The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard

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THE VAGINA ASS OF LUCIFER NIGGERBASTARD

By Shawn Wunjo

—1—

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, locales,
etc.
is entirely coincidental.

THE VAGINA ASS

OF LUCIFER NIGGERBASTARD

ISBN: pending

Copyright © 2010 by SHAWN WUNJO*

For all my favorite fuckers

And all those who love classic literature.

CHAPTER 1: GAY DICKS

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOAT-LOVING

ANALSAUSAGE FUCK FACTORY!” Lucifer Niggerbastard screamed, giving the shape in the window a double-handed flip-off. Mr. Moneyballs could go fuck himself.

“Fucking goats.” Lucifer kicked a dented can off the sidewalk as he stomped away, ignoring the shit-brown images of grandmas fucking that smiled back at him from the label. “Fucking hate goats.” Working at the analsausage fuck factory as a packing boy in the assfudge department had always been just a job, a job he hated, but a job nonetheless.

But then Mr. Moneyballs had brought in the goats.

Lucifer drew the line at goats.

“Always shitting all over the place, fucking the baby-skinners in their nippled sphincters.” He groaned. “Jesus Christ. Wetback niggers!”

A passing sack of babyshit bounced past, aroma blossoming into the air as the piss-yellow sun caught its mottled face. “Hey Lucifer!” It said. “How’s my favorite Niggerbastard today? You look like you’ve had the gayest day ever to be a day!”

“It’s been the gayest day in the history of gay days!” Lucifer threw up his hands, screamed at the blueballs sky. “Its been so gay, even dicks in asses and touching balls covered in chink-flip asslube couldn’t match it for gayness!”

“Wow!” Said the sack of babyshit. “That’s pretty fucking gay!”

“You have no fucking idea.” Lucifer kicked more garbage, picked his nose and flicked a sticky glob of mucus the color of Christmas shit at the sack of babyshit. “Gay old Mr. Moneyballs decided to start laying people off and replacing them with goats shipped in illegally from shitting Nigeria.” He shook his head. “Fucking wetback goats. I told him he was a fuckass for doing it, and the greedy old crotch fucker fired me for it!”

“Well, the economy has been shit for everyone

lately.” The sack of babyshit burbled. “He probably had to cut costs to keep the factory open.”

“Fuck you.” Lucifer elbowed the babyshit into traffic, waited for it to pick itself off the tires of a giant dick-shaped bus with an advert for Baby Jesus’ brand baglecunt ass sandwiches plastered on the side.

“Look, I’m sorry man. That was a fucked up thing to do.”

“No worries.” Said the sack of babyshit. “I had it coming.”

“No shit.” Said the bus driver, then waved. “You fucks be careful, okay! Playing grab ass in the street with a sack of babyshit is about the most dangerous fucking thing any retarded gimp brained cuntblast could do.”

“Ah, go fuck yourself up a wall, faggot dick.” Lucifer kicked more garbage. “Fuck this shit. I’m going home and eat some fucking cheese sandwiches.” He looked at the sack of babyshit. “You coming?”

“Only when I’m fucking.” The babyshit grinned.

“Yeah, sure. Lets go eat some fucking cheese sandwiches.”

CHAPTER 2: CHEESE FUCKING SANDWICHES

“Oh my fucking god damn shit baby Jesus I love cheese fucking sandwiches.” Lucifer Niggerbastard said as he watched a football player shove a pencil up his ass. The announcer for the Fucking Asshole Gay network moaned the voiceover, screaming about fucking rabid geese with a stick and putting his nose in a shemale’s penishole. The sack of babyshit pressed itself against the remote, smeared greasy crap onto the buttons until the channel changed. A giant dick filled the screen, and then there was a toothless crackwhore yammering about how loose her stinky pussy was and how much like a honkey’s asscrack it smelled. The sack of babyshit changed the channel again and Lucifer threw his sandwich at the T.V.

“Fuck this shit.” Niggerbastard said. “I need some fucking hard baby tampon milk.”

“Ooh! Get me a fucking glass of that shit too!” Rumbled the sack of babyshit. “I heard that shit is so good for you it makes your nipples turn into dicks and baby uncles start fucking dropping out through your nose and shitting in your bellybutton!”

“Fuck you, get your own glass you stupid zipperhead.” Lucifer said. “And change the fucking channel. I want to see some fucking disabled grandmothers falling into meatgrinders or some shit.”

