The Wedding Wager (McMaster the Disaster) (2 page)

It would be okay, I’d stupidly thought at the time, everyone would lose interest soon enough and I could just plan the whole thing myself, right?

But as I stood watching them square off against each other over wedding cake albums, I knew somewhere deep in my soul, things were not going to end well.

And all I could think was… dear God, what have I done?

I stood watching for another couple minutes, my stomach churning and a light film of sweat forming over my brow. It wasn’t even that hot out.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember the relaxation breathing from the yoga class Jake and I went to last month. After he told me he was into yoga, there was no way I was letting it go without at least a class or two. Watching him—out of the corner of my eye, of course—it was so worth the effort of talking him into it. Even better, he’d insisted on a private class. Honestly, I hadn’t realized how distracting all the other people in class were until there was no one else around. I left feeling more like I’d just had an hour-long massage than a yoga class. My muscles and mind were both a blissful jelly, although I can’t say I was completely un-distracted considering some of the moves Jake could do.

“There is no way Josie is going to go for that!” My mother yelled, bursting my daydream bubble.

I trudged over to the patio table where there was practically a line drawn down the middle, half filled with all my mother’s wedding paraphernalia all lined up in an orderly fashion, and the other half strewn messily with Mattie’s wedding books, samples, and sketches. I had the insane notion that we were going to figure out the mess right then and there.

“You guys, you guys, what’s all the fighting about?” I asked, realizing how stupid the words were even as they were coming out of my mouth.

They turned to me in unison and I had a split second to regret coming over before the onslaught began.

“Did you know your mother expects you to wear the same dress she wore at her wedding thirty-five years ago?” Mattie said, shock evident all over his face.

Of course, this was the exact same time as my mother yelled, “Does this friend of yours not know anything about tradition?” She eyed him up and down.

I looked each one in the eyes, no clue what to say. First of all, Mattie hadn’t even seen my mother’s old dress, and it actually was kind of nice, and second of all, my mother was honestly expecting tradition to be her argument against a gay man currently wearing a teal blue tie and matching argyle socks?

I looked back and forth between them, my mouth open, waiting for the right words to come.

Finally, I closed my mouth and simply walked away. Didn’t say a word to either of them, just walked away.

The beautiful silence lasted all of twelve seconds before they turned back to each other and began the squabbling all over again.

I headed toward the lake, Jennifer trying to play referee behind me, and snuck around a grouping of trees, hoping no one would notice exactly where I’d gone.

“So,” a voice said, seemingly from the depths of the trees. “Ready to elope yet?”

I felt my shoulders relax instantly.

“When did you sneak off?” I asked.

“Pretty much around the time the books came piling out all over the table.”

“Smart,” I said, taking a step closer.

Jake pulled me in close and I breathed him in, the clean scent of his body wash drifting over me. And it was really
his
body wash… well, he was the spokesperson for it anyway. Thank goodness it smelled great since he pretty much had a lifetime supply. Mattie swore up and down that it was the exact same body wash that Patrick Dempsey used to be in the ads for, and I had to admit, it did seem rather… familiar when I’d first smelled it. Either way, sales had skyrocketed since Jake got involved.

I could only guess Jake’s bank account skyrocketed from the ad too.

Even after all this time, Jake could still make my insides all jiggly as if it were our first kiss. I felt like a teenager all over again, but not in that clumsy ‘I’m such a dork’ way, but in a ‘life is so full of possibilities’ way. I had no idea how much time passed as we stood there relishing in each other, the calmness of the lake, the privacy of the trees.

Eventually we sat and I leaned my head on his chest.

“So, what are we going to do about that little… situation?” he asked, motioning his head back up toward the house.

I sighed. “I have no idea. I honestly don’t think I can tell either of them they can’t do it.”

“What about telling both of them they can’t do it?”

I looked up at Jake like he’d suddenly grown two heads. “Are you crazy? Have both of them pissed at me at the same time?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s your wedding.”

My mouth dropped open. “It’s your wedding too.”

He smiled the smile that always seemed to make my heart beat just a little faster. “I know. But the only thing I want is to make sure you get everything you want. I don’t care what your mother wants, or what Mattie wants.”

I leaned away, resting back on my elbows. “I wish it was that easy. They both have such… strong personalities.”

Jake rolled his eyes in agreement. “You think?”

“The stupid thing is, I like both their ideas. Plus it would be so nice to have their help. I just wish they could find a way to work together or something.”

Now Jake really laughed. “Those two could not be more different. There is no way in hell you are ever going to get them to cooperate.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” I said, though deep down I knew I was kidding myself.

No two people in the world were more headstrong, not to mention completely opposite.

I kissed Jake on the cheek and got up. “I’m going to head back up. The yelling seems to have settled down a little.”

“That’s only because you’re down here,” he said, smiling.

I gave him a look, but he was probably right. I headed back up to the house anyway, the tension in my shoulders creeping in with every step.

It was like a showdown. In the time I’d been gone, my sister had shown up and she sat on Mom’s side of the table. They were across from Mattie and Jennifer, who were clearly playing for the same team.

My heart beat faster. Traditional vs. modern.

By the looks on all their faces, there would be no in between. Compromise did not look like an option.

I sat slowly at the end of the table… neutral.

“Hey Rosie,” I said, hoping to feel out the situation.

“Hey,” she said, not taking her eyes off Jen.

Jen just glared back.

Mom and Mattie were having a similar stare-off one seat down. I pulled on the collar of my t-shirt, which had somehow grown tighter in the last thirty seconds and cleared my throat.

“So, how are we all doing?”

Four heads turned to me in unison. Not one wore an expression of happiness, or even mild contentment. God, you’d think we were planning a wake instead of a wedding.

