The Wild Rose of Kilgannon (11 page)

I laid my hand on his arm in thanks and went down the dark corridor, listening to the sounds of Robert's men snoring in the hall. The library door was open and I stood in the dark doorway watching Alex at his grandfather's desk, writing in the glow of the candle. From this angle his face seemed uninjured. Without raising his eyes, he spoke quietly, his voice calm. "Come in, lass. I'm finished. Angus just left." He looked up at me. "He had a few comments. And suggestions."

I closed the door behind me. "He wanted you to leave."

"Aye," he said, carefully putting the pen away.

"Did you sleep at all?"

I moved to stand before the hearth and he joined me. "I'll sleep in prison," he said and stirred the fire, rubbing his hands on his thighs while I watched him.
I'll
never feel those lean legs next to me again, I thought, and closed my eyes. This is not possible. At any moment someone will rush in and shout that it is all a mistake or a dream and all will be well again. I opened my eyes to find him watching me. He extended his arms and I flew into them." Ye've been a good wife, Mary," he whispered into my hair. "I've been proud to have been yer husband. I'm sorry that I ruined everything." I looked into his face, opening my mouth to speak, but he put a finger to my lips. "Hush, lass," he said softly. "Get warmed now. Then we have something to do."

We stood silently by the fire until at last he took a candle and my hand, then walked through the dark house wordlessly while he looked at everything slowly. I watched him memorizing the house as we moved through the rooms and finally into the chapel, where he put a candle on a pew and took both my hands. His expression was carefully blank as he faced me but his eyes were very bright.

"We were wed in this very spot almost three years ago, Mary Rose. Do ye remember?" His voice was serious but remote. He might have been talking to a stranger.

"Yes, Alex," I said softly. "I'm not likely to forget it."

He sighed and looked over my head. "Mary, I am releasing ye from those vows. I've written to the bishop asking for an annulment. We have no children together, so it is ..." His eyes met mine. "Ye do no' have to be the widow of a traitor. Ye can go to England again. Ye could have yer life back..." My face must have shown my feelings, for he faltered and stared at me.

I was so angry that at first I could not speak. I ripped my hands out of his grip as I whirled away. My entire body shook with rage and it was with difficulty that I faced him. "I will not do this, Alexander MacGannon," I said fiercely. "You cannot cast me off as you would a ... I will not be annulled! How dare you ask me to wed you and be your wife forever and at the first sign of trouble throw our marriage away! I became your wife willingly and I will die your wife, you huge fool!" I glared at him. At first he stood watching me with a startled look, then he laughed. The fool laughed so hard that he had to sit down. I crossed my arms until he stopped. Wiping his eyes, he looked at me again and drew a deep breath.

"Of all of the responses ye could have made, Mary Rose," he said, "I dinna expect that one." His expression gre
w sober. "But, lass, this is not
exactly
the first sign of trouble. We're in a
barrel full
of trouble." He shook his head ruefully and extended his hand. "I dinna mean to make ye angry, lass. I am sorry to be such ... to have gotten us in this." He took a deep breath as I took his hand. "I am
sorry
ye married such a huge fool."

I knelt before him and put my hands on his arms. He looked down at me wordlessly, his eyes very blue. You'll never see these eyes again, I thought and pushed the thought away. "Alex, my darling man," I said
gently
. "I have loved you for so long. I will always love you. You cannot protect me by releasing me. I married you in this chapel, and when I said my vows in front of witnesses and your sons, I meant e
very
word. How can you ask me to retract that now? How can you ask me to let you go when we have so
little
time together? The greatest joy I have ever known has been as your wife, Alex. Do not take it from me. I will die your wife. And I will live as your wife. Proudly."

He searched my face, then gave me a shaky nod as he pulled me up and stood facing me. He took both my hands in his. "Mary," he said, "I will love ye until I die." His voice was steady and sure, as it had been on the day we wed, and he lifted my hand to his mouth, kissing my fingers while I watched.

"Alex, I will love you till the end of the world, beyond death." He kissed me then, a bittersweet kiss, and I wrapped my arms around him. The last night, the last night, my thoughts roared. At last he leaned back and looked into my face.

"Mary, will ye care for my boys? Or would ye have Angus take them off yer hands? Ye ken he will if I ask."

"They're mine now, too, Alex," I said
softly
. "I'm losing my husband. Don't take my sons."

He nodded. "Will ye tell them when they're older the truth of it? I wouldna have them think their father lost their land for lack of sense. Well, that's true enough. I did lose their land for lack of sense but I dinna mean to." He laughed ruefully. "Perhaps ye can tell them so I sound a bit brighter than I feel the now."

"I'll tell them the truth, Alex. I'll tell them their father was a man of courage and
honour
who was betrayed."

He kissed me
softly
, lingering, then leaning back to look at me. "I was afraid of yer opinion of me when we returned," he said.

I stroked his uninjured cheek. "Alex," I said, "I never had any doubt that you did what you thought best. Always. You acted out of a sense duty and
honour
and love for your people. Your only sin was that you trusted the wrong men. Theirs is the wrong here, Alex, not yours. Not yours. To ask men to risk all and when they do, to leave the job half done is a cruel thing. It's James Stewart and the Earl of Mar who should be asking your forgiveness. And the MacDonald. And Malcolm. Not you of me. I admit I was very
angry
when you left and hurt that you didn't choose mine above all other claims. All this Gaelic pride and clan duty seemed so very unnecessary to me then. But I've had a lot of time to think these months you've been gone. I never doubted that you would do the right thing as you saw it. Never."

"Ah, lass," he said. "Thank ye for that. Ye have no idea what a gift you've just given me." I kissed him again and he returned it and for a moment the world went away.

After I made sure the letter to the bishop had been burned, we returned to our room again. Alex stirred the fire, then came to me by the window while we waited for dawn. He stood behind me, his hands slipping forward to cup my breasts, and when I turned to face him our desire ignited once again. We made love before the fireplace in a frenzy and then climbed into bed to lie together dozing. After a while he sat up and stared across the room. In profile he looked unbattered and I
savoured
the moment to watch him. Few men were so handsome and this one was mine. For another few moments.

"Tell me about Malcolm," I said softly.

He looked at me in surprise. "Do ye not ken?"

"I want to hear it from you."

He nodded. "So ye will, then." He told me the same
story
I'd heard before, but paused when he talked about Malcolm arriving in Perth. "I realized then that we will never be reconciled." He looked into the distance, his voice quiet. "It's as though I saw him for the first time, lass. I've been making excuses for him for so long that when I saw him again, smirking and lying and manipulating as he does, I was shamed that we had the same blood and I could see him for what he was, for what he's always been. I couldna stay longer. I dinna ken how long I could control myself, so I left." He spread his hands before him and stared at them, his v
oice a whisper. "I was afraid to
kill him." He looked at me in horror. "My own brother. If he'd opened his mouth with one more lie I might have killed him. So I left."

"Angus was furious."

Alex nodded. "Aye. Angus was ready to murder him. I never should have agreed to meet him." He stared into the flames. "I dinna think he'd hand me to them, though." Blue eyes met mine. "I dinna think it true until I saw it for myself."

"How did they capture you, my love?"

"Well, ye ken we were at Lachlan's house?" I nodded. "We got that damned letter and something dinna ring true. I thought perhaps Malcolm had written it but I dinna want to believe it. I preferred to think it was Robert." He paused, then met my eyes evenly. "But Robert wouldna have asked a boy to deliver his terms. He wouldna risk a child's life." Alex rubbed his chin as he stared across the room. "Mary Rose, yer Robert Campbell has been most generous. When I saw him in the glen with Malcolm I assumed he wanted my death and that was why he was after me. But he could have killed me many times and he dinna. He has been a gentleman. I dinna understand why he brought me home to ye, lass, but
I’m
grateful. In another time I would have been proud to call him friend." He smiled wryly. "Except that he wants my wife."

