The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (353 page)

I was in the market for a new bestie since Kylie and I could barely be called friends anymore. There was a reason I felt so strongly for him and maybe it was just a friendship thing. Dean and I rarely had meaningful conversations anymore and Kylie was, well, Kylie. She was all over the place and trying to have a conversation with her was like trying to keep the attention of a two-year-old. And honestly, I didn't think I could trust her anymore.

After lunch, we were going to another show. It was a few hours away, so we were all going to crash at a friend's house for the night. It made me more anxious, but since Braedyn didn't live out here I was looking forward to the time with him. I knew that was bad and I did feel guilty for thinking about it, but I just couldn't help how I felt.

I rummaged through my drawers and pulled out a pair of dark skinny jeans. It was fortunate that I was so petite that I didn't have to worry about my weight much. I exercised regularly and had a fast metabolism. I grabbed a plain black V-neck out of the closet and put on my clothes. I threw some pajamas, clothes, and bathroom stuff into my duffle bag and headed out. Dean was going to be here any minute so I went out front to wait for him. I sat on the front porch steps losing myself in my thoughts. Chills raced across my skin as I remembered the feeling Braedyn's touch evoked in my body. The excitement rose in me again, and a smile consumed my heart.

The sound of a car broke my daze. Dean's car was heading down the street. The apprehensive nerves swirled in my stomach again. This was going to be a night to remember.
This was going to be a new beginning.

I threw my bag in the back seat and buckled in. "Hey," was all I said. I was still in a daydream state and didn't really want to come out of it just yet.

"Is that all I get?" he asked as he leaned in for a kiss.

I kissed him quickly on the lips. "Sorry. I'm a little distracted today."

"About what?" he asked as he started the car.

"Everything. Moving out, college."

He put his hand on my leg. "How about you just try to let all of that go this weekend and just have fun with me and the guys?"

Yes. He and the guys. I was just one of the guys. That's all any of them would ever see me as. It was fun, but not much of a confidence booster. "Sure," I said with a forced smile.

****

W
e travelled the couple of hours to Corona in silence with the music blaring. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Braedyn and what I would say or how I would act around him. It buzzed in my head the entire drive. The anticipation was always worse than the actual event. It was the purest form of torture known to man.

When we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, the nerves peaked, causing my body to shiver even though it was nearly ninety degrees out. I rested my head on the headrest and took a deep, cleansing breath.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

I didn't move. "Yeah, I'm just a little carsick. Just give me a minute."

"Okay. Just meet us inside."

The car shook when he slammed the door. Why the hell did guys always have to slam car doors? I needed to calm down before I went inside. Dean would know something was up if I acted strange, or would he? I was already pretty quiet and difficult at times. A knock on my window scared the crap out of me, making me jump enough for my seatbelt to lock. It was Braedyn.

Shit, shit, shit
.
Just breathe
. I unbuckled and opened the door.

"Were you planning on joining us?" He leaned on the open door. Just the sound of his voice sent shockwaves through my veins.

"Umm, yeah." I was tongue-tied even after rehearsing for two hours what I was going to say. I crawled out of the car shyly. He closed the door gently. A small smile of recognition crept on my face.

"Did I do something?" He was reading my face.

"Umm, no."
Jesus
! What was wrong with me? I used to jump on opportunities like this. I used to be brave. Now, I was broken and suffocating in a relationship that was teetering on the edge of a cliff. One slight gust of wind would send us crashing down onto the jagged rocks below.

"Well, come on then," he said as he put his arm around my shoulder like we were best pals.
Like I was just one of the guys
, I thought with disappointment. He dragged me to the hole-in-the- wall Mexican restaurant that was the local favorite.

Lunch was fun, but awkward. Okay, fun was not the right word. Silly. Boys are just silly! When you put a group of them together, there's no limit as to what they can come up with and talk about.

I stayed pretty quiet most of lunch to allow for Dean to shine in the spotlight. He did that well. I did, however, steal glances at Braedyn from time to time and even caught him doing the same every once in a while.