“That shit’s not on until later.” The sack burbled back. “Right now the best thing on is hairy swedish midgets fucking mutilated hamsters and baby dicks with clown-shaped anal beads.”

“That’s fucking boring.” Lucifer pulled the shit brown carton of hard baby tampon milk out the rotting corpse green fridge and dumped it into an ass-shaped glass. “Fuck that shit. Stupid fucking useless TV.”

“In another fifteen minutes that fucking penis-beaner cooking show where they chop up dead babies with cancerous hamster cunts will be on.”

“My balls are full. I can’t wait fucking fifteen minutes.” Niggerbastard said. “Fuck this. Lets go find something else to do.”

“Like what?” The sack of shit burbled.

“Like fucking beating goats and shit-lobbing nigindians with ass bats and fucktarded dick hats, I don’t know.” Lucifer shook his head. “Oh my fucking god I hate my stupid life. So fucking pointless, useless and boring.”

“No it’s not.”

Both Lucifer Niggerbastard and the burbling sack of babyshit spun around to see where the voice had come from. Dressed in shit-stained spandex pantyhose that smelled of smegma and bulged around a dick the size of a small car, a man with elephant-sized tits and cum-dripping tentacles stepped into the house, picked up the ass shaped glass and drank the hard baby tampon milk in one gulp. Belching, he shifted, did a jig and Yodeled: “Hi fuckers!”

“Hey! That was my milk, you stupid fucking asshole!” Lucifer shouted. “Who in the fucking shit-eating anal hells do you think you are?”

“In lands way cooler than this stupid shithole, they call me Griswalda, the magical Ass Fairy from the shitty side of the foreskin rainbow.” He spat, groaning in a whistling baritone.

“An Ass Fairy?” Lucifer’s eyes lit up. “No way!

Like in Cinderella and the eighteen shit-eating midgets in furry costumes?”

“The very same.” Griswalda squatted down, scratched his crotch.

“Well what the fuck are you doing here?” The sack of shit burbled.

“Setting you stupid fucks right.” He pulled out a shotgun. “This is my fucking magic wand. Do you think your lives are boring, fuckers?”

“Shit yeah!” Lucifer spat. “My life eats shit, I have no job, no hole to fuck, my best friend is a sack of babyshit, there’s never anything good on T.V. and a fucking Ass Fairy just drank the last of my hard baby tampon milk out of my favorite ass shaped glass!”

“Nothing lasts forever, fuckwit.” The Ass Fairy chuckled. “Shit be rolling and changing like a gender confused dildo wheel.”

“So roll it in a fucking sweet direction, bitch!” Lucifer laughed. “Fucking interesting times and shit.”

“Oh, I don’t have to.” Said the Ass Fairy. “Shit is already getting real fucking interesting.” He looked at the sack of Babyshit. “Turn that fucking stupid dickbox to channel Gay.”

Burbling more babyshit onto the remote, the sack flicked the channel down to the gayest channel the TV

had reception for, froze as a screaming bottle of anal lube filled the display.

“Fucking niggers!” He breathed. Behind the anal lube, a starship shaped like the loose lips of a floppy cunt landed in the sand, gave birth to a thousand ugly scrotums with cum-shooting prolapse guns. “Holy shitting universe! We’re being invaded by aliens!”

“Indeed.” Said the Ass Fairy.

“What the fuck are we going to do?” Lucifer screamed.

“You’re gonna fucking run like a pussy bitch, Lucifer.” The Ass Fairy grinned. “There’s a fucking boat at the end of the block that has a magic dick in the bottom of it. Jack off that magic dick, and you’ll leave the city of Troy far behind.” He handed Lucifer the shotgun. “Here, you’ll need this. Don’t let the scrotums catch you. They’ve come for you. They want the thing that makes you different.”

“My vagina-ass?” Lucifer gulped. “But why?”

“Because it’s the only vagina-ass in the world.” The Ass Fairy said. “It’s the fabled vagina-ass that is destined to give birth to an entire nation of fuckers that will take over Italy and have a big fucking empire and shit.”

“Holy fuck!” The sack of babyshit burbled.

“Lucifer Niggerbastard’s vagina-ass?”

“That’s right.” The Ass Fairy grinned. “And he’ll need you on his journey too, faithful sack of babyshit.

