The Worst Romance Novel Ever Written (47 page)

“
What?”

“
Angel told Paul he was her daddy the second he walked in, so I didn’t get the chance to tell him. As for this little … situation … I just found out a few minutes ago that you were coming over.”

“
Busy day.”

“
Yeah.”

Johnny exhaled deeply. “So why were you calling me at work? It looks as if your life is coming together just fine without me.”

Gloria scowled and shook her head. “So you knew I was calling.”

Johnny nodded. “Just didn’t have anything to say to you. Still don’t, really.”

“
Look, it’s not what it looks like, okay?” Gloria said. “All this is a surprise to me. You have to believe me.”

“
Oh, I believe you,” Johnny said. “But try to see all this through my eyes. I walk in and see Paul …
here
… and you’re all dressed up … and Angel’s holding his hand and smiling … And I think it’s all some sick joke, you know?”

“
It was all Mama, not me,” Gloria said softly. “She set all this up.”

“
Yet you’re still all dressed up for Paul.”

Because I … Okay, I dressed up—a little.
“This isn’t dressed up at all, Johnny.”

“
You’ve lost weight.”

She nodded. “You, too. Except for the beard. What’s it weigh? Five pounds?”

Johnny smiled at his hands. “Three. Hard to get my chin on the scale just right.”

Tears formed behind Gloria’s eyes.
That’s the Johnny I know … and love?
I wish I knew!
“Maybe I accidentally dressed up for you.”

Johnny raised his eyebrows. “Which is very interesting.”

“
What is?”

“
You never dressed up for me before,” Johnny said. “And church doesn’t count.”

“
I never thought I had to.”

“
You didn’t,” Johnny said. He wanted to say, “You don’t,” but he couldn’t put any of this in the present tense because he was so tense. “I’m just saying that … maybe once you could have, I don’t know. You haven’t seen this … invisible man for five years, and the first thing you do is get all foo-foo.”
Ha! I used “foo-foo” in a sentence for the first time in my life!

Foo-foo? What is this crap?
“There’s nothing wrong with me trying to look nice. And anyway, I thought you were through with me. You’re the one who walked out of here, not me.”

The gloves are coming off. Her little dots for eyes are back.
“After you all but said that you didn’t love me. Angel seems happy, though. I’ve never seen her smile like that.”

Gloria sighed. “You make her smile, too.”

“
Not like that. She only rolls her eyes at me.”

Gloria reached for Johnny’s hand then brought it back to her knees. “Johnny, I, um, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the other night.”

“
Me, too. Just me and the little people.”
And the mice. Always the mice.

“
And I was wrong about … some of the things I said,” Gloria said.

But not all of them. Hmm.
“Just some?”

“
Most of them.”

But still not all. She’s not exactly saying she loves me, but I’m not going to force it this time. I don’t want to hear her say she doesn’t love me again.
“Still unsure and confused?”

“
Not as confused as I was then.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, each starting to say something and stopping several times. Gloria’s mouth opened and shut, while Johnny’s mouth shut and opened.

They were definitely out of synch.

This interlude would just suck in a romance novel,
Johnny thought.
I’d get hate mail for sure. “I enjoyed this novel until the two of them were sitting on the stairs looking like gargoyles—what the heck are those, anyway?—not talking to each other. I mean, O-M-G, that just should never happen in any relationship! What were you thinking, yo?”

“
Johnny?”

“
Yes?”

And there’s the spacey man I’ve missed so much.
“Johnny, I want you around all the time,” Gloria whispered. “I want you in my life every day.”

Johnny looked toward the kitchen. “What about Paul?”

“
I don’t know,” Gloria said. “We haven’t had any time to talk, right?”

“
Do you want him in your life, too?”

He asks too many questions.
“For Angel’s sake, yes. For our sake … He’ll just be in it, okay? I don’t love him, I never loved him. We just had a child, that’s all.”

“
That could be us, too.”

But I don’t want that!
“Are you … are you still mad at me?”

“
Yes.”

He didn’t hesitate at all,
Gloria thought.
He’s definitely not shy when he’s angry.

“
But I’m mostly kind of sad,” Johnny said. “But saying I’m sad at you makes no sense at all. You make me so sad, Gloria.”

Gloria stretched out her left hand and took Johnny’s right hand. “Johnny, what I’m trying very badly to say is that I think … I know I’m ready for the next step.”

“
With whom?”

Ooh, that sarcasm is starting to get to me.
“Just some guy. He delivers pizzas and has strange beliefs about toilet roll placement.”

“
He sounds like a real piece of work.”

“
He is.”

“
And what if it doesn’t work out?” Johnny asked. “You have a backup plan eating pizza in the kitchen right now? An archaeologist with a car that doesn’t suck. It doesn’t even make a sound. Is that how you like your men to be, Gloria? Silent as an overpriced, eco-friendly hybrid?”

Oh my God!
She dropped Johnny’s hand. “Johnny, geez. I haven’t seen him in five years!”