It was weird. He didn't seem the closest to Dean out of the group, but wasn't there a guy code or something, especially among friends? I didn't know why I was so concerned since there was a clear girlfriend/boyfriend code I was violating by even thinking about another guy. But I wasn't married, right?

I put my head down with that thought. I was a horrible person. Why did he have to enter my life and complicate it? I was doing fine. I had everything planned out. My life was the epitome of security and stability. We move out, I get my degree, he goes to the fire academy, and then we eventually get married. That's how it works, right? What was that rhyme used to tease a new couple crushing on each other in middle school? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby...

Oh my God! I needed to stop thinking about this. At this point, the first part of that rhyme was in question, so thinking about the rest was stupid. Everything I had planned was in question now, and that terrified me, but filled my body with a renewed excitement.

After lunch, we filed out to the cars with Dean and me trailing behind.

He put his around me and asked, "Everything okay? You were quieter than usual at lunch."

"I'm fine," I said as I squeezed out a faint smile to reassure him, all the while watching Braedyn ahead. How was I going to get through this weekend? I just needed to keep repeating in my head that I loved Dean. He didn't live out here, so the odds of me seeing Braedyn again were slim to none. I just needed to keep my head down and keep my hands clean, although it was my mind that needed to stay clean.

When we joined the guys at the cars, Brody made a suggestion that made my skin crawl with anxiety.

"Hey, why don't one of you guys ride with Dean and Lennox?"

What
?
Why
? Why was he suggesting that?
Please don't be Braedyn. Please, please
...

"Sure. I will," Braedyn volunteered.

Shit
!
Really
?! So much for this being easy. Up until a moment ago, I was thinking how lucky I was to not have to be confined into a small area with him anymore. Fuck my life.

The car ride was uncomfortable. Well, for me, at least. I sat in the back, so the guys could talk. I mostly stared out the window as we drove the last half hour to our friend's house. Dean would initiate something that would require a response from me, so I would oblige, but other than that I tried to go unnoticed. Every so often Braedyn would look back and shoot me a smile. A smile that softened my core and made my heart bleed with anticipation.

We were staying at Brody's friend's house who was out of town. We made our way through some hills until a valley opened up into a sparse housing area. It was stunning! Trees and fresh flower planters lined the road leading to long driveways that shot off from it. The house we were going to was at the very end. It wasn't as grand as some of the houses back there, but it wasn't lacking either.

"What does Brody's friend do?" I asked in awe. Braedyn turned back to respond.

"He's in a band that just got signed by a major label."

"Right, of course." Everyone was in a band these days. "How old is he?"

"He just turned twenty-five."

"Must be nice," I whispered under my breath.

"He's touring right now."

"Ah." Weird to have this nice house and be gone all the time. Guess that was why he let his friends use it. Otherwise, it would be a waste.

We followed Brody's car up the narrow driveway and parked along the side of the house behind him. The house was a one story and had beautiful views of the coast line. Funny how I always ended up at spectacular houses. It made my house feel like a shack, which it wasn't, but it was a typical cookie cutter middle- class house. Either way I was very fortunate, whereas some of my friends were not.

Everyone jumped out of the cars and grabbed their bags and followed Brody to the front door.

"Shane is really cool. He said to use whatever. There are six bedrooms. Dean and Lennox can have the master since they'll be sharing a bed, I assume?"

I blushed a little, which was trivial. Dean and I had been having sex since we met and that was four years ago. I was sure everyone that knew us knew our status well enough to know we would be sharing a room. Braedyn caught my embarrassment and winked mischievously. Not sure what to think of that.

"Thanks, man," Dean said.

Brody continued, "Everyone else just pick whatever. They all have their own bathrooms."

As expected, the guys ran into the house like chickens with their heads cut off. They scrambled to check out the bedrooms and piss on their territory and then rifled through the pantry and fridge. I rolled my eyes as the madness took place. Guys were so immature sometimes. The only one who seemed unfazed was Braedyn who sat on the couch as soon as we came into the house. I joined him.

