The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (87 page)

“Warmonger!”

“Death to the Freewill!”

“No mercy for the defiler!”

The insults continued and then suddenly something wet thumped into my chest. I looked down to see it was a clod of earth. There was a momentary pause from the crowd and then they apparently decided they liked that idea because I was suddenly pelted from all sides with any debris that could be grabbed. Christ, it felt like I was at a Mets game. Unfortunately, it was only going to be a matter of time before someone threw something heavy.

Before I could ponder whether to duck or run, Nergui appeared in front of me, weapons brandished. He let out a battle cry and made a few swipes at the nearest offenders, warning shots meant to scare them back. Just then, I heard a *clack* sound behind me that said Ed had just chambered a round into his shotgun. Oh, crap. If the crowd didn’t back off soon, it was going to turn into a full blown bloodbath with me at the center. Not good.

Through it all, I looked at Francois. His face held the same outrage as those around me, but his eyes glittered. The fucker was definitely enjoying this. Well, screw him. No way was I giving him the satisfaction. I opened my mouth to tell Nergui and Ed to stand down, but any words I had to say were completely drowned out by the sound that came from ahead.

A roar of pure rage rose up from below, near the center of the hollow. For all intents and purposes, it sounded as if the gates of Hell itself had been blown wide open. The bellow echoed across the entire area for several seconds, silencing all within.

I pushed forward until I could see what was going on. Standing alone at the bottom was Turd. Next to him, laid out on the conference table was another Sasquatch. It was obviously dead, multiple wounds covering its torso. From the saggy tits hanging off its chest, I’d say female as well. Guess bras weren’t big amongst the Forest Folk.

Turd looked up and saw me. His eyes locked on mine and his mouth opened in a snarl. “
Freewill, see what your treachery has wrought!
” he yelled out, now having the full attention of the audience.

He indicated the body next to him. “
My mate
,” he growled, anger and sorrow both evident in his voice. “
The mother of my cubs. You defile the tree where her ancestor lay.
” He took his eyes from me and addressed the crowd. “
Such was her shame, she took her own life.
”

Gasps of shock rose from the crowd. Little by little, their eyes (
or whatever they used to see
) turned toward me. They did not look happy.

Seeing their reaction, Turd continued. “
Is it really surprise? Freewill Tlunta were known as conquerors, murderers. Many have legends that tell of their evil.
”

He turned toward a group of stone-like monsters.
“Terrocks, did not Freewills enslave your people long ago? Use them as servants to build their fortresses?
” Their response was a gravelly growl of anger.

He next addressed a party of creatures that appeared to be made of living smoke. “
Wisps, you have tales of the Freewills extinguishing your eternal flame many harvests ago, yes?
” The creatures appeared to flare up at this. Steam rose into the sky above them.

Turd then pointed to Christy’s coven. “
Magi, do not your people speak of the death the Freewill brings? If he lives, the Silver Eyes shall rise and bring the end of your kind.
”

The various witches and wizards began to converse amongst themselves. A few made warding gestures and crackles of energy appeared around them. I saw Christy amongst them. Interestingly enough, her face didn’t mirror the rest of theirs. She looked troubled, but if she was pissed, she wasn’t directing it at me. Well that was one plus in my favor, a minor one albeit, but at this point I was ready to take whatever I could get.

Turd was trying to turn the crowd against me, and doing a damn good job of it. Goddamn it! Next time I’m going to tell Ed to use a freaking bucket.

This was looking ugly. I quickly scanned the area where Turd stood. “Where’s the fucking moderator?” I whispered mostly to myself.

At once, Francois was by my side. He lifted his wrist and glanced at the expensive watch on it. In a soft voice he purred, “Oh, did I say you were late? My apologies. We were actually a bit early. Silly me, must have forgotten to wind this thing. He should be arriving...just...about...now.”

* * *

With that, another jolt of green lightning flashed in the arena. When it cleared, happy doom ball was back. Fuck me! I guess even glowing spheres of energy need a break from things.

“DAY TWO OF THE PROCEEDINGS WILL NOW COMMENCE. BOTH PARTIES WILL MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE TABLE,” it mind-beamed out, ignoring all of the angry commotion still rippling its way through the crowd.

