The Wild Rose of Kilgannon (14 page)

I took a step backward, shaking my head. "I was never with you, Robert, so I could not have left you."

He withdrew. "No," he said, his voice bleak.

"How fortunate that you were there to find Alex on his way home," I said coldly. "Of all people, it was you. You."

He shook his head. "It was not fortunate, Mary. It was no accident. Malcolm came to find me in Stirling and told me where Alex would be. It was a simple

task to get permission to hunt down the Earl of Kilgannon and bring him back for trial."

I struggled to keep my calm. "I see. Thank you for not killing him when you had the opportunity."

"I was under orders to bring him back. The English want the Highlands subdued
permanently
. His will be a very public trial."

"I see."

"Do you,
Mary
? You do not know what's happening in the rest of Britain! How can you when you're out here with no contact?"

My anger exploded. I could hear my voice getting louder as I spoke but I could not stop the torrent of words. "I care not what is happening in the rest of Britain, Robert. I only care what is happening to my world, and my world has collapsed! And you aided the process. How do you feel now, now that you've brought Alex to prison where they will put him on trial as a spectacle for the masses? Where they will probably torture him and kill him as an example? He went with you even though he could have escaped. I begged him to escape, but he wouldn't leave, nor would he let his men kill you. Instead he treated you as a favored guest. He went with you because he is a man of
honour
and he said he could not betray your trust in him. You knew all this and still you tore him from me! To die, Robert! You took him from me so that he could die but his blood wouldn't be on your hands. How do you feel, Robert?" I glared at him.

He met my look evenly. "I feel that I did my duty." "To whom? Your king? Or to your own desires? You had your chance to marry me and you did not take it. How is it that now that I belong to Alex I am suddenly the most desirable woman on earth?"

We stared at each other and Robert was the one to turn away. He waved his hands in the air and shook his head as he moved to look out the window. When at last he spoke it was calmly, but he spoke to the window. "Do not be stubborn, Mary. I will not overstep the bounds you set." He turned to look at me over his shoulder. "I simply want you safe. As does Alex. Please come with me. For now." He moved to stand in front of me, his voice soft at first. "Mary, I know you love the man. You must believe me that I did what I could to save him, to make this easier, not more difficult. If I were really only trying to please myself, I could have killed him in that pass and no one would have been the wiser. I could have come to you after that and forcibly removed you. I did not do either. I will not force you in Edinburgh. I love you, Mary, but I don't come to you now and ask you to break your marriage vows. For God's sake, what have I ever done that makes you so distrust me?" He threw his arms up and paced the room, shouting, his control suddenly gone. "I could have had Alex's life snuffed out, several times! And believe me, I thought of it! I spent hours wrestling with the idea. There would have been no one to gainsay me. But I did not. I saved him. More than once." He spun around and faced me, his face twisted in agony. "I saved him for you! For you, Mary! And I brought him back to you. Do you have any idea of what I felt being under this roof with you with him, with you looking at him as if he were a god and I nonexistent? Do you remember even speaking to me? Do you not think I knew I was under his protection? But pray remember, Mary, I had kept him from death myself and he owed me." He looked down at his hands and then up at me, speaking this time in a low voice. "I did what I could to let him have his last farewell to you and his sons and to this place. It was no joy to me to know you were with him, but it was for you that I did it. For you, Mary. Always. For you."

