The Way to Her Heart (11 page)

He smirked and took her hand. “It was nice. We should do it again soon.”

“Sure. I gotta go. See you at school, okay?”

***

“
So
how was your date?” Josh lobbed the question as Bernie entered the kitchen the next morning.

“Um.” She cleared her throat and poured herself a glass of orange juice. “Can I have a few minutes to wake up before the inquisition?”

He chuckled and reached around her to retrieve the eggs from the refrigerator. “Sure. Sorry. How do you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled, please. My date was fine. Nothing spectacular. Yours?”

“You were already asleep when I got home.”

“Is that a question? You didn’t answer mine.” She crossed her arms and watched as he cracked eggs into a bowl and whisked them, enjoying the play of muscles in his biceps.

“Merely an observation. And my date was fine as well. We doubled with Tony and Trish. Was yours a first and only date, or will there be others?”

She wished it was the only date, but she feared Diego had more information she needed. “I, uh, I don’t know.”

They were silent while he finished cooking breakfast. He set a plate of bacon, crispy hash browns, and fluffy scrambled eggs in front of her. “You want hot sauce or salsa?”

“Ketchup, please.” He retrieved it from the refrigerator and watched while she slathered it over her eggs. She looked up to find him staring at her. “What?”

“That’s disgusting.”

“No, it’s not! It’s delicious. You should try it.” She shoveled a scoop of the eggs into her mouth and grinned. She’d been craving scrambled eggs for quite a while. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“You’re welcome, even though you desecrated those eggs. So, do you have work today?”

“Yeah. You?”

“For a few hours. Then I’m meeting Kayleigh. She has something she wants to talk about.”

Bernie looked down at her plate and refused to meet his eyes. She had a pretty good idea what that conversation would entail and felt guilty she knew.

***

She returned from work around six to find Claire in the living room, reading and sipping a glass of wine. She could hear music blaring from the kitchen.

“Hey, Claire. Where’s Josh?” She was eager to see how he was after the meeting with Kayleigh. She wondered if she’d be able to tell if they’d had “the conversation.”

“In the kitchen, of course.” Claire waved her hand vaguely in that direction. “Any idea what’s up with him? He barely spoke to me when he got home and he’s making risotto.” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

“Is that bad? What’s risotto?”

“No, it’s not bad. It’s delicious, but it’s pretty tedious and Josh hates making it. Would you mind talking to him? Maybe he’ll tell you what’s going on.”

“Sure. Of course.” The music grew louder as she entered the kitchen, much louder than what he usually played while he cooked. It was so loud she could feel the bass.

He stood at the stove, staring hard at the saucepan he was stirring. She watched as he ladled what looked like broth into the pan and continued to stir. His jaw looked impossibly tight, the small muscles flexing regularly. He glanced at her as she walked in the room but then ignored her completely.

Crap. Not a good sign.
She crossed to the where the iPod was docked and reached to turn it off, noting the name of his playlist—
‘
My Life Sucks
.’

“I was listening to that.”

“Yeah, I know. So does the whole neighborhood.”

He shrugged. “Whatever. Suit yourself.”

She sat at the breakfast bar, determined to wait him out. He stirred the rice, added more broth, stirred the damn rice some more. “Your mom’s worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Stir, stir, stir.

She waited.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.”

He continued cooking for a full five minutes before turning to look at her. “You knew.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” He turned back to the stove.

“It wasn’t my place.”

“I thought we were friends! You should have told me.”

She crossed the room to stand beside him and looked up into his angry face. “I’m sorry, Josh. Do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.”

She was devastated. “Okay. Yeah, no problem. I’ll pack up and get out of here tonight.” She bit her lip to keep the tears in and turned to leave the kitchen, determined not to cry in front of him.

He turned the heat off under the rice and slipped around her, blocking the exit. “Jesus, Bernie! I just wanted you to leave the kitchen, not this house! For God’s sake, can’t a guy sulk in peace? Come here.” He pulled her into his arms.