You two can be a gay fucking fellowship or some shit.”

“Fuckin’ sweet!” Lucifer shouted. “Thanks, Ass Fairy!”

“Use my magic wand wisely!” Griswalda warned.

“It can only work so many fucking times before it blows all up and shit.”

“You got it, dicksplash.” Lucifer said, and with that, he unloaded both barrels of the Ass Fairy’s shotgun into Griswalda’s face and pissed into the dead fucker’s throat.

CHAPTER 3: SHIT HAPPENS LIKE TONS

“Fuckers’ never gonna get my fucking vagina-ass.” Lucifer muttered as he kicked down the door of his house and ran out into the street. The magic boat with the giant magic dick was right where the Ass Fairy had said it would be– on the corner at the end of the block. Lucifer turned back to the doorway, yelled to the sack of babyshit. “Hey fucker! What in the holy shitting goddamn name of Christ riding a cross-shaped dildo are you doing? Lets move, fucktard!”

“The Ass Fairy is fucking dead.” The sack of babyshit burbled. “Someone has to teabag his fucking corpse.”

“Good point, but fucking hurry up.” Lucifer scanned the horizon, held the shotgun closer. “Those fucking evil alien cunt scrotums could show up any minute and I will totally leave your burbling ass behind if you slow me the fuck down.”

“Would I look like hot shit in these spandex pantyhose?”

“Get your ass out here.” Lucifer snarled.

“Fine, fine! Don’t be a cuntstab!” The sack of babyshit crossed to his side. “Hey, what about some fucking provisions and shit? We could grab some more fucking cheese sandwiches and eat that shit while we run away like castrated baby donkeys.”

“We don’t have any fucking time for that kind of bullshit!” Lucifer shot back. “We’ll find something to eat when we get fucking hungry again. I’ve got a fucking magic wand that shits buckshot. We can fucking kill some birds or hoboes or some shit and cook them.”

Right!” The sack of babyshit grinned! “Goddamn you’re a genius! No wonder Jupiter blessed you with the fucking vagina-ass!”

“Hell yeah, nigger!” Lucifer grinned. “Now get in the motherfucking boat and help me jack this magic dick off!”

Running like little bitches, Lucifer and the sack of babyshit quickly reached the magic boat and jumped in. Shaped like a giant ass, the boat seemed to sparkle with all the gay wonder of faggot vampires and teenage angsty movies. The magic dick in the center of the ass-shaped boat was already hard, and as the sack of shit wrapped his fist around it, the whole vessel shook like a toothless old retard on the edge of cumming buckets while watching midget porn.

Lucifer grinned, put one foot up on the cunt-shaped stern and extended the Ass Fairy’s wand into the sky.

“All ahead go!” He shouted. “Full speed! Engage!

Jack that motherfucking dick off!” The sack of shit burbled with joy.

“So gay we all!”

Climbing into the wild blue yonder on a fountain of piss and shit, the ass-shaped boat took to the sky, and as Lucifer looked down upon the land below like Aeneas surveying the kingdom he had left behind, another floppy cunt-shaped ship landed and shatnered out its load of prolapse-wielding scrotums.

The sack of shit panicked, jacked the magic dick off harder, and before the cum-blasters could even throw their fuck grenades at the boat, the two comrades of the fellowship of the vagina-ass were in the sky, blasting away at high speed. Lucifer glanced back, grinned again.

“Fucking shit niggers!” He said, and the sack of babyshit burbled in agreement, but further up in the sky, like the distance of a giant fucking massive dick away, some other shit was going down.

CHAPTER 4: GODS ARE FUCKING GAY

“Fuck you, you old bitch nigger fucking cunt slapper!” Juno screamed, slapping Jupiter so hard he farted and shot shit all across a passing chihuahua.

“Fucking vagina-ass!” She stomped, growled, spat, puked a gallon of angry shit into the sky. “Lucifer Niggerbastard is going to give birth to a gay fucking empire that will destroy my fucking favorite shithole in about eighty billion years and you just let his gay ass get away!? Oh my fucking god!”

“Well I can’t just destroy the fucker!” Jupiter made a gesture. “His people are going to fucking worship me, make giant fucking golden statues of me with ten-mile long cocks that acolytes will smear with babyshit every Sunday while screaming gay euphemisms!” He crossed his arms. “What do your gay fucking worthless people do? They worship you, that’s what.

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