The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (23 page)

“
Are
you sure?
”
Bryan asked.
“
I don
’
t want to impose.
”

“
Impose
on what? Who are you right now? Are you afraid?
”

“
I
’
m not afraid, AJ.
”

“
Then
come over.
”

Bryan told AJ he could and went
back into the apartment. There was no escaping without telling Jeff and Gary
where he was going. He tried to lie, telling them he was meeting AJ at his
apartment but they didn
’
t
believe him.

“
Dude,
her sister...,
”
Jeff said a
few times.

“
Where
are you really going?
”
Gary
asked.
“
You wouldn
’
t rush out of here to go home.
”

“
Maybe
I would,
”
Bryan said.

“
No
way.
”

“
Fine,
”
Bryan said, finally snapping.
“
She wants me to go to her sister
’
s apartment. To talk about
things. And probably to meet her.
”

“
Holy
fuck,
”
Jeff said.
“
You get to hang out with a
stripper today.
”

“
No
I don
’
t,
”
Bryan said.
“
You guys are acting insane.
”

“
You
really won
’
t go after the
stripper?
”
Gary asked.

He looked disappointed. Bryan was
shocked.

He shook his head in confidence.
“
No. I
’
m not...
”

“
Then
do something for us,
”
Jeff
said.
“
Please, man, please.
”

“
Do
what?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Steal
something,
”
Jeff said.
“
Her panties.
”

“
What?
”

“
Yeah,
”
Gary said.
“
Steal a pair of the stripper
’
s panties. She won
’
t notice. No big deal.
”

“
Yeah,
it is a big deal,
”
Bryan
said.
“
I
’
m not just...
”

“
I
’
ll give you two hundred bucks,
”
Jeff said.

“
Two
hundred bucks? Just go get lap dances.
”

“
But
I want the panties,
”
Jeff
said.

“
What
if I add another hundred,
”
Gary said.

“
You
guys are going to pay me three hundred bucks to take a pair of panties from a
stripper?
”

The question itself made Bryan
laugh. It was ridiculous.

“
Yes,
”
both Jeff and Gary said at the
same time.

“
No,
”
Bryan said.

He left the apartment and started
driving, following the instructions that AJ had text him after their phone
call.

The place wasn
’
t hard to find and the entire
time he drove he thought about Gary and Jeff. They were such morons sometimes
but they certainly lived free. They enjoyed life. They took chances. But Bryan
liked to lead with his heart. It had failed time and time again but he didn
’
t know anything but that. When
he got to Winnie
’
s
apartment, he sat in his car. He felt nervous. The whole stripper thing
actually started to get to him. He really never considered it. And he never
thought he
’
d be at a
stripper
’
s apartment.

The thought of Winnie
’
s panties made Bryan feel
flustered.

He hated Gary and Jeff for that.

As he walked to the apartment, he
tried to chase the thoughts away. The only good thing that could come of it now
was that Winnie wasn
’
t
there. And that proved true when AJ answered the door. Bryan looked at her. He
looked at her lips, wondering if she kissed her date or not.

“
Hey,
”
she said.

“
Hey,
”
Bryan said.

“
You
can come in. Are you scared?
”

“
Why
would I be scared?
”
Bryan
asked.

He tried to play the tough guy act
but he knew he could barely keep himself together. When he stepped into the
apartment it was clean. It smelled good. It was a normal apartment. Bryan wasn
’
t sure what he thought he
’
d see... whatever fantasy of the
life of a sexy stripper was, this wasn
’
t
it. He told himself he
’
d
have to make up something crazy to tell Jeff and Gary.

“
How
was your night?
”
Bryan asked,
skipping over any greetings and stuff.

“
It
was just a date,
”
AJ said.
“
He was kind of a tool actually.
”

“
A
tool? That
’
s good.
”

“
For
you?
”
AJ asked.

“
So
what is this?
”
Bryan asked.

“
What
’
s what?
”

“
Us,
AJ. I mean, you get to go out on a date... but I
’
m
at my apartment tossing and turning, worrying...
”

“
You
really worried about me?
”
AJ asked.

“
Of
course I did. Why would you...
”

AJ came at him and kissed him. Part
of Bryan wanted to push her away but he couldn
’
t.
He
’
d been thinking about
kissing her since their last kiss. It was dumb to think that way but he did. AJ
touched his face and held her lips to his.

When she pulled away, she still
held his face.
“
Thank you.
”

“
For
what?
”
Bryan asked.