She had been hugged more in the last couple of weeks than in her entire life. She was afraid she was starting to like it much more than she should, but he smelled so good and it felt wonderful to be held; the tears she’d tried so hard to keep in slipped down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”

“No. Kayleigh told me she made you promise not to tell me. It’s not your fault.” He rubbed his hands over her back. “I’m just mad and I took it out on you. God, I feel like such an idiot! How could I not know?”

“You’re not an idiot. You’ve had other things on your mind for a while.” She pulled herself together and stepped away from him to grab a paper towel so she could wipe her face. “I’ll get out of here so you can get on with your sulking.”

He chuckled briefly. “Thanks. I’m about done and dinner is in fifteen minutes or so.”

“Your mom said you’re making risotto? I’ve never had it before.”

“It’s delicious, but a pain in the ass. Go wash up, and then you can set the table.”

The risotto was amazing; Josh had added sautéed shrimp, mushrooms, and asparagus, which complemented the creamy cheesiness perfectly. How in the world would she ever go back to normal food after she left here?

Bernie noticed Claire carefully watching her son throughout dinner. He must have noticed as well because he finally set his fork down and sighed. “I’m fine, Mom. Kayleigh I and broke up, that’s all. No big tragedy. I’ll get over it.”

“Oh, honey! What happened?”

He looked uncomfortable. “Well, she’s going through some stuff right now and needs to, uh, be by herself for a while.”

“Oh. Well, is she okay? Do you think you might get back together later?” Claire looked so concerned.

“Nope. That’s not gonna happen.” He caught Bernie’s eye and looked quickly down at his plate.

“What am I missing?” Claire narrowed her eyes at both of them. Bernie tried to look anywhere but at Claire.

Josh sighed. “She’s just confused right now, Mom. It seems she would rather have a girlfriend than a boyfriend.”

“Oh. Ohhhh. I see. Well, that’s um, that’s—” Claire shrugged. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I know, right?” Josh picked up Bernie’s empty plate and carried it to the dishwasher. “It’s a real kick in the ass, huh? I’m gonna head out for a while tonight. I won’t be too late.”

“Where are you going?” Claire got her “mom” look.

“A party. I just want to forget for a while, be around some loud music so I can’t think and mope. Bernie, you’re welcome to come, if you want.”

Bernie was about to decline—she had no interest in a popular kids’ party—when Claire caught her eye and nodded ever so slightly. Ugh. Bernie rolled her eyes and said she’d like to tag along.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I’m just a little worried about him and will feel much better if you’re there to keep an eye out. Keep him from making any horrible decisions and be the designated driver, if need be, okay?” Claire had waited until Josh went upstairs to take a quick shower to pull Bernie aside.

So, although she would rather have a root canal, Bernie found herself at a high school rich kids’ party, sipping a can of soda and watching various girls throw themselves at Josh. Apparently word of his and Kayleigh’s breakup had spread like wildfire, although no one seemed to know why they had split. Josh simply told people they decided to see other people and left it at that. He drank several beers throughout the evening but didn’t seem to be inclined to delve into the harder stuff, which was readily available.

“Hey, Bernie!” Tony threw an arm around her neck. “What’s crack-a-lackin? How’s our boy?” He gestured with his beer to where Josh was talking with a small group.

She shrugged. “He’s okay, I guess. A bit down, but who can blame him?”

“Well, maybe she’ll change her mind about dating other guys and want to get back together with him.”

She stared at him blankly and realized Josh hadn’t confided in his best friend the true reason for the breakup. “Yeah, maybe. Where’s the bathroom?”

She returned from her sojourn through the labyrinthine mansion to find Josh wrapped around a tall brunette. They were kissing intensely, and her hands were kneading his ass like bread dough. Bernie froze, horrified, unreasonably hurt, and unsure of what to do. He must have kept his eyes partially open because he pulled away as she approached.

“There you are! Sorry, Dara. I promised Bernie we’d dance.” He extracted himself from the clingy girl and grabbed Bernie’s hand, pulling her to the living room where various couples were slow dancing. He pulled her into his arms, basically forcing her to dance with him. She wondered what he’d say if he knew it was the first time she’d ever slow danced.