“Um… everything looks really nice,” I said, motioning to the books and samples on the table.

The heads all looked down for a moment and it was quite a relief having their attention on something else. They were just so… expectant. Waiting.

I realized then that they wanted me to choose right then and there.

Which I was so not prepared to do.

How does a person make such a monumental choice for such an important day? Every time I thought about it, I wanted to cry. Not because it was going to be awful either way, but because it was going to be amazing either way.

And they were all just staring at me. The Jeopardy theme song played in my head.

“So, what I was thinking was, let’s try to find a way to work on all this together, okay?” I said.

Four heads turned to look at me in unison, the looks on their faces very far from cooperative.

“Seriously, there’s got to be a way to make everyone happy here.” I was rather proud of myself. For once I was the voice of reason.

Of course, I immediately discovered why I chose to never be the voice of reason.

Their voices exploded at the exact same time. At least it seemed that way, and they were all yelling right at me. I honestly couldn’t figure out what I had done that was so bad.

Eventually, they turned from me and kept yelling, full volume at each other, fingers pointing and hands being thrown in the air.

I backed the chair away from the table, and tried to get up, though I tripped over the chair, nearly falling over it as it crashed loudly to the ground.

I turned to escape and the only thought that kept rolling over and over in my mind was, maybe I was the runaway bride. Of course, it wasn’t my future husband, or commitment, or fear of losing myself that was making me flee. It was the wedding itself.

How ridiculous was that?

I ran to the center of Jake’s beautiful front yard, which was looked after by a full-time gardener. The back of the property was gorgeous, of course, with the natural beauty of the lake and the forest, but the front was straight out of a fairy tale with flowers and trees and manicured rose bushes, and in the center was a quaint, little wishing-well.

I sat on one of the carved stone benches and gazed inside, willing it to give me some answers. Or, you know, the guts to stand up to my friends and family. I sighed. Why did it have to be so hard? It was just that my mother was ecstatic to finally have something fun to do, and Mattie, well, Mattie should have been a professional planner as it was. Each of them was perfect for the job and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there would be no right answer.

I pulled out the Disaster Diary. Just looking at it made me feel a bit better. I mean, it had practically ruined my life, but there was nothing more therapeutic than getting all your worst moments out of your system. I mean, it obviously wasn’t the best thing in the world when the damned thing went public, but you know what? Even that most awful of moments made me realize that we were all just human, even the movie stars like Jake, who I think loved me even more after the whole Disaster Diary debacle.

It also had a great way of making me realize sometimes we all take life just a little too seriously.

I flipped to a random page.

Dear Disaster Diary,

It had taken so long to finally land a date with Greg, the cutest guy in homeroom. It was practically a miracle, everything went so perfectly on the first few dates, I had somehow even managed to avoid embarrassing myself, which, as you know is not something to take lightly. Life was magnificent. Until…

It started out as a great day. The weather could not have been better, the sun was out in full-force for the pool party. I was so friggin’ nervous to meet Greg’s parents for the first time, and even more nervous to wear my bathing suit in front of Greg. With both things weighing on my mind, I was probably not at my most focused, but then the meeting of the parents went very well, and the whole bathing suit thing wasn’t that big of a deal since Mom had taken me to buy a very nice and very demure new suit just for the occasion.

Greg’s parents were so great too, welcoming me with open arms, inviting me to make myself at home. They left us full use of the pool area while they headed out shopping for the day.

Greg and I were dunking each other playfully, splashing water in each others’ faces, taking turns squirting each other with water guns just as we were just drying off nicely. The whole afternoon went off without a hitch.

I excused myself to the bathroom and when I came back, I just couldn’t help myself. Greg was standing there with his back turned, totally oblivious to the fact that I was sneaking up behind him. And I was so stealthy too, tiptoeing lightly, not once making even the slightest sound.

“Got ya!” I screamed, jumping onto his back. It was so funny too, we both nearly fell into the pool but somehow remained upright. But then someone came walking around the corner, and it made no sense because that someone was… Greg.

My mind took forever to process, thinking: but if that’s Greg, then who…?

And of course I was so flustered I didn’t let go for much too long, only realizing the person I had jumped onto was Greg’s dad after he started peeling my arms off him.

The shame was enough to make me never look Greg in the face again. He looked so ticked, like I had done it on purpose or something. And the look his mother was giving me when I turned around to discover her there was not the same look of welcoming she’d given me just a few hours before.

I closed the book and sat for a few minutes, then dug in my bag for a coin, taking a deep breath. Come on Universe, I thought, give me something. I closed my eyes and flicked the coin into the well, making my wish. “Please don’t make me choose,” I whispered, and a moment later a satisfying little splash followed.

I opened my eyes again, not expecting anything, but I swear it was at that exact moment that I came to the epiphany.

It was so simple. I would just put it off a little bit longer. Sure, it sucked when my mother and Mattie were both in the same place arguing over whose ideas were better, but that was a problem easily solved.

Honestly, I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.

“Hey,” Jake’s voice came drifting from behind me.

“Hey,” I said, turning and smiling.

He smiled back. “You’re looking less stressed,” he said, relieved.

“I am. I think I figured out a way to make both of them happy, at least for now.”

He cocked his head, obviously skeptical. “How?”

I shrugged. “I just have to keep them away from each other.”

He came to sit down beside me. “What do you mean?”

“Just… don’t let them anywhere near each other, that’s all.”

“That’s your plan? Let them both continue thinking they’re planning the wedding?”

“Just for a little while, you know, until I decide which wedding plan I like better. There’s just way too much pressure to choose right now. I feel like my head’s still not on straight trying to process the fact that I, Josie McMaster… McMaster the Disaster, is marrying the world’s most famous movie star.”