The Years After (11 page)

She gathered up her stuff and jammed her arms into her jean jacket. Hoisting her bag over her shoulder, she started for the stairs without another glance back. Most of the other students were still getting their things together. She was the first one out of class. Tomorrow, she’d simply sit in the back and never make eye contact with Derek again.

Then a hand grabbed her upper arm and tugged on her to stop. She glanced up, rather surprised to find Derek caught her.

“Why are you running away from me?”

She jerked her arm away from his. “I can take a hint. Believe it or not, you don’t have to be a rude jerk-off. Just say you’re not interested. Or I’m too slow. Or you’re screwing five other girls. Which, at this point, is fine. But it’s not something I want to participate in. Especially when you sit next to me and treat me as if I don’t exist, or we didn’t just spend an entire weekend together at your instigation.”

“I’m not screwing anyone, including you.”

“Exactly. So you don’t have to treat me like you were, or like I won’t leave you alone now.”

“I wasn’t.” He frowned and ran his hands up his face and into his hair, knocking back the hood. “I wasn’t, was I? I thought I was just sitting politely in class.”

“So bored you fell asleep? So bored by my presence you could hardly speak to me?”

“No, so tired from thinking about you all night. So freaked out by that, I don’t know what to say to you.” His gaze left her face to inspect the corridor around them. She stepped back, and her mouth nearly dropped open.
Did he just say that?

She started to answer when Carter and another kid from their fraternity, Jacob, came up behind Derek and her. Carter dropped his arm around her shoulder. “Salazar, how do you know Kylie’s little cousin? You must know Kylie, huh?” Carter winked and Olivia’s stomach nearly curdled.

Derek stared hard at Carter’s hand, which hung loosely just inches from Olivia’s breast. His face went to stone. Carter must have sensed something because he pulled back almost ridiculously quick and raised his hands as if surrendering. Actually, it was kind of odd seeing as how Derek was five inches shorter than he, and probably weighed at least forty pounds less. Still, his gaze was dark, mean and intimidating. Even Olivia couldn’t miss it.

“We’re talking; get out of here, Esland.”

Carter turned and hightailed it down the corridor.

She didn’t know what to make of the entire scene. “Did you just warn him to stay away from me? Why don’t you just piss in a circle around me? I can’t believe you just did that.”

Derek’s jaw tightened as he leaned in closer to her. “He’s trouble. Serious kind of trouble, so yeah, I warned him to stay away from you.”

She stared right into his suddenly fierce gaze. It was a mean expression and she didn’t like it. A moment ago, she was melting inside after he confessed his doubts from thinking about her all night, as she also did, and then, he tries to forbid her from seeing other guys. “What do you think? Because you kissed me a few times, now you can tell me who to hang around with? How to act? Next will it be how to dress, or whom I can talk to? What are you? One of those jealous assholes? Do you really think you can tell me what to do?”

His mouth opened, but nothing came out. Then he shrugged and shook his head as his shoulders slumped forward. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?” She nearly kicked the wall next to her. He was so frustrating. She didn’t get him at all.

He again ran his hands in his hair before shaking his head. He seemed seriously distressed. “I don’t know if I am or not. Maybe I am a jealous, controlling asshole. I’ve never cared enough about anyone to find out. I’ve never even… done any of this… dating, you know? Sure, I hook up, but that’s it.”

“So, by ignoring me, and then blustering around like I can’t speak for myself, you somehow think I will infer that you have romantic feelings for me?”

“Maybe. I really don’t like Carter. Not even around Kylie.”

“Too bad. I don’t need that. The jealous thing? The insecure thing? I’m not interested in that kind of drama. So if you can’t handle it, or can’t back off and let me make my own choices in life, forget this, even if it’s only for another day, whatever
this
is.” She started to spin around, turning away from him. She would be late to her next class if she didn’t get going. She didn’t walk three steps before he fully engulfed her in his arms.

With his face right next to hers, he whispered in her ear, “I won’t control you. I won’t be a jealous asshole.”

“Then what will you be?” she asked softly. Her heart lodged into her throat as his lips touched her neck.

“I don’t know the answer to that. I just can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t understand it.”

