The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

BOOK: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy
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Copyright © 2004, 2014 by Violet Blue®.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,

2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.

Printed in the United States.

Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink

Cover photograph: Willie B. Thomas/Getty Images

Text design: Karen Quigg

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBn: 978-1-62778-041-4

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-058-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

Contents

Foreword by Carol Queen, Ph.D.

Introduction: The Mirror of Desire

C
HAPTER
1:
Choose Your Own Adventure

Fantasy and Fetish

Popular Fantasy Themes

When Fantasies Make You Feel Bad

Fantasy Research

The Perfect Match

C
HAPTER
2:
Fantasies for One

Masturbation: Just Do It

Hot Masturbation Sessions: Fantasies, Sex Toys, and More

What Not to Stick in Your Butt

Change Habits and Learn New Tricks

A Tool for Men: The Squeeze Technique

A Tool for Women: Your Vibrator

The Golden Rules of Anal Masturbation

Three in One

C
HAPTER
3:
Fantasies for Two

Building a Fantasy Scenario

In Your Head, or in Reality?

How to Ask for a Spanking

Get a Little Closer

Getting to Know Your Lover's Fantasies

Sexy Surprises

The Sex Buffet

Talking to Your Partner

When Your Lover Is Reluctant

Ready to Play?

Not Tonight

C
HAPTER
4:
Role Play

Erotic Adult Theatre for Two

Waiting in the Wings

Erotic Acting

Plan It, Janet

Classic Roles

Where to Shop?

Gender Play

Age Play

C
HAPTER
5:
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes

Three, Four, and More

Jealousy

Adding Someone New

First Impressions

Get Together, and Get Off

Sex Positions

Hooking Up: Cruising and Advertising

California Dreaming

C
HAPTER
6:
Weaving a Spell: Striptease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage

Confidence

Preparations

How to Strip

Lap Dance 101

The Art of Dirty Talk

Giving an Erotic Massage

C
HAPTER
7:
Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girls—for Two

Strip Clubs and Lap Dances

How Will They Treat Me at the Strip Club?

Peep Booths

Arcades Don't Have Video Games

Phone Sex

Call Girls and Prostitutes

C
HAPTER
8:
Public Sex

What's on the Menu

Where to Do It

Role-Playing in Public

Swinging

Alternative Sex Parties

The View from Paris

C
HAPTER
9:
Fetishes

A Fetishist Looks Just Like You

How to Have Sex with a Fetishist

Classic Fetishes

Networking with Other Fetishists and Their Partners

Other People's Panties

C
HAPTER
10:
Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M Fantasies

Sweet Submission

A Sampling of Submissive Roles

When Being in Charge Turns You On

A Sampling of Dominant Roles

Captivity and Erotic Torment

Always Have a Safe Word

Teasing Your Captive

Pleasurable Pain and Punishment

Public S/M Clubs

Organizations and Private Clubs

Seeing a Professional Dominatrix

C
HAPTER
11:
Sex Games

Ten Erotic Escapades

Messy Fun

Aphrodisiac Seductions

So, You Want to Be in Pictures?

Cybersex

Show-and-Tell

C
HAPTER
12:
Safer Sex

The Gear

Safer Sex Chart

C
HAPTER
13:
Resources

Resources for Sex Toys, Books, and Videos: U.S., Canada, International

C
HAPTER
14:
References

About the Author

Foreword

San Francisco sex education is a horse of a different color, and in the hands of as skilled a synthesizer of information as Violet Blue, people from every city and town can have a San Fran-frisky sex life, or just the friskiest one on your block. Just deliver yourself into Violet's hands as she introduces you to your deepest desires, or at least shows you the doorway through which to walk to find out what they might be.

Not everyone knows for sure what they like sexually and might want to do, which may be one of the biggest challenges for people who want to figure out what's on the menu with a new partner, or one with whom you'd like to open up to new erotic possibilities. How do you even negotiate your boundaries and desires if you're not sure what they are? How do you
care for a partner who really can't yet be clear enough about their hot spots and no-go zones?

Almost all of us got a terrible sex education. There are exceptions, of course—Unitarians and Scandinavians, students of really brave sex ed teachers, and even a few excellent moms and dads—but in fact, for most adults, it falls to us at age eighteen to make something of the pleasure-based possibilities of our present and future sex lives. Regardless of your orientation and gender, there's a lot to learn, and endless possibilities to consider. (I've been teaching a class lately called “7 Billion Sexual Orientations”—that's
a lot
of possibilities.) Besides the obvious problems with this scenario—young people who launch into their sex lives unclear on the mechanics of it all—there's the added problem that you'll likely hit rough waters in your relationships if you can't talk about sex comfortably and engage in it pleasurably.

So, we're lucky to have Violet and the knowledge base she draws from to bring sexual possibilities aplenty into your home via this and her other books. I have known her for many years, having worked with her back in the day at Good Vibrations, the sex shop she references in her opening pages. I was in charge of staff education at that time, helped by Charlie Glickman and other long-time SESAs (sex educator/sales associates), and we saw that Violet was born to do this. She quickly made a name for herself in the world of San Francisco sex education and adventure that I began exploring when I arrived in the Bay Area in the 1980s to get my Ph.D. in sexology. I also learned from the excellent program at San Francisco Sex Information, where I was training coordinator with my partner Robert Morgan Lawrence before we started the Center for Sex &
Culture. Violet quickly became an asset at SFSI, too. We were both fortunate that the erotic explorers and sex educators who came before us had created such an amazing world of information, sex-related organizations, and play environments, and such a diverse sexual world that avid students like us could graduate to become teachers.

There's another thing that can step on people's tails and put the kibosh on sexual exploration: the thought that there might be something wrong with us sexually. that we're not normal. For a society that is as fascinated with sex as we are, we certainly have a funny way of showing it; it's like we have to express as much disapproval as necessary to prove we're not too
pervy
, and then we can get down to watching the
pervy porn
. We'll never know how many people have been denied the sex life and identity that would have made them happy because they couldn't get over this fence, but here, too, we're lucky that Violet has stepped up. Her light, yet informative, tone makes it seem possible that this sexy fun is accessible to us, too, not just
those
people. In fact, in the world of San Francisco sex ed, there is an educational model that guides us when we sit down to write or stand up to teach: It's called PLISSIT, and it is what sex therapists are taught to offer you if your sex life is so stuck or fraught that you require their helpful services. They know that you need Permission, Limited Information, and Specific Suggestions (and only possibly Intensive Therapy), which is why Violet appears here too in the role of your permission-giver, teacher, and coach for fantasy exploration. As shut down as many of us have been about our desire for wide-ranging information and experience, it is a vital role indeed.

BOOK: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy
12.41Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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