Their Marriage Reunited (6 page)

“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded trying to struggle from his hold and realising that she was having more effect on a certain part of his anatomy instead.

“Go to sleep,” he murmured as he placed a light kiss against her hair and she lay there in his arms listening to his breathing even out. And eventually she felt her eyelids begin to flutter even as she fought to keep them open.

Connor knew the exact moment she fell asleep as she relaxed in to his hold and snuggled closer. His mouth was a grim line as he absently stroked his hand over her hair. She looked altogether too fragile and it was clear she wasn’t taking care of herself. But how was he supposed to look after her when she fought him at every turn? You would think he had committed a grievous sin the way she was reacting. He knew that she had needed time to come to terms with the loss of their baby and that it was probably easier for her to blame him than to accept that it was an unavoidable misfortune but five years was a long time. He had thought that if he gave her time then she would find her way back to him but it seemed she had lost that path. He had been forced to give her that extra shove that bought her back to him and now he had no intention of letting her go. She was his wife and she clearly hadn’t been taking care of herself properly which meant that he would have to make sure she did from now on. She might resent him for it but what were a few more sins to add to his collection.

The next morning Lilly awoke and was surprised to realise how rested she felt, it was the best night’s sleep she’d had in ages. Since she’d left him if she was honest. It was that thought that made her glance to her right only to discover that she was alone in bed. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She should be glad that Connor wasn’t forcing her in to something she didn’t think she was ready for but instead she felt uneasy about it all. Why wasn’t he doing his level best to seduce her in to submission like she’d assumed he would? Unless it was because he had her back where he wanted her but was happy to continue seeing his other women.

She was surprised from her thoughts when suddenly there was a knock at the door and the cook entered with a tray clasped firmly in her hands.

“Good Morning. Connor suggested I bring you some breakfast,” the older woman said and Lilly smiled as she accepted the tray.

“That’s very generous of you, thank you.” Lilly said and the older woman smiled back at her.

“Your young charge has already eaten and is busy colouring in her room so you take your time and relax,” the cook said before she went back out the way she had come.

Lilly’s smile faded as soon as the older woman had left. The breakfast consisted of bacon and eggs. It looked and smelled absolutely delicious but just the memory of the last time she had sat in this bed eating breakfast was enough to make her sick to her stomach. Pushing the uneaten food away she decided that what she needed was a nice relaxing bath.

By the time she had towelled herself dry and dressed in her comfiest pair of jeans and a plain top the breakfast things had been removed and the bed made. Obviously Connor employed more than just a cook now. Needing to feel herself for just a short time Lilly tracked Melissa down and spent most of the day just enjoying the simple pleasure of playing childlike games and drawing pictures. She was so engrossed in her task that she didn’t even notice that Connor had returned home. He stood for a moment in the doorway watching them both as they laughed and joked while drawing. A pain pierced his heart at the thought that if things had been different this could have been their own child’s nursery and he wondered if this was what it would have been like if they’d had a daughter. Would he have raced home each day so he could spend as much time as possible with his family just enjoying the little moments?

“Hi,” he said softly not wanting to startle them but still Lilly’s head whipped round with an accusing glare that made him feel as though he had been caught spying on something.

“What are you doing here?” Lilly asked in surprise and it didn’t sound like she was happy he was there.

“I thought I’d spend some time with my wife,” he told her and she glared at him as though he was being unreasonable asking for her to spend a little time with him.

“Well I’m busy,” she informed him as she turned back to Melissa and he stiffened at the obvious dismissal.

“I’m sure you can make a little time in your busy schedule,” he mocked and she shrugged.

“I could but I don’t want to,” she answered and he gritted his teeth together to keep from saying something they’d both regret.

“Well that’s a shame because the nanny is coming to take over so you can join me for a while,” he informed her and Lilly glared at him.

“We don’t need the nanny. We’re perfectly happy as we are right now,” she said stubbornly and he blew out a frustrated breath of air. Why did she have to fight him on every request?

“Let me rephrase. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten minutes and if you’re not there then I will come fetch you,” he told her furiously before turning on his heel and storming from the room.

Lilly watched him leave as anger coursed through her veins. Just who the hell did he think he was? He appeared in the middle of the day with no warning and thought that she would drop everything she was doing so she could accommodate him. Well he was in for a big surprise if he thought that she would simply do as he bid every time.

Ten minutes passed and there was no sign of Lilly. He decided to give her the benefit of the doubt but after another ten minutes had passed he’d had enough. Taking the stairs two at a time he went straight to Melissa’s room and found that Lilly had left the nanny in charge like he’d asked. So if she wasn’t here then where the hell was she?

He finally discovered her in one of the spare rooms laid out on the bed looking almost as white as the silk sheets. With a sigh he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. She didn’t even glance his way but continued to stare at the ceiling as though he didn’t exist.