He walked to the other side of the room and looked at the books on the shelves. "And for him, damn it. When we rode to meet the others in Edinburgh, we talked as we never have. We talked of you, of course, but we also talked of duty and
honour
and Scotland. I respect him. He is a good man. I had hoped that there was nothing under the arrogance, that he was nothing but a handsome shell. But I was wrong. I can understand why they follow him. And I understand why you love him." He took a deep breath. "But, Mary, I do not think that he will live through this. I think that at best he will be imprisoned and then tried and put to death. And you're right, it will be as an example. And it will be horrible. I have never thought of myself as primarily Scottish, but, what I have seen, it stirs my blood with anger. I am at the brink of rebellion myself. I can understand ..." He turned from me to stare at the wall as his words trailed off. He was silent so long that I wondered if he would continue, and after a very long pause he did. "If he does live, so be it. He is your husband and I acknowledge that. Perhaps ..." He looked at the ceiling and then at me. "All I ask is that you come with me now peaceably and be in my care. You and the boys. You cannot leave them here, not in these uncertain times. I can offer you my protection. All I'm asking is to let me guard you from those who would destroy you. Come with me and be safe and we'll think of the future later. Come with me for now, Mary. Only for now. Please."

He turned away and I stared at his back, searching his words for traces of deception. And found none. Dear God, I thought, I cannot distrust
this
man. I'd had no idea that there was so much passion in him. Why had he never let me see it before? And I believed him. God help me, I thought, I believe him. Alex, I cried silently, If I am wrong, forgive me. I do not know what else to do. Robert turned, waiting for my response. I met his eyes and nodded.

"For now, Robert."

H
E LEFT THE NEXT MORNING. NO PIPERS FOR US AS We pulled slowly a Way from the dock, only a small forlorn group waving silently, Ellen and Berta at the front of them. I looked one more time across the glen toward the mountains. Somewhere beyond them Alex was in prison. Somewhere beyond them Angus and Matthew and Gilbey were working to free him. And now we were going to Edinburgh as well. But how could I help if I was under Robert's supervision? The boys were quiet, standing with me on deck, watching the cas
ca
de grow smaller. I could not bring myself to tell them to bid
Kilgannon
goodbye for the last time. It had been with great reluctance that I'd asked Thomas to bring them home last night. And now, on this cold, crisp morning, I looked at Kilgannon and put my hand on my middle, reminding myself of my responsibilities. No matter what, I must keep these three children safe.

I had walked through the house last night, just as Alex had done, and said a silent farewell to my home. I would probably never stand in these rooms again, never sit before the fire in the
library
, nor join the clan for a meal in the hall. My child would not be born in the bed where I had known such happiness. Ton have no choice, I told myself, but in my head I heard the echo of Angus's words. "There is always a choice, Mary. And always a cost."

Ellen had tearfully offered to come with us, but wee Donald had stood behind her and I'd looked over her shoulder and shook my head as I thanked her. It was a generous offer and one I would have gladly accepted, but I could not separate them and told her as much. Berta cried, asking if I wanted her to keep the house as always.

"Keep yourself safe, Berta," I had said as I embraced her. "Keep yourself safe for me. The house will keep itself if need be."

"It will be spotless when you return, madam," she said, weeping, and I thanked her as she handed me a large bundle. "Plaids for the laird, Lady Mary, and for the new bairn," she whispered, "so he'll grow up wearing the proper clothes."

Dougall, who had hovered nearby, put a hand on my shoulder, and I fought my tears as I looked up into his plain, honest face. "Please thank everyone for me, Dougall," I answered, embracing him quickly. "And you, Dougall, thank you for everything."

"I've done nothing but let ye do as ye wish, lass. I hope Alex agrees with the both of us."

I nodded and we looked together at the casde, so beautiful in the still morning air. "I'll always remember this," I said softly.

"Dinna say goodbye to Kilgannon, Mary," Dougall said gruffly. "Ye'll be back. I ken it. My Moira has the sight and she says ye'll be back. And Alex."

I met his clear blue eyes. "I hope she's right."

"I ken she is," he said. "We'll keep Kilgannon safe and we'll be here to welcome ye both back home."

"Thank you," I said, ignoring the tears now streaming down my cheeks.

He shook his head. "There's no thanks necessary. Yer a MacGannon now,
Mary
, and this is the home of the MacGannons. Haste ye back, lass," he said hoarsely and stalked away as I stared after him. Haste ye back, I thought. Would it were so.

