The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (89 page)

“I must say, that was quite impressive,” James said as he approached. From the tone of his voice, he meant it. “I had no idea you were capable of that.”

Nergui in turn, bowed very low to me. Apparently, whatever I had done had further cemented his Freewill beliefs.

I gave them a quick nod. Before saying anything, I looked behind them and then around us. “Where’s Francois?”

“Oh, he stormed out of here following the fight. Oddly enough, he did not look pleased at your victory. I think he underestimated you.”

“Well, you definitely fixed that one,” Tom said.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I owe you. Thanks for that.”

James looked confused. “For what?”

“For helping me out. That was quick thinking.”

“I’m afraid you have me at a loss,” he said. Before anyone could say anything else, he held up a hand, indicating we should stop talking. He quickly turned to Nergui and said, “My friend, if you would be so kind as to wait at the Freewill’s tent. They will be under my protection until then.”

Nergui gave a short bow, then turned and walked off.

“I thought you trusted him,” I said once he was out of earshot.

“Oh, I do,” James replied, “with my life and yours. Still, the fewer ears we have around, the safer things will be.”

“Let me guess,” I asked, sharing a quick glance with Sally, “this is a safeguard against him being compelled?”

James gave a curt nod, his expression serious. “It’s quite possible that if questioned by Francois, he would have no choice but to tell all he heard. Nergui is no fool. He undoubtedly understands this. Now getting back to the point, what was that about my helping you out?”

“The blood,” Ed replied.

“What about it?”

“It was yours, right?” I asked.

“Mine?”

“Yes, in the bottle you gave me.”

“I’m not sure what you mean. I found the bottle where you said it would be. It was already full, so I assumed you had done so and forgotten.”

“That wasn’t your blood?”

“No, it wasn’t. Although, now that you mention it, that would have been a clever plan. I wish I had thought of it.”

“What? How the hell did you think I did all that stuff out there?”

“I...well, I’m actually not sure. The legends say the Freewills of old had hidden powers. I just assumed you discovered yours and tapped into it.”

“So you’re saying that wasn’t your blood?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“So then what was all that smiling and winking crap earlier?”

“Oh, that. I taped a note to the bottom of the bottle, asking you to meet me afterwards so we could discuss things.”

“That was it!?”

“Yes.”

“Hold on,” Sally said. “How did you know Bill would survive?”

“It’s quite simple really. Killing the Freewill outright wouldn’t help the Alma’s cause. If they did that, they would force the Draculas’ hand. One or more of our ruling council would have no choice but to get involved in these talks.”

“So challenging me was...”

“Meant to humiliate you. Turd no doubt saw you as an easy mark. Breaking you and then showing the rest of the proceedings that you weren’t even worth killing would weaken our position. Instead, though, you did to him what he sought to do to you.”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “He seemed pretty pissed. The fact that his wife committed suicide...”

“Strikes me as odd,” James interrupted, a troubled tone entering his voice. “I wish I had gotten a chance to speak to you before this whole debacle and learn what had happened.”

“So you could have told Bill to turn around and march back to his tent?” Tom surmised.

“Hardly. Remember, Dr. Death, I have spent time amongst the Alma. I know a little of their customs and even more about diplomacy. What your human friend did should have barely been considered even a minor insult.”

“What?” the four of us replied as one.

“Yes, and in times such as these, when outsiders are permitted into their lands under truce, it is understood that small infractions are tolerated.”

“Small infractions?” Ed asked. “I thought that Bigfoot yesterday was going to rip my head off.”

“No offense, man,” I replied, “but I can see how shitting on their ancestors’ corpses might be a sore spot.”

“But it isn’t,” James said.

“Okay, now you’ve lost me.”

“This place is sacred to the Alma, that much you know,” he explained. “The tree, was it a Maple variant if I may ask?”

“Yes.”

“It holds significance to them, but in more of a spiritual manner. It’s a symbol of growth and rebirth.”

“So it’s sacred to them, like they said.”