Johnny stood. “I knew you liked those foreign guys, Gloria. Sven, Antonio, and now Paul. You said one thing, but you meant another. He’s taller, faster, stronger, and has hair that probably glistens in the sunlight. Nice paycheck there, too. I could sell his car out there and buy twenty Vegas.”

Gloria stood. “You think that I would choose—”

“
I’m not sure what I think anymore, Gloria,” Johnny interrupted. “I do know I’m in kind of in a weird place right now. I don’t like weird places, Gloria. I’ve been in too many weird places in my life, and until now, this house wasn’t a weird place.” He shook his head. “How long is he staying?”

“
I don’t know. He hasn’t even looked once at me. And we haven’t talked at all, remember?”

“
How long do you want him to stay?” Johnny asked.

I never really wanted Paul to arrive!
“Till Angel conks out I guess. Maybe ten. Could you at least call me later? We
really
need to talk.”

There’s that phrase again. I am so unprepared for life tonight.
“I left my cell back at the apartment. I’d have to go get it, charge it up, and it’s not exactly on the way to work.”
I might get it though, and maybe I’ll even scoop up a ring just for the heck of it to make this holocaust complete.

“
Well, if you get it, call me, okay?” Gloria asked.

Johnny nodded. “Might be pretty busy. Thursday night with all the lazy people watching ‘must-see’ TV.” He looked into Gloria’s soft brown eyes.
I shouldn’t have looked. I used to see my future in her eyes.
He looked away. “I’ll try to call you, okay?”

“
Thank you.”

Johnny took a step toward the door.

“
Wait,” Gloria said.

Johnny waited.

She took the four presents from under the window. “We each got you a little something for Christmas.”

“
But there are four presents,” Johnny said, balancing them in his arms.

“
The last one is from all of us.”

“
I, um, I don’t feel right about opening them now, I mean, could I leave them here? I, uh, I can come back another time.”

“
Tonight?” Gloria’s eyes glistened.

“
I don’t know,” Johnny said, handing the presents to Gloria. “Sometime, okay?”
When the Frenchman isn’t around acting French and holding Angel’s hand.

“
Okay.”
At least I know he’ll be back. That’s something.
“Drive safely.”

Johnny left the house, got in the Vega, and closed his eyes.
I have just left my first real love in her house with her baby’s daddy, and he’s eating the pizza I brought for them to eat. He’ll be there working a puzzle with the little girl who was just starting to accept me six weeks ago—

How much more messed up can this night get?

35

“
And you know what, Angel?” Paul asked.

“
What, Daddy?” Angel asked.

“
We found no pottery,” Paul said. “Caral was a pre-ceramic society, almost five thousand years old. It was as old as the pyramids. And you know how we dated the site?”

“
No, Daddy.”

“
We used shicra bags.”

What in the world is a shicra bag?
Marion wondered.
And why is Angel nodding as if she knows what they are? I have to cancel her subscription to
National Geographic.

“
In addition to fish,” Paul continued, “they also ate squash and beans, Angel.”

“
Really, Daddy?”

If that child says “Daddy” one more time, I will smack her,
Marion thought.

“
And in Egypt, we found the pyramid of Queen Sesheset, who was the mother of King Teti, the founder of Egypt’s sixth dynasty.”

“
Wow, Daddy,” Angel said.

Marion almost raised her fist.

“
And soon,” Paul said, “I will be returning to Caral to resume my excavations.”

Say what?
“You’re leaving again?” Marion asked.

Paul nodded. “I have gotten a grant, and they are very difficult to get. The expedition is fully funded, and I will be leaving in May after the semester ends.”

“
But you just got here, Daddy,” Angel pouted.

Of all the nerve!
Marion thought.
You don’t tell the child who calls you “Daddy” that you’re leaving her within the first hour of meeting her!

“
It is only for the summer, Angel,” Paul said. “I will make sure I have satellite Internet set up with a web camera so you can see what I am doing at all times. We can talk every day if you like. And until then, I will visit you every day.”

Gloria entered from the hallway shaking her head. “Um, Paul, perhaps we should talk about that.” She nodded at Marion and raised her eyes to the ceiling.

“
Okay,” Paul said. “We will talk about that.”

Gloria kept raising her eyes from Marion to the ceiling.

Marion looked up.
What’s she want me to see? More butter?

“
We’ll be going outside to talk, Paul,” Gloria said, now staring hard at the ceiling.

Oh, I get it,
Marion thought.
She wants us to go upstairs.

“
It’s kind of stuffy in here, isn’t it, Mama?” Gloria asked.

Marion shrugged. “It’s actually kind of cozy.”

Gloria rolled her eyes. “I’d like you to air out Angel’s room, okay?”

Now I get it. Go upstairs, crack a window, and eavesdrop.
Marion winked.
I would have done that anyway …
“Sure thing. Come on, Angel, let’s go air out your room.”