The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy
Read The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy Online
Authors: Violet Blue
Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men
by Bill Brent
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
by Tristan Taormino
The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus
by Violet Blue
The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio
by Violet Blue
The Ultimate Guide to Kink
by Tristan Taormino
The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women
by Mikaya Heart
The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians
by Rachel Pepper
The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
by Charlie Glickman, Ph.D., and Aislinn Emirzian
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
by Miriam Kaufman, MD, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex
by Karlyn Lotney
Copyright © 2004, 2014 by Violet Blue®.
All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,
2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.
Printed in the United States.
Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink
Cover photograph: Willie B. Thomas/Getty Images
Text design: Karen Quigg
First Edition.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Trade paper ISBn: 978-1-62778-041-4
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-058-2
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
Contents
Foreword by Carol Queen, Ph.D.
Introduction: The Mirror of Desire
C
HAPTER
1:
Choose Your Own Adventure
When Fantasies Make You Feel Bad
Hot Masturbation Sessions: Fantasies, Sex Toys, and More
What Not to Stick in Your Butt
Change Habits and Learn New Tricks
A Tool for Men: The Squeeze Technique
A Tool for Women: Your Vibrator
The Golden Rules of Anal Masturbation
Getting to Know Your Lover's Fantasies
C
HAPTER
5:
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes
Hooking Up: Cruising and Advertising
C
HAPTER
6:
Weaving a Spell: Striptease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage
C
HAPTER
7:
Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girlsâfor Two
How Will They Treat Me at the Strip Club?
Arcades Don't Have Video Games
A Fetishist Looks Just Like You
How to Have Sex with a Fetishist
Networking with Other Fetishists and Their Partners
C
HAPTER
10:
Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M Fantasies
A Sampling of Submissive Roles
When Being in Charge Turns You On
Pleasurable Pain and Punishment
Organizations and Private Clubs
Seeing a Professional Dominatrix
So, You Want to Be in Pictures?
Resources for Sex Toys, Books, and Videos: U.S., Canada, International
San Francisco sex education is a horse of a different color, and in the hands of as skilled a synthesizer of information as Violet Blue, people from every city and town can have a San Fran-frisky sex life, or just the friskiest one on your block. Just deliver yourself into Violet's hands as she introduces you to your deepest desires, or at least shows you the doorway through which to walk to find out what they might be.
Not everyone knows for sure what they like sexually and might want to do, which may be one of the biggest challenges for people who want to figure out what's on the menu with a new partner, or one with whom you'd like to open up to new erotic possibilities. How do you even negotiate your boundaries and desires if you're not sure what they are? How do you
care for a partner who really can't yet be clear enough about their hot spots and no-go zones?
Almost all of us got a terrible sex education. There are exceptions, of courseâUnitarians and Scandinavians, students of really brave sex ed teachers, and even a few excellent moms and dadsâbut in fact, for most adults, it falls to us at age eighteen to make something of the pleasure-based possibilities of our present and future sex lives. Regardless of your orientation and gender, there's a lot to learn, and endless possibilities to consider. (I've been teaching a class lately called “7 Billion Sexual Orientations”âthat's
a lot
of possibilities.) Besides the obvious problems with this scenarioâyoung people who launch into their sex lives unclear on the mechanics of it allâthere's the added problem that you'll likely hit rough waters in your relationships if you can't talk about sex comfortably and engage in it pleasurably.
So, we're lucky to have Violet and the knowledge base she draws from to bring sexual possibilities aplenty into your home via this and her other books. I have known her for many years, having worked with her back in the day at Good Vibrations, the sex shop she references in her opening pages. I was in charge of staff education at that time, helped by Charlie Glickman and other long-time SESAs (sex educator/sales associates), and we saw that Violet was born to do this. She quickly made a name for herself in the world of San Francisco sex education and adventure that I began exploring when I arrived in the Bay Area in the 1980s to get my Ph.D. in sexology. I also learned from the excellent program at San Francisco Sex Information, where I was training coordinator with my partner Robert Morgan Lawrence before we started the Center for Sex &
Culture. Violet quickly became an asset at SFSI, too. We were both fortunate that the erotic explorers and sex educators who came before us had created such an amazing world of information, sex-related organizations, and play environments, and such a diverse sexual world that avid students like us could graduate to become teachers.
There's another thing that can step on people's tails and put the kibosh on sexual exploration: the thought that there might be something wrong with us sexually. that we're not normal. For a society that is as fascinated with sex as we are, we certainly have a funny way of showing it; it's like we have to express as much disapproval as necessary to prove we're not too
pervy
, and then we can get down to watching the
pervy porn
. We'll never know how many people have been denied the sex life and identity that would have made them happy because they couldn't get over this fence, but here, too, we're lucky that Violet has stepped up. Her light, yet informative, tone makes it seem possible that this sexy fun is accessible to us, too, not just
those
people. In fact, in the world of San Francisco sex ed, there is an educational model that guides us when we sit down to write or stand up to teach: It's called PLISSIT, and it is what sex therapists are taught to offer you if your sex life is so stuck or fraught that you require their helpful services. They know that you need Permission, Limited Information, and Specific Suggestions (and only possibly Intensive Therapy), which is why Violet appears here too in the role of your permission-giver, teacher, and coach for fantasy exploration. As shut down as many of us have been about our desire for wide-ranging information and experience, it is a vital role indeed.