“No,” he continued. “Sacred yes, but not in the way that say Hindus venerate cattle or Christians the cross. Besides, it’s not like you burned down the forest. All you did was...”

“Shit on their ancestors,” I repeated.

“Fertilize the ground,” James corrected. “It’s common practice amongst the Alma, considered a minor blessing even.”

“You’ve got to be wrong,” I replied. “People...err apes don’t usually off themselves due to
minor blessings
.”

“I will admit that part has me puzzled. It’s almost like they purposely wanted to find offense and had planned to use your ignorance against you.”

“Except it wouldn’t have worked if you had warned us,” Sally said, a glimmer of insight sparkling in her eyes. Not being a complete idiot myself, I put two and two together.

“Except Francois stopped you.”

“And put a very specific compulsion on Sally,” Ed said.

“And conveniently had his own negotiators handy when the Draculas’ group didn’t arrive,” Sally added.

“And has been a major dick about everything,” Tom replied, adding his own unhelpful two cents.

“I will admit that is very strange,” James said. “Except for that last part. I’ve known Francois for a very long time and he has always been, as you so eloquently put it, a dick.”

“Jesus Christ!” Sally exclaimed. “He’s selling us out. Francois is working with the...”

“I will stop you there, my dear,” James interrupted. “One does not lightly throw accusations at an elder vampire with only circumstantial, if highly probable, evidence. That is especially true in places such as this where there are ears everywhere.”

“So what do we do?” I asked. “We can’t let this asshole get away with...”

“It’s quite possible you’ve already done enough. Judging by how quickly he stormed out of here, I’d say you made a bloody mess of his plans.”

“One of Bill’s specialties,” Sally quipped, not unkindly.

James nodded. “As I am learning. Whatever Francois had planned has no doubt been put in jeopardy. It’s possible that he will have no choice but to let the peace negotiations continue in the manner that they were meant to.”

“That’s good,” I replied, feeling a bit of relief wash over me.

“Of course,” James continued, “he may also become desperate and attempt to modify his plans.”

“Let me guess. That would probably involve getting rid of me, right?”

“Doubtful.”

“Oh, well that’s a...”

“He would no doubt wish to remove you from the equation out of spite alone.”

Great, just what I wanted to hear.

* * *

The five of us had been walking back down the trail toward the huts. Compared to the earlier ruckus, it was now eerily quiet. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said we were the only ones in the woods for miles around. As we walked, I had a chance to reflect upon the events of the past few hours, or at least the parts I remembered. I looked down at my ragged clothes. Damn, I liked this shirt, too.

Sally took this as cue to ask, “So what exactly happened back there? I kind of spaced out when that compulsion triggered.”

“No idea,” I admitted. “What did you guys see?”

Ed shrugged, “Well we were kind of busy dragging Sally out of harm’s way.”

“Yeah, she’s heav...”

Sally interrupted Tom with, “If you finish that sentence, you die.”

“Uh yeah,” he stammered before quickly changing the subject. “After that it was hard to say. You were moving too fast.”

“Yep,” Ed agreed. “You only started to slow down again after you’d kicked Turd’s ass and started to change back. The best I can say is...you got bigger.”

“Hulk smash?” I asked with a grin.

“Something like that.”

“What about you, James?”

“Yes?” he asked, coming out of whatever reverie he had been in.

“What did you see?”

James looked troubled by my question. “That’s what’s been bothering me actually. I too had a hard time following your moves.”

“
You did
?”

“I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it, but yes.”

Even Sally was impressed by that. “Wow.”

“Indeed. That tells me one of two things. Either our friend, Dr. Death here, is far more formidable than any of us imagined...”

“Or?”

“Or our mysterious donor is a vampire whose power far eclipses my own.”

“Francois?” I offered, even though I had a pretty good idea what the answer would be.

That elicited chuckles from both James and Sally. “Sorry, Bill,” she said. “But I doubt he’d piss on you if you were on fire much less open a vein so you could take a drink.”

“Then who?” Ed asked.

That was a damn good question. I just wish I had an answer.

