The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (4 page)

I guess we really are a perfect match.

CHAPTER
2

Fantasies for One

Whether you want to make your fantasies come true, invent new fantasy scenarios, make your masturbation sessions hotter, or find peace of mind by understanding your fantasies, there's only one place to start: yourself. Fantasy, and how you like to use it, comes from inside you.

Masturbation: Just Do It

Everyone masturbates, and while our feelings about it range from shame to pride, and our masturbatory sessions from mechanical to joyous, we all have one thing in common: Each of us has a fantasy image or scenario playing out somewhere in our heads while we get off.

Volumes have been written about the health benefits of masturbation, refuting the harmful myths that have kept people from feeling good about engaging in this natural, normal activity. For some people, masturbation is a moment of release, something they'd prefer to get over with as soon as possible. For others, masturbation is regarded fondly, as something healing, rewarding, relished in whatever form it takes. When we masturbate, we are doing something nice for ourselves, bringing oxygen and blood to our genitals, exercising our pelvic muscles, and keeping them healthy and strong. We're also getting off, plain and simple—and it feels damn good.

Masturbation is where it all begins for us sexually, from our earliest orgasms to our first discoveries of how we like to be touched. For all of our sexual experiences, this is the place where we can return for reference and new information, a sexual dictionary of our own unique terms. When we want to try something new, such as adult videos, vibrators, or even a new sex technique with a partner, masturbation is the best tool we've got to help get us started.

Fantasy fuels our masturbation sessions. Even when our arousal is purely physiological, a hot fantasy can aid a skilled hand. Arousal, masturbation, and fantasy combined can be a powerful tool for learning how to:

•
     
Orgasm better, harder, faster, more reliably.

•
     
Orgasm during sex acts such as giving or receiving oral sex, anal sex, intercourse.

•
     
Overcome sexual fear or anxiety; for example, sex with a new partner, arousal difficulties from stress, nervousness when trying new things.

•
     
Change sexual habits; for example, trying new sensations such as anal sex or light pain (S/M), learning to masturbate to new stimulus, increasing or decreasing frequency.

Hot Masturbation Sessions: Fantasies, Sex Toys, and More

So, you've got your favorite fantasies, and you love to masturbate thinking about them—how can you make them more real? Easy: a little forethought, and maybe a shopping trip or two.

Public masturbation
fantasies are tricky, but not impossible. Be very aware of the laws about public sex in your area. If you get caught, you will likely go to jail—or at least get booked and arraigned—not as sexy in real life as in fantasy, I assure you. Make absolutely sure that no one will see you. It's part of the thrill, the threat of discovery, but if someone sees you, you are involving him or her in a sex act without his or her consent—this is not okay. Seek out reliably secluded spots, such as a remote place to park, a deserted natural area like a beach or forest, a vacant warehouse, an empty movie theater.

Some places in large cities are notorious for being public sex spots—use these places only if you are a local and are familiar with the area. If you must cruise, proceed with streetwise caution. Rooftops can seem public but still be private. Look around first, before you're horny. Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity, or a story to tell an authority figure. Make it as hot and fun as you can—public masturbation is a thrilling encounter that can never be
exactly duplicated. Don't hold back. Read about safety and good locations in
Chapter 8
, “Public Sex.”

Explicit visuals
can bring your fantasies into your living room in living color. Adult videos and images in porn books and magazines can depict precisely the acts that make you horny. You can allow yourself to mentally sink into the scene as you masturbate to orgasm. You “become” the woman with the penis in her mouth; you “become” the man penetrating her.

Mirrors
take erotic imagery to the next level for those already comfortable with watching explicit sex, and can be a terrific education for those who have never seen themselves up close—or while sexually stimulated. You don't necessarily need porn to make your fantasy more visceral—some may even find it distracting, or dislike the medium of porn. The best imagery is always going to be in your head, anyway! With a well-positioned mirror, you can provide your own visuals by watching your genitals, or entire body, as you masturbate. A small mirror can be propped up in your bed or on the floor, or you can sit in front of a full-length mirror and experiment with watching yourself in different positions. Taking your time to drizzle and massage lube on yourself is twice as hot when you can see every move your hands make—and don't be afraid to talk dirty!

Sex toys
are not only excellent masturbation tools—they also make wonderful props for your fantasy scenarios. Sex-act-specific fantasies—anal sex, oral sex, penetration, S/M—can be simulated with a variety of sex toys and gear. Would a dildo in your mouth make that group-sex fantasy more real? Would a butt plug enhance the
medical fantasy? A nipple clamp bring your dungeon to life?

Here are some deliciously naughty toys and ideas:

Dildos
are phallic-shaped, nonvibrating sex toys used for penetration, and they can be employed in a variety of fantasy scenarios. Someone being “forced” to suck cock might drag a dildo all around their face, then force it into their own mouth repeatedly, something you can easily do with one hand while masturbating with the other. Any fellatio fantasy can be enhanced with a dildo, and imagining group sex is certainly more fun with multiple dildos. Gender play takes off when you wear a dildo in a harness, masturbating the dildo and yourself at the same time. Vibrating dildos add a buzz to the festivities. Dildo masturbation combined with fantasy is a great way to learn how to orgasm from penetration.

