The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (357 page)

"I needed you to know why I did what I did."

"You
need
me to know. Why? So you can move on? So you can be happy? That's not how it works, Braedyn. You don't get to confess your sins and then leave me with the aftermath. I don't want to know anymore. I want to hate you until I die. What you need to do is leave." I had finally found my anger. The hurt was melting away, and the fire was exploding into a blaze. His shock was priceless. I had never spoken to him like that. In fact, he had never seen me like this with anyone.

"I deserve that," he muttered pathetically.

"You deserve a lot more than that, but I don't have it in me right now to give it to you." I was spent for the night. "I would really like you to leave. Please." I was almost begging. This was adding another layer of confusion to my already scrambled brain.

He didn't argue though, which pissed me off even more. I fucking hated that he could still do this to me. He stood up.

"I'm sorry, Len. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I'm sorry I followed my head instead of my heart."

His words stung like a fire ant. He walked away as I buried my head in the blanket, trying to shut him out. He left me as he had done years ago. Confused and alone.

Present

As I drank my tea, I watched the meteor shower. It was a beautiful night, and the fresh air always helped refocus me, so I decided to lounge until I heard from Dean. He always texted me goodnight. The meteors reminded me how miraculous this world really was and how petty other things could be. I had gone through a cleansing this weekend and washed away the demons of the past. Unfortunately, I made new demons, but ones I would absolve myself of and move on. Like Kylie said, this was my time. My time to choose what I wanted and to let go of everything that was holding me back from being happy, and that's exactly what I planned on doing. What Braedyn did to me that weekend ruined me. He ruined me for Dean.

****

C
ollege Years

Instead of going to Braedyn's place after the airport, he brought us to a local hangout where his friends were gathering. I would get to see Ryker, Brody, and Colton again. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. These were ultimately Dean's friends, and I was just the girlfriend. Well, the ex-girlfriend now.

"Please tell me Ryker is going to be there. He's a little hottie," Kylie squealed from the backseat.

Braedyn and I laughed. Kylie was definitely the life of the party.

"There will be plenty of guys for you to pick from," he said.

He looked over at me and smiled. His eyes gleamed. The way he looked at me made me feel so adored and lit my body on fire. It had been so long since I felt like this. I never wanted this feeling to end. If I could find a way to bottle it up forever, I would. That way I could open it when we were apart and get the small doses to hold me over until the next time we touched.

"You okay hanging with the crew?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I mean, are they okay with me hanging out? I mean, now that Dean and I aren't together?" He squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"They love you, Len, with or without Dean."

He always said the right things.

We pulled into a large and very busy parking lot. It was Friday night, after all, and this was apparently
the
place to be. For the first time since I got off the plane, Braedyn let go of my hand. I was sure it was nothing, but I couldn't help but think it had something to do with "guy" code.

It was warm out here, even in the evening. It felt nice to walk around without a sweater in tow. Kylie noticed the space Braedyn suddenly put between us, so she gladly filled it and hooked onto my arm.

"Well, if you don't want her, I'll take her," she said smartly.

I loved her sass, but that time it made me uneasy. I was so unsure of Braedyn's intentions with me, and I didn't want to push him either way. He ignored her like a champ and put his arm around both of us.

"You two are double trouble," he muttered while shaking his head in mild disbelief.

He was probably wondering what he'd gotten himself into. We were trouble, especially Kylie, but right now, I couldn't trust myself either. I felt reborn and who knew what I was capable of doing. Hell, I wanted to do everything. I wanted to do Braedyn.
Damn, I totally just thought that.
I shot him an embarrassed glance.

"Why are you smirking?" he asked with an equally sly smile.

"Nothing." I laughed it off, but Kylie knew what I was thinking.

"You dirty whore," she whispered playfully into my ear.

I pushed her away. "Finally, right, Ky?"

"Exactly! You read my mind." She winked.

"Okay, you two, let's go before I start speaking your language."

