The Well-Spoken Woman (32 page)

Ask for Help

“What would Margaret do?” is a question US senator Susan Collins frequently asks herself as she goes about her legislative work in the halls of Washington. Collins met the legendary Senator Margaret Chase Smith on a high school trip to the nation's Capitol and returned home believing there wasn't anything a woman couldn't do. The time the senator spent with Collins inspired the student to make her own successful bid for Congress. Mainers didn't need to be convinced that Collins and sister Senator
Olympia Snowe could handle the job of representing them. The all-female delegation has been serving the citizens of Maine for a decade.

Asking for help can mean hiring help. Don't hesitate to make an investment in your personal and professional growth. A speech coach can zero in on delivery techniques to speed your improvement. Speechwriters can add polish, depth, and humor to the big-occasion address. A live, in-studio appearance is a great time for a media trainer to craft sound bites, nudge your on-camera skills to the next level, and provide suggestions on what to wear. Vocal coaches and speech therapists will improve the quality of your sound with exercises that address stuttering, low volume, and pitch issues.

Professional consultants should work with you and the other members of your communications team. Don't try to go it alone. When you are starting out, guidance helps you develop good habits and boost confidence. For women who've reached a pinnacle of success, the corner office can be a lonely place. Pollster Celinda Lake says it is essential to develop and nurture a team as you climb the ladder of success so you do not find yourself surrounded only by yes-people.
²⁶
Lake says leadership can be isolating, and you need to have good protectors, people who are looking out for your best interests so you are not constantly looking over your shoulder.

Be a Buddy

“What would Elizabeth say?” One can imagine Susan B. Anthony pondering that question as she embarked on yet another speaking event. Never was there a more dynamic duo or odder couple than Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Filmmaker Ken Burns's
Not for Ourselves Alone
tells the story of the enduring partnership between the tall, slim bespectacled Anthony, who never married, and the pint-sized but plump Stanton, who married and had seven children. At home with her brood, Stanton wrote the “Declaration of Sentiments” presented at the first Women's Rights Convention in Seneca Falls: “We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men and women are created equal…” She also authored countless pamphlets, articles, and many of the words Anthony delivered as she crisscrossed the country. By her own calculation, Anthony estimated “she had delivered 75 to 100 speeches a year for forty-five years, not counting thirty
years of addresses to Congress and the New York State Legislature.”
²⁷
Awareness of their individual strengths made the pair a formidable team. As Anna Howard Shaw put it in her book
The Story of a Pioneer:
“[Miss Anthony] often said that Mrs. Stanton was the brains of the association; while she was just its hands and feet; but in truth the two women worked marvelously together.”
²⁸
Together they were the driving force behind the women's rights movement for fifty years.

When Thelma and Louise set out on their road adventure, they were hoping to escape the dreariness of their lives with a little fun on a girls' weekend away. When the getaway spiraled out of control with law enforcement in pursuit, they decided together to escape the system that was loaded against them. They were forced to run for their lives, yet they drew strength from their friendship and growing self-reliance. Similarly, no one wants to crash and burn onstage. Sometimes it is the simplest things that will ensure a colleague doesn't flounder. Be the one to tell your office mate that she has lipstick on her teeth or that her skirt isn't flattering (but don't tell her the latter on the day of the presentation, when it's too late to do anything about it.) Listen with patience as she practices the remarks one more time or be a coach and run her through a mock news interview.

Batman had Robin, and Oprah has her sidekick, Gayle King. One of the most successful collaborations in the history of television is the duo that has produced the
Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah Magazine
, and Oprah's new cable network. The many achievements of the best friends and business associates in an industry that isn't always kind to women have been undercut by a swirl of gossip about their relationship. It's troubling but not surprising that they have had to disavow rumors. The pair represents a model of leadership that doesn't fit into the traditional masculine definition of power. In addition to their media savvy, they share an affinity for designer footwear.

Seek Out Opportunities

On a presidential mission to Poland while serving as the secretary of labor, Elizabeth Dole was prepared to give toasts at the evening dinners. While her counterparts stumbled for words, Dole spoke about how moved she
was by the Polish people's struggle to throw off the yoke of communism. She compared the hardships the Poles had endured for freedom with the struggle of the American people two hundred years ago. She quoted Thomas Paine: “Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it.”
²⁹
It was reported that people were crying when she was finished.

Think about creating opportunities for yourself in the near and long term at professional and nonprofessional gatherings. Be willing to take a chance by daring to ask the first question after a panel discussion. Have a question written down and step up to the microphone when the moderator opens the floor. It's good way to practice with low risk in front of a large audience. Volunteer to be the person who facilitates the breakout session at a conference. Present a brief thank-you along with the gift to the boss at an office party.

Public speaking doesn't only happen on the job; opportunities for practice abound at social gatherings. A friend's baby shower is a speaking opportunity. The next meeting of a book club is a chance to prepare a ninety-second summary of your impression of the author's intention. You could say the prayer at Thanksgiving dinner. The pressure you would face in a business or professional situation doesn't exist under these circumstances, so you can be yourself without worrying about a performance evaluation. These events can also help you overcome the drive for perfection. It's okay to make a mistake in front of the book club members. They will simply be impressed that you are organized. At the baby shower, you don't need your negotiator's poker face. Your friend will be surprised and delighted by a heartwarming speech of congratulations.

Pat Yourself on the Back

At the end of her workout videos, Cindy Crawford turns to the camera and says: “Pat yourself on the back and be glad you're done.” After sixty minutes of squats and crunches, a little self-aggrandizement is in order. The same is true after you leave the stage. Don't be so quick to say, “I blew it,” or endlessly nitpick the minutia of the presentation. Put a stop to the mind-set of
Well, if I did something, it couldn't have been that good or significant.

An important aspect of patting yourself on the back is accepting praise when it is given. It shows respect to the person who offers it and sends a signal to other women who are watching. CEO Bloomfield says she has learned to accept praise in stages. “When I was younger, my reaction to compliments was to turn them into a joke like, I'm just glad I didn't fall off the stage…When I got a little older, I would go overboard in giving credit to everyone else involved, which was an overreaction to seeing people who never shared credit. But now I've learned to acknowledge approval more gracefully.”
³⁰

The ability to give yourself credit when it is due is especially critical if you find yourself in the unfortunate situation where accomplishments go unnoticed. It can be extremely demotivating to work for a boss who doesn't acknowledge your contributions. There isn't much you can do about the bad leadership except to resolve to work around it. Make sure to be your own self-validator. But still ask colleagues for feedback, join a networking group, and keep your eyes open for someone else who could be your mentor.

From her years in Washington politics, Ann Lewis has seen the genders handle praise very differently. When men receive public accreditation, they go back to their office and spend half their time on the phone telling their friends how well they did. When women do something significant, they go back to the desk and ask themselves, What can I do next? Lewis says women need to be a little more like Tarzan. When Tarzan successfully fought off the lion in the jungle, he pounded his chest and roared. Women need to do a little more chest pounding.

FINDING INSPIRATION

In November 2007, Hillary Clinton returned to her alma mater, Wellesley College, to launch Hillblazers—college students who would mobilize for her campaign. Forty years earlier, Clinton had been selected by her classmates to deliver the first-ever student commencement address at the school. Upon her return as a US senator and presidential candidate, she paid tribute to the school by saying, “In so many ways, this all-women's
college prepared me to compete in the all-boys club of presidential politics.”
³¹
She also shared that after her first month of classes as a freshman, she didn't think she could cut it at Wellesley. Her worst fears about traveling east to college from the Midwest were confirmed when she met her worldly-wise classmates who spoke multiple languages. When her French teacher told her, “Mademoiselle, your talents lie elsewhere,” she called home ready to pack her bags. But her mother, who had never had the opportunity to attend college, would hear nothing of her quitting.

Throughout the lengthy and often heated campaign, perseverance was a theme Clinton revisited by speaking of the endurance exhibited by the pioneers in the fight for the women's vote. She described the suffragists as emblematic of the many Americans who rise to face challenges and remain faithful to the values of opportunity and equality for all. At the Democratic National Convention, Clinton ended her historic bid with what many commentators considered her best speech, so far. In that address, she honored the spirit of those who have persevered by acknowledging that it took many people united behind her candidacy to put eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling.

I'm a United States Senator because in 1848 a group of courageous women and a few brave men gathered in Seneca Falls, New York, many traveling for days and nights, to participate in the first convention on women's rights in our history. And so dawned a struggle for the right to vote that would last 72 years, handed down by mother to daughter to granddaughter—and a few sons and grandsons along the way.

These women and men looked into their daughters' eyes, imagined a fairer and freer world, and found the strength to fight. To rally and picket. To endure ridicule and harassment. To brave violence and jail.

And after so many decades—88 years ago on this very day—the Nineteenth Amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote would be forever enshrined in our Constitution. My mother was born before women could vote. But in this election, my daughter got to vote for her mother for president.

This is the story of America. Of women and men who defy the odds and never give up.
³²

Don't allow a setback or stumble to prevent you from keeping at it. Think of yourself as Dorothy and her companions as they journeyed down the yellow brick road. Upon arriving in Emerald City, they were initially hesitant to seek an audience with the almighty Wizard of Oz. They didn't feel worthy until Toto pulled back a curtain to reveal that the wizard wasn't a wizard at all. The great Oz was a man with a noisy contraption. With the wizard unmasked, Dorothy's entourage realized that each already had what they had sought all long. The Lion was courageous, the Tin Man had a warm heart, the Scarecrow had a brain, and the ruby-red slippers were all Dorothy needed to go home. They didn't need validation from a wizard in the form of a ribbon, medal, or diploma. And neither do you need a magical wand or witch's broom to become well-spoken.

STANDING OVATION POINT: WELL-SPOKEN WOMEN HAVE NO LIMITS

Since her days as an undergraduate at Wellesley, Hillary Clinton has believed that “politics is about making the impossible—possible.”
³³
As secretary of state, Hillary Clinton has made the progress of women the heart of US foreign policy. Speaking at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women in March 2010, Clinton stated that “the world cannot make lasting progress if women and girls in the twenty-first century are denied their rights and left behind.”
³⁴
The speech was heard by hundreds of women and a smattering of men as the seats at the UN headquarters that typically are occupied by navy pinstripes were filled with women in brightly colored power suits and vividly patterned traditional dresses and head wraps. Clinton used the occasion to mark the anniversary of the speech on women's rights she had given fifteen years earlier in China.

In 1995, in one voice, the world declared human rights are women's rights and women's rights are human rights. And for many, those words have translated into concrete actions. But, for others they remain a distant aspiration. Change on a global scale cannot and does not happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and persistence. And as hard as we have
worked these past fifteen years, we have more work to do. So today, let us renew our commitment to finishing the job. And let us intensify our efforts because it is both the right thing to do and it is the smart thing as well. We must declare with one voice that women's progress is human progress, and human progress is women's progress, once and for all.
³⁵

The remarks did not create much media buzz, even though they were spoken in New York City, the nation's media center. There weren't any big headlines, nor were they the subject of cable news chatter. There was no mention of the event on the evening newscasts. But for those gathered in the auditorium, the speech had a resounding impact. The assemblage of diplomats, UN officials, and representatives from women's organizations around the world paid tribute to the woman who has brought voice to the cause of women for decades. When the speech was concluded, the room broke into applause. Once again, Clinton had earned a standing ovation.