The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (352 page)

"Four years. You know we aren't going to see a Goth band." She stuck out her tongue at me in the mirror.

"That's a long time. You think he was faithful this summer?"

"Ewww. What kind of a question is that?"

"Look, Lennox. You said things haven't been that great between you guys, so it's a valid question."

I turned away and stared out my window. She was right. Things hadn't been right for a while now. We had grown distant, and the summer had proven our lack of interest. It wasn't that I didn't love Dean, because I did, but I just wasn't sure if I was still
in
love with him. Things had been fizzling out between us over the past year, and I found myself wondering numerous times what it would be like if we broke up. I hated those thoughts, but was it fair to ignore them? In the end, I would never be the one to leave the relationship without a good reason because I was too afraid. I liked the stability and security being with him gave me. I always had someone to rely on during the different stages of life, including moving out of my parents' house.

"When are you done at the JC?"

"This semester. I just needed to finish up a few credits to transfer."

"I can't believe you're really doing it. Are you sure this is what you really want?"

I hated answering questions about Dean and she knew it, but she was trying to fall back into being my best friend, so who better to talk to? Only I had been closing myself off to everyone over the years, especially to her after the accident, so I didn't tell her a lot these days. "I can't afford a place on my own, Kylie, and since you have no desire to move out yet, I don't really have much of a choice."

"Wow, that was a convincing argument," she said sarcastically.

"I love Dean, and this is the next natural step. He needs to move out for the fire department too, so it's a good time for both of us."

"You sound so in love," she said in the same cynical tone.

"Are you done with the sarcasm? I could use your support on this."

"I will always support you, Len. You know that, but I am just not sold on you two. I know time has bonded you guys, but that's not always enough. If you really love him, then I will be your biggest supporter. I will be your maid of honor and hold your wedding dress so you don't trip in the aisle and make a fool of yourself. I'll make the best toast you have ever heard, and I won't sleep with the groom, but I can't guarantee the groomsmen. I will be there for everything, but you have to convince me that he's really the one for you. I have to see it, Lennox, and I just don't anymore."

The thing I loved most about Kylie I hated about her right now. Her blatant honesty. It was hard to argue with her, though. How could I convince someone else that I loved Dean if I wasn't even sure myself? "Can we change the subject?"

"Sure, hon."

She turned back to the mirror and finished applying her makeup, which she didn't even need. I was feeling more jealous of her natural beauty by the day. It was mean, but I wanted some attention from guys, too. When she was around, I didn't exist. It was wrong to feel this way because I had someone, but the what-ifs trapped me into a world of insecurities that I wasn't good enough for anyone else to notice me, besides Dean. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to feel special and pretty again. I just didn't feel that way with Dean anymore. We had become an old married couple already.

"Hey, Lenny?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" The way she said my name was a disclaimer of an awkward moment approaching.

"Are we ever going to talk about that night?"

She turned to face me, exposing a single tear falling. I didn't know how to answer her question. Of course, I wanted to know why she drugged me. I wanted to tell her how hard the recovery was both physically and psychologically. I wanted to tell her things would never be the same, but I just didn't have the drive anymore. I was slowly being drained of emotion from trying to make things work with Dean and trying to forget what she did. My walls were continuing to build, trying to protect my heart from more pain, but with that I was giving up a piece of life. I was only twenty, and I was already giving up on that feeling you get when you are truly happy.

"You're not saying anything."

"Because I don't know what to say, Kylie. I'm not there yet, okay? Let's just take it one step at a time. This being step one."

"Sure, okay."

There was a faint pause.

"When is Dean picking us up?"

I checked the time on my watch. "Soon." I started to get lost in my thoughts again.

"Are you okay?" she inquired as she sat next to me on the bed.

"Yeah."

"I'm worried about you. Was it hard not knowing what Dean was doing all summer?"

"Very. I guess it wouldn't have been as hard if he had called me more, but I only heard from him a couple of times a week."

"Do you trust him?"

"Do you mean do I think he would cheat on me? Never! Dean's not like that. He would never do something like that."