“I don’t either,” she agreed. She was just as confused as he. Her eyes shut when his lips touched the side of her mouth. She let him kiss her.

“I have class right now. Think about what I said, okay? Think about what you’re doing and what you’re going to do. But right now? I have to be somewhere.”

“I don’t have to think about it. I’ll be here tomorrow. I want to see you.”

She nodded, and walked away. Doubting herself, and wondering what Derek was capable of, she pondered if she were even ready for any of it.

****

The rest of the week, Derek met her outside the classroom. He always arrived before her and smiled as he straightened up from leaning on the wall when he spotted her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her; or gallantly took her book bag and hand before leading her to a seat. It was impossible for Olivia to concentrate with him sitting next to her. She could have sworn every time she peeked at him, he sensed it somehow and turned to catch her. She’d always blush and look down, or roll her eyes as a ridiculous flush filled her body before her breath would catch.

On Friday, he asked her to come out to a club with him that night. After agreeing, she had to figure out what to wear. She was standing there in jeans and nothing else when Kylie finally woke up and soon figured out where Olivia was going. Kylie’s only waking hours were from five in the evening until five in the morning.

“You can’t wear your normal crap out. Let me, okay? Let me fix you up. I don’t know much. I have no freaky special talents, or intelligence, or work ethic, but I can dress you up. Please let me, Olivia?”

She sighed. It wouldn’t kill her to put a little more effort into it. She finally conceded and let Kylie do a slutty make-over. Olivia’s hair was her only asset, according to Kylie. She curled it and teased it and rubbed makeup all over Olivia’s face. Adding big earrings, which dangled from her ears, she also hung heavy necklaces around her neck. Her outfit was a small skirt and skimpy tank top with bra straps showing, and knee-high boots. Olivia glanced in the mirror and only saw how common she looked. She didn’t love it. But Kylie did. Along with most guys, she supposed, even without ample cleavage.

The knock on the door was the only thing that jolted her out of her apathy. Overflowing with happiness, it nearly gushed out of her and heated her cheeks up. Yeah, she had it bad for Derek.

When she opened the door, she forgot all about her slutty transformation. Her sincere smile and unmasked joy let him know how happy she was to see him, which was her only thought. Instead of stepping forward and kissing her like he usually did, he stayed rooted to the spot, and simply eyed her up and down. She glanced down and instantly decided way too much of her skin was showing.

“Kylie insisted on making me over.”

“Uh, yeah, I see that.” He visibly swallowed as his eyes stayed riveted on her skirt length. Finally, he lifted his eyes and a smile curled his lips. “Thank Kylie for me.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not my favorite look.”

“It might be mine,” he said. His tone was mild and easy, but his eyes were sparking with lust as he kept examining the front of her.

She grabbed her phone and keys and followed Derek. He was acting oddly formal as he opened the door of the vehicle. This time, it was a moderate, nondescript sedan. He really didn’t believe in drawing attention to himself. “Another friend’s?”

“No. Mine.”

She nodded. “You ever plan to let me meet some of your friends?”

“You’re not missing much,” he mumbled before settling in. His clothes were more “normal Derek” and, funny enough, “Olivia” clothes. They dressed a lot alike. She had a feeling they could almost share the same wardrobe. He outweighed her, but not by much. Certainly, they could have shared each other’s shirts.

“You look a lot older,” Derek said after driving in silence for several miles down the road.

She glanced at Derek’s profile, which was being strobed by the passing streetlights, shadow to light, shadow to light. It was enough to make her stomach churn in knots. He was so handsome, with dark, brooding eyes and a solemn, sometimes closed off expression. His dark hair was combed off his face and one straight piece sprang forward on his forehead. “And older is better?”

His quick grin and sidelong glance were almost lecherous as his eyebrows rose up and down. “Older means safer according to statutory law. Which is good to know when I think the things I do about you.”

“What do you think about me?” Her tone sounded grumpy. She was. She didn’t like dressing like that. She didn’t like her skirt riding so far up her legs, she was afraid to wiggle around at all. She hated to think that this was what it all came down to.

“I think… you’re not ready to hear that. Anyway, I didn’t see you as the skirt type.”