I turned then to Thomas and Murreal at my side. "Thank you," I said, "for all your kindnesses to me. And for your loyalty." I smiled sadly "And all your songs and stories. We will miss them terribly." Thomas waved my words away with embarrassment.

"I wish ye would ha' let us spirit ye all elsewhere as I've offered, Mary," he said and patted my arm. "Take care of yourself, lass. I do no' trust the Campbell. He has lust in his eyes for ye."

"I will be careful, Thomas, but Robert is taking us to Edinburgh and Alex is in Edinburgh..." I looked east across the glen before turning back to him. "We will find a way to free Alex."

He nodded as he patted my arm again. "Yer a brave lass, Mary," he said, his eyes filling with tears.

I thought of that moment now as we slipped around the first bend and Kilgannon was lost from sight. I did not feel brave. In three short years Kilgannon had become home, and for the first time I realized how
very
much I had been searching for just that. Home. Alex and home. What would happen to Kilgannon, left unprotected? Dougall and Thomas would stay, and Berta and Ellen and wee Donald, but with only a handful of trained men left, how would they hold off the predators? I wished I were not powerless to change it.

And what would happen to us? I wondered as I looked at Alex's sons. Robert moved to Jamie's side and caught my eye. His expression was bland, but I felt a tension, an excitement in his bearing. What man would protect his rival's sons? And yet I could not imagine Robert harming these boys. He'd sworn to protect them and I believed him, but, I reminded myself, at one time I'd thought that Malcolm, however unpleasant, would be faithful to his brother.

Robert swallowed a curse as Jamie's dog, William Wallace, forced his way to the rail, pushing Robert aside with a wet nose, and I smiled to myself. Robert had not been pleased with the amount of my luggage, nor the dogs, but I had been firm. Everything went, I said, or I didn't. I stood at the rail now, watching us pass the bare hills of the outer loch. This land, I knew, would always hold me in its thrall. It was almost as though I could hear the bagpipes as I had the day I had arrived with Alex, I thought, and then realized with a start that I could hear them. I looked around wildly. Ian, next to me, pointed to the headland. Following his gaze, I saw Seamus MacCrimmon silhouetted against the sky, playing "MacGannon's Return." As we watched, Seamus was joined by scores of others, waving and shouting. We waved back excitedly and Robert frowned as
Kilgannon's
sons were piped out of MacGannon territory. Or what had been MacGannon territory. It would still be ours if not for James Stewart, I thought. And the Earl of Mar. And Malcolm. May they rot in hell. I put my hand on my waist and faced the sea.

The trip to Fort Williams was uneventful. I was so busy caring for the boys and the dogs that I had little chance to talk to Robert, but what could we have to say to each other? Although he was being kind, and despite his protestations to me, I had no illusions that he would risk all, or anything, to protect us. Not Alex's sons and possibly even me, when it became evident I was carrying

Alex's child. I nursed the boys through the worst of their fears, and when we docked they were cheerful again. I nursed my own hopes as well, that by the time we arrived in Edinburgh, Alex would have been freed. Or, at worst, be still alive. My heart leapt at the thought that I would soon see him, but I chided myself every time. Let it come as it would, I had decided. I no longer wanted to know what the future would bring.

At Fort William we were ushered into the main building, and Robert reported to someone while we waited in a dreary
parlour
, guarded by two armed and uniformed men. The boys sat on either side of me, their eyes enormous and their mouths firmly closed, unhappy that the dogs had been left outside. The fort was
little
more than ruins, and I wondered at the English army keeping their men in a hostile land in such conditions. At last Robert returned to us, saying that the captain wished to speak with me. We followed Robert into the office and were politely greeted by a middle-aged, balding man who looked somewhat familiar. As he bowed over my hand, I remembered that I had met him at one of the Duchess's parties several years ago, and said a quick prayer of thanks for the recollection, and for my aunt's friend's thoroughness in introducing all who attended her evenings. Eloise Barrington, the Duchess of Fenster, had never overlooked anyone and now I reaped the rewards of her courtesy.