Once we were within sight of our hut, James left us to confer with his people. That was fine by me. I needed to change and think things through. Sally claimed to have a headache from all the mucking around in her head and wanted to lie down for a while, not too surprising. Tom and Ed, well they both said they were going to stay close to the hut. I couldn’t blame them.

After I got dressed (
and found my spare set of glasses...It was nice to be able to see again
) I joined them at the table. Despite all of us wanting to brainstorm on the shit pile we had somehow stepped into, we were careful to avoid it. The walls of the hut were thin. Leaves, mud, and assorted crap weren’t going to do much to mask our words if any of Francois’s men were close by, and it was a fair bet they were.

Thus, to pass the time, we pulled out a deck of cards and decided to play a few rounds of poker. That was a mistake. By the end of the game, I was fifty bucks in the hole. What a fucking trip.

Disgusted, I decided to join Sally...well okay, not physically join her. That would have earned me a quick downgrade to eunuch. Instead, I decided to lie down and grab some sleep. Considering what I had planned, going to bed a little early wouldn’t exactly be a bad idea.

* * *

Sleep is overrated. Horrific nightmares plagued me from the moment I lay down. No, they had nothing to do with Turd, Bigfoot, or some other fairytale monster. I’m talking real horror here. My dream-self had finally worked up the nerve to ask Sheila out, and I mean really ask her out this time, none of that
is it a date or isn’t it
bullshit that I’ve been fucking around with. Nope, this time I asked her flat out, “Would you like to go out on a date with me?” Well okay, my dream-self might have thrown a
please
in there somewhere. I never said my subconscious was cool. Her answer of, “No, Bill, I think of you as a brother,” was horrible enough, but her follow up of, “Besides, I already have a double date planned with your roommates,” caused me to wake up in a cold sweat. Fuck me!

I had a brief moment of waking confusion - in which I seriously contemplated killing them both just to make sure that didn’t come to pass - but then my head cleared. I looked around. Both of my roommates were sound asleep. I turned toward the door and saw it was still fairly dark out. I couldn’t have been asleep for long. However, then I looked at my watch and saw it was actually eight AM. Oh, yeah, I was practically up in the fucking Yukon. Stupid Canada and its screwed up days.

I quietly got out of bed and walked over to the cooler for a drink. I lifted a pint and then stopped. Goddamn, why didn’t I think of this before? I grabbed a few random packs and sampled from each. No vampire blood. Hadn’t James said something about my bottle already being full when he came to get it? That meant someone had snuck in here at some point and planted it.

I was mulling possibilities when I heard Sally’s voice say, “Hey, toss me one of those.”

She stepped out from behind her curtain and joined me at the table.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“You snore like a chainsaw,” she replied, taking a sip.

“I thought you only drank from the tap.”

“All things considered, I think it might be smart to eat in for the remainder of our time here. So why are you up?”

Rather than tell her about my dreams - which would no doubt earn me nothing but grief in return - I decided instead to fill her in on the course of action I had been considering. “I’m thinking of checking out the Sasquatches.”

“Playing Sherlock Holmes now?”

“Something like that,” I replied. “Besides, it’ll be daylight soon. They won’t be expecting me to be up and about.”

“Us,” she said.

“Excuse me.”

“They won’t be expecting
us
to be up and about.”

“What about you not wanting to know things in case Francois makes you squeal...which just for the record might be kinda hot to hear.”

Sally’s boot connected with my shin under the table. *ouch!*

“I don’t think that’s going to happen. Whatever it was you did to me yesterday seems to have cleaned him out of my head. It’s like you put up a concrete wall in my brain to reinforce my mental barriers. It’s hard to explain...”

“You’re saying you’re safe?”

“In a nutshell.”

“How do I know Francois didn’t compel you to say that?”

She looked at a loss for that one. Hot damn, no matter the situation I so loved when I could occasionally beat Sally in a war of words.

“I’m just kidding,” I said. “I believe you. Besides, he’s been one step ahead of us so far and it hasn’t exactly helped him.”

“You do have a way of fucking up the best laid plans of mice and men.”