The Time Until (11 page)

I clench my jaw shut to keep the scream from
breaking loose, nearly shattering my teeth.
 
My eyelids pinch closed and squeeze more moisture from the already sopping
wet blues behind them.
 
I wipe the tears
before they can fall without letting go of Sam’s hand.
 
I’m crying like the images in my head have
already happened.

My head collapses on the bed as I take deep,
marathon breaths and large, angry, sad tears streak down my cheeks.
 
I look up and stare at her unmoving hand for
a few moments as I regain myself.
 
Petting the back of it slowly with my fingers feels good despite her
dead reaction to my touch.
 
I choke on a
lump of grief in my throat as I think more about everything.
 
I can’t help my words as they spill out of my
mouth.

“I do love you, Sam.
 
If you hear nothing else while in your dream
world
hear
this:
 
I love you.”

I keep my head lying on her bed staring at her hand
for a long while before the emotional exhaustion takes me from her.

5 Years Ago (Age 15):
 
February

I didn’t know getting ready for a date is this
nerve wracking.
 
I can’t figure out what
to wear, even though I’m fairly certain jeans are acceptable.
 
I’ve taken two showers since I apparently put
on the wrong kind of cologne when I got out the first time — according to my
nine-year-old sister.
 
This meant I had
to change my clothes since they also smelled of the aforementioned cologne.
 
Finally, I get everything right — dating
guru
Jennifer Green approved – when a new problem arises: my
parents aren’t home.

So here I sit waiting for my parents to get
home so one of them can bring me to the movie theater.
 
I hate only having a permit and over six
months until I can legally take the driving test.
 
The time says it’s 15 to six and I’m
seriously starting to freak out.
 
I’m
pretty sure being late to your first date — ever —
is
frowned upon.
 
In fact, I think it ranks
right up there with being late for your wedding or spoiling the ending of the
movie while in the theater watching it.

Finally, I hear the car pull in to the drive
and I nearly pull my mom out of the car when I use too much strength to open
the door she was already in the process of opening.
 
I mumble an apology as I jump into the
passenger seat she just vacated.
 
My
dad’s surprise is all over his face as he looks at me.

“I told you I have a date, Dad,” I remind him.
“I’m supposed to be there at six.” He chuckles at me as a response and starts
the car again.
 
My mother moves to the
driver side and leans into the window, James comes to mine.

“I’m just going to drop him off real fast and
then I’ll be back.” My mom nods and gives him a quick kiss before looking at
me.

“Is it that hot chick from the club?” James
asks me with a huge knowing smile.
 
I
roll my eyes at him.

“I refuse to answer that lame question,” I
answer and his smile grows bigger.

“I knew it!” He triumphantly shouts in my ear
and messes my hair up.

“By the way, Alan, we got James’ pictures
developed,” she relates to me, “thought you might like to look at them later.”
She smiles knowingly.
 
She giggles at my
enthusiastic nod and, after one last kiss from my dad, she goes into the house.

The trip to the theater isn’t a long one, but
it’s not a short jump either.
 
Which means there is plenty of time for my dad to talk to me about
things.
 
He’s always trying to
talk to me. I hate it.
 
I guess I should
be happy that I have a dad who actually cares about me enough to want to know
how my life is or what’s going on in it, but really I just don’t want to talk
about it.

Especially with my dad.

 
“So, I
haven’t seen Sam in a while.” My dad tries to start a conversation.
 
I’m only half listening, but answer just the
same.

“Some things happened and now she has a
boyfriend.” He frowns at this.

“That’s too bad,” he comments, “you guys used
to be so close.” I nod my head.

“Yeah, but there’s nothing I can do about
it.
 
She didn’t want me.” My mind stops
for a half second and the smile on my dad’s face tells me he caught the mistake
I made.
 
Damn it, I had to tell him about
my feelings for Sam.
 
Though, knowing
him, he probably already knew about them.

“Don’t read any more into that statement then
needs to be read,” I deflect.
 
