The Well-Spoken Woman (35 page)

 

 

Q. I want to become well-spoken. How do I begin.?

The starting point for improving your communications skills is an honest assessment of your speaking strengths and weaknesses. Use the three main components of speaking style—the three Vs of communication: vocal, visual, and verbal—to identify the techniques and practices that you have mastered as well as the areas that need work. Rate yourself on each of the elements listed below that comprise voice quality, visual style, and verbal content preparation.

Once you have finished rating each of the skill sets, you will have a clearer picture of what aspects of your speaking style need the most work. If several areas are relatively weak, don't try to correct them all at the same time. Focus on improving one skill or technique at a time so that you do not become overwhelmed by trying to do too much. A one-step-at-a-time approach will ensure steady progress.

Q. I'm a midcareer professional. Is it too late to start?

American folk artist Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was seventy-six years old. It is never too late to learn a new talent or brush up on skills that may be rusty. Start by doing the self-assessment of the techniques and practices described above. Then consider: What will it take to motivate you to work on skill improvement? Is there an event coming up that could be an opportunity to shine, if you are well prepared? What resources are at your disposal? Do you have communications support staff?

If you are an experienced presenter looking to ratchet up your skills, then you may benefit from professional coaching. As you seek to move into a higher-profile position or take on larger responsibilities, don't allow inadequate skills to impede your progress. All of the Well-Spoken Women sought the assistance of experts to hone their skills. Ask a colleague to refer a speech coach or media trainer. There may be classes available at a local university or adult extension program. Toastmasters workshops are another good option.

The best way to accurately assess how you currently come across is by videotaping yourself in front of an audience. With the live audience, you get a sense of your ability to interact and respond in the moment. If that
is not possible, then tape yourself rehearsing a presentation. Seek feedback from a respected colleague, mentor, or coach.

Q. Do I have to radically change my appearance to be taken seriously?

No. At some point everyone has felt too something—awkward, inexperienced, nerdy, pale, soft-spoken, young, different—to fit in. Wardrobe choices don't provide the complete answer, although you can wear glasses to look older or conservative clothes to blend in. A neutral, professional appearance may help you feel more secure. Ultimately, a presenter feels comfortable in her own skin when she is jazzed up about what she is going to say and has put the requisite effort into preparing the content.

Given the reality that audiences focus on a woman's appearance more intently than a man's, it is smart to ensure your look doesn't stand in the way of being viewed credibly. Remember the advice to quickly turn and look at yourself in the mirror before walking out the door. If something distracts attention away from your face, remove it. I worked with a candidate running for state attorney general who insisted on wearing a peace-sign necklace while campaigning. Was it the reason she lost the race.? No. Was it the best accessory for televised forums where government corruption and drug laws were the topics of discussion. No.

A colleague shared a story about testifying with a co-worker before a congressional committee that was considering significant reform legislation that would directly affect the industry she represented. After the hearing was concluded, the co-worker was approached by several people who told her: “You did great, you did great. It went really well.” To which she responded: “Well, that's good, but how did I look?” When appearance is a secondary issue, the chances are your message was heard loud and clear.

Q. I've heard that women shouldn't use self-deprecating humor because it undermines credibility. Is that the case?

Comedian Joan Rivers, the queen of self-deprecating humor, has entertained audiences for forty years. As a pioneer in show business, Rivers was
willing to talk about plastic surgery, abortion, her love life—nothing was out of bounds. There are downsides to making a joke at your own expense. The foulmouthed approach used by Rivers would likely get you fired. It can also cause the people who are predisposed to question your abilities to do just that. Ask yourself: Do you really want to emphasize a shortcoming?

At the beginning of her convention address, Ann Richards provided a classic example of how self-deprecating humor can be used to connect with the audience.

You know tonight I feel a little like I did when I played basketball in the eighth grade. I thought I looked real cute in my uniform until I heard a boy yell from the bleachers, make that basket, bird legs. And my greatest fear is that same guy is somewhere out there in the audience tonight, and he's going to cut me down to size.

The key determinant for deciding whether to use self-deprecating humor or any humor is this: Does it drive home a bigger point.? Self-deprecating humor shouldn't be used as a means to extract a pity party or to fish for compliments. Richards's basketball story was a lighthearted way for her to convey that she thinks that the speech is a big deal, she is a little nervous, and she hopes the audience will be on her side. She draws the audience in by telling them she is just like them.