“Do have fun,” Francois said with a smirk, then stood back while his people began filtering out to their respective chairs.

Not wanting to give him the satisfaction, I turned to my friends, gave a shrug, and indicated for them to follow me. I really hoped Sally was right about her plan. I knew that she was doubtful any combat involving her as my proxy would be to the death, but the crowd sure as shit looked bloodthirsty to me.

I reached the entrance to the conference area and stood aside to let my friends go first. Nergui stopped with me, still guarding my flank. I locked eyes with each of them as they went. Tom and Ed both looked worried. Sally simply nodded to me. I mouthed, “Are you sure?” and got another nod back. I wouldn’t forget this. I just hoped she knew what she was doing.

Once she passed me, I began walking again.

“Wait!” a voice called from behind me.

“THE PARTIES WILL MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE TABLE NOW,” the glowing thingee repeated.

I turned and saw James making his way down the steps. Thank God. Hopefully, he had some way of turning this around. As he came up to me, I saw Francois tense in his seat.

James gave me a knowing smile and then a wink. Awesome, he did have a plan.

“I brought you your blood,” he said, handing me the bottle. He then turned and walked over to take his seat.

What the fuck!? That was it? I was tempted to chuck it at him. He couldn’t possibly be that clueless, could he?

“THE PARTIES WILL...”

“Yeah, yeah! I heard you the first time!” I shouted back, drawing a few gasps from the crowd. Oh, well, fuck them! It’s not as if they were on my side to begin with. I was half tempted to flip the lot of them off, but somehow managed to restrain myself...especially when I realized I had just mouthed off to a glowing ball of lightning that could vaporize me without a second thought. Note to self: don’t do that again.

Almost as if reading my mind (
and for all I knew, it could
), the orb said, “THERE IS AN UNAUTHORIZED OBSTRUCTION ON THE TABLE. IT SHALL BE REMOVED.”

With that, it disintegrated the body. Whoa! That was harsh. I looked up, half expecting to see Turd in a frenzy of rage. However, he just took his seat without a second glance. What the...?

Something was definitely rotten in the state of Bigfootville. I just hoped that Sally wouldn’t have to pay the ultimate price to find out what.

“
I have grievance!
” Turd shouted, bringing one meaty fist down onto the table hard enough that I felt the impact from the other end.

“VERY WELL, THE GRIEVANCE WILL BE HEARD,” the glow-ball replied in a calm, almost bored, telepathic voice.

Turd went on to explain a very biased version of what happened the day before. It was his belief that having my friends shit all over his ancestors had been my plan all along. He apparently had very low standards for what encompassed a criminal mastermind. Let’s just say that I don’t recall Dr. Doom or Lex Luthor ever employing such methods.

He then continued, telling how his mate couldn’t live with the shame. Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad for the guy...err, ape. I loved my Grandpa. If someone were to pinch a loaf on his headstone, I’d probably be a little ticked too. Even so, I just can’t see myself pulling out a noose to mark the occasion.

He went on about his motherless kids, his outraged clan brothers, and just barely being able to restrain them from wreaking their vengeance. Turd was definitely piling it on in layers.

Unfortunately, it seemed to be working. The Sasquatches on his side of the table were throwing looks of pure hatred my way. The glares coming from Francois’s lackeys were almost as unkind. I made a quick scan of the crowd and saw similar expressions (
at least on those with faces
). The only exceptions were James and Francois. Francois, unsurprisingly, seemed to be having the time of his life - I was half surprised that he hadn’t brought popcorn. James, on the other hand, looked perplexed. His expression was one of utter confusion. He suddenly noticed me looking at him. He gave a nod and gestured downward. What the fuck? Goddamn, I both hate and suck at charades. Next time I get picked for something like this, I gotta remember to bring a few two-way radios.

Seeing that I wasn’t getting it, he made a sipping gesture. Jesus Christ, the dude was still harping on about my fucking drink. What, did he want a medal or something?

“HOW DOES THE FREEWILL RESPOND TO THIS GRIEVANCE?”

Huh? Oh, crap, he was talking to me. I quickly looked at my friends for guidance. The best I got, though, was Sally giving me a quick
go on
gesture. Damn, I hated speaking in front of crowds.