What Not to Stick in Your Butt

What if you don't have any anal toys handy at the crucial moment? No doubt you've heard urban legends about people going to the ER with all manner of odd and potentially lethal items lodged in their rectums—and unfortunately, quite a few of these stories are true. Don't make a hasty decision about toys for anal play. Make the right choice when you stimulate your ass: Even if you're ashamed or unwilling to admit what excites you, we're talking about avoiding embarrassment and serious injury. Always use lots of lubrication—the skin around the anus tears easily, but won't if it's well-lubed. Never put something in your butt—or anywhere near your butt—that has sharp edges, can possibly break, shatter, or crack, or doesn't have a significantly flared base for easy retrieval. Your lubed anal sphincter will pull in anything you put inside, and if you can't grab it safely to pull it back out, you're off to starring in your own urban legend. Carrots are right out—get the right tool for the job, such as a butt plug or a dildo safe for anal use.

       
Anal toys
add sensation to anal sex fantasies. Some people may simply enjoy stimulation from their own finger, or the “threat” of insertion from a finger or small plug, sending whatever anal-sex scenario is running in their heads into overdrive. Anal beads can be inserted one at a time, left in, or pulled out slowly or quickly, depending on the fantasy. Or you can go further, becoming a fantasy “anal queen” (or anal slut), using increasingly bigger and bigger butt plugs to stimulate yourself while imagining a multitude of anal slaves servicing you in your love sling. Larger toys, used safely, can exacerbate the feeling of “violation,” and any penetration toy can be employed to enhance the fantasy of being taken by force, or being “used.” Butt plugs can also be inserted and left in place during other activities, for a variety of fantasies such as submission, slavery, and medical scenarios—or just to free up your hands to get the dildo into your mouth.

       
Masturbation sleeves for men
add a whole new dimension of sensation to the usual one- or two-handed action. These sleeves come in a variety of shapes, thicknesses, materials, and colors—choose the one you find most appealing. Some might find the tiny fake buttholes on some of these toys creepy, while others might
find them erotically interesting. Would that enhance your fantasy of having anal sex with a porn star? Give it a try. If tit-fucking is your fantasy
du jour
, semirealistic molded breasts might give your next session an edge. Either way, these toys are harmless. Using them doesn't mean you want to have sex with a body part, or are somehow unable to have sex with the whole woman, they're just toys for healthy adult sex play. Explore and enjoy your fantasies to the fullest—at the very least, you'll experience a new sensation on your penis while you masturbate.

       
Sensation and S/M toys
make your pleasure/pain fantasies much more real. Be sure to use caution and common sense when you play alone with pain, bondage, electricity, asphyxiation, or any toy that induces strong sensations. Little clamps and clips can be used safely to intensify pinching sensations, though keep in mind that they hurt much more when you take them off, as the blood rushes back to the previously clamped area. These items can be purchased in a sex toy or S/M boutique, a hardware store, or a stationery store. Test them on the soft flesh of your arm before you buy—looks can be deceiving, and they can hurt worse than they look. Be sure that the ends of your clips are encased in rubber, and don't buy ones with teeth. Clips and clamps can be placed on the fleshy parts of the body: breasts, nipples, stomach, thighs, labia, skin of the penis and testicles, even lips and earlobes! Apply your clips according to your fantasy scenario, but don't leave them on for
longer than your masturbation session.

Some S/M scenarios are difficult and dangerous to simulate. While you may be able to flog yourself, putting yourself into bondage (handcuffs, ropes, restraints, silk scarves, and so on) is not at all recommended. Asphyxiation, while not uncommon as a fantasy, is extremely dangerous to attempt, especially alone, and all too often can be fatal. Electrical play leaves much room for error—lethal error—and should be done only by those experienced with electricity, or learned from an expert in electricity and S/M. Blindfolds are fine, as long as you will be safe without being able to see.

Change Habits and Learn New Tricks

When you see a picture, watch a movie, read a story, or have an idea that really turns you on—as in: wet panties or stiffening cock—you've got a fantasy that works for you. You can learn to mine your masturbatory fantasies for arousal tools. Take a moment to recall your last masturbation session. What felt good? What were you thinking? Did you have a scenario in mind, a picture in your head? Were you watching a hot porn video? Don't worry about whether the idea or image is “good,” “bad,” or appropriate—right now you are simply using your erotic imagination as a tool. Think about how it started, the buildup, and what made you come. It's likely that you began with an idea; the images or action escalated in some way, then began to crescendo, and reached a peak that coincided with orgasm. Think about the beginning of your masturbation session, the start and the buildup—this is how you turn yourself on.

Digging into what turned you on most recently is a technique for becoming aroused again, and reliving the experience provides a stepping-stone to better controlling or intensifying your arousal. Get turned on, and try something new—allow yourself to become as aroused as you can stand, and see what images appear as you near orgasm.

To make your orgasms better, more intense, more reliable, and to explore multiple orgasms—including, for men, orgasm without ejaculation—take your time masturbating, and proceed as slowly as you can. Try taking yourself to the heights of arousal, but don't allow yourself to go over the edge—prolong the inevitable for as long as you can. Practitioners of Tantra use conscious breathing and slow sexual techniques to build up to intense orgasms. Men can learn to take themselves up to the edge of orgasm and, employing the “squeeze” technique,
back off again, eventually learning how to have multiple orgasms, which means coming without ejaculation.

A Tool for Men: The Squeeze Technique

The squeeze technique is an easy way to keep yourself from coming before you or your partner is ready (and you don't need to use those potentially harmful—and questionably effective—“delay” creams or sprays). The squeeze is done by placing your hand at the tip of the penis so that the thumb is on the underside, or frenulum, with the fingertips placed on top, on the coronal ridge. When you get close, stop everything—especially any fantasies—and squeeze for three or four seconds. Some men find that squeezing at the base works best, and others find that pulling their balls down, away from the body, works just as well—experiment to see how you respond. To read more about orgasm techniques for men, pick up a copy of
The Multi-Orgasmic Man
, by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams.