Their Marriage Reunited (8 page)

Lilly couldn’t believe what Connor had planned for them. He had told her that he intended to spend the day with her and Melissa but she hadn’t realised the extent he was willing to go to. She’d thought he would do something simple like take them out to lunch. She should have realised that things weren’t the same as they used to be.

When they’d first got married and even when they’d been dating everything had been so simple and easy. She’d known that Connor had money but he hadn’t fled it and she hadn’t wanted him to. Unlike the other girls that swarmed around him she hadn’t wanted his money or his gifts, she’d only wanted him. They’d had the traditional expensive dinners out where he’d paid but her favourite dates had been the ones where they’d simply packed up a cheap picnic and sat in a park on a beautiful day enjoying each others company as they talked about anything and everything. It had been so easy between them and they had never felt awkward or felt like they had to make a giant effort to please each other, instead they had simply relaxed and let things flow between them.

Lilly wasn’t sure exactly what she’d been expecting but when Connor had said they were going on a picnic she had envisioned a park and some sandwiches. She hadn’t imagined that there would be a great stinking yacht involved. Connor must have noticed her look because he smiled as he urged her forward.

“I know this probably isn’t what you were expecting but you said you wanted a fresh start with new memories. I didn’t want to taint the old ones,” he said and she came back to herself with a thump then.

“The old memories are already ruined,” she informed him before she strode on to the yacht with Melissa. She didn’t look back to see how he’d taken her response. She wasn’t even sure it was true. Everything he’d done to her had broken her heart and destroyed her faith in them but those memories of the earlier days still bought a smile to her face.

“You always said you wanted to go travelling. This is our day version of that,” he said as he caught up to her. Lilly hid her surprise as best she could. She couldn’t believe that he still remembered that. It had been a throwaway comment on one of their lazy picnics when they’d been laid next to each other on the blanket as they watched the clouds float by. They’d been discussing futures and she’d asked him what he would have wanted to do if he hadn’t been working at his father’s hotels. He’d shocked her by telling her that he’d never wanted to do anything else. He’d been raised around the family business and it was all he’d ever wanted to do. When he’d asked her the same question she’d thought for a moment and then told him how much she would have liked to just leave one day and go travelling. It was a dream that she would never live because she was too responsible to just take off but it was something she’d always wanted to do. She’d never been anywhere but she’d seen pictures and heard all about the famous places that she’d like to visit. Connor had listened as she’d told him about him all the places she wanted to see from the Eiffel tower to the Trevi fountain, from Buckingham palace to the pyramids. Then she’d told him that it was doubtful she’d even get to travel across water because she’d never been anywhere. They hadn’t mentioned it again.

“You remember that?” she said in surprise while he gave her a sad smile.

“I remember everything about you. Now I know this isn’t technically travelling the world but we are travelling a small piece of it,” he told her as he led her on to the deck.

The yacht was magnificent; there was no other word for it. She certainly hadn’t been expecting this at all. If it had been anyone else then she would have thought that they were trying to impress her with their wealth but Connor knew that she didn’t care about any of that. It was one of the things that she had loved most about him. Unlike most of his friends he hadn’t wanted to win a girl’s heart with his wealth but had instead enjoyed the simpler things in life. Like one night when they had been at his and the power had gone off and left them in complete darkness. Lilly had half expected him to do what she had seen her father do several times. He would have called whomever it took to get the power back on and would have ensured that an expensive dinner was all ready for them. Connor hadn’t done any of that. Instead he had gotten some candles out and lit a fire in the fireplace. They had turned what could have been a disastrous evening in to one of the most romantic ones she had ever experienced. They had made s’mores in front of the fire and talked and had made love on the thick rug in front of the fire. Lilly’s love had deepened that night as she had lain nestled in his arms and watched the flicker of the flames and listened to the crackle of the logs burning. It had been the perfect evening for Lilly who had only ever wanted a man who loved her.

That thought jerked her back to the present and Lilly had to remind herself of what a fool she had been. Connor had never really loved her because if he had then he would never have looked twice at another woman. Stiffening her spine she strode forward with Melissa to look around. The yacht was larger than she had thought and looked as though it belonged in a music video with half naked girls dancing around rather than a vessel for their day trip.

Lilly wasn’t sure what she had expected from the day but after seeing the yacht she had thought they would be simply sailing the pure blue waters until they stopped for a picnic. Connor had told her he wanted to spend time getting to know each other again and what better way than to keep her prisoner in the middle of the ocean. To her surprise though they barely spent any time on the yacht at all. Instead they travelled to every island nearby and went on tours and adventures that even Melissa couldn’t find boring. It was a beautiful day and Lilly found herself letting her guard down and enjoying herself for a change. It may not have been what she’d had in mind when she said she wanted to go travelling but it was like travelling her own small piece of the world.