“
For
being a good guy,
”
AJ said.

“
Does
that mean... something with us?
”

“
Don
’
t ruin it,
”
AJ said and smiled.

“
Ruin
what, AJ? I
’
m kind of
confused. I mean, what if I wanted to go on a date with someone?
”

AJ
’
s
hands were off his face.
“
Do
you?
”

“
No.
”

“
I
mean if you have someone you want to go out with, go,
”
AJ said.
“
I
would be mad if you stopped your life because I needed somewhere to stay. If
you need your apartment... I could move in here with my sister...
”

Bryan shook his head.
“
No. That
’
s not what I said, AJ. Shit.
”

“
Then
what is it?
”

“
I
don
’
t want to ruin anything,
”
Bryan said.
“
That
’
s why I
’
m
asking.
”

“
You
know, Winnie wanted me to do this. And this is why I didn
’
t want to call you.
”

“
You
sister told you to call me?
”

“
Yeah.
My sister, the stripper.
”

Bryan rolled his eyes.
“
Come on, AJ...
”

“
I
stayed here last night because I didn
’
t
want to come to your place and have it be weird. I figured that by today we
could talk and figure something out. Now I
’
m
just ready to move out and come here.
”

“
Why?
What did I do?
”

“
Nothing,
”
AJ said. She made fists and put
them to Bryan
’
s chest.
“
Nothing. That
’
s the problem I think. I don
’
t know. I just... I want you to
have fun, Bryan. I don
’
t
want to be in your way.
”

“
Is
that what you think?
”

“
Maybe.
I
’
m not sure. I just...
there
’
s so much in my life.
”

“
Mine
too.
”

“
But
you
’
re organized or
something. You have a plan. I don
’
t
want to ruin that for you.
”

“
There
’
s nothing to ruin,
”
Bryan said.

“
Just...
I don
’
t want you staying up
late, worrying about me. I don
’
t
want you lost in me. I want you to be crazy for a minute... I
’
m sorry.
”

AJ backed away and Bryan took her
arms. AJ wiggled away and rushed towards the bathroom. She slammed the door and
locked it.

Bryan stood in complete shock.

He had no idea what just happened.

He felt hurt, let down, enraged.

He felt used.

He had no idea what AJ actually
wanted in life then. He could be stable. He could be fun. He could take care of
AJ. What did she really want? Someone wild? Someone crazy?

Bryan
’
s
hands were in fists. An idea burned in his mind. He looked around the
apartment. He was alone. The door behind him was shut. He took steps towards
the bathroom and stood as quiet as he could, listening to AJ. He heard AJ make
some kind of noise and then turn the water on.

“
AJ?
”
Bryan called out.

“
Just
don
’
t do it,
”
AJ yelled.

Bryan shook his head.

Was this how it would be?
Constantly acting like this... driving him mad... breaking his heart...

Bryan looked forward and saw a
bedroom door slightly open. He pushed at it. The smell of the room overwhelmed
him. It was a subtle smell. A sexy smell. A stripper
’
s smell, whatever the hell that was. The room had a
sultry, seductive feel to it. And then Bryan saw it. Pictures on the wall.
Pictures of AJ
’
s sister, Winnie
-
Wicked
- and he licked his lips and swallowed.

Holy fuck...
he thought.

He was in the room of a stripper.

He thought about Gary and Jeff.

Three hundred dollars for a pair of
panties. That was a major killing, right? Easy money. And it was something
crazy. He could take out two problems with this. He could steal the panties,
get the money, and then use it to spend on AJ. If AJ wanted crazy, how much
crazier could things be than this right now?

Bryan took a step, then another. He
looked over his shoulder and heard the water still running in the bathroom.

He had to hurry.

He went to the dresser and opened
the first drawer.

Bras.

Bryan
’
s
mouth fell open.

Stripper bras. It was sexy, hot,
maybe dirty. He didn
’
t
know.

The drawer next to that was the one
he wanted.

Panties.

His hands shook as logic settled in.
He couldn
’
t take a pair of
panties from the top of the pile. They were probably the ones Winnie wore all
the time. He had to do this smart. The last thing he needed was to get caught
by Winnie. Maybe this could end up being some kind of fun secret. Something
crazy. Just what AJ wanted. Bryan pulled at the pile, his face beating red at
the thought of touching a stripper
’
s
panties. He wanted to grab one of the pairs from the back. As he pulled he saw
something at the bottom of the drawer. He moved the pile some more and froze,
staring down at something he
’
d
seen before.