“Why? Because I never wear them? It’s Kylie’s. The entire outfit is, including the makeup.” She crossed her arms over her stomach and stared out the window. She hated being visually examined. Always did. Anytime a cute guy stared at her, she got all weird and acted inappropriately. It was the only time she felt self-conscious. It wasn’t really because of her feminist bias as much as her personal inadequacy. She just didn’t like receiving attention. Not that she got it all that much. Mostly when she hung out with Ally and Kylie in high school. There was no popularity contest when those two were around. Guys either liked Ally’s sunny, preppy look or were drawn to Kylie’s darker, quieter personality. While both of her cousins were sexually active, she was not.

She wasn’t thrilled to go out to a club. Not her thing. It was Kylie’s and Ally’s. Most things they liked weren’t for her. She didn’t voice her hesitation, however, and Derek drove into Marsdale, an area she’d never visited. There were lots of warehouses and abandoned businesses, with a scattering of smaller apartment buildings. The club had one of those rotating lights that flashed out in front of it and formed a giant circle in the sky.

“You know we’re eighteen, right? Is this an underage club?”

“No. But it’s not really an issue here. Don’t worry about it.”

Sure, why wouldn’t they? The way he said it when he closed his driver’s door made it seem like all eighteen-year-olds were welcome in a twenty-one-and-over bar. Her cousins got admitted with fake identities. That was something Olivia never needed or bothered with. Derek took her hand in his. She was growing used to that, and nearly counted on it when he greeted her in the mornings, and after class. She liked how his hand felt, so warm and secure over hers. She always got a silly grin across her face. She had to drop her head so no one, Derek included, knew how much he affected her.

She followed him into the dark, noisy interior. No one questioned, or even stopped them. Derek didn’t pay, but simply nodded at the girl standing near the entrance. It seemed like he’d been coming here a little too often. He was eighteen; how long could he have been doing that? God, she needed to quit being so naive.

The center of the building rattled with the loud bass and acoustics as the music and lights nearly fractured all her senses. Smoke hung around the top of the building, a converted warehouse, with a high ceiling. A bar ran the length of one section and tables were arranged around the dance floor. The music made her head ring, as it vibrated throughout her entire body, and was hard to ignore. That, and a bubble of excitement was starting to percolate in her chest. She was glad for Derek’s hand as he guided her. She was already too busy looking around. It was mostly college-aged students. Several she recognized from campus and parties with Kylie.

She bumped into Derek when he stopped. He was talking to a guy and his girlfriend. She was taking in the scenery and not really listening. He turned with a smile and leaned down and said right into her ear, “Do you want something to drink?”

“I don’t care,” she yelled back. He pointed at a table and she sat down before he disappeared. He came back and sat down near her, sliding her a bottle of beer. “This is crazy. How do all these kids get in here? I know most aren’t of legal age.”

His smile was contagious and his hand stayed on her head as he stroked her in affectionate amusement. She had an uneasy feeling he was rather amused by her naivete. She wasn’t from here, so how could she know such a place existed? “It’s strange it’s never been busted. At least, not yet,” he shrugged and nodded towards her drink. “Keep an eye on it, okay? Never leave a drink unattended when you go out.”

She tilted her head into his hand as he kept stroking her hair. He leaned in closer so his body was kind of surrounding her. It was heady stuff to a girl who never captured a guy’s complete interest or attention; even more so to now have Derek’s. She nearly asked if he were her boyfriend, but her throat kept drying up when she thought about actually saying it. What if he laughed in amusement? Or ran off in horror? Or what if…? She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything at this point.

“Will you know everyone here again?”

He shook his head. “Nah.”

But that wasn’t true. He was nodded at, waved at and talked to. The conversations were usually quick and one-sided as he tended to rush them along, as if they were intruders, who were rudely interrupting them. Several times, girls came up from behind and wrapped their hands around his shoulders, or covered his eyes as they giggled with delight. One slid into his lap, but he jumped up and nearly dumped her on the floor. He hurried them along even more urgently. Olivia wasn’t impressed and even less sure she liked any of that. The constant flow of people he seemed to know, and the girls that were so out of her league, but very interested in him, could only make her wonder.