The day was simply perfect and Lilly knew that she would remember it forever. Connor had organised tours for them of popular attractions around the islands but he had also organised some fun things too. Lilly had been stunned when she had walked on to the beach and found horses waiting for them. It had been a brilliant experience as their horses had galloped along the beach with the spray of the sea occasionally hitting them. Lilly had been laughing as she enjoyed the freedom it offered. She had even raced against Connor. It had been nice to enjoy herself for a change without having to worry about everything. She hadn’t even had to worry about Melissa who was being taken care of by a professional as she rode her small pony on a private corner of the beach.

It had been a glorious day for all of them and it made Lilly realise that maybe she had been wrong about Connor. She hadn’t wanted to give him a real chance because she hadn’t thought that he was the same man she had fallen in love with. If today proved anything it was that that man she’d fallen for was still there somewhere. She just had to decide if she could accept the rest of him too.

By the time they arrived back home Melissa was already asleep and Lilly felt dead on her feet. Connor carried Melissa inside and it broke Lilly’s heart all over again as she imagined that it was their child Connor was carrying. If things had been different they could have been having days like this all the time and they would have been carrying their child to bed and tucking them in together. Instead it just made her heart ache to realise that their child never got to experience any of this.

Lilly couldn’t face the thought of tucking Melissa in to bed with Connor by her side so instead she headed in to the lounge and helped herself to a glass of wine. It didn’t take Connor long to reappear and she figured the nanny must have been waiting up for them. He took one look at the glass she was holding and then quirked a brow while he turned and poured himself a matching glass of wine.

“I thought you’d enjoy today,” he said softly. Lilly closed her eyes against the hurt tone she could hear. She hated knowing that she was hurting him with her rejection even if he deserved it.

“I did,” she told him as she opened her eyes and offered him a sad smile.

“Then what changed?” he asked and she cursed his ability to read her.

“Nothing changed,” she instantly denied. It wasn’t quite true though.

“Something changed,” he corrected and Lilly gave a sigh as she gave in to the inevitable.

“I enjoyed today,” she said and he gave a grim smile.

“But?” he prompted.

“But it doesn’t change anything. We can make as many new memories as we like but it won’t change the old ones,” she said. Connor ground his teeth together in frustration.

“Maybe if I knew what I did that drove you away then I could change those memories,” he countered but Lilly shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter because you can’t change the past and it’s always going to affect our future,” Lilly said.

“Just tell me what I did,” Connor said. It killed Lilly to see him looking like a confused and hurt little boy but she wouldn’t allow her heart to be broken further by empty promises and obvious lies.

“Goodnight Connor,” she said instead and without another word she left the room and headed to bed.

Connor remained where he was as he stared in to the bottom of the glass as though that would offer him the answers he sought. Why had his wife left him? Whatever it was it was stopping her from giving him another chance and that was intolerable. From tomorrow he would be finding out what the hell went wrong between them and he would force Lilly to face the truth. It was either face the past together or lose her forever. He wouldn’t allow that to happen.

The next morning Lilly awoke within the comfort of her husband’s arms. She didn’t move for a few moments as she savoured the feeling and wished that she could go back to how things had been. Unfortunately she simply couldn’t let herself trust him again. It wasn’t just the picture of him kissing a close friend that hed her but rather the fact that their whole relationship had been built around a teenager’s secret dream. She had never really thought about what marriage meant and had been swept along by the magic of a first love. She had always put the failure of their marriage on Connor but the truth was that most of it was down to her youthfulness. She’d had no idea when she first got married how hard relationships could be and because of that they had fallen at the first hurdle. Everything had always seemed so easy between her and Connor right from the start. There had been instant lust that had grown in to love and then had carried on with marriage and a baby. It had all seemed so perfect and exactly how she had always imagined her life going. The problem was that anyone who had been married for a number of years could tell her that marriage took work and compromise but when she had lost their baby Lilly hadn’t been able to face any of that. All she could see was that her husband was a liar and a cheat and their baby was lost because of it. At times during the past few years Lilly had wondered what life would have been like if she hadn’t been to see her father that day and if they hadn’t lost their baby. She’d liked the idea that they would have been happy and faithful. She’d dreamed that their child would be happy and healthy. She’d imagined that their life was the perfect little dream that she’d always wanted it to be. More likely though they would have had their baby and it would have brought more problems in to their unsteady marriage. There was only so long that perfect could last. Everyone knew that life had its ups and downs and nobody expected perfection from imperfect people. Nobody could live up to a dream that she had imagined when she was young. She had wondered if their child would have been the breaking point if it had lived. Some marriages didn’t survive the pressures of having children and she wondered if that would have been them. All this time she had been blaming Connor but what if they were never meant to last. At least this way they were the only two that had been harmed rather than an innocent child who might have felt as though it was their fault. Thinking about it in those terms made Lilly wonder if she was being too hasty in constantly pushing Connor away. Hadn’t she agreed to give him a chance and work things out? Maybe this time things would work out between them. After all she was older and wiser now. She’d had her share of pain and heartbreak and learned lessons that she prayed most people would never have to learn. Maybe the first time around they had been too young and in love to fully comprehend what marriage meant and maybe this time they could build something to last.