Q. I'm nervous about doing a virtual presentation. How can I make the new technology work for me.?

Online communications is becoming commonplace, with many organizations opting to supplement meetings and conferences with webinars, videoconferences, and podcasts. Talking to remote audiences presents special challenges, as the technology can create a feeling of isolation and the lack of response can be deafening. While the format may be foreign, there is no mystery to what it takes to be effective. With competent IT support staff, you can focus on engaging the audience with an animated delivery style and a relevant message.

Make sure all participants are prepared with an agenda and the appropriate
equipment that they know how to use. Avoid using a cell phone or speaker phone because the audio quality is usually weak. Speak into a headset or landline phone. It is imperative that you do a test run before-hand to work out any kinks. If the technology malfunctions during the presentation, be ready with a plan B. Is it possible to continue the meeting with a conference call? Can you follow up via e-mail?

Use the on-camera delivery techniques outlined in
chapter 8
for how to sit, where to look, and what to wear. Talking to an online camera is the same as talking to a camera in a television studio. Use good vocal inflection and upper-body animation. Have a glass of room-temperature water handy to keep your vocal cords hydrated. Remove any objects in the background that may be distracting such as pictures, posters, and general clutter. Turn off cell phones or other devices that could create noisy distractions.

Q. How do I prepare for a panel discussion?

Panel discussions are popular and can be a good forum for showcasing expertise without having to devote a tremendous amount of time to preparation. Most panels run from an hour to ninety minutes and include a moderator with four or five panelists. Generally, you are asked to speak between five and ten minutes and then take a few questions. The moderator's job is to keep the trains running on time by giving a compelling introduction of the topic and personalized introductions for each panelist. Send the moderator your one-or two-paragraph biography in advance.

Recognize that you can't say everything there is to be said about a subject in five minutes, so plan to elaborate on one or two points. On panels with multiple presenters, be ready to ditch your full talk and give a shortened version when others run over their allotted time. Volunteer to speak first; then you get to frame the debate without worrying about running out of time. Don't be alarmed if another speaker steals your best material. Feel free to revisit the point by saying: “I want to reinforce what a previous speaker mentioned because it is so important…” During the question period, allow the other panelists to respond before you chime in again. Don't feel as if you have to respond to every question, particularly if you have nothing new to add.

Do pay attention to what is being said and avoid looking bored by staring off into space or texting messages. Eye contact should be with the audience while you are talking, not on the moderator. When responding to a question, look at the questioner. Most panels are seated, so don't slouch in the chair. Use the champion seated stance outlined in
chapter 4
.

Q. How can I maximize a chance encounter with someone I would like to impress? What's the best way to respond when you are unexpectedly asked to deliver a brief summary of a work project?

In situations when you have little or no time to make a big impression, the solution is a combination of the preplanned spontaneity discussed in
chapter 6
and the message map from
chapter 5
. Avoid being caught tongue-tied in a chance encounter or flat-footed at a staff meeting by being ready with a message map. What pet projects or causes do you want to talk about? Develop a map for them. What subjects at work do you know you will be expected to address at some point? Start developing a map now, and you will be prepared when you have no notice.

The message map structure can be used to draft an “elevator speech” (two minutes in length) on any topic. Perhaps you would like to raise money for a charitable organization. With the problem, solution, call to action, and benefit structure, you can eloquently and efficiently turn an impromptu meeting into a fund-raising opportunity. Do a survey of the work projects currently on your desk. Develop maps for each topic and keep them on your computer so they are easily accessible and can be updated as needed.

Q. How can I develop my speech-writing talents?

The only way to become a speechwriter is to do it. And the only way to get good at it is to do a lot of it. Look for opportunities to get experience. One field where they abound is politics. Astonishingly, most candidates running in congressional House races do not have a good stump speech on paper. The candidate may have it in her head, but if it were written down, she would be able to improve the content and delivery more quickly. Taking
on this type of assignment could be the most difficult job you will not get paid to do—at least, not at first. But this payless task will provide you with invaluable lessons.

It goes without saying that you will need a thick skin, even if you are working gratis. Keep criticism in perspective by recognizing it often comes from people who don't know the first thing about good speech writing. Be curious and open-minded. Read lots of speeches. Watch the Oscars for the acceptance speeches as well as the president's State of the Union address. When you hear a funny story or an inspiring quote, jot it down and put new life into it by recycling it.