He nods
his head, but that damn smile never leaves his face.

“Of course, son, of course.”
I give up and go back to reading.
 
I can
feel the blood fill my cheeks.
 
There is
nothing more embarrassing than telling your dad about your love life,
especially unintentionally.

Arriving at the theater, I slam the car door in
my hasty escape.
 
Running through The
Marketplace isn’t a good idea on a Saturday night.
 
This is the popular hangout place for all the
teens in the area.
 
It opened two years
ago, so just about everything is new.
 
Per the usual on a Saturday, the place is packed and I can barely walk
around without hitting someone, let alone running.
 
I curse my stupidity for not getting her
cellphone number.
 
It would have made
life so much easier and less stressful if I was at least able to let her know I
was on my way.

Finally, seeing a break in the crowd, I
hightail it to the hole and squeeze through as it closes behind me like a
strange portal.
 
I have a bit of a break
and I’m now making great time.
 
Katelyn
sees me before I see her and she calls out to me.

“Alan!” she cries as I walk up to her trying to
catch my breath.
 
She seems concerned.

“Sorry, I had to get a ride and it took
forever.” I manage to get out in between breaths.
 
Kate smiles as she rubs my back.

“It’s okay, I already got the tickets.”

I’m a little upset about that.
 
I was under the impression that it’s the
guy’s responsibility to pay for everything on a date.
 
Though, for the life of me, I can’t remember
where I was taught that.
 
It’s just
something I picked up as I grew up.
 
So
her paying for me makes me feel a little sad, like I’m not doing my job.
 
Maybe she’ll even look down on me because of
this.

But I don’t mention any of this and just nod my
head.

The air outside is cold, so my breath is visible
as I right myself.
 
Kate keeps her hand
on my back trying to support me.
 
One
final deep breath and I feel much better, more relaxed.
 
Kate hands me my movie ticket.
 
It’s a romantic comedy that just recently
came out.
 
I’m more a science fiction or fantasy
kind of guy, but I can be flexible to get on the good side of a girl.
 
The movie starts in about half an hour, so we
make our way to the entrance of the theater.

And that’s where I notice them.

Sam and Caleb.

Great.
 
Over the past week, the relationship between
Sam and Katelyn has gotten steadily worse.
 
Sam generally ignores Kate whenever she can and the times she can’t,
they almost get into screaming matches with each other.
 
I’m at a loss at what’s gotten into Sam and I
can’t really blame Katelyn for defending herself.
 
It’s gotten to the point that I’ve actually
started avoiding areas and friends that will put Kate and Sam in close
proximity.
 
Needless to say, I haven’t
seen Sam or any of the other members of the old group in days.
 
I really miss them, but can’t deal with the
bickering anymore.

I know I made a choice and most likely made
things worse between Katelyn and Sam, but Sam pushed me to it.
 
First, she rejects my feelings and runs
away.
 
Then, she runs into the arms of
someone else.
 
Finally, she seems
determined not to let anyone else get close to me, even someone I’m just trying
to get to know better.
 
I had to make a
choice, and I chose the one who accepts me right now, not the one who confuses
the hell out of me, regardless of how I truly feel.

I’ve never really seen Sam and Caleb on a date
before.
 
They don’t seem as close as I
thought they would be.
 
They’re inside
the theater, in line to get popcorn. Caleb holds her tight and she has her arm
around him, but she seems really uncomfortable.
 
I realize why when I see her looking at Kate and I enter.

Now I feel uncomfortable.

For a minute, I allow myself to believe that
Sam came to the movies tonight to see me, but Caleb’s arm across her shoulder
quickly dispels that fantasy.
 
I shift
awkwardly under Sam’s gaze and Kate notices my movement.
 
A quick glance in the direction I’m looking
and her smile falls slightly.
 
She grabs
my arm and crushes it in her embrace as she glares at Sam.
 
Sam looks away in defeat, but then does
something unexpected.
 
She taps Caleb and
points at Kate and me nearly dragging him by the arm as she starts to walk
toward us.
 
Kate stiffens in anticipation
of an attack I assume — she doesn’t know that Sam would never attack someone
unprovoked.

“Fancy meeting you guys here,” Sam chimes as
they get to us.
 
She’s being way too
obvious about her reason for coming over here, but I don’t mind.
 
I wanted her to come over. I want to tell her
about James’ letter.
 
She misses him
almost as much as I do, I know that much at least.

“Not sure how fancy it is considering you knew
Alan and I have a date tonight,” Kate criticizes. “You were there when we made
the plans.” Sam seems to take the comments in stride, but I can see the clouds
forming just behind the calm eyes.
 
I
need to diffuse the situation a bit or things will get ugly fast.

“So, Sam, what’re you guys going to see?” Kate
and Sam never look away from each other.
 
I practically roll my eyes at the obvious battle going on between the
two of them.

“The new
romcom
that
just came out,” Caleb answers in Sam’s stead since she’s busy trying to
intimidate my date.
 
I really need to
distract one of these two if we’re ever going to have a moments peace tonight,
especially when we’re seeing the same movie at the same time — I have to laugh
at that, Sam is very much a horror girl.
 
Romcoms
are not her thing at all.

“Hey, Sam,” I nearly shout at her, “we got
James’ pictures developed today.” That did the trick.
 
She breaks her sparks driven eye contact with
Kate and looks up at me with unashamed interest.
 
Looking me up and down a few times, I realize
she’s looking for the pictures.

“No, they’re not here.
 
They’re back at the house, but call me
tomorrow some time and we’ll get to together so you can look at them.” Sam
shrinks a little in disappointment, but nods her head just same.

“Alright,” is all she can
manage.
 
Caleb looks at his watch and then announces
that the movie is about to start and that they have to go.

“I guess we should go as well,” I inform
Kate.
 
She does not look happy.
 
I can’t help but wonder what I did wrong, if
I actually did do something wrong.
 
I
throw a confused look on my face.

“What?”

Kate shakes her head.

“You made plans with her,” she scoffs.
 
I really do roll my eyes this time.
 
This — whatever it is — has to stop.

“Look, I don’t know what it is between the two
of you, but she’s been my best friend since we were five and you both need to
find some way to work it out,” I inform her. “I have no intention of choosing
between the two of you anymore.
 
Everyone
will get equal shares of the Alan stock. Okay?”

Katelyn nods her head and I take a chance by
wrapping my arms around her.
 
She
hesitates at first but eventually follows my lead.
 
Even through her jacket, I can tell she has a
nice body; it makes my body react in funny ways.

Suddenly, I’m not cold anymore.

“I’m on a date with you right now,” I remind
her tapping her nose with my finger, “just remember that in the future.” She
nods her head with a smile and looks up at me.
 
I really, really want to kiss her right now.
 
Unfortunately, we don’t kiss — on the
lips.
 
Katelyn pulls herself up to my
face and plants her strawberry reds on my cheek.
 
The touch sends tingles through my face and
down my spine.
 
I like this feeling a lot
and actually contemplate asking her to do it again.

Katelyn smiles at my reaction and pulls me to
the theater, giggling to herself.
 
I see
Sam and Caleb right away as we turn the corner to the seats and I freeze for a
second.
 
They’re in the front; of course,
that’s where Sam and I always sat whenever we went to the movies.
 
I feel sad that I have to pick another seat
now and I start hunting for a new one, but Kate has another idea and drags me
to the back of the theater at the top.
 
She pulls me to the far corner.
 
Sam watching us compounds my worry.
 
Just perfect, she looks pissed and disgusted at the same time.
 
I already know how the conversation is going
to go tomorrow.

I’m not stupid and know exactly what happens in
this area of the theater, but I also don’t want to jump to conclusions.
 
So, I’m really nervous when the movie
starts.
 
The lights going down makes our
little corner of the theater seem a lot darker than I think it should be.
 
Halfway through the movie and nothing
happens, I start to think that maybe I was overthinking everything.