The Truth She Knew (30 page)

I squeezed his hand as he opened the car door and glanced at me one last time before he closed it.

He seemed taller as he walked away from me for the last time.

I folded over in my seat and cried. I was grateful for the time Garrett and I had together, but hearing that he was leaving the state made me feel helpless and alone. I guess, in the back of my mind, I’d hoped I would somehow still get to see him, but that had changed. We’d just said our last goodbyes.

I sat in my car for another hour before I could see through the tears well enough to drive home.

*   *   *

Emma was sitting on the couch when I walked through the front door. I kicked my heels off in the corner and joined her on the sofa.

“
I won’t ask how it was,” she said softly.

“
I talked to Garrett and I said goodbye to Susan.” My voice cracked as I told her about Garrett finding me at Susan’s coffin and how we’d snuck out to my car and talked. She held my hand as I told her about the funeral and seeing Walker and Brittany together, and how my heart broke when I realized how different Walker was with her, and how Garrett had confirmed it. She listened until I no longer had anything else to say.

She hugged me and reminded me that she was there for me no matter what.

I went to my room, changed my clothes, and cried myself to sleep.

Months came and went and before I realized it: spring was here. The trees bloomed with bright pink-and-white blossoms and the South had come back to life, but I hadn’t. They say not to make any new decisions when you’re emotional, but I’d lost too much too fast and I needed something back.

I’d skipped my last class of the day and was driving toward my old house. Emma would be pissed if she found out, but I missed Mama. It sounded crazy, but she was my Mama, and you don’t just walk away from a parent and remain whole. Maybe we could try again.

I reached the top of the hill above Mama’s house and pulled over. Being there made me remember what she’d done, the decisions she’d made to break up Walker and me, the lies, the abuse.

What was I doing?
Was I hurting so much that I was willing to return to the abusive relationship that had almost destroyed me?

I turned my radio off and listened to the rustling of the leaves. I thought Mama was in the window, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I leaned my head back and sighed. I’d made a mistake. I was better off without her, no matter how much it hurt. It hurt worse being in her life than it did being out of it.

I started my car again and drove down the hill, but instead of turning right to go to Mama’s, I turned left and drove away, glancing up to see the house grow smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror.

I arrived at the apartment before Emma. It was her late day of classes, which gave me some time alone. I went into my bedroom and closed the door just in case she came home early. I reached under my bed and pulled out a Victoria’s Secret box. I opened the lid and rifled through the contents. The box held Susan’s obituary, Walker’s marriage announcement, and pictures of Walker and me together. The picture of him on his knee proposing was on the top. The shock had just registered on my face right before the photo was taken. I remembered every detail of that night. It was painted on my heart in vivid colors.

I took in each memory as I stared at the pictures. I held them to my chest as I dug a little further into the box. I reached for a sealed envelope and pulled it out. I replaced everything else except the letter.

I’d received it earlier that week, but I hadn’t opened it. I was afraid of what the letter might say. I was scared I would have another heartbreak in my life, and I couldn’t deal with any more bad news. I opened the envelope carefully and pulled it out. The University of Oregon logo was at the top of the page. I paused and held my breath as I unfolded the rest of the letter.

Dear Lacey Beaumont:

We are happy to extend you a full scholarship to the University of Oregon. We welcome you to Oregon and our university as you study communications.

I didn’t read the rest. I’d done it. I’d reapplied in January and had been accepted with a full scholarship beginning in the fall and this time, I was going. Mama had said no the first time, but I wasn’t asking anyone’s permission anymore. I’d applied and had been accepted, and I had more than enough in my savings account to make the trip and survive until I found work on campus.

It was time to start over. It was time to follow my heart to where I’d always wanted to go: Oregon.

I pushed the box under my bed and laid the letter on my nightstand. I would tell Emma when she got home. We’d still have the summer together, and she’d have plenty of time to find another roommate. I wished that she’d go with me, but it was my path to follow. Emma’s path was here in Arkansas, becoming a nurse and being close to her family. I didn’t have anything or anyone tying me down.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t heal while the memories and pain still suffocated me. Everywhere I looked, something reminded me of Walker or the weeks of hell spent with Mama. Emma was doing her best and Joss remained supportive too, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t keep treading water. I needed to leave—it was my turn to find out who I was and live my life.

I picked up the letter again, and hope rose inside me. I was going to Oregon.

J.A. Owenby lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband and two cats.

She's a published author of six short stories, and she is currently working on her second full-length novel. She also runs her own business as a professional resume writer and interview coach—she helps people find jobs they love.

J.A. is an avid reader of thrillers, romance, new adult, and young adult novels. She loves music, movies, and good wine. And call her crazy, but she loves the rainy Pacific Northwest; she gets her best story ideas while listening to the rain pattering against the windows in front of the fireplace.
 
 

You can follow the progress of her upcoming novel on Facebook at
Author J.A. Owenby
and on Twitter
@jaowenby
.
 

Parson James: “Stole the Show”

Halsey: “Hold Me Down,” “Drive,” “Haunting”

Ruelle: “Take It All,” “Oh My My”

X Ambassadors: “Renegades,” “Unsteady”

Echosmith: “Cool Kids”

Banks: “Beggin’ for Thread”

Nick Jonas: “I Want You,” “Nothing Would Be Better,” “Push”

Adam Lambert: “Underground”

Ella Henderson: “Yours,” “Ghost”

Jessie Ware: “Say You Love Me”

Jason Derulo: “Trade Hearts”

Mumford & Sons: “Believe”

Florence + The Machine: “Long & Lost”

Use Spotify? Check out the full playlist
here
.