“What are you doing?” he asked after the silence dragged on and she shrugged.

“Just wanted some peace and quiet,” she answered and he frowned.

“And you couldn’t get peace and quiet in our room because?” he queried and she shrugged again.

“I didn’t want to go in there. I think I prefer it in here,” she answered and he sighed again. More likely she had thought she could avoid him by hiding in here.

“Come downstairs and have some lunch with me,” he said softly and she didn’t as much as blink.

“I’m not hungry,” she answered and white-hot fury licked his skin as he tried to contain it.

“Really? Because I was told that you didn’t even touch your breakfast,” he told her and she shrugged.

“I wasn’t hungry then either. Guess I lost my appetite,” she said and he glared at her. Was she determined to put herself in the hospital or something?

“Well you’d better find one because you are joining me for lunch and you are going to eat something. You’re practically wasting away,” he snapped and finally she did look at him and her eyes weren’t dull and uninterested anymore but flashing with anger.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded furious that he thought he could just order her around and that she would meekly comply. As if that would be happening any time soon.

“I am your husband and it is my duty to make sure that you are taking care of yourself,” he answered calmly and she was stunned that he actually thought he had the right to play protective husband.

“I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m fine,” she snapped and he gave a snort at that.

“Clearly you are not. You are thinner than I ever remember seeing you and so pale. You look so fragile that were it not for your stubbornness I am sure you would have shattered in to a thousand pieces long ago,” he said and Lilly’s heart began beating faster. Did he guess how close she had come to breaking? That if not for her mother she would have succumbed to the darkness that had been closing around her?

“I’m fine,” she repeated but this time she sounded uncertain. It was true that she had lost weight in recent years but it wasn’t intentional. She’d been so busy in the past five years trying to provide for herself that often her own wellbeing came second to everything else. The worry of the last few days hadn’t exactly helped but she hadn’t thought that her emotional turmoil was so clear to him. It unnerved her that he knew her so well.

“Honey you’re not fine,” he insisted as he lay down next to her and tugged her in to his arms.

“I don’t want to be back here,” she admitted shakily not sure why she was opening up to him but simply tired of hiding everything.

“I know it’s hard being back here after everything that happened but we’ll get through it together,” he said stroking gentle fingers through her soft hair not realising that his words were having the opposite effect of what he’d intended.

“I don’t want to get through it together. That’s the point,” she said firmly and his fingers stilled. He didn’t seem to understand that it wasn’t the house that was upsetting her but him. She didn’t want to be back here with him reminded of all the things that had been taken away from her and that she could never get back.

“I’m not sure I understand,” he admitted tightening his arms when she would have pulled free from him.

“I don’t want to be back here and I especially don’t want to be here with you. What we had was over and I don’t understand why you’re insisting we carry out this charade,” she told him firmly making his entire body stiffen against her.

“Believe me when I say that what we had is definitely not over and this is not a charade,” he told her coldly.

“So what would you call it then? A second chance?” she mocked and his lips tightened in to a thin line.

“If that’s what you want to call it then fine. Now I think it’s time we got you something to eat,” he said as he got to his feet.

“I don’t want anything,” she told him and he turned to her with a sigh.

“I thought we had just established that you need to take better care of yourself. Now would be an excellent start,” he reminded her and with a reluctant sigh she allowed him to lead her downstairs.

She had no idea of the thoughts that were currently spinning through Connor’s mind or she probably would have run in the other direction. How could she know how much their short conversation had affected him? He had been under the illusion that the only thing keeping her from him was the loss of their baby but now she had given him the impression that there was more to it than that. He was determined to find out just what happened six years ago to scare his wife off. Despite what she said he had no intention of ever letting her go again. She was his wife and she was back where she belonged and where she would be staying.

Despite claiming that she had no appetite Lilly managed to do justice to the sandwiches that were laid before her. They conducted their lunch in silence and only when she was full did Lilly glance up to find Connor watching her. A shiver worked its way down her spine and she forced herself to remain still when she really wanted to fidget nervously beneath that steady gaze of his.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to in the last five years,” Connor said and the sound of his deep voice made her jump.

“Why don’t you ask the men you hired to spy on me?” she countered not sure why she was being so rude to him but knowing that she had to keep him at a distance if she wanted to stay in control.

“They weren’t there to spy on you. I simply hired protection to ensure that you were safe,” he explained to her. It didn’t make a difference. Either way he had sent people to watch her every move and had taken away her right to privacy.

“I didn’t need your protection,” she informed him coldly.

“Tough,” he replied and she glared at him.

Lilly wondered if they would ever again find that easy harmony that used to exist between them. She had never felt uncomfortable in his presence and he had always been the only person she could completely relax with. Now though she felt like she was walking on eggshells and that anything she said was being analysed as he looked for any weaknesses.