“What was that about?” She held herself stiffly to maintain some physical space between them, no matter how nice it felt and no matter how good he smelled. She noticed a few girls staring daggers at her, and that felt pretty nice too. Josh was a total catch and she’d never been envied before.

“I went out with her freshman year. Apparently she’d like to get back together.”

“Apparently. I can make myself scarce if you want.” She tried not to sound pissed.

“God, no. She kissed me, not the other way around.” He pulled her closer.

“It didn’t look like you were objecting.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a guy. And I was dumped today, so cut me some slack. She’s not my type anymore. None of these people are my type anymore.” He sighed and laid his head atop hers. “Do you mind if we get out of here? It’s not helping my mood at all.”

“Let’s go. I’m not really the party type, either.”

At the truck he handed her the keys. “You better drive.”

She looked over at him as she started the truck. He buckled his seat belt and laid his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. He didn’t open them again until the truck stopped.

“Sonic? You need a late-night junk food fix?”

“No. We need ice cream.”

“Ice cream, huh?”

“Yes. Trust me, it’s the only thing to do when you’ve been dumped. And none of your fancy gourmet ice cream, either. Now what kind of shake do you want? My treat.” She opened the window and pressed the button to order.

Chapter Seven

Josh

“
I
can’t believe you ordered a banana shake. I think I’ve lost all respect for you.”

“It’s amazing! Here, have a taste.” She leaned across the divider and shoved her spoon into his open mouth.

He manfully swallowed the spoonful of banana-flavored ice cream and shuddered. He
hated
bananas with an all-consuming passion and especially despised fake banana flavor. “Oh man, that’s nasty. What if I was allergic to bananas? What if my throat swelled up and I died right here in the cab of my truck? What would you do?”

“I’d have two shakes, that’s what. Stop being such a baby and give me taste of yours.”

They were both laughing as he leaned toward her to give her a spoonful of the caramel brownie shake he’d ordered. He stared at her mouth as she licked a bit that tried to dribble down her bottom lip. He wanted nothing more than to taste the ice cream on her lips and started to do just that when he realized how disastrous it would be.
Don’t ruin this, jackass! She’s worth more than a fast liplock in your truck. She just saw you kissing Dara, plus you broke up with your girlfriend less than six hours ago. Have some class, man!
He cleared his throat and sat back, shoveling more ice cream into his mouth. He must have imagined the look of disappointment on her face.

“So tell me about this Diego character. Where’d he take you on your date?” He needed to find out if she was serious about this guy.

“We met at the movies and went for ice cream afterward.”

“And? What did you see? Did he hold your hand? Did he buy you popcorn?”

“Jeez, nosy much? Maybe I don’t want to kiss and tell.”

He narrowed his eyes as he watched her spoon more banana shake in her mouth. “You kissed him on the first date?”

“It’s really none of your business. Do you have a rule against kissing on the first date? And he kissed me, just FYI. But you wouldn’t know what that’s like, would you?”

Ouch.
“Point taken. So how was it?”

The look she gave him nearly singed his eyebrows off. “Again, none of your goddamn business. I don’t ask about your love life.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want, not that there’s much to tell, especially lately. Did you miss the part about my girlfriend being gay?”

It had the desired effect of making her smile slightly. “I still don’t want to know. I saw enough tonight, thanks. I may have to scrub my eyeballs. How’s your ass? You may have some interesting bruises later.”

He laughed so hard he nearly snorted caramel brownie shake out his nose. “God, you’re right. Dara’s…intense. That’s pretty much why we broke up.”

“Really? I figured most guys would be into that.”

“Well, maybe I’m not most guys. I was fifteen and she was pushing for way more than I was comfortable with.” He wasn’t sure if it was the darkness in the truck cab or the beers he’d had earlier, but he found himself spilling his guts to this girl he barely knew.

“Yeah, but you’re not fifteen anymore. And you’re newly single…” She let her statement fade suggestively.

