed to this case as the tip of the iceberg of subversio
n/
immoralit
y/
godlessness (choose one) which is at the root of America’s military and socioeconomic problems. Liberals, on the other hand, have taken up the three sisters’ plight with fervent dedication, though one wonders if they do so only because they have few issues remaining to them which the public still supports. Clearly, activists see the three sisters as a means and not
an end.

The Supreme Court will announce its decision in the case on Monday. Rumor has it the court may consult members of Congress and the Executive Branch on what actions should be taken before making their decision, a most unusual action for a most unusual trial if these rumors be true. The Justices reportedly decided to consult Congress in part to calm those members who have called for the impeachment of the Justices for trying individuals and overstepping their
constitutional rights.

By inviting Congress into the decision-making process, the Court hopes to head off any actions against them by implicating Congress in the trial’s proceedings. Word has it most members of Congress favor a guilty verdict, and some have gone so far as to advise several Justices that anything else would
be unthinkable.

Clearly the three sisters committed the crimes of which they have been accused. The only question left to ponder is their intentions when these activities were carried out, a question which may affect the verdict and most definitely the sentencing of the three,
if necessary.

What will the Justices decide? Your correspondent’s guess is that the verdict will in fact be guilty, but as to the sentencing, the Justices themselves probably do not yet know what they will decide. Meanwhile, the three sisters have been taken back to the air force base which has become their home to await the Justices’ decision. Though the gravity of their situation seems to have struck Ms. Suora, Ms. Gott remains unperturbed by her potentially dire future and continues to joke and laugh whenever she can, almost daring the Justices to do their duty. Such impertinence may end up being paid for with
stiff sentences.

CHAPTER XIII

Americans make money because there is nothing else for them
to do.

– George
Jean Nathan

ith the Supreme Court and a fleece of lawyers working out the legal aspects of the three’s problems, the financial side of the three sisters’ lives were being tackled by Victor and Father Novak, who had introduced a new line of products and souvenirs to the public a week before the Trial of the Millennium began. Realizing this would probably be the last opportunity Virnovak Enterprises would have to profit from K. & Co., the two entrepreneurs unleashed a myriad of souvenirs and similar products relating to the three scandalous sisters while initiating an ubiquitous advertising campaign to
ensure success.

Father Novak and Victor had already charted the parabola of anticipated sales for their numerous souvenirs. As they saw it, revenues would slowly build up and gain momentum during the week before the trial, then suddenly explode when the trial opened. Sales would continue to blossom during the first two weeks of October, but once their market had been penetrated and saturated, sales would level off as the trial came to a close. After the court had rendered its decision and the three were sentenced or released, sales of Virnovak Enterprises’ products would fall off dramatically (unless Victor and Father Novak could work a miracle and keep the public interested in Coito, Theodora, and Regina even after the Supreme Court had passed judgment on them) and allow their company to begin producing other products. All this was inevitable, but whether the company would end up with huge profits or large inventories depended upon the acumen and timing of Virnovak Enterprises. The trial would not bring about the end of the company, of course, for already Father Novak was preparing to use the capital from the media events and the three shocking sisters’ souvenirs to fulfill his lifelong dream of selling Catholic consumer goods to
the public.

These were but the dreams of the future, however, for in September Father Novak and Victor’s efforts were concentrated on the preparation and distribution of the souvenirs. “We only had
75
percent of the goods ready by October
1
,” Father Novak told the three sisters later that month, “but not having everything ready actually worked to our advantage since we were able to release new and previously unavailable souvenirs each week of the trial. That way, we continued to generate interest in our products and kept our customers coming back for more.”

Coordinating, supervising, packaging, distributing, and advertising the countless new products from Virnovak Enterprises required all the skill and experience which Victor, Father Novak and their corps of young executives could muster to ensure their coup became no fiasco. Anyone who thought of their job as a nine-to-five affair or refused to work on the weekends was immediately dismissed. During his entire life, Victor had survived on four to five hours of sleep each night. Mentally and physically, he was so hyperactive that he saw no need to waste precious hours dreaming when reshaping reality awaited him. If he could thrive with so little sleep, why couldn’t everyone else?

