The Weight of Love (21 page)

47

JAYCEE

We get to the church, and their car is here. He’s back.
For real. It’s official. My legs only work because I’ve been walking for so many years.

“Are we going inside?” Bridger asks.

“Yeah, we’ll wait for them in there.” I squeeze his hand and wish that Bridger was the kind of kid who loved a good squeezy hug, because that’s what I need right now.

The building is dark, quiet. Bridger and I walk into the gym.
I turn on half the lights. I wonder how long it takes? I wonder when they got here? Bridger sets his matchbox cars on the floor and begins to spin them wildly across the wood floor.

Movement catches the corner of my eye. I stop breathing. Mitchell
steps into the gym. My body won’t move. It’s like seeing him in the foyer for the first time, only better, different. Things are different. Circumstances are different.

I want to
let this happen, all of it. I’ve let go of something that’s been hard to let go of. Now I’m ready for him the way I want to be.

He loosens his tie and stuffs his nametag in his pocket. A wide smile spreads across his face.

I’m still frozen.

He doesn’t even
pause as he gets close. In what seems like only a few steps, his arms are around me, holding me tightly against him. His face is buried in my hair and there isn’t a whisper of space between us. He’s warm in the way that fills my body and fills my heart. Tears rest at the corners of my eyes. I can’t believe I’m here.

“Jaycee, you don’t know how many hours I spent on my knees, praying I’d get to hold you like this.”

That does it. There’s no holding in my tears now. Tears of relief, of love, of happiness. It’s all too much. My arms squeeze as tightly as I can manage.

“I got your email. Thank you,
” he whispers.

Embarrassment washes through me and
I try to pull away, but he holds me close.

He
rests his cheek against mine. “I love you.”

I can’t take a deep breath
, and I’m too distracted to care. The hands that were holding me tightly against him are now carefully touching the sides of my face, my hair.

He moves slightly and our lips are close, almost together.
Neither of us moves, neither of us speaks. The warmth of his face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath, see each of his lashes. Bridger’s cars slide across the floor and I can hear our breathing. Nothing else. Lynn was right. Knowing how I feel when we’re close is enough, and I will definitely let this feeling carry us through.

“Are you afraid to kiss me?” My
voice is whispery soft because I don’t have the strength for more right now.

“Knowing what I do? Yes.”

My
eyes close at his voice, it’s so warm it moves through me.

“Mommy! I have to pee!” Bridger’s footsteps pound on the wood floor.

I jump and step away from Mitchell. Mitchell, no longer Elder. No longer off-limits.

“Just a sec.” I start to pull away.

In one easy move, Mitchell lifts me up and sets me to sitting on the edge of the stage.

“I got it.” He smiles as he steps back. “You wait there. Don’t move.”
He points at me and turns toward Bridger.

“But I…” T
here’s no way he wants to take Bridger to the bathroom.

He
turns to walk backwards a few steps. “Jaycee. I got it.” He turns back to Bridger. “You remember me?”

“Yeah.
Mommy’s sleeping in your room and in your shirt.” Bridger giggles.

My cheeks heat up.

“Well, let’s hope that’s not the only time it happens.” His eyes rest on mine and all the air leaves my body at the intensity of his stare.

“Can I hoist you up?”
he asks Bridger.

“It’s against the rules.” Bridger’s small voice is so serious.

“Nope, not anymore.” Mitchell chuckles. “I can do all kinds of things I couldn’t before.”

That comment was intended for more than just Bridger and sends a whole new wave of nerves through me.
My voice is apparently gone because my mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

“So, can I pick you up?” he asks again.

Bridger raises his arms and lets Mitchell scoop him up with no protest at all, and I watch them walk toward the gym doors wondering how many more times I’ll get to see them together like this.

“Like what
can you do?” Bridger asks.

“Like we can watch movies
, and listen to music that’s not church music, and I can carry you…”

They step out
into the hallway. Now I’m alone on the stage, because Mitchell is taking care of Bridger. I don’t have to do this all alone anymore. I think we really are where I think we are—a step away from eternity.

Only, Sharon was right
when she said it would be different when I fell in love again. Already this is so different from Matt, that I can’t make comparisons. Not real ones. And it’s all sort of crazy because I don’t even know what Mitchell’s like every day. There are so many things I couldn’t ask him, couldn’t know about him. But I know what I feel when I pray, and I know how I felt in the brief months I saw him—like I’d never see him enough, feel the warmth of him enough.

Footsteps come across the stage behind me. Mitchell sits down, our sides touching.
Something so simple that we weren’t allowed before now. I soak up the gesture that suddenly feels like one of the most significant things I’ve done in my life.

“Hey
.” His blue eyes hit me again.

“Hey.”
I can’t look away.

“Mom has Bridger. T
hey needed to go outside.” A corner of his mouth pulls up.

“Okay.” But all I can internalize is how he feels against my side. Close.

He slides his fingers through mine slowly, watching as our hands come together. “I want to spend time with you, get to know you more. Hang with Bridger. I want…” His gaze still rests on our hands between us.

“Me, too.”
I’m still staring at him.

His
eyes meet mine again, and that same rush floods me, fills me.

I lean forward.
I need to feel our lips together. No more waiting, not for me.

“Are you sure you
…”

But I don’t let him finish.
I pull him closer. His lips are warm and smooth. They brush against mine so softly. Just once. I rest my hand on the side of his neck, holding us together and my head relaxes against his shoulder. This is so good, so perfect, that I can’t believe I’m here. We’re here.

His fingers slide slowly up and down my arm.

“Are we really where I think we are?” he asks.

My eyes lift to find his. “I hope so.”

Right on the edge of forever, just waiting to jump off together.

He rests his forehead on mine
and I feel his arms slide around me, holding us together. “You feel like home.”

I know exactly what he means, and getting here was worth everything.

48

MITCHELL

Jaycee and I
sit together on the far side of the couch as Mom starts dishing up dessert. Jennie and her family’s here to welcome me home. Gage is here. Kyla and Tom are here. Jaycee’s smiling and blinking as she reads the letter I wrote her on the plane. The one I needed to write.

“This is…”
She folds the letter and rests it back in the envelope as I lean into her. “I don’t have words.”

I lean close enough that I hope no one else hears.
“Kind of crazy to feel this much for someone who I don’t know outside of being an Elder.”

“
So. I guess we’ll need to spend a lot of time together, huh?” She smiles up at me and we both move in for a kiss, but I freeze remembering we’re still in a room full of people and that we’ve only kissed once. Briefly.

We both smile like we’re thinking the same thing, and I move away, but just a little.

Bridger sits at our feet as he works on a tower he’s been fiddling with since we got home. I’m fascinated by the detail he puts into the patterns of the bricks, and amazed he has the patience to always find the right colors. He’s going to be fun to be around.

“I can help you get to know Mitchell better.” Jennie gr
abs a footstool and scoots it across the middle of the room until she’s facing us.

I hold my arm between them. “Don’t listen to anything she has to say.”

Jennie grabs my arm and pushes down.

“No, no.” Jaycee slides her fingers through my hand, pulling my arm around her waist
and laughing. This new arrangement is infinitely better than me using my arm as a shield. “Let her speak.”

Jennie’s brows go up, her teasing smile making her look like the mischievous sister I grew up with.
“My brother is really sweet but he can be totally full of himself.”

I snort, but stay silent.

“And if you want hot water, you better shower first because he can stay in there for
ever
.” Jennie rolls her eyes.

Jaycee laughs as her fingers squeeze mine.

“He eats way too much Taco Bell.”

“So do I.” Jaycee laughs again.

“And I swear he spends more time on his hair than girls do.”

“Well.” Jaycee’s eyes catch mine as she takes my other arm and pulls it over her shoulders, bringing us even closer. “If he doesn’t mind
having a wife who’s less of a girl than he is, I think we’re okay.”

The moment the words are out of her mouth everyone in the room realizes what she said
and breaks into a chorus of laughter an oh’s and her face turns scarlet in a second. I’m practically flying at the thought of it.

Jennie’s brows go up as she slides back to Brandon with a smile and climbs on his lap.
“ I think my work here is done.”

“I didn’t…”
Jaycee starts as she covers her face.

I tighten my arm around her and lean in. “And I hope you won’t mind having a husband
who can’t keep his hands off you.”

She wiggles just slightly and scoots in closer.
Flashes of what a future with her would be like hit me. How many nights will we sit on a couch together, and how many times will she wiggle in closer like she just did? I want it all.

“I’m glad you’
re home,” she says as she rests her head against my chest.

I kiss her forehead. “I’m glad you’re home, too.”

The rest of the evening passes in a blur of Jaycee chatting and laughing with my mom and my sister and her sister. And her and I touching each other every time we get the chance. I’ve thought about her for too long not to.

When Bridger’s eyes start to droop, I follow her downstairs. The newness and excitement of everything run through me over and over as we help Bri
dger get ready for bed together—teeth, pajamas, book selection… This could be my future. My normal. How amazing.

Jaycee’s
head rests on my shoulder as we step away from the couch that Bridger’s been sleeping on. He completely crashed partway through the first story.

“I s
houldn’t still be in your room,” Jaycee whispers. “You just got back, and—”

“It’s fine. There’s a guestroom next
to the master bedroom upstairs. I’ll be fine. Mom said Bridger is happy down here, and you should be close to him.” And part of me loves that she’s sleeping in there.

She stops in the doorway and leans against it.
“I thought it might be strange to be around you. Like I only knew part of you before now. But it’s not. It feels…”

“Easy.”

“Like a slide.” A corner of her mouth pulls up.

“A slide?”
I take a step closer, holding each of her hands in mine.

“Because I’m falling so fast I can’t see
where I’m going, but I feel safe.” She swallows once. “With you.”

“Nothing
about how I found you is what I expected.” How I found my forever, because the more we’re together, the more I feel it.

She raises a brow, the kind of smile on her face that says we’re going to have a lot of fun together.
“But it’s been pretty good.”

“B
etter than good.” I lean toward her but stop before I get too close.

Her
breath gets shallow as her hands slowly slide around my neck. I take in every second of it. Of her. She’s staring at my chest. I’m staring at her.

Her eyes find mine as she stands on her
tip-toes. “I love how tall you are, but it really makes me feel short.”

I bend my knees, wrap my arms around her waist, and stand back
up, bringing her to my level and holding her tightly. “Better?”

I
swear her smile fills the room, and I promise myself that I’ll do whatever it takes to be the cause of many more.

“Infinitely
better.” Her arms tighten around my neck as her lips find mine again. And she’s right about the slide. But the reason it feels so good is that we’re doing it together. And in this second, more than I knew it at any other point, I’ve found my forever. The weight of love is a good one. The kind of weight that pushes away the world and keeps you grounded. And Jaycee has definitely, absolutely, done this for me. There’s no way I’m letting her go.