“What are you thinking about?”

Lilly jumped at the sound of Connors voice and looked sheepishly at him as he gave a low chuckle. She had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed the tightening of his arms around her or the changing of his breathing to indicate he was awake.

“I was just thinking about the past,” she said and noticed the way that Connor’s face darkened at the mention of it.

“We should leave the past where it belongs,” he stated firmly and Lilly wanted to agree but wondered if maybe the past was influencing her decisions.

“Do you ever think that we married too young?” Lilly asked quietly as she looked away and she felt him stiffen. He cupped her chin and tilted her head up to face him as he looked questioningly at her.

“What’s brought this on?” he asked as he gazed searchingly at her.

“I was just thinking that maybe we married too young and that’s why we didn’t make it,” she said and Connor sighed as he pulled her closer in to his embrace.

“We were young but I loved you completely and I think we could have survived whatever it was that drove you from my arms if I had known what the problem was,” he said. It was Lilly’s turn to stiffen in his arms.

“I don’t think love could have solved everything,” Lilly said sceptically. If that were true then she had certainly loved him more than enough to get through anything.

“Well we’ll never know as you don’t trust me enough to tell me whatever it was that was bothering you enough to abandon our marriage,” he said and Lilly felt that he was being overly harsh. He sounded as though it was all her fault that their marriage hadn’t survived the death of their child but there was no guarantee that it would have survived anyway.

“It isn’t about trust,” Lilly said. It was mostly true. She didn’t want to discuss it with him because it was too painful to face and she wasn’t sure that she could take any more heartbreak. She couldn’t remember the last time that she had been genuinely happy.

“It seems like it is to me,” Connor said instantly.

“You just don’t understand,” Lilly said in frustration and found her chin captured by Connor again as he tilted her face up to his.

“Then explain it to me,” he suggested.  Lilly thought about it, she honestly did, but in the end she ultimately decided not to. It would only ruin what they were trying to build now. She realised that they needed to communicate better but she still didn’t want to rehash old issues that would probably just lead to more heartbreak.

“I thought we were starting something new with the people we are now, not trying to go back to the way we were before,” she pointed out. Connor sighed at this and wondered what the big secret that she was hiding from him was.

“What will it take to make you trust me again?” he asked and Lilly frowned at that. Was it true that she didn’t trust him at all? It was when it came to him and Alexa. But she did trust him more than anyone else in her life. It seemed like everyone had lied to her lately and it wasn’t that she didn’t trust him but rather that she struggled to trust anyone anymore.

“I do trust you,” Lilly said and realised that she wasn’t lying. She had always known that if she was in trouble then he would be there for her no matter what and the first time she’d needed him he’d proved her right.

“Then why won’t you tell me the truth?” he asked softly. Lilly could see the hurt in his eyes but she didn’t want to bring up what had happened. If what she’d believed all these years were true then it would bring all the heartbreak back and would destroy everything and if she had been wrong then it would achieve the exact same results. Better to leave it where it was and do her best to move on.

“It won’t change anything. If we want to have a future then we have to start from the beginning. Melissa’s going home today which will give us all the time we need to get to know each other again and decide if we have something worth saving,” Lilly said. She was surprised when Connor took her hand in his and placed a tender kiss to her knuckles.

“I already know that we have something worth saving. I’ve known all along that what we have is special and we’re not likely to find anything like it again in this lifetime,” he said. Lilly was touched by the sentiment and she secretly wished that she could be as sure but that was the problem. She didn’t want to risk everything only to have it go up in flames leaving her the distraught shell that she had become the last time.

“Well now’s the chance to prove it,” Lilly said. Connor grinned at that. He was more than up to the challenge of winning back his wife.