Kylie and I fell back and followed Braedyn onto the strip. It was lit up by all the attached businesses. Some were restaurants, while others were bars and tattoo parlors. There was an interesting mix of clothing stores still open, too. The nightlife was plentiful. Half of us were too young to drink, so everyone met at the courtyard fountain. Comfortable couch chairs circled around it. Our crew was the largest and loudest out of the crowd. Several of the guys sported skateboards by their sides, while the girls gathered to the edge.

I was worried about the usual cattiness girls threw out when new girls came around, but they were surprisingly welcoming. One of the girls with dark hair and an ethnic flare walked right up to us and introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Skye. You must be Dean's girl, Lennox," she said smiling.

"Was Dean's girl," I brushed off quickly.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It just happened." An uncomfortable silence began forming, so I jumped in and introduced Kylie. "This is my friend, Kylie."

"Hi, I came along for the ride," Kylie responded.

I could tell she was already getting restless as she scoped out the scene.

"We're going to get some frozen yogurt if you guys want to come," Skye said.

Kylie gave me a death glare. "I think we'll stay here, but thank you for the offer."

Skye joined her friends, and they set off down the strip leaving us with the boys. Ryker grabbed me in a bear hug and lifted me. He was undeniably the lover in the group and the sweetest. We had become pretty good friends over the last several months, too. He was a good guy.

"Glad you made it out," he said as he ruffled my hair.

"Really, dude. I'm not a kid," I said as I fixed my hair. "But, yes, I'm glad I'm here, too." And I was. I felt like I had escaped to an alternate reality. I had only been here a short while, but knew I never wanted to leave. I didn't want to go back home, but at the end of the week, I would have to. I would have to go back to the real world where life hurt and emotions stung. Kylie bumped me.

"Hey, snap out of it."

"Sorry."

"No sorry. We came all the way out here for a purpose. Focus and let go of everything else. This is your chance. Don't mess it up, okay?"

"I know. I won't."

"Now which one can I have?" she asked seriously.

I giggled at her deadpan expression. She meant business. She walked away when Braedyn approached.

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"She's on a mission, remember?"

"Right." He laughed. "So, what do you want to do?" He put his arm around me.

"I'm down for whatever."

"Sounds good."

He pulled me into his crowd of friends. Colton poked a little fun at me from time to time and Ryker acted like a little kid jumping off of the fountain and chasing Brody around. Kylie found another guy, Chase, to cozy up to. I had to give her props, though. Aside from Braedyn, he really was the hottest guy in the group, and he was really nice. Sometimes hard to find, but these kids out here all seemed to have good hearts. Pretty opposite from home where girls viciously glared and backstabbed and good-looking guys acted like God's gift to women and were total douches. It was different out here; it was refreshing.

Braedyn sat beside me on the fountain ledge with his leg settled next to mine. We innocently played footsie while the chaos continued around us. He was being stand-offish, but understandably so. I caught Brody giving us a stare down every so often, which would push Braedyn away from me momentarily.

I knew things had been said before I arrived, but I'm not sure that if I asked Braedyn, he would tell me what they were, and I was kind of scared to ask. That would be like admitting my true feelings for him, and right now, my balance of sanity was questionable. I couldn't afford a hard rejection. I was just hoping things would happen naturally. I was looking for the fairy tale, so I would wait patiently, for now.

The hours of close proximity with him were maddening. Not being able to hold his hand or touch his face built up a sexual tension that I had never felt before. All I wanted to do was kiss him. To finally feel his soft lips on mine. To release all the tension with one mind-blowing exchange of affection, lust, and gratification.

It was getting late, and our group was dropping like flies. Kylie pried herself away from Chase for a moment to talk to me.

"Hey, girl. How's it going?"

She snuggled along side of me. I had made my way to one of the more comfortable chairs at some point in the evening. "Ready to go."

"Yeah, me, too. Chase is going to crash at Braedyn's, too."

"Oh, is he now?" I teased.

"Whatever. Now, we both get to have fun."