He looked at me and started laughing and said, "You probably think they are nuts."

"You think?" I giggled sarcastically. "Ridiculous. Like they've never stayed somewhere other than their parents' house." Our laughter subsided, and we sat in a comfortable silence as the guys ran down the hallway and took a running leap into the pool. Brody and Dean took it upon themselves to jump in with just their boxers while Ryker and Colton went in fully clothed. "You have got to be kidding me." I shook my head in shame at Dean's behavior.

"You should have seen them on tour. Dean and his boys are pretty crazy."

"I can only imagine." It was strange how easy it was talking to him, almost like we had been friends forever. We were sitting near the middle of the couch within touching distance. I stared at his hand resting next to me and wondered what it would feel like to touch him again. My body was starting to tingle again. How was I going to ignore this? Ignore him? Ignore the feelings that he was manifesting within me?

He looked over at me and smiled. I tore my glance from his hand to the floor, so he wouldn't catch on to me. I took a moment to collect myself and then returned the smile. Our eyes locked, and I was lost within the speckles of brown swimming around his blue irises. He seemed just as lost in my eyes. Mini explosions erupted in me. Oh God! Does he feel what I feel, or am I crazy? I wanted it to be genuine, but I was so insecure these days I couldn't trust my thoughts, let alone my feelings.

"Hey, guys, are you going to join us?" Ryker came charging in soaking wet.

We broke the magnet between us. I nonchalantly looked around and jumped up as if I was on my way out. Braedyn was a little bit cooler about the interruption.

"Sure, but I think I'll put my swim shorts on," Braedyn said as he pushed himself off the couch, ignoring any sign of a connection between us.

I'll admit I was a bit disappointed that he could flip a switch so quickly, but it was for the best. I was taken. I was unavailable, or at least physically I was. Emotionally, I was a mess.

****

T
he show was at a bar called The Showcase Theatre. They featured bands on the weekends. It was another packed show. I really did like going to shows because I enjoyed the music. It was the crowds I didn't fancy, which is why I usually found a table or corner to hide at so I could actually focus on the music and not my anxiety level.

A friend had saved one of those U-shaped booths for us. I was more than elated to see that it was off to the side a bit. We could still see the stage, but we wouldn't have people standing all over us. We squeezed in, and I sat on one end next to Dean, while Braedyn sat directly across from me.

I more or less tuned out while the guys talked about bands. Some I had heard of and others were new ones that Dean had met on tour. He was extremely passionate about music, which was obvious with the way he talked about it. He knew the lyrics to every song of every band he listened to. It was incredible.

There were several bands playing, so once they started, talking became nearly impossible unless you were sitting right next to someone. The guys came in and out of the booth throughout the show. When I finally stole a glance up, Braedyn's crystal blue eyes bore deep into my soul as the music resounded in our eardrums. Our friends surrounding us at the table faded as they raced for the stage to watch the headlining band, leaving us alone with a quiet intensity that didn't need any words to translate the feelings spoken between us.

I wanted him with every fiber of my being.

All thoughts of Dean had disappeared, and it was just us. How could something that seemed so wrong feel so right? How could I love two boys so passionately, yet so differently? My heart belonged to one and my soul to another.

Ryker came back to the table unnoticed by Braedyn and me. Our gaze was impenetrable. My body was on fire. I wanted to crawl across the table and wrap my lips around his.

"Braedyn!" Ryker shouted breaking the bond.

Ryker looked back and forth between us and shot Braedyn a disapproving glare. I looked at my hands again shamefully. I felt like a nun from grade school had just slapped my hand. Braedyn got up without saying a word and left with Ryker. I was left alone with my guilt. My shame. My twisted heart.

Present

As I drove the kids to the fire station, my mind reminisced about past times that almost seemed like past lives. That day with Braedyn had started many days of mixed messages between us. Were we just best friends, or was there more below the surface we were both too afraid to admit? What I discovered during that time of my life was that there wasn't just one person out there that was meant for me or anyone else for that matter. A heart had many emotional layers, and it took more than one person to make it solid.