"But you were worried?"

"I'm not happy with the guys in his band and what they do behind their girlfriends' backs, so it was unsettling, but in the end, I trust him. It just put me on edge being away from him for so long."

What I didn't tell her was that with every day that passed without hearing from him my walls got stronger to help ease my anxiety. I couldn't live with the constant buzzing in my head that he could be with someone else or be happier without me around. I needed to know that I would always have him there for me. I knew I couldn't lose him, because if I did, I would be lost. I didn't know how to live on my own anymore. He had been with me through the hardest part of any person's life, the teenage years. He was my safe place. Without him that was gone.

"I know there's more to it than what you're telling me, but I'm not going to push. You know I'm here for you."

"I know. Thanks, Kylie."

A car honked outside.

"Kind of rude isn't that?" Kylie scoffed.

"Whatever. He's in a rush."

"Let's just go before he alerts the whole neighborhood that we're leaving."

****

S
eeing Dean on stage was phenomenal. Kind of like the first time we met. Maybe it was the energy the kids in the crowd created. Whatever it was, it gave me a glimpse of what used to be. Maybe Kylie's suspicions were unfounded and my anxiety overdramatized because seeing him in his element up there turned me on and made me want us to work.

The club we were at was small to say the least, and they had jam-packed it, so there was very little walking room. The heat generated from all the bodies and the close proximity was making me queasy. I wanted to watch Dean for their whole set, but I never did well with crowds and not having him next to me made it that much worse. Kylie had disappeared to the bathroom. I stood with some of Dean's friends, but I didn't really know them, and because of how quiet and antisocial I was, they labeled me as a bitch. I didn't understand why someone was automatically rude just because they liked to fade into the background. I never liked being the center of attention, and although I didn't say much, I was always nice to everyone when they made the effort to talk to me.

I managed to stay for the whole set. When they were done, I pushed my way to the side of the stage and waited while they packed up. They headlined the show, so they were packing up their stuff as people were filtering outside. Once the room cleared out, I felt like I could breathe again. Dean hadn't said much to me the entire night, but he did say some new friends from out of state were here and he wanted me to meet them.

I was anxious meeting new people, which he knew, but I could tell he really liked them, so I was going to step outside of my comfort zone and try to be more social than usual.

I was picking at my nails nervously as I waited to leave. Kylie finally reappeared. "Where have you been?"

"Checking out the scene. Did I miss anything?"

"Only the whole show."

"Darn." She leaned on the stage next to me. "Ummm, hello, blue eyes. How did I miss you?" she said under her breath.

I looked up to see a group of guys walking toward us. One was super tall, skinny, covered in tattoos and had reddish-brown spiky hair. Another one was average height with blond hair and a bit on the chubby side. The third one was shorter than the other two with dark brown short hair that he styled like an emo boy who might still be in his early teens. He looked much younger than the others. The last guy was the one Kylie referred to as "blue eyes".

He literally took my breath away and made my heart flutter. He was wearing a fitted rock band shirt that displayed his tatted sleeves and rock hard biceps. His jeans were fitted, but not too baggy or tight. He had a gorgeous head of dark hair, which only pronounced the pristine ocean blue in his irises even more. They were truly amazing. They were the kind of eyes that reached down into your soul and sucked new life into it.

As he approached, he smiled at Kylie and me. His smile could cause wars to break out. He was a picture of perfection, and I hadn't even met him yet.

Kylie whispered into my ear, "Dear God! I think I might just pass out." She giggled softly. I had never seen Kylie so excited or awestruck by a guy. This one was trouble for sure.

My cheeks were on fire, and I was struggling to keep my breaths even.

"Easy, girl. You love Dean, remember?"

I shot her an evil glare, but she was right. I shouldn't be acting like this. I shouldn't be feeling this way either. I wanted to give her my blessing, but the thought of her touching him made my blood boil. If he was off limits for me, then I wanted him to be a no touch zone for her, too. It was bitchy of me, but I hadn't felt this way about a guy since the first day I met Dean. Actually, this was ten times more intense, like I needed him rather than wanted him.
What was happening to me?