All thoughts left his mind.

All sense of surroundings.

All ideas of being crazy.

With his hands full of Winnie
’
s panties, holding them out of
the way, Bryan stared down at a picture of a woman. The same picture he
’
d seen at the halfway house. The
one hanging on Willie
’
s
wall.

“
What
the fuck are you doing?
”

(25)

When I saw Bryan standing in Winnie
’
s room, touching her panties, I
wanted to kill him. I mean that literally because in that moment I understood
how and why people did dumb things in the heat of the moment. He looked frozen
or maybe he was just picking out his favorite fucking pair.

Of all things to see and of all
people...

“
What
the fuck are you doing?
”

It was the least of what I wanted
to say, let alone the things I wanted to do to him right then.

Bryan
’
s
hands shot up, empty, and he turned to face me. He looked confused and pale. A
guy busted for being a complete dickhead.

“
AJ...
no...
”

“
You
’
re a piece of shit.
”

“
No
I
’
m not.
”

“
What
were you doing?
”

Bryan looked down at the open
drawer and then back at me.
“
It
’
s not... there
’
s something in there, AJ... I
saw...
”

“
What
were you doing? Sniffing? Touching? Want to steal a pair of panties from a
stripper to be cool?
”

The look on Bryan
’
s face told me that
’
s exactly what he was doing.
Trying to be cool and impress his friends. What an asshole.

“
AJ,
listen to me,
”
Bryan said.

I turned and walked away. Fuck him.
He could chase me down.

And he did.

I felt him touch me, stop me, turn
me around. There were tears in my eyes before I knew why they were there. I
blinked and one of the tears fell.

“
Fuck,
”
Bryan said.
“
You told me to be crazy. Gary
and Jeff said they
’
d pay me
three hundred dollars to steal a pair of your sister
’
s panties. I know it sounds fucking stupid and it
is. But you wanted crazy... so here it is. I was going to do that and then take
you somewhere. Do something fun, wild, I don
’
t
know. Just to show you...
”

“
You
’
re an asshole,
”
I said.
“
You knew things... what happened to me...
”

“
You
think I give a shit?
”
Bryan
yelled.

He yelled.

I was sort of impressed.

But the tears kept coming.

The more I blinked, the more they
came.

“
Call
me what you want,
”
Bryan
said.
“
But fuck, AJ, I let
you into my apartment... and into my heart. I think... I don
’
t like you, AJ. I
’
m falling for you. I wanted to
kill someone last night wondering what you were doing...
”

“
So
sniff through my sister
’
s
panty drawer,
”
I said. I
wanted to cut into him. I wanted him to hurt.
“
Just
get out of here then, okay? I
’
ll
come over and move my shit. I
’
ll
stay here.
”

“
Don
’
t do that,
”
Bryan said.
“
I just told you the truth.
”

“
Yeah.
The truth.
”

“
But
AJ, please hear this.
”

Bryan crouched so we were eye
level.
Why the fuck did he have to be so good looking?
I wanted to
believe everything he said...

“
There
’
s a picture in that drawer,
”
Bryan said.
“
I
’
ve
seen it before. I think... I don
’
t
know what I think, AJ. But just please, talk to your sister about that picture.
”

“
A
picture?
”
I asked.

“
AJ...
I
’
m falling in love with
you and I
’
m telling you
from my heart.
”

“
You
sniff my sister
’
s panties
and care about a picture?
”

“
Dammit,
AJ, listen to me.
”

“
No,
I won
’
t.
”

I broke away from Bryan and stayed
out of his reach. I couldn
’
t
do it. Not right then. I felt my world shaking. I pointed to the door and gave
Bryan one last command.

GO.

And he listened.

He always listened to me. I hated
him for listening to me. But he knew better... I
’
d
have probably just ran if he did stand up to me. That was the sad part of it.
That
’
s how fucking off I
felt right then. I didn
’
t
care either. I watched Bryan go and I watched the door shut.

And in the silence of the
apartment, another tear fell from my eye.

And in that moment I had to face
something.

Something I never thought
possible...

I was in love with Bryan.

*

The thought hit me again and again.
When I finally found the strength to move, I went into Winnie
’
s room and looked in her panty
drawer. I felt wrong, wondering how many guys had the chance to tear some of
these panties off her body. Or how many of these panties she
’
d worn on stage. Or how much money
had been collected in them.