“No thanks. Let’s just say she hasn’t been exceptionally picky in the last three years. I’m not that desperate. What about you and Diego? Are you gonna go out with him again?” He just couldn’t let it go.

“I don’t know! If he asks me, maybe. I just—”

“What?” He didn’t like the way she looked away and wouldn’t meet his gaze. He reached across the cab and turned her face toward him. “What are you not saying, Bernie?”

She finally raised her eyes to his, and he was shocked to see tears shimmering. “I need to find out what he knows,” she whispered.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“He was Gabby’s boyfriend. He was with her that night, the night she disappeared. I have to find out what he knows,” she repeated.

He sat back in his seat, appalled at what she had said. “Bernie, are you—are you trying to investigate your friend’s disappearance?”

She sniffed and nodded.

“Shit! Are you crazy? That’s what police are for! You need to stop!”

“The police are useless! They think she ran away! I know she didn’t, and I’m going to find out what happened to her. Diego knows something, and I’m going to find out what it is.”

“There is no
fucking
way I’m going to let you go out with him again! What if he’s the one who did this?”

“You have no right to tell me what to do!”

He stared at her furious face, noticing how beautiful she was with her cheeks flushed and her eyes blazing. He reached for her hand and squeezed it, rubbing his fingers across her knuckles. He figured it was time to break out some of the charm he was supposed to be gifted with. “You’re right. I have no right to tell you what to do. So I’m asking, begging if I need to. Please don’t go out with him again. I can’t stand the thought of you being in any kind of danger.”

He watched her deflate. “I have to find out what happened to her, Josh. Nobody else cares.”

“Let me help. Please.”

***

Josh
enjoyed preparing a leisurely Sunday breakfast for his mom, who liked to sleep in—something he still couldn’t manage. He had completely stopped taking the sleeping pills and was on a much-reduced dosage of the antidepressants and was feeling better than he had in months, despite the breakup with Kayleigh. This morning he had decided to try his hand at crepes and had created a sweet cream-cheese filling and was working on the crepes themselves as Bernie slipped into the kitchen.
So far, so good.
The crepes looked light and crispy around the edges as they had in the Jacques Pépin video. He loved trying new recipes and loved seeing the look of appreciation on someone’s face when they tasted his food.

“Morning,” she mumbled as she reached for orange juice.

He smiled as he flipped a crepe. She definitely wasn’t much of a morning person. “Good morning. Hope you like crepes.”

“Me too. Cereal would be fine, you know.”

“No need for that. I have to find some way to fill my early morning hours. Here, you get the first one. I’ve never made crepes before, so be forewarned.” He set a plate of crepes filled with sweet cream cheese and topped with mixed berries in front of her. He watched to make sure she found them acceptable before turning back to the stove.

“I’m going to get so fat living here,” she muttered. “These are amazing. Thanks.”

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said last night. About needing more information from Diego.”

“I’m listening.” She sounded suspicious.

“Well, I realize I might have come off a bit—”

“Neanderthal?”

“I was going to say ‘overprotective,’ but whatever. I don’t deny the thought of you going out with the guy who might have had something to do with Gabby’s disappearance makes me somewhat uncomfortable.” He paused as she snorted. “But I really want to help. And I concede he may have valuable information.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“You go out with him again, but like last time where you meet him in a public place. I’ll be there before you so I can keep an eye on him. You get the information you need, and then you’re done with him.”

“Sounds great except for one thing—he may not ask me out again. I wasn’t the greatest first date, you know.”

“Oh please. He’ll want to go out again. You just need to drop a hint.”

“How can you know that? You’ve never even met him.”

“I know because I’m a guy. You’re a gorgeous girl. Trust me, he wants to go out again.” He turned back to her and caught a smile she tried to hide. “What?”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” she whispered.

He rolled his eyes and crossed the kitchen to ruffle her hair. “No. I know you are. Now stop fishing for compliments and let’s talk about Thanksgiving. It’s this Thursday.”

“Oh. Yeah. You want me to get out your hair for the day?”