“Why are you insisting on keeping me here like a prisoner when we both know that our marriage is over?” Lilly suddenly said as she leaned forward and pleaded with her eyes for him to let her go. If they couldn’t even get through a few days together without there being tension and arguments then how could they hope to get through a whole year?

“Our marriage was merely put on hold,” Connor told her firmly and she nearly laughed at that.

“You only want me because you think that a stupid marriage license means I belong to you,” she responded and his mouth tightened with displeasure.

“I have never treated you like I owned you,” he denied furiously and she had to confess that he was right. He hadn’t acted like many of his business associates who thought their wife was their possession to do with as they liked.

“But you have forced me to return to your side,” she reminded him and he sighed while he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Why must you turn everything in to an argument Lilly? You were the one that came to me for help and you were the one that accepted the terms that I laid out,” he reminded her and she knew that what he was saying was true but she wasn’t willing to give in that easily. She had seen what happened to the corporate wives who didn’t stand up for themselves. They became a shadow of their former selves and ended up being just another of their husbands possessions. Lilly didn’t want that for herself. She wanted to remain independent and she didn’t want Connor to have any hold over her. She had given him everything she had before and look where it had got her. She never wanted to go through that pain again which meant that she couldn’t afford to let her guard down where he was concerned.

“Because I didn’t have a choice,” she said hotly and he shrugged.

“I didn’t force you in to accepting. I gave you the choice of refusing me,” he reminded and she stiffened even further at that.

“You knew that I had to accept,” she said and again he shrugged. Of course he had known that she would accept but that didn’t make him the bad guy here. He didn’t understand how she could always make him out to be the villain when all he wanted was what they once shared together.

“I have a proposition for you,” he said and she looked at him warily. His last proposition had ended with her living here as his prisoner so she didn’t particularly want to know what his next one would be.

“What proposition?” she asked coolly and he smiled across the table at her.

“I think we should start over,” he suggested and she frowned at that.

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“I suggest that we draw a line under our past and start fresh,” he said and Lilly simply stared at him. Was he insane? He wanted her to completely forget about everything he had done to her and about losing their baby? How could he expect her to move on from that?

“If we don’t learn from our mistakes then we are doomed to repeat them,” she quoted and it was his turn to frown.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked and she shrugged.

“It means that I don’t want to forget our past and move on. It will all end the same way again and no amount of second chances can save us. We are never going to be the same people we were then and we are never going to have that marriage again,” she insisted but she could see that he still didn’t understand.

“I don’t understand you at all,” he said and she gave a faint smile at that.

“And that’s the problem.”

“I thought that the only thing that drove you away from me was losing our baby but there’s more to it, isn’t there?” he asked and Lilly just stared back at him. She didn’t want to go through all the horrifying details again. She didn’t want to remember the shock and agony that had gone through her when she had seen that picture and realised that Connor was cheating on her with Alexa. And she definitely didn’t want to remember the moment that the pain had started and the absolute agony of losing her baby. She didn’t want to forgive either of them for making her lose the only person in the world who would have loved her unconditionally.

“I don’t what you mean,” she said evasively and he frowned. He could tell that she was hiding something but he had no idea what. As far as he had been concerned Lilly had turned against him in grief at the loss of their child. He hadn’t heard of anything else happening that might have driven her away from him.

“Lilly, what happened that made you turn away from me?” he asked and she turned her head away.

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” she refused and his frown deepened.

“Tell me what happened and I’ll do my best to fix it,” he implored and she turned back to face him while her eyes flashed with anger.

“There is nothing you can do to fix anything and I’m not telling you anything. You wanted to draw a line under everything and start new? Fine, but that means that you don’t get to ask about the past,” she informed him and Connor was torn. He wanted to find out what had driven Lilly away from him and made her in to this cold hate-filled woman but at the same time he wanted to start over and wanted their marriage to be a success.

He stared at her silently for a few moments and she stared defiantly back. Finally he made his decision. Even if he continued to question her he would never get a straight answer out of Lilly and would just drive her further away. Instead he would have to investigate himself and see what had caused the rift in their marriage.

“Fine, then we draw a line under and start our marriage fresh,” he acknowledged.

“Fine,” she replied.

“But that means that you have to make an effort too. Instead of sniping at each other or rehashing the past we have to move forward and give this a chance,” he insisted and she hesitated before nodding.

“Fine,” Lilly answered before going to leave the table but Connor stopped her.

“One more thing before you go. I thought that I would invite my family round for tea,” he suggested and Lilly looked horrified at the thought. It made no sense to Connor for Lilly had always loved his family.

“Do we have to do this now?” she asked and he frowned.

“No, but the longer we delay it the more questions there will be. I just thought we could get it over with now,” he suggested and she finally nodded.