"Alex," I said quietly, "he has been my friend, nothing more."

His eyes met mine. "On the surface, aye," he said. "But, Mary Rose, it's no' yer friendship he wants."

"I have a husband."

"For the now."

"Forever," I whispered. He stroked my hand and stared into space while I watched him in the flickering light from the fire. The last time, I thought, the last time you'll lie with him In bed and talk. "What if they'd killed you in the pass, Alex?"

"Lass, what were my choices? We could have fought them, but I had twenty-two men and Robert had a hundred. We were hungry and weary and Robert's men went to bed with full bellies. If we fought them we'd lose. No matter how well we fought, eventually we'd lose and we'd all be dead or captured. I thought that if Robert would take me and let the rest go, then it was the only sensible choice."

"So you turned back and let them decide to kill you or not?"

He shook his head. "My horse was wearying. I knew if I faced Robert's men with my sword drawn they'd kill me on the spot. I felt I had to talk to Robert but I couldna get to where I'd planned, so I turned around to meet them."

"And they attacked you?"

He nodded. "One did. Robert was shouting at his men to stop but one man dinna listen. He came at me with a claymore and by then I had my own out. I killed him, but he'd knocked me off the horse and the rest jumped on me. I dinna remember anything else until I woke up in their camp."

"Matthew thought you were dead."

"Aye. Well, when that man came at me, so did I." He stroked his chin, fingering the stubble on it. "It might have been better if I was."

"What happened in the camp?"

"Robert and I talked and he told me his terms, which were for the most part the same as the letter, though he dinna write it. Malcolm did, ye ken, and Malcolm sent it with Robert not kenning of it. I agreed to the terms and then Robert said he'd take me here before going back for the trial. I dinna argue and here we are."

"So you bartered your freedom for ours."

He met my gaze solemnly. "Would it be better for Kilgannon to be in ruins, Mary Rose? I've been a dead man since Sherrifmuir, or at least a marked one. The English have no choice, lass. If they dinna punish the rebels, the movement will grow. If they chop off the head, eventually the body will stop fighting. All of us who joined will pay. I dinna ken how dearly. Do ye remember the Treason Act? I've no illusions. Nor should ye, lass. I'll no' be coming home again."

How could he be so very matter-of-fact about it? Dear God I prayed, let me be as brave as he Is. "You are very direct, sir," I said, trying to keep my tone light.

He looked at me for a long moment and then a smile played around the corners of his mouth. "Aye," he said, nodding. "I've told ye. It saves time." I was unable to speak as he leaned forward to kiss my shoulder. I pulled him down to me and kissed his mouth and we made love again, slowly and gently, lingering deliberately as though we had years, not moments left.

It was dawn when I woke again. Alex stood at the window, looking across the glen. I wrapped my robe around me and went to him. He put an arm around me and kissed me, his voice husky. "I dinna deserve ye as a wife, lass, but I'm damned glad I had ye."

"There's more than one way that can be interpreted," I said and felt the rumble of laughter in his chest as he held me tighter.

"Then I mean all of them," he said and smiled.

The door burst open then and the boys tumbled into the room and into their father's arms. By the time I was dressed and ready to go downstairs, they were laughing and punching each other. Ellen came to the door asking for instructions, and Alex looked at me over the boys' heads. "Go on down without me, lass," he said. "I have a few things to say to my sons. We'll be down soon." The boys looked at me, waiting to take their cue from my
behaviour
. I must be as brave as Alex, I thought. If lean be. I nodded and followed Ellen.

The hall was crowded, so crowded that I stopped at the top of the stairs, taking in the scene. Most of the clan was here and watched me descend. Some of Robert's men lined the walls but they were being ignored and made no move to join the
clan’s
people
. Angus moved from the crowd to meet me at the foot of the stairs.