The Thunder-Horse (2 page)

Andrew still remembered the evening he found himself standing in Horse's stall, watching as Nathan and Horse rode at full speed through the slashing rain of a summer storm, both soaking wet, water streaming down Horse's black coat and Nathan's long hair. They entered the stall, steaming and dripping, and Andrew was certain he had never seen anything so damned erotic as Nathan with his shirt and jeans clinging to his large body, his hair plastered to his face and throat, controlling that huge horse with only his thighs and hands. Andrew didn't even mind waiting while Nathan got Horse cooled and dried and clean, hating himself for being resigned to play second fiddle an animal, and hating himself even more for feeling that rush of joy and want when Nathan finally turned to him, covered in hair, soaking wet and smelling of rain and horse and hay.

Maybe a little of something was better than nothing. It didn't seem to matter much once he was naked and on his back with that huge, powerful body on top of him, feeling Nathan thrust deep and hard into him and muttering quiet obscenities into his ear. Andrew still remembered watching Nathan walk up to Horse after they were done making love and getting ready to leave. Nathan took the animal's ears in his hands and gently pulled them, pressing his face against Horse's, looking into the dark eyes.

"Stupid horse."

He rose up on his toes to whisper something into a furry ear, then went to get Horse a snack before bed, having to open a new bag of feed to do so. Andrew finished dressing and stood up. He reached out to pat the powerful neck, and then he and Nathan departed, leaving Horse warm, dry and content in his large stall, each heading to his own room once more. Stupid horse was right. But the situation was hardly Horse's fault. Still, it made for cold comfort as Andrew went to his room alone, his flesh still smeared with Nathan's semen. He showered, then set the alarm and went to bed, eventually falling asleep.

At 4:37 in the morning, Taylor woke Andrew up.

"It's Horse," was all he said.

"Did you call a vet?" Andrew asked.

The man nodded. "Yeah, that was the first thing I did."

"Do Nathan and the guys know?"

"No."

"Good. Don't tell them. With luck, by the time they wake up this will have been resolved. No point in upsetting them."

But by the time Bill showed up to give Horse his morning feeding, he was dead.

The band wouldn't let Horse be taken away. Instead they cut out the floor of his stall and dug a grave themselves, burying Horse in the place where he had lived the last eighteen months of his life. They bolted the lower half of the stall doors closed, but chained the upper doors open. They loaded in hay, filled the manger and water trough, and left a six pack beside his oat bucket. Then they made their way back to their rooms and locked themselves in. After all, it wasn't cool to be seen crying over the family pet.

Andrew dealt with his own grief a little differently. He sent samples of Horse's feed out for analysis, finding the grain was heavily tainted with a number of toxins due to improper storage at the feed plant. Andrew then sent the results off to the lawyers who served the band, releasing them like sharks into bloodied waters to go after the grain company. It was his only means of venting his rage at the hurt done to his demented little family, and the man he loved. In the end, the plant was little more than an abandoned warehouse, Horse was still dead, and Andrew was left with a sick lump of guilt that he could have harbored such animosity toward something that had brought so much joy into the life of a man who had endured more than his fair share of pain.

It was weeks before there was some semblance of normalcy in the manor. The first sign of life was Bill in the rehearsal space, playing bass by himself. Eventually, as the days passed, he was joined by Adalwolf and Daryl, and the usual nonsense that went with trying to write music began once more.

Nathan had yet to emerge.

Andrew finally went to Nathan's room, entering quietly. He spied Nathan leaning against the window sill, gazing out into the evening at Horse's paddock as it stood empty in the late summer heat. Andrew walked up to Nathan, slipping an arm around him.

"Nathan, you can't stay in here forever."

Nathan didn't react to Andrew's presence at first. Then he said quietly, "It's my fault. I killed Horse."

"No, you didn't. The feed was bad. That was what killed Horse."

"No. I did it."

"Nathan you did not kill Horse, you loved him."

"I know. And I told him. I whispered it in his ear that night. That's why he died."

Andrew gave him a puzzled look. "I don't understand."

"Oh come on, Andrew, have you ever noticed that no one around here uses the 'L' word for anything other than beer and cheese? Because everything we love dies." Nathan stared down into the empty paddock. "That's why... I can't ever tell you. And why I can never let you stay the night."

Outside there was a brief flash of lightning. Eventually there was thunder. The storm was far away, muted and dull, as everything had been of late. Did Nathan really think everything he loved was going to be taken from him in some brutal way? Is that why Nathan never let him stay the night, never gave him more than the merest hints of affection? It made sense. It was not as if Nathan's life had been filled with warmth. Andrew reached out to touch Nathan's hair.

"Can I assume that means you... dislike me a great deal?"

A slight smile crossed Nathan's face. "Yeah. Might even be complete loathing."

Andrew smiled, closing his eyes as Nathan lowered his head so their brows met, feeling a weight lift from his chest, replaced by a joy that made him want to sing.

"I was afraid I didn't mean anything to you," Andrew said softly.

"No. You mean a lot. That's why I couldn't tell you. I was... well... scared you'd go. Leave. Be killed. Something."

"I would really like to stay the night."

"I can't let you do that."

The lightning flashed, and Andrew was startled by the brief image of a huge horse in the paddock, mane and tail blowing, gazing back at the window.

"Is that? I mean... did I just see...?"

"He's out there every night," said Nathan.

The lightning flickered again, but this time all Andrew saw was empty paddock. He was not a man given to such things as fancying he saw phantom horses, but he was certain he'd seen Horse. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the concept when Nathan spoke again.

"I think he's mad I got him killed."

"Nathan you did not kill Horse. You loved him. I would even go so far as to say you gave him the happiest eighteen months of his life."

"But he's still dead."