“I’ll make sure to get Melissa in bed early,” she said.

“Melissa can join us. I’m sure Becca would enjoy the company of another child,” he said softly and Lilly frowned at that.

“Becca?” she questioned.

“Right, I forgot you wouldn’t know. Becca is my niece,” he said and Lilly stiffened at that.

“Alexa had a baby?” she asked and he shook his head.

“Jasmine,” he corrected and she frowned at that. She couldn’t imagine his younger sister Jasmine with a baby. She could only be about twenty now and she had never seemed all that interested in boys or babies.

“I didn’t know that Jasmine even had a boyfriend,” Lilly said and he grimaced.

“Neither did we. She went traveling for six months and when she came back she was pregnant. She won’t even tell us who the father is,” he said and Lilly was shocked. Jasmine had always been a sensible and sweet girl. She hadn’t seemed the type to end up a single mother.

“I’ll bet your parents weren’t happy about that,” she said and he grimaced again.

“Dad was livid and wanted to go searching for whoever the father might be but mom was more understanding. She was the one who gave Jasmine the most support. I’ve got to say though that she’s doing a great job raising my niece,” he said and Lilly offered a faint smile.

It was strange to her that she loved children but hated them at the same time. Every time she saw a child that was around the same age as hers would have been she felt that familiar aching pain and she hated that her child had never gotten to live and experience everything that these children did. She wondered if it had been hard for Connor to watch his niece grow and think that their own child had never had that chance. She wondered if he blamed her for losing their baby. She had never really thought about it before because she had been too busy blaming him and being angry with him. But now she realised that he didn’t know why she had run away from him so did he secretly blame her for losing their baby? No matter what he had done to her she knew that he had loved their child.

“I guess that I’ll see this mysterious niece tonight then,” she acknowledged and he smiled at her and finally allowed her to leave the table and go back to Melissa. She was grateful for the breathing space.

It wasn’t until the evening that she saw Connor again. He had insisted that it was only family and that they should dress casually but she felt nervous facing them all again. She had once been really close to all his family and they had been more like family to her than her own family but when she had shut Connor out she had shut them out too. She knew they wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to see her again.

Bearing all that in mind Lilly had decided to at least make an effort and had dressed Melissa in a pretty gown that made her feel like a Disney princess. She hadn’t stopped twirling and laughing in hours. Lilly had dressed simply in a black knee length dress that used to cling to her every curve but now seemed to hang slightly off her frame.

“You look beautiful. Both of you do,” Connor said when they came downstairs and she offered him a faint smile while her insides were churning uneasily. She was dreading the moment that his family arrived and was expecting them to send her dirty looks and act like she was a traitor. Instead, when the doorbell rang they all greeted her like they had genuinely missed her. It had bought tears to her eyes.

Connors parents were first through the door and his father Jake was as formidable as she remembered him but he placed a kiss to her cheek and insisted that he was glad she was back. Connor’s mother Kaycee was always warm hearted and she pulled Lilly in to a hug as soon as she saw her.

“We missed you baby girl,” she said and Lilly fought the tears that were fighting to get out. Kaycee had always been lovely to her and she had forgotten how much she had considered her to be a mother to her.

Next through the door was Alexa and she seemed put out when Lilly ignored her but she simply smiled and greeted Connor instead, which wound Lilly up more. Finally Jasmine and her daughter arrived and Lilly couldn’t help but smile at Jasmine’s exasperation with the little girl.

“Honestly she’s done nothing but throw temper tantrums all afternoon,” Jasmine said in exhaustion as she let her three year old daughter loose and then gave a disgruntled sigh as she immediately ran to Melissa with a grin.

“Seems fine to me,” Connor said with a grin while Jasmine glared at him.

“Figures that as soon as there’s a witness she starts behaving,” she said while he chuckled.

Connor made sure that everyone had drinks and Lilly thought that while he was busy they would all make sure that they knew she wasn’t wanted here but instead they were all very welcoming. Even Alexa was trying to talk to her like the old friends they used to be but Lilly wanted nothing to do with the other woman.

The conversation was kept light and didn’t touch on any dangerous topics until they all sat down to dinner. Suddenly it seemed like everyone wanted to discuss subjects that Lilly didn’t even want to think about.

“I was thinking we could do a renewal,” Kaycee announced and they all looked at her in confusion.

“A renewal of what?” Connor asked and she grinned at him.

“A renewal of your vows of course. A new start seems like a good idea,” she said and Lilly stiffened at that. Surely Connor didn’t want them going through a ceremony that would be a sham? They’d already had the perfect wedding and even through the bad memories she had remembered that day as perfect. If they had a renewal it would ruin even the good memories she had.

“I don’t think we’re anywhere near ready for that. We’re just taking things slow,” Connor said and his mother snorted.