Well, best to keep this short and sweet. I stood up and said, “It was an accident.” Okay, probably not the most profound thing I’d ever said. Thinking quickly, I added, “Sorry,” to my brilliant monologue.

“Way to go, Socrates,” Sally whispered under her breath.

Ed, no doubt sensing I was sinking faster than the Titanic, stood up. “If I may...”

“YOU HAVE NOT BEEN RECOGNIZED,” our moderator beamed out. It started to pulse angry colors, “YOU ARE OUT OF ORDER.”

Ed immediately planted his ass back in his seat. I couldn’t blame him. A speech that would have probably encompassed little more than, “
when you gotta go...
” was definitely not worth getting photon-torpedoed over.

“DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD?”

“Oh, do you mean me?” I asked.

“YES.” Maybe it was just me, but I could sense just a slight condescending tone from the oversized firefly. I almost said something to the effect, but since pissing off yet another entity didn’t exactly sound like a winning strategy, I decided against it.

“It won’t happen again,” I ended lamely.

I looked across the table, hoping Turd would accept that and maybe a friendly handshake to patch things up between us.

Instead, he turned to his bodyguard, grabbed the club from his hands, and smashed it down upon the table. The impact echoed throughout the valley. Hmm, guess he kind of liked his wife.

“
No!
” Turd bellowed. “
Not accepted. I and my people, we demand blood!
”

Thoughts of offering him a sip from my bottle flitted through my head, but then our moderator interceded. “VERY WELL. WILL THE LIFE OF THE OFFENDING HUMAN SUFFICE?”

Motherfucker! Ed tensed in his chair. I started to open my mouth to speak, but felt Sally’s hand on my arm. The meaning was clear:
wait
.

“
Human is nothing,
” Turd slobbered. “
The Freewill must die.
”

“AS MODERATOR TO THE TWO PARTIES, I CANNOT OFFER FOR SACRIFICE THE LEADER OF EITHER FACTION. WHAT SAY YOU, FREEWILL? DO YOU ACCEPT THE TERMS?”

Seriously? “Fuck no,” I replied before I could think of anything more eloquent.

“THE OFFER HAS BEEN REFUSED. TURD, THE REMAINING OPTIONS ARE TO DROP YOUR GRIEVANCE OR...”

“
Combat!
” Turd screamed, causing the crowd to go nuts. Civilized meeting, my ass.

Arcs of energy crackled around the ball, silencing the crowd. “VERY WELL. THE TWO SIDES WILL VET THEIR DIFFERENCES IN ONE ON ONE COMBAT. FREEWILL, THE CHALLENGE HAS BEEN MADE TO YOU. AS LEADER, ONE OF YOUR FACTION MAY ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE IN YOUR PLACE.”

“I will fight for the Freewill,” a voice said from behind me. Nergui’s.

Unfortunately, as Sally had surmised, he was shot down. “NEGATIVE. HONOR GUARDS ARE FORBIDDEN. ONLY ONE OF THOSE SEATED AT THE TABLE MAY FIGHT IN HIS PLACE.”

This was it. No way was one of Francois’s men putting their ass on the line for me. In fact, each of the fuckers started going through their notes as if they hadn’t even heard.

“Are you sure about this, Sally?” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth. There was no response. “Sally?” I turned to look at her. She was just staring straight ahead. “Yoo-hoo, Sally. I understand if you want to back out. It’s just...” The words died in my mouth as I noticed the glazed look in her eyes. She wasn’t backing down, she was under a compulsion. Fuck! Had Francois gotten to her after all?

I quickly turned to where he sat, and found that, sure enough, he had a smirk practically wide enough to split his face. Fuck me! The asshole had set me up again.

“What’s going on, Bill?” It was Ed. He and Tom had both noticed Sally too. That wasn’t good. I knew my roommates. They were good friends, sometimes a little too good.

Rather than answer, I said, “Don’t even think about it,” then stood up.

“I fight my own battles,” I said, somehow managing not to squeak it out. My inner voice was quick to add,
that’s why you always get your ass kicked.

* * *

“What the hell happened?” Tom asked.

“Change of plans,” I replied. “Sally’s been compelled.”