Dean rested his hand on my shoulder and jumped off the stage to meet his new buddies. I watched as they man-hugged. I couldn't take my eyes off of
him
in the exchange. Dean walked them over to us and threw his arm around me.

"This is my girl, Lennox. Lennox, these are the guys I was telling you about."

They all said hi to me at the same time, except for blue eyes. He waited and then introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Braedyn."

His voice was gentle and sweet. He held his hand out.

"Hi," I said shyly. I took his hand and shook it clumsily. His fingers burned into my skin, leaving behind a residual buzz. I found myself not wanting to let go. Kylie saved me by nudging me playfully.

"Hi, I'm Kylie. So rude of Dean not to introduce me."

She shot out her hand toward Braedyn, making him release his hold on me. I looked away quickly as they met.

Dean interrupted, "And this is Ryker, Brody, and Colton."

Ryker was the emo boy, Brody the chubby one, and Colton the tall, skinny one. They were an interesting group of lively guys. They all wore band shirts and jeans and all had tattoos of some variety. I tried to keep my focus off of Braedyn, but every time I looked up, he seemed to be looking at me.

I had to be crazy. He knew I was Dean's girlfriend, and they all became pretty close friends over the summer, so I couldn't see him breaking the guy code, especially not for me. I was nothing compared to Kylie who stood only a few feet away.

After the official introductions were over, they all helped pack up the rest of the band equipment and merch. Kylie and I sat on the edge of the stage until it was time to go. She couldn't stop talking about Braedyn. It was bothering me more than it should. I had no claim on him. I had no right.

"Are you even listening to me, Len?"

"Sorry. I'm just tired," I lied as I continued to stare at the floor so my horrible poker face didn't give me away.

"How long are they here for?" she prodded.

"Not sure. Dean didn't say."

"Well, you have to let me tag along while they are here. He's just too hot to ignore. And, did you see his smile? That with those eyes and I'm sold. He's beautiful."

"Okay, Kylie. I get it. You like him. Can you stop talking about him now?" That came out as cruel as I was feeling, but I probably should have reined it in a bit for my sake.

"Why are you being such a bitch? It's not like he has a girlfriend, and it's not like we are fighting over the same guy."

"Fuck, I know. I'm sorry. I'm tired, and I have a really bad headache. I just want to go home already." I started rubbing my head because it was truly hurting. The stress from my emotional flare up when I met Braedyn had me on edge. Dean walked up just in time to break the tension.

"You ready to go?" he asked as he put his hand out.

When I grabbed it, he pulled me off of the stage into his arms. "You realize you smell like sweaty guy right now, right? And you're suffocating me in it." He squeezed me tighter.

"I don't care. I feel like I haven't seen you all night."

He kissed the top of my head and rocked me in his arms for a moment.

"If the love fest is over, can we go?" Kylie said rudely.

I had managed to piss off my best friend and let my thoughts betray Dean all in the same evening.
Awesome
! I slowly separated from him. "Let's go." He pulled me along with his arm securely around my shoulders.

As we passed by his new pals, he said, "See you guys tomorrow."

Shit
! How was I going to get through this weekend? As much as I knew I should make some excuse and stay home while they were visiting, I knew I couldn't stay away. I wanted to know everything about Braedyn. Did he have a girlfriend? Was he in college? Who was I kidding! I wanted him to touch me again, even if it was just a graze of the shoulder as he passed by me. I needed to feel him again.

I didn't tell Kylie about my attraction to Braedyn. She was already giving me shit about Dean, and this would just add more fuel to the already smoldering fire between them.

Dean and I were meeting up with his new crew to go out of town for the night. My stomach was in knots thinking about Braedyn. I knew that nothing could ever transpire between us, yet the image of him kissing me was tattooed in my brain. At the very least I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed like a really nice guy, and since I didn't have any friends outside of Dean and Kylie, it might be nice to add one.