A catering service was hired to feed the men and women who tried to outwork Victor lest their valuable time be wasted on such superficial Maslowian needs. The new product line became the executives’ life from dawn to dusk to the exclusion of all other concerns, whether it be visiting the Kennedy Center or
hearing confessions.

Victor could ignore the Kennedy Center while working with Father Novak because publicity about the Center had caused business to boom for four months running, and this during the summer season when Washingtonians were on vacation and attendance was usually at its lowest level. The only desire which still tempted Victor to periodically return to his office on the top floor of the Kennedy Center was his perverse need to pass time shooting famous people from all parts of the globe and all eras of history. “Best time’s when no one’s there. Use real bullets then. Don’t have to worry about killing employees,
getting sued.”

Success did have its inevitable side effects; however, for business was so good the Kennedy Center was in danger of having to pay corporate taxes for the first time in its history. “Un-American!” declared an angry Victor while shooting Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Revenues were coming in quicker than Victor could spend them. Even after giving every employee a raise and ground was broken on two new Kennedy Centers, the company’s taxable profits continued to rise at a staggering pace. “People pay taxes, not businesses! Any economist knows that. My God, why else would anyone form a corporation? Don’t they realize they’re stifling
my initiative?”

To avoid supporting the government, which was doing so much to guarantee Victor and Father Novak the beginnings of a corporate empire, Victor invested the Center’s windfall profits in Virnovak Enterprises’ new product lines providing the joint venture with the seed capital needed to make it successful, half-hoping that some of the products would fail to attract the public’s attention so he could gain enough tax credits to offset the Kennedy Center’s tax liabilities. But the public did not know about Victor’s predicament and bought the souvenirs
without compunction.

Perhaps the most amazing fact about Virnovak Enterprises was how well its two owners worked together. Both had fallen afoul of conventional companies and hierarchies at one time or another, so both were uncertain how much synergy they would have. Instead of being beset by confrontation and disagreements, the two seemed to understand the inner workings of each other’s brains and were able to coordinate their activities efficiently. “Corporate chemistry,”
Victor concluded.

Victor’s more extensive, pragmatic business experience and know-how made him the
de facto
head of the company, for Father Novak had made only modest forays into the marketplace. Up until then, Father Novak’s ideas about business had been formed mainly by thoughts rather than by deeds, so his intuitions about business were usually more theoretical than practical. “What you’d expect from Jesuit. Caught on quickly though,” admitted Victor.

Although Father Novak had conceived many of the ideas for new ventures, it was up to Victor to use his knowledge and connections to turn them into a reality. But it soon became apparent that Victor’s actions had little in common with Father Novak’s economic theories. Consequently, Victor had to spend time explaining the difference between theory and praxis. “Any economist who believes men always act rationally has never run a business,” Victor advised
Father Novak.

When September
24
arrived, the sale of three sensational sisters’ souvenirs began at last. Victor, Father Novak, and others had spent the previous month putting together such a fine line of products that they hoped consumers would feel guilty if they failed to buy anything. With such an excellent selection to choose from, the two knew Americans would give into their oniomanic passion for superfluous mementos and cast their dollar votes in favor of Virnovak Enterprises. Victor and Father Novak knew the prices of their chrematistic creations would be as outrageous as they hoped the profits would be, but they also recognized that if the company did not sell its souvenirs by the end of the trial, it could face heavy capital losses which might more than exceed their initial profits. Thus, any returns they might make were justified by the risk they were taking in providing untested products to
the public.

The most popular of the products the company sold were the T-shirts, which both promoted and condemned the three. Liberals bought
free the three
T-shirts by the thousands while reactionaries wore their
gun the nuns
T-shirts. Other products, which also sold well, were pictures, postcards, and posters of the three shameless sisters together and individually in various positions and states of dishabille. For the literary minded there were gossipy illustrated magazines detailing the three’s private lives, some of which were suggestive while others left nothing to the imagination. Special collector’s editions of the photos and publications (officially autographed by the three with a machine) could be found at newsstands throughout the nation.

The number of mementos produced was legion. There were salt and pepper shakers, ballpoint pens (these had a nun clothed until the pen was turned upside down at which point the habit slid off), votive candles with the three sisters on them so you could watch them burn on earth as they will in Hell, buttons with slogans on them, plates and drinking glasses, medallions, bobble-head dolls, commemorative coins, ashtrays, models of the Washington Monument, records with songs on them (allegedly written and sung by the three which included disco and punk versions of the “Kyrie,” “Gloria,” “Domine Deus,” “Credo,” “Pater Noster,” and “Ave Maria”) and hundreds of other items which the reader may still own.

In addition to goods directly related to the three, Father Novak provided a general selection of Catholic religious products such as pictures of the Virgin Mary, holy card sets, statues to hang from the rearview mirror, medallions, and related goods to accommodate the renewed interest in the Catholic faith which the three had generated. One item which sold particularly well among conservatives was a statue of a nun (presumably Coito) being hung by a rope which could dangle from the owner’s rearview mirror. For sadistic kids, there was a Priest and Nun French Guillotine Set which Victor marketed over Father
Novak’s objections.

Any successful and motivated businessman never rests when the goods he is producing sell at a breathless pace. Instead he plans for the future to capitalize on his well-earned success. Having worked in Hollywood, Victor Virga knew there were great sums of money to be made in TV and in the movies, but he also knew that ill-prepared products more often than not generated large losses. Victor had been wary of trying to cash in on the three by directly using the media, but when he and Father Novak sold the rights to the Confessions as a mini-series based upon the three sensual sisters’ lives, he convinced Father Novak to throw caution to the wind and to begin dreaming up TV series and movies which would
prove successful.

Victor contacted several movie and TV producers whom he had spoken with during the negotiations for the rights to the Confessions to encourage them to use his company’s ideas for new TV shows and movies. In preparation for these meetings, Virnovak Enterprises had already commissioned scripts for several episodes of a prime-time TV series called
Israel!
, which would give an enlightened interpretation of the history of the kings of Israel. With all the coups, court intrigues, assassinations, sexual infidelities, betrayals, and general decadence that went on in those days among God’s Chosen People, the show was certain to be a hit. The king of Israel might have done that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, but he had done that which was profitable in the minds of
studio executives.

Though the series would be touted as a historical drama to the public, it would be filled with so many sexual intrigues and soap opera-like plot complications, portraying every sin and passion known to mankind (except nudity which was offensive) that people would not miss a single episode. “We’ll make
Israel!
as famous as
Roots
!” promised Victor. Coito cynically dubbed the shows docusoaps and commented that Christianity deserved
Israel!
, but father Novak hoped the series would motivate the audience to rush out and read the original. Even if
Israel!
were not inventive or critically acclaimed, Victor told the studio executives that the shows could easily pull in the hardcore Jewish and Christian viewing audience to guarantee a
good return.

Whether the series succeeded or not, Virnovak Enterprises also planned to work on another docusoap based on Papal history for PBS. Putting the programs on PBS would allow them to include some educational nudity that was not allowed on the commercial networks. This series would concentrate on the Medicis, Borgias, and Theophylactuses whose sinful lives during the prurient Papal Pornocracy could easily provide enough material for several seasons. Theodora had done research on the Papal dynasties which had ruled the Church from time to time and had recommended the series to Victor several years before. Only now that perceived interest in Catholicism was rising did it seem like Theodora’s idea might be put to use. “Catholics be natural audience. Evangelicals hate Catholics. Love to find out how degenerate Popes were. They’ll be more loyal than Catholics,”
observed Victor.