"I don't know, Ky. He gives me so many different signals that I don't know what to think, and it doesn't help that Brody keeps staring us down."

"Fuck, Brody. Fuck, guy code. You guys have something, and if Braedyn lets that stupid shit get in the way of that, then he's not fucking worth it."

"Down, girl, geez. Save it for later."

"Sorry. It's just so obvious how perfect you guys are for each other. I mean, I saw it with you and Dean too at times, but this is different. It's hard to explain."

"I know what you're saying. I have a hard time putting it into words, too." Braedyn and Chase joined us.

"Ready to go?" Braedyn asked.

"Sure," I said softly. He held his hand out to help me up. I took it, and immediately felt the connection that Ky and I couldn't seem to put into words, and by the look on his face, he felt it, too. We were alone with just Chase and Kylie, so he held onto my hand the entire way back to his place. I felt safe when he touched me. I felt grounded. The mental instability that nagged me in every waking moment ceased to exist.

Everything faded into the background with him around. For these short moments, I was living in my own little fairy tale.

I couldn't help but pick at the skin around my nails nervously as we walked up to his apartment. He lived in a small complex that encircled a little courtyard. All the doors faced the courtyard. It was cute, fitting for a young single guy at least.

"Are you going to leave any skin?" he asked. He knew my nervous habits.

"Maybe," I snapped back jokingly.

We all sat around the TV and watched a movie. Well, Braedyn and I did. Chase and Kylie pretty much started making out immediately after the movie started. It was super awkward. I was snuggled on Braedyn's chest, and he wrapped his arm around me protectively, but made no other moves. Were we just close friends, and I was crazy for having these feelings? If my heart raced any faster, it would probably explode. I needed to separate before he felt the pounding inside of my chest.

"Where are you going?" he asked, troubled.

"Where's your bathroom?" I asked shyly.

"You can use the one in my room."

"Okay, thanks." I went down the dark hallway and found his room at the end. It was a pretty big apartment with two bedrooms. There was a guest bathroom, so I wasn't sure why he told me to use his. I turned on the light and walked around, taking in his style. It was simple and typical guy. The bed was unkempt, and he had a laundry basket overflowing with dirty clothes. The room was straightened up, though. I spotted something familiar on his nightstand. I went over and moved a few pieces of paper to the side to expose an envelope I had mailed to him a couple of months ago. It was old fashioned, but we had made a habit of writing each other letters and decorating the envelopes with random drawings and stickers. This particular letter was a hard one for me to write. I was having a breakdown, and instead of going to Dean, I wrote a letter to Braedyn. Actually, more like a story. When I was finished writing it, I wasn't even sure I was going to mail it, but I did. I was nervous about him reading it, and here it was. I wonder when he read it last.

"Hey."

I dropped the letter onto the floor and turned to face him. "You scared the shit out of me." He looked down at the letter. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snoop." I bent over and picked it up.

"No, it's fine. You wrote it."

"Yeah, I did," I muttered as I played with one of the corners of the envelope. He carefully approached me.

"Are you okay, Len? I mean, are you really okay?"

Fuck
. He was totally going there right now.
Keep it together, Len
.
Just keep it together.
I sat on the bed. "Define 'okay.'"

He came and sat next to me. "You know you can talk to me about anything. I think that letter proved that," he said as he pointed to it in my hand.

I handed it back to him. "Here." He took it and tossed it onto the table.

"I'm here for you, Lennox."

"I know." He pulled me into his embrace. I rested my head in the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of my head as he petted my hair softly. Was this it? Was the moment I had replayed in my head since we met finally going to happen? I looked up at him. He caressed my cheek with his thumb leaving trails of sparks with every stroke. The longing in his eyes broke away the last of my walls. I could feel the rubble collapse to the ground as his lips got closer to mine. Our breathing grew heavy as we paused just centimeters away from contact.

We both knew what this meant if we took it there, so the decision to move forward was not an easy one, but I wanted it. Now, the question was did he want it like I did?