“No. I want you to go with us to my grandparents’ house. And I want you to help me make the pies.”

***

He
followed her at a distance Monday morning as she approached her locker. She’d said she would try to talk to Diego before first period, and Josh found he had a pathological need to see. He watched her approach a short Hispanic guy with a douchey little mustache and put her hand on his arm. The guy turned and flashed a shit-eating grin at her that made Josh grind his teeth. She simpered at him a bit, and before he knew it, the guy was nodding and smiling. Then he leaned forward and kissed Bernie. Josh slammed his palm against his locker and cursed.

“Whoa! What’s wrong, man?” Tony appeared at his side and began twisting his combination lock. “Is it the breakup? I’m really sorry to hear about that. I thought you and Kayleigh were solid.”

“Yeah, the breakup.” He’d completely forgotten about it.

“That sucks hard-core, man!”

“Yep.” He had no idea. “Listen, I gotta go. See you at lunch, okay?” He was antsy all morning; he waited impatiently for her outside the cafeteria before lunch. When she finally appeared, he pulled her into a side hallway. “So? Is it a go?”

“Yes, Double O Seven. It’s a go.”

“Hilarious. When?”

“Tonight, actually. I don’t work. Can you be there?” She looked up into his face and bit her lip.

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Where?” He had to look away from those lips.

“The movies again.”

“Not very original, is he?”

She shrugged. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’ll try to get him to go for coffee or ice cream afterward.”

***

He returned home late in the afternoon to find Bernie at the breakfast bar, doing calculus homework. He set the bag he’d brought in front of her.

“What’s this?” She looked up from her textbook.

“Something I need you to not throw a fit about.”

“A present?”

He said nothing while she reached into the bag and pulled out the cell phone.

“Oh, Josh. No. This is unnecessary.”

“Bernie. Please. It’s just a safety precaution. I can’t let you go out with this guy and have no way to reach you. Plus, you work alone in a pretty sketchy area of town.”

“You’re going to be there tonight and there’s a phone at work. I don’t need a cell phone. I’m already living here rent-free. I can’t take any more charity from you and your mom.”

“I have nothing to do with the rent, and she had nothing to do with the phone. Please, Bernie. I’ll sleep better knowing you have a way to get in touch with me.” It was a fairly low blow to bring in his inability to sleep, but he was determined to do whatever it took to keep her safe.

“If I take it, you have to promise to stop paying for everything when we go somewhere together. No more whipping out your debit card while I’m reaching for my wallet.”

“Fair enough, although I would like to point out I let you pay for ice cream Saturday night.” She narrowed her eyes and squared her jaw, so he wisely shut his mouth and showed her how to operate her new phone.

Two hours later he stood behind them in line at the movie theater with one couple in between. He made sure he stepped forward enough to hear which movie Diego bought tickets for and purchased a single for himself. He chose a seat two rows behind them and settled in to watch the completely predictable romantic comedy. He wished he could text Bernie to see how she was holding up, but he couldn’t risk Diego seeing it. Instead, he fought to stay awake during the interminable movie. He followed them at a distance as they crossed the parking lot to the ice cream shop and managed to snag the table behind them, sitting with his back to Diego, able to easily overhear their conversation.

“What did you think of the movie?”

Josh angled sideways in his chair so he could see Bernie’s face as she answered.

“It was, uh, okay. What did you think?” She should probably never play poker—she was a terrible liar.

Josh listened as they chatted for about ten minutes until he caught Bernie’s eye and gestured for her to move it along. He smothered a smile at the annoyed look she flashed him.

“Diego, I was wondering if I could ask just a couple more questions about Gabby?”

“Aw shit. I should have known that’s what this was about. Did you even want to go out with me?”

“Please don’t be mad. I like you, but I can’t really concentrate on any kind of relationship until I know what happened to Gabby. I swear, just a couple of questions.” Diego was a stronger man than Josh if he could resist her liquid brown eyes pleading with him.

“Okay, fine, but this is the last date unless you swear to never ask about her again.”