Fuck, I hated Bryan for what he
said he was doing.

Was it my fault though?

I say something about being crazy
and he instantly dives into Winnie
’
s
panty drawer? That
’
s not
crazy... that
’
s just
weird...

And then what?

He tells me he
’
s in love with me?

That he wanted to sell the panties
and spend the money on me?

How fucking wrong could a person
possibly get?

Yet... it fit. It fit Bryan. It fit
me. It fit us.

I dug to the bottom of the drawer
and saw the picture. It was an old picture, bigger than a wallet. It had a
crease through it where it had been folded. The second I saw the picture my
heart jumped. It was something in the eyes of the beautiful woman in the
picture. The long black hair, the dark eyes, the features. It was almost scary
to look at and I didn
’
t
know why.

Why did the picture mean so much?

Bryan said he
’
d seen the picture before but
what did that matter?

...talk to your sister about
that picture...

Bryan
’
s
words came to me over and over then.

I heard the apartment door open and
shut.

“
Hey!
”
Winnie
’
s voice called.

“
I
’
m in here!
”
I called back.

“
In
my room?
”

I nodded but didn
’
t speak. I just stared at the
picture. So much was racing through me at once. So much hitting me. I thought
about everything I could. I went beyond living with Bryan. I went beyond my
feelings. Beyond the sex. Beyond all that had happened - getting kicked out of
school, kicked out my old apartment - and went beyond high school and being a
kid. I felt dizzy as my world spun.

“
What
are you doing?
”
Winnie
asked.
“
Are you giving the
tour to your boy...
”

I looked up from the picture and
blinked. I wasn
’
t used to
crying. I hated it. When my eyes came into focus and I saw Winnie standing in
the doorway, I let out a cry. I held the picture up, next to Winnie, and that
’
s when it all came together. The
pieces connected.

“
What
are you holding?
”
Winnie
asked.

She looked surprised.

“
Why
do you look like this lady?
”
I asked, my voice weak.

“
Oh,
AJ...
”

I let the picture go and sat down
on the bed. My entire body shook. I watched Winnie rush into the room. She
grabbed the picture and then sat next to me. She touched my back as I tried to
catch my breath.

“
What
are you doing in here?
”
Winnie
asked.

“
Long
story,
”
I whispered.
“
What is that a picture of?
”

“
AJ...
”

“
Winnie,
I can feel something right now.
”

Winnie
’
s arm slipped around me and pulled me to her.
“
Okay. First off, I swear to you,
AJ, that I was going to tell you. But when you got into school and I thought
you were doing good, I didn
’
t
want to fuck that up for you.
”

“
Fuck
what up?
”

“
AJ,
we
’
re not who we think we
are.
”

“
What
does...
”

“
Let
me finish. I know we don
’
t
get along with Mom and Dad, but in case you hadn
’
t
noticed, we really don
’
t
look like them. Do we?
”

I hadn
’
t considered it. I was never really around my
parents enough to look or even care. I
’
d
much rather look like someone... else...

I looked at Winnie.

She nodded as tears filled her
eyes. She took my hand and opened it. She placed the old picture into my hand.

I looked down at it.

The woman in the picture.

She looked like Winnie. Exactly
like Winnie. But she sort of looked like me...

“
That
’
s our mother,
”
Winnie whispered.

“
Mother?
”
I asked.

“
AJ,
we were adopted.
”

I looked up at Winnie in shock.

Adopted?

“
I
’
m sorry,
”
Winnie said.
“
I
wanted to tell you but I didn
’
t
want you to...
”

“
Can
you just hug me?
”
I asked.

Winnie put her arms around me. I
let out the first cry and Winnie soon followed. We held each other and cried.

Adopted.

The word kept hitting me.

It explained a lot but it didn
’
t fill any of the empty spots
left in my heart by our parents... our adoptive parents or our real parents...

“
I
’
ve been trying to find them,
”
Winnie whispered.
“
I...
”

Bryan came back to me then. What he
said. What he knew.

I was in love with Bryan and he was
going to change my life some more. I pulled away from Winnie and looked at her.

“
I
think I know,
”
I whispered.

“
You
know what?
”
Winnie asked.

“
I
know where he is right now,
”
I said.

“
Where
who is?
”

I looked down at the picture of the
beautiful woman.

Bryan
’
s
words came to me.

I
’
ve seen it before...

“
Winnie,
I think I know where our father is.
”