Andrew took Nathan's head between his hands, looking up at him. "He's dead because the processing plant let rat poison get mixed in with the grain. Horse was not the only animal who died as a result. A lot of other people out there right now are grieving horses and ponies."

"But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't..."

"It's not your fault."

Andrew hated seeing Nathan like this, looking defeated and sad. The lightning snapped like a silent whip of light, once more, and this time there was thunder. The storm was moving closer. Again Andrew swore he saw the shaggy form of a great horse in the paddock, tail blowing listlessly in the hot wind.

"Then why is he still out there?" asked Nathan.

'
He's not out there, because there are no such things as ghosts.
' Andrew gently pulled Nathan's long auburn hair. "Maybe he's worried about you blaming yourself."

"I shouldn't have told him. I'm never telling anything ever again." He looked at Andrew and said quietly, "Especially not you."

Andrew smiled. "I suppose I can live with that."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of the idea."

The rain started to fall. Nathan edged closer to Andrew and kissed him. "I would like you to stay the night. I'm just... y'know, not sure it's a good idea."

"Well, why don't we try it anyway?"

"And what if you end up, uh, standing in that paddock, staring at me?"

"It won't happen."

The lightning sparked across the sky.. From the corner of his eye, Andrew swore he caught a brief image of Horse prowling the edges of the paddock.

"You think he really is worried?" asked Nathan. "Not angry?"

"Yes. I do. And I think once you forgive yourself then... he'll go on."

"Think he might, like, come back and visit?"

"If you want him to."

The thunder boomed quietly. Nathan turned from the window to face Andrew, drawing him close.

"What do I do if...?"

"I die?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Andrew stroked the long dark hair. "Well, I suppose that's really up to you. Personally, I would like to see you go on and enjoy life. And even if I do spend the night, and for some reason drop dead, it's still not your fault. Okay?"

Nathan didn't look convinced, but nodded. "I guess... I should maybe think about leaving this room."

"Well it's either that or let Adalwolf take over vocals."

Nathan smiled slightly. He stroked his hand over Andrew's hair. He seemed to ponder something, then finally asked, "Would you
want
to spend the night?"

"I would l--"

Nathan raised a hand to Andrew lips, stopping the word. Andrew smiled and lightly bit the finger. "I mean I would absolutely hate it."

"Good. 'Cause I'd hate it, too."

Nathan kissed him gently, and began slowly undressing him. They fell back to the huge bed, peeling off the rest of their clothes and slipping under the covers. Nathan drew Andrew close and kissed him, trailing large hands over Andrew's small, powerful body.

"Where do you get all these muscles from?"

"Mail order."

Nathan paused and thought about that. Andrew sighed, then laughed. "I work out, twice a day. I'm up every morning at six, before you are even breathing."

"On purpose?"

"Well, it's the only time I have when I don't have other things to do."

"That's harsh. Couldn't you like change the schedule?"

"Now why would I do that?"

"Well, maybe I could join you."

"Don't you work out?" Andrew trailed a hand over Nathan's muscled arm. "You're not exactly a marshmallow yourself."

"Yeah, but I work out in the evening. Hate getting up early."

"Well, here's a thought," said Andrew. "How about if you join me in the evening, after dinner?"

"I could do that." Nathan ran his hand over Andrew's hair. "Y'know, you should grow your hair out, put it in a ponytail. You'd be cute... er."

"You think? Maybe I will."

Nathan kissed him, then admitted quietly, "I did write one song. But I don't think I'll show it to anyone."

"Why not?"

"Well, uh, it's... not my usual style. It's about Horse."

"Well, you don't have to show it to anyone. It was probably catharsis."

"No, actually it was pretty good."

Andrew grinned. "I mean you were probably venting your feelings."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I was. I might show someone. Someday. I don't know yet."

"It's up to you."

"Yeah. Well. I'll think about it."

Nathan kissed him, ending the conversation. Outside the rain fell gently, washing the dry summer dust from the air, sweetening it. The thunder rumbled quietly, without threat. Nathan slowly nibbled and kissed and licked his way down Andrew's body.

"I'm glad you're staying. You're just so fucking cute when you're ready to, you know. Like you don't know what to do with yourself."

"I usually don't," said Andrew. "I'm a bit of a control freak." Andrew jumped as a warm, wet tongue slowly explored him.

"I hadn't noticed," said Nathan. "I mean, apart from the way you, like, obsessively lace your shoes, or line up your pens so they all face due east."

"Nathan are you being smart with me?"

"I doubt it." He moved up to lie over top of Andrew, kissing him softly, then toying with his hair. Andrew draped his arms around Nathan's neck.

"So do you hate me?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah. I really hope you hate me, too. At least enough to put with my crap."

"So long as you don't make me sleep alone anymore."

"No. I won't. I just couldn't risk... I mean I'm still not sure this is a good idea." Nathan lowered his head and kissed Andrew. "But not having you here... I didn't like it. And I didn't like knowing you were hurt. I don't want to hurt you." He trailed his hand over Andrew's cheek. "Are you sure I didn't kill Horse?"

"Positive."

"Well, I still don't think I'll risk saying
that
."

"You don't have to tell me. You can just show me."

"Yeah," said Nathan quietly. "I think I can do that."

Nathan kissed him gently, and a peace settled over the room, broken only by the quiet sounds of love-making. Outside the storm continued to dampen the earth, the rain tapping against the partly open window, dripping down onto the sill. Down in the paddock a great shape stared up at the window for a while, then turned and walked into the closed stall, and did not return.

End

If you liked this book you might like: A Strange Place in Time and Road Trip, both by Alyx J Shaw

The Thunder-Horse

Copyright (c) 2010 by Alyx Shaw

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Torquere Press, Inc.: Sips